The last few weeks had been hell as she tried to find the right way to tell Adam she was staying in California. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she’d already made up her mind.
She wasn’t going to pass up her dream job.
And if that was more important than going back home to Adam, what did that say about their relationship? That thought had popped into her head more often than any other.
Jennifer’s stomach dropped and her heart raced. “No, I don’t think that’s fair to you.”
Adam narrowed his eyes. “What are you saying?”
“Maybe it’s time to break up.”
He backed up in the booth. “What?”
She nodded, her eyes filling up. “I can’t expect you to stay in a long-distance relationship. It’s been really hard for a long time, on both of us.”
Adam’s jaw hardened and a determine look crossed his handsome face. “No, I don’t want to break up, Jenn. We’ll make it work.”
She smiled through her tears. “I haven’t even been able to celebrate getting this job. I’ve only had guilt. What’s wrong with that picture?”
Adam’s mouth opened and then closed again and he remained silent.
“Our relationship was hard enough, even when we had a timeframe of when I was coming home. So how guilty will I feel making you continue on this way not knowing when I’m coming home? If I’m ever coming home?”
His head jerked back as though she slapped him.
“If you’re ever coming home?” He let out a puff of breath. “So after all these years, all of a sudden you completely change our plans and you also get to decide we’re through? Without giving me a choice?”
“I just think it’s for the best.”
Adam shook his head. “Best for who?”
All she could do was stare at him through watery eyes. He looked crushed.
“Do you still love me?”
She looked up to ceiling for the strength to say no to make it easier for him to let her go. She wished she could lie and say she didn’t, but she still loved him.
She nodded, unable to say anything with her lips trembling.
“Alright, then we can make this work.” He looked at his watch. “Shit. I have to go. I’ll give you time to think. Yes, I’m upset about the job, but I know we can still make this work.”
She shook her head no, but couldn’t find the words to argue any more.
Adam stood up and grabbed his backpack. He leaned down to where she was still sitting and the kiss he gave her was bittersweet. It meant goodbye, even if he wasn’t willing to accept it yet.
“Yes, we can.” He paused. “I love you, Jenn.”
Then he was gone.
Adam was true to his word and gave her a few days to think before he called her. When she told him she hadn’t changed her mind, he cried.
He. Actually. Cried.
It tore at her heart to hear his pain.
Adam tried to convince her to give them a chance to make it work. She’d lost count over the years how many times she wished he’d succeeded in changing her mind.
*****
A good friend was someone who, even after a long time apart, always could pick right back up where they left off. That’s exactly how it was with both Mandi and Cassandra.
They decided to stay in town and ended up at a fun little bar in Zimmerman called The Whistling Pickle where a band was playing after a meat raffle. Jennifer wasn’t 100% sure, but she figured meat raffles were only in Minnesota, or at least the mid-western states.
When they first made it to the bar, they discussed Mandi’s dad quickly, but she didn’t really want to talk about it other than to tell the girls he was hanging in there.
Their conversation turned towards men.
“Well? What’s new with Luke? If that’s really his name.”
Jennifer said the last part under her breath while she smirked. Luke was the guy Mandi met online on one of the dating websites. Nothing was wrong with online dating, but she couldn’t help but tease her best friend.
“Hey, I heard that.” Mandi glared at Jennifer. “He’s good. We’re taking it slow. We haven’t even seen pictures of each other yet. Just getting to know each other.”
“Yeah, that’s what she’s been telling me for several weeks now.” Cassandra gave her a knowing look. “But what would it matter? He probably wouldn’t even give you a real picture anyway.”
Jennifer giggled. “That’s exactly what I was thinking.”
Mandi looked back and forth between her and Cassandra. “Just give me a break, would you? Neither of us is ready to jump into meeting quite yet. What’s wrong with getting to know him online first?”
“Nothing, if it was the real him. But chances are, sweetie, it’s not. We just want to be sure you don’t get hurt or get your hopes up.”
Cassandra used a calm, rational voice, which managed to settle Mandi down.
“Exactly,” Jennifer agreed, nodding. “We’re trying to look out for you.”
“Well, I can take care of myself. We really do have a lot in common. So far, we’ve been emailing and texting. It’s only been a couple weeks.”
She wanted nothing more than for her best friend to find someone, especially after everything that had happened to her when she was younger. She’d barely dated in years.
“Well, we hope it works out, right Cassandra?”
Cassandra sipped her drink and nodded her head.
“I’m being cautiously optimistic, you guys, so chill.” Then Mandi leaned in, chuckled and said, “But when we do decide to meet, I’ll have you there hiding in the corner.”
Jennifer and Cassandra both laughed and nodded their heads. She was glad Mandi was finally venturing out into the dating world again. It had been way too long.
They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, sipping on their drinks and looking around the bar. It gave Jennifer time to think back to what happened to her best friend years ago.
Mandi started dating Jake before Jennifer even knew her and they always claimed they’d get married right after college. When she got pregnant in her second year at the University of Minnesota, they decided to speed up the process and got married.
