Rebirthing in your arms

by Pilar Lepe

  “Are you sure?”

  “He left today without a kiss, he couldn’t find his blue shirt and besides, he hates Simba.”

  “Simba?”

  “The cat I adopted. I named him like that because of his color. Mark loved that movie and I remembered.”

  “But how is that little kitty going to bother him?”

  “Sarah, I told you he is a bit compulsive, remember?”

  “Yes. You told me how he doesn’t like to mess his hair up in any way.” Sarah replied laughing.

  “It’s not just that. His side of the closet is like in the movie, the one of Jack Nicholson.”

  “Well, Sam is a little organized, what’s wrong with that? You have to recognize that as a housewife you’re a mess.”

  “I know, but I like my life that way; no rules or conditions. He lived with his parents until he settled at work, after he went to live on his own but he still got help, he had never done anything for himself. He was educated with rules and luxuries. In the other hand, I have done everything for myself, my way.”

  “Do you think they are obstacles you cannot overcome?”

  “I don’t mind Sam’s personality, but I think my personality disturbs him.”

  “If you want things to work out, you have to do your part. Nick and I had a lot of problems until one day we opened up and we both decided that we both have to give a little.”

  “The problem is, I don’t know if I want to change. You know I’m not in love, and the feelings I have for him, I fear they’re not enough.”

  “But you have a good time with him, right?

  “I can’t deny that. Sam is a nice, gentle man and hot when he lets himself get carried away.”

  “Give it some time, a month is too little to know if things will work out or not.”

  “It is for me, aside from the fact that I have a good time with him, I don’t feel the need to be with him. Every day I’m convinced I made the wrong decision. When he looked at me feeling upset at the motel room, it was the only thing I could think of to make it up to him.”

  “You can’t live with someone just to make them feel better!” Sarah raised her voice and come clients stared at her. “I’m sorry, excuse me.”

  “You’re right, I shouldn’t have done it, maybe I wanted to see if I could get more serious with him.”

  “Well, now you have to wait to see what happens.”

  “It’s the best thing to do, thanks for listening anyway. I’m going to see what that old lady wants; she has been looking at those orchids for a while now.”

  “Oh, her! She wouldn’t let me help her, I forgot to tell you she’s waiting for you.”

  “Now you tell me. My God Sarah, can’t you see the lady is old to make her wait for me? She is very well dressed to buy flowers.”

  Evelyn approached the lady quickly, she could only see her back, she was concentrated on the yellow Lilum when she got to her.

  “Good morning, how can I help you? Are you looking for anything special?”

  “Hello Evelyn.” The lady answered turning around to face her.

  “Mother! What are you doing here?” Evelyn was so shocked her face went pale and she had to hold onto something to prevent her from falling.

  “I didn’t think my visit would cause a bad impression.”

  “I didn’t recognize you. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

  “We haven’t seen each other for twenty-five years, I didn’t want a rejection.”

  “And dad, how is he?”

  “He is fine now, but two months ago he had a small heart attack.”

  “What? What did doctor Harris say?”

  “He died three years ago.”

  “Well, he was a little old when I was little.”

  “Evelyn, can we talk somewhere else?”

  Evelyn looked at her mother, she could tell by her face time had passed and by her arched back, but she had the same arrogance as always. Even though she had no interest on what her mother could say, she knew she couldn’t leave her standing there.

  “Let’s go upstairs.” She said taking a small purse her mother was holding. With hand gestures, she told Sarah she was going to leave her by herself and headed upstairs followed by Judith.

  They went up the stairs in silence and Evelyn noticed her mother was breathing hard.

  “Are you alright?” She asked as they entered the living room. “I’ll get you something fresh, it’s still pretty hot.”

  “Thank you.” Judith said. “I don’t exercise anymore.”

  Evelyn came back with a glass of iced tea with slices of lime just like her mother liked it.

  “You remember.” Her mother said with her eyes teary.

  “There are things I don’t forget.”

  “The place looks nice, it looks cozy.” Her mother said while comparing the place to the enormous Victorian house Evelyn was born in. “Your bedroom is just like you left it.”

  “I don’t think you’ve come from Michigan just to tell me about decorations.”

  “Will you ever forgive me?”

  “Is that what you’re here for? Why now?”

  “Many years have passed.”

  “Why after all this time, more than half of my life, all of the sudden my forgiveness interests you?”

  “Because I can’t stand not knowing about you. Your father’s health has made me think about a lot of things.”

  “It was never of your interest to meet your grandson.” Evelyn continued. “You didn’t care if I was doing fine or not.”

  “That’s not true. I’ve always known about you from your father.”

  “Of course. For my birthday of Christmas, but about Mark, you never made an effort to meet him, or is he less than David’s children?”

  “Gus showed me a picture of him.”

  “A preschool picture, my God, he is twenty-four years old now.”

  “Please, honey, forgive me, I beg you.” Judith begged sobbing.”

  Evelyn didn’t know what to do; she had never seen her mother cry the way she was crying right now. After hesitating for a couple of minutes, she sat beside her and reached out to touch her shoulder.

  Chapter 9

  “Mom I...”