For months they prepared for their baby, taking classes, reading books and stocking up on tiny diapers. Jake worked extra hours and catered to all of Mandi’s cravings.
It was pretty cute to see how excited they both were about becoming parents.
Mandi was seven and a half months pregnant when she realized something was wrong. An ultrasound confirmed their worst fear. What came after that was something Jennifer wouldn’t wish on her worse enemy.
Jennifer could still remember the tiny casket. It was the saddest funeral she’d ever attended and it broke her heart to see her best friend suffering.
Afterward, Mandi shut everyone out, including Jake. She knew her best friend was miserable, but none of them knew what to do to help her. They took turns staying with her and her mom took her to see a counselor. Eventually she started to improve.
None of them saw it coming when Mandi filed for divorce a couple months later. Initially he refused, but nothing he did or said would change her mind. Shortly after he signed the papers, Jake transferred schools and moved out of state.
Mandi hadn’t heard from Jake since.
Her best friend never gave them a good explanation for divorcing him, but she and Cassandra both had a feeling there was more to it than her inability to cope with her loss. Mandi refused to discuss it and they both gave up trying to get her to talk.
Jennifer raised her glass to her friend. “To you and Luke.”
Mandi simply smiled and clinked her glass to Jennifer’s and then Cassandra’s before taking a big sip.
Jennifer needed to think of something else, so she decided to pester Cassandra. “So, how’s Noah?”
Cassandra smiled. “He’s great!”
“Has he asked you on a date yet?”
Cassandra rolled her eyes, “No
, and you ask me that every time.”
Jennifer grinned. “Well, one of these times you’re going to say yes.”
Cassandra shook her head and rolled her eyes again. “Tell us more about your sexy doctor.”
“There’s nothing to tell. He was hot and it was just a fling.”
“There’s got to be more to it than that.”
She shrugged.
As if Mandi sensed she wasn’t going to spill, she changed the subject. “I know you may not want to hear this, but Adam was asking for your number.”
Her stomach dropped and she paused before asking, “Did you give it to him?”
Mandi shook her head. “Of course not. But eventually he’s going to find out you’re back home. You should just talk to him and get it over with.”
Cassandra patted her hand. “I agree, sweetie.”
“I know it’s not my business, but he’s also my brother. You were both hurt and both made mistakes. It wasn’t just him.” Mandi held her hand up when Jennifer opened her mouth to defend herself. “Just think about it. Maybe it’s time to talk to him so you can both move on with your boring lives.”
Cassandra was nodding her head in agreement to what Mandi said.
Jennifer opened her mouth, but closed it without knowing what to say.
Mandi was right. She was avoiding Adam, but not because she was mad at him. They both made mistakes and both were hurt. She was avoiding him because she was afraid if she saw him she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from wanting him again and she didn’t know if her heart could survive being rejected.
“Okay, enough of this guy talk.” Mandi tapped her hands on the table. “Who’s ready for a shot?”
Cassandra groaned the same time Jennifer did. “You’re crazy, girlfriend.”
The rest of the night flew by. They had a few too many drinks, played too many pull-tabs and even won a big package of pork chops. That would never have happened in California or Arizona, she was pretty sure about that.
Jennifer took a cab home, stumbled inside and went to bed without taking her clothes off. To her frustration, she woke up after a vivid and very steamy dream about Adam.
Talking about him messed with her head. It was so lifelike that she sat straight up in bed and looked down beside her.
She had to make sure she was, in fact, alone.
*****
On Sunday, Jennifer went back to her parents’ house to pick up Amber. They moved out to Annandale a couple years after she graduated high school. They owned the property for a long time, but after her dad retired, they built their dream house out on the lake.
Jennifer slowly got out of the car and walked up the front walkway. Her dad had a green thumb. He planted several different colors of clematis, which were in full bloom and climbing almost wildly up the trellis. The colors were amazing; violet, raspberry, blue and deep purple flowers covered the sides and front of their house.
The peonies in pink, white and dark pink surrounded the well and he planted a magnolia tree since she was last there and the blooms were fragrant and absolutely stunning. The only thing she missed were the lilacs, which were already done blooming, and she was sad not to see those.
Their yard was meticulously kept, with grass so perfect she could envision him on his hands and knees cutting it with scissors.
She finally stopped gazing at the flowers and was about to knock on their front door when it opened and her mom came out, pulling her into a tight hug.
“Well, hello, mom,” Jennifer said in a muffled voice with her face in her mom’s shoulder.
“Oh, honey, we had the best time with Amber. She is absolutely a treasure! We’re so glad you’re back in Minnesota. We missed you so much.” Her mom said all this in a rush, tears in her eyes.
“I’m glad to hear it, mom. Where’s my little girl?”
“She’s taking a nap. I thought maybe we could talk a little while she’s asleep. Would you like some coffee?” Her mom reminded her of a hummingbird. She never stopped moving for a minute, always wanting to be sure everyone had what they needed.
“Sure, that sounds great, mom.”
They walked into the kitchen where her dad was sitting at the kitchen table, coffee cup in hand, Sunday paper open to the crossword puzzle. He had a pencil in his hand and he was swearing at the paper.