  “Hello!”

  “Mark! You’re here already, it’s still early.”

  “I brought work to study the cases here...mom are you going to introduce me?” Mark said looking at Judith.

  “Oh? Yes. Mark, this is my mother, Judith Thomas.”

  Evelyn’s mother stood up and walked slowly towards the young man.

  “Are you joking?”

  “No.” Judith said. “She is not joking.”

  “Why are you here...grandma?”

  “To ask your mother for forgiveness, and you too.”

  “I think it’s a little late for that.” Mark said with arrogance.

  “Would you allow me to hug you?” Judith asked opening her arms to Mark.

  “I don’t think so.” He said and he left.

  “What have you told him about me?” Judith wanted to know.

  “Nothing good or bad, we just don’t talk about you. He only asked for his grandparents, Josh’s parents blamed me for his alcoholism and they distanced themselves. From day he has vague memories, just the letters he sent, and you, he only knows you exist. I never liked to hide things from him.”

  “He is so handsome.” Judith said, “He looks like your father when he was younger.”

  “And David?” He phoned me once, but I haven’t heard from him in years.”

  “Life hasn’t been easy for him. His first wife died twelve years ago leaving him with two children. He was in bad shape; he quit his job and spent his days at the bar. One night he got hit by a car and it sent him to the emergency room. At the hospital he met Susan and they got married a few months after. They moved to Canada five years ago and he had another son.”

  “Maybe phones don’t exist in Canada.” Evelyn said with sarcasm. “But tell me, how
long are you planning to stay?” She was trying hard not to sound indifferent, but she didn’t feel attached to the lady who had forced her to leave her home before turning sixteen.

  “I leave in two days. Tomorrow I was planning to go to San Francisco, and I’m leaving the next day.”

  Evelyn didn’t think on asking her why she was going. It was none of her business and she didn’t really care.

  “Well, I have to go check on things downstairs before Sam gets home. You can stay here.”

  “Sam?”

  “My boyfriend.” Evelyn replied and left.

  “Sarah, have you seen Mark?” It was the first thing Evelyn asked when she entered the shop.

  “Not today, why?”

  “The lady who was waiting for me, is my mother.”

  “Jesus Christ! Why did she come?”

  “She said to ask for forgiveness.”

  “You say it as if you don’t believe her.”

  “I know whether to believe her or not. But she seems odd.”

  “You find her that way because you haven’t seen her in many years.”

  “I know, she looks different though she’s the same arrogant woman as before.”

  When it was time to close the shop, Sam hadn’t come home either, Eve found it weird because he was always home early, and if he was going to be late, he’s always call.

  Before opening the door to the apartment he heard Mark’s voice, it sounded like he was having a conversation. It seemed weird since he left feeling upset earlier. When she entered, she realized her suspicions were true; he was talking to her mother.

  “Eve!” Judith said. “I was just telling Mark when you used to go out fishing with your father because David didn’t like it.”

  “Yes.” He said. “Judith was telling me memories.”

  “Judith?”

  “She asked me to call her that way, she thinks that if we don’t think about the bond that unites us, it will be easier to understand each other.”

  “Oh! Well, I’m going to take a bath and then we’ll eat something, or do you rather go out mom?”

  “No. It’s fine by me, I’m a little tired.”

  “What are we having for dinner?” Mark asked. “Spaghettis? I’ll prepare a salad while you take your bath.”

  “OK” Evelyn replied and blew a kiss in the air, “You’re such a sweetheart.”

  Eve turned the water on slowly as she needed to submerge under the warm water. Before getting into the bathtub, she spread chamomile drops into the water. She dissolved them with her hand and finally, got into the tub.

  Though her effort to not show it, she was feeling very uncomfortable by her mother’s visit; she didn’t know how to act, what to say, she had nothing in common and she was sure her mother was thinking on ways to improve the apartment. Her mother had always been a perfectionist, always worrying about appearances. She realized that even at forty years old, what her mother thought of her, still affected her. Of course, it was the only reason why she didn’t run away before her mother forced her to get married. She had always been afraid of her and it seemed she still was. At her presence, she felt like a little girl.

  She didn’t feel like getting out of the water, but the water was getting cold. She looked at the clock, twenty minutes had passed. Even if she didn’t want to, she couldn’t stay longer, especially when she heard Sam’s voice and she still had not prepared dinner. Without feeling like it, she got out of the tub and covered herself with a plush robe.

  “Hello.” Sam greeted, leaning to give her a kiss on the lips. “How are you?”

  “I couldn’t call.” He apologized. “But the meeting was too long.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ll get dressed quickly and I’ll have dinner ready in fifteen minutes. Sorry, I haven’t introduced you, Sam this is my mother, Judith Thomas.”

  “Mark already introduced us.”

  “OK then, I’ll be back.”

  Evelyn chose a light dress and comfortable sandals, Spring still was a little far but it was so hot already. It’s what she liked most about California; always warm and no snow. Everything seemed happier. Since she didn’t have any more time, the only make-up she wore, was a lip-gloss.