As soon as he saw Jennifer, a smile formed and he tossed the pencil aside. “Jennifer! I’m so glad to see you! That little Amber of yours is a sweet little girl. We had so much fun together! We took her on several boat rides, she caught a fish and she went swimming with grandma.”
Her dad’s excitement made his eyes shine.
“That’s great, dad. I’m glad you took her out on the lake. She’s never been on a boat.” Jennifer smiled.
Her mom spoke up then, nodding in agreement and saying, “She loved it! She reminds me so much of you when you were little, honey. We’re so glad you and Amber are home! We want to make up for lost time!”
Jennifer stood there and looked back and forth between her parents.
“I’m really glad too, mom. It’s really good to be home again.” She had tears in her eyes, realizing just how much she meant it. She said, “It’s not like you haven’t seen us, though. We saw each other a couple times a year.”
“That’s nowhere near enough, honey.” Her dad said with a frown.
“Agreed, dad. Amber’s excited to experience Minnesota, that’s for sure. I hope you can really get to know her by seeing us a lot more often.”
“You can bet on it, honey, Jennifer,” her mom told her firmly.
Amber appeared in the living room, awake from her nap and rubbing the sleep from her eyes, but then her eyes widened when she saw Jennifer.
“Mommy!”
Amber ran towards her mom and jumped into Jennifer’s outstretched arms. Jennifer caught her mom’s eye and could see the tears.
*****
The nurses working with her were really starting to click. They listened to her advice, they showed her the utmost respect and they had even started to ask her to join them for lunch. Two weeks in and things were going so well. She was sure she made the right decision to come home.
As her day progressed, she was called down to the second floor to check on a patient in the ER. She walked by a man who was being brought into a room in a wheelchair. He was very sick, oxygen mask on his thin face and IV already in place.
She was not prepared to see Rob, Adam and Mandi’s dad, like that. He was a tall, fit, handsome man and it shocked her to see him that way. He was being admitted and she resolved to call Mandi the second she got home.
She didn’t have time to go in and see him before seeing her patient and then afterward she was so busy she couldn’t stop by. However, as soon as her shift was over, she went directly to his room and prepared herself not only to see him in this condition, but also figured Adam, Mandi or Gina, their mom, could be there.
She knocked on Rob’s door and then entered when she heard his soft, weak voice call out, telling her to come in.
She chose the exact right time to be there. She was sure the family was there most of the day, but she happened to choose a time when he was alone. He was awake and looked so ill that she had to choke back tears.
“Rob?” Jennifer had always been told to call him by his first name. He always insisted Mr. Jackson was his father.
He gave her a weak smile and in a tired voice, he said, “Jennifer? Is that you?”
“Yes. I came to check on you. I saw you come in but haven’t been able to stop by until now.”
“Mandi told me you were back home.”
His voice was hoarse, and she could hear the crackling with each breath he took so it was likely pneumonia. Working as a nurse in a hospital, she saw it all. When encountering people who knew they were dying, often times she saw them accepting their fate a lot better than the people who loved them. There’s a point when they know it’s time, but they hold on for the family members for as long as they c
an. It’s once the family has finally accepted its time to move on is often when they let go.
“Yes. It’s good to be back home.” She paused, looking at his forced breathing. “What are you in here with? Pneumonia?”
“Yes. It’s not good. I know it. My family knows it.” It was clear to Jennifer he had already prepared himself for the worst and it looked like he had made peace with it.
Jennifer paused for a moment before she could say anything else, swallowing down the lump in her throat. “I’m so sorry, Rob. Is there anything I can do?”
“Actually, yes. Mandi also told me you won’t talk to Adam.”
Well that was direct.
She shrugged her shoulders in response. She stared at his eyes, which had once been a bright amber color but were now dull and sad.
Rob took another labored breath before he continued. What he said must have used all of his energy.
“You actually just missed him. He was here just a few minutes ago. He wants to talk to you. He feels bad about the way things were left. He doesn’t have any expectations.”
Rob paused because at that point he had a long and painful coughing fit. Jennifer handed him water and he sipped until the coughing subsided.
“It would mean the world to me if you would talk to him.”
What was she supposed to say? He’s a dying man. Enough said.
“Okay. For you, I will.”
Rob’s tired, dull eyes lit up for the briefest of moments.
“Thank you, Jennifer. It’s funny. I always thought you two would end up together. I guess I was wrong.”
Again, she shrugged her shoulders. She seemed to be at a loss for words.
“Do you have a picture of that little girl of yours?”
Jennifer smiled. “Absolutely.”
She grabbed the hospital badge she wore and flipped it over. She started taping Amber’s latest picture onto the back of her badge to always have her there when she was at work.
His voice was soft when he said, “She’s beautiful. Looks just like you.”
Another coughing fit wracked Rob’s frail form. It looked so painful and the talking wasn’t helping much. Jennifer could tell he was very tired, so it was time for her to go.
Second Look (A New Beginning Book 3) Page 6