  After dinner, Mark went into his room to study, leaving Evelyn and Sam alone with Judith. Mark noticed how uncomfortable her mother felt with his grandma, but he couldn’t do anything about it, besides he was a little upset that Sam barely talked leaving everything to Evelyn. He couldn’t blame her for not forgiving Judith, he only had bad memories of his childhood with his father: coming home drunk, bad treatments, hitting, and as if that wasn’t enough, Josh’s friends would sometimes harass Evelyn. If it wasn’t for the desperate letter Evelyn wrote to Gus Thomas to help her economically, he didn’t know what their life would’ve been like if they stayed longer. They left to another state with more territory between them, but Evelyn didn’t think it was necessary, she knew that Josh Taylor would never look for, it was actually better for him. Mark wondered how his father was going, but he never looked for them. If they bumped into him on the streets, he’d probably not recognize him.

  “Sam, do you want a drink?” Eve asked. What about you mom, do you want a drink or more iced tea?”

  “An iced tea would be fine. Thank you Eve.”

  While Evelyn was in the kitchen serving the drinks, she tried to listen what Sam and her mom were talking about, but apparently they were mute. When she went back, Samuel was sleeping and her mother was going through a magazine.

  “Sweetie.” She said, moving Sam. “Why don’t you go to bed?”

  “I think that’s an excellent idea, I’ll take the whisky. Good night Judith.”

  “Good night.” She said harshly.

  “I don’t like it.” She told Evelyn when he disappeared from her sight.

  “You don’t have to like him. Well, I think we should go to bed too. I’ll get your bed ready, you’ll sleep in Mark’s room.”

  “I could sleep perfectly on the couch. I don’t want to disturb you, so please, don’t worry. You’ve done enough by letting me stay here.”

  “Please mom, don’t make this any harder!” Evelyn said annoyed while she was heading towards her son’s bedroom. Five minutes after, he got out of his bedroom with blankets and a pillow.

  After leaving her mother in Mark’s bedroom, she went to the living room to kiss her son goodnight, then she went to her bedroom where Sam was waiting for her and of course the cat was at the foot of the bed. Evelyn took her clothes off and Sam was staring at her.

  “Why have you been quiet all day? Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

  “They offered me a job at Mount Sinai in New York and I...took it.”

  Chapter 10

  “What?”

  “What you heard, they offered me a job at the Mount Sinai Hospital in New York and I took it.”

  “And you’re telling me just like that, you’ll leave and that’s it?”

  “I will be the reconstructive chief of surgery; it’s something that I’ve always wanted to do. I’m tired of implants.”

  “You already made your decision. When do you start?”

  “I have to be there the day after tomorrow.”

  “So soon?”

  “Will you come with me?”

  “My business is here.”

  “You can open one over there; you can sell this one, or maybe decide not to work.”

  “I like to be independent Sam, and I’d have to leave Mark...and Sarah.”

  “He’s an adult, and about Sarah, she could find another job. Those are just excuses.”

  “Maybe.”

  “So that’s a no?”

  “You’re right, I won’t go. I like California, the farthest I’ll go would be somewhere close to beach, but New Yok has no beach right?

  “I thought we could make it work.”

  “I thought so too, but we’re just too different.”

  “Can I come to visit you? Or you can go to New York to vi
sit.”

  “Yes, I’d like that.”

  “I’ll hate being far away from you, but I know you’re a free spirit. Could we seal our agreement?”

  “Yes we can.” Evelyn said sitting on top of him.

  “Please, don’t take the ring off, if we don’t ever get married, at least you’ll have something to remember me by.”

  “Alright.” She said before she kissed him.

  Next day still half asleep, she reached her hand looking for Sam, but he wasn’t there anymore. The bed was still warm but he had left. She looked at her watch, it was eight o’clock but he never left the house before nine. She went to the living room and Mark was having breakfast.

  “Sam?”

  “He left. He was weird, what’s wrong with him?”

  “He’s moving to New York.”

  “You’re not going with him?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “I like California, besides we still can visit each other.”

  “Mom I know you run away from commitment, but someday someone who puts your world upside down will come, you’ll se.”

  “And the expert has spoken.” She said laughing. “You’re such a romantic. Where’s Judith?”

  “Are you trying to change the subject? OK, I understand.”

  “Yes, I mean, no. It’s just I find it strange she hasn’t woken up yet.”

  “She woke up hours ago. I don’t think she slept very well. She said she was going to San Francisco and Sam offered to take her to the airport.”

  “Why is she really going there? I don’t believe it’s just for shopping.”

  “I have no idea. I just saw her heading to the kitchen at midnight. I got up to see if she needed anything but she said she was just thirsty but I saw she hid some pills. Maybe she’s sick.”

  “I don’t think so, she would’ve said something. She’s not great at keeping secrets.”

  Evelyn thought about Judith all day; even if she didn’t want to, she couldn’t help worrying about her and she kept wondering how this could be if she wasn’t even attached to her. When Sarah arrived and asked how everything was going, she was really surprised about Sam moving.

  “But you let him go? Just like that?

  “Why does that surprise you?”

  “I don’t know, maybe you should be a little sadder, I would be if I was in your shoes.”