by Lea Darragh
Andi leaned closer to him. ‘I didn’t ask you what you think society expects of a thirty-year-old man. I asked you what you want.’
‘I want to be able to go to bed at night knowing that life just couldn’t get any better than what I have.’
‘And that would be …’ she prodded.
‘A home.’
Andi stilled. ‘You don’t feel at home here?’
‘I don’t want to be anywhere else other than Cobblers Cove. After travelling across the world, I know that now. But it doesn’t feel like enough anymore. With Olivia, though, it could be different. Her melodic laugh, the dancing spirit behind her stunning eyes …’ he trailed off again. ‘She makes me feel safe, as if all of my secrets could belong to her.’
‘You’re such an idiot,’ Andi said as she sat back. ‘You meet the woman of your dreams and instead of assuring that you stay in touch with her, you leave the country without any way of contacting her, essentially creating a rift between you?’
‘I wasn’t ready for her like I thought I was.’
‘If you want anything to change, you’re going to have to let someone in. May as well be Olivia, hey?’ she said, taking a swig from her bottle.
‘Why do you think our parents gave us away like they did?’
Andi coughed, choking on her water. My mouth dropped. ‘Wow, Josh. Some warning about that would have been nice.’
He shook his head, looking out to sea. ‘Don’t worry about it.’
‘No, no,’ she said. ‘It’s not a bad question, I just wasn’t expecting it. I think they did what they did’—she went on quickly—‘because sometimes life is completely overwhelming. Not everybody has the support or coping mechanisms for it. They were so young. I kind of understand why they did it.’
He looked at her again. ‘So you forgive them, then?’
‘I don’t want anything to fester, so much so that I struggle to find happiness. So, yes, I forgive them.’
‘What if Olivia and I get married one day and have more children, and then I turn into our parents and decide that maybe the family I created isn’t enough for me?’
‘What if?’ Andi said, her voice hitching. Josh looked at his sister, I’m sure he could recognise the ache in her tone. ‘You can’t wager your life on those.’
‘If I ever hurt anyone like that … if I ever made anyone feel as if they were disposable, I couldn’t live with myself.’
‘We had a shitty, shitty first part of our lives, bro, but I promise we’ll do better because we know better.’
A pause. ‘I think I saw her.’
‘Who?’
Another pause. ‘Mum.’
Holy shit.
‘Where?’
‘At the beach. She was far away, but I know it was her.’
They fell silent. ‘Did you talk?’ Andi then asked.
‘I have no interest in that.’
‘Did she see you?’
‘Yeah.
‘I wonder what she’s doing here.’
‘I hope she’s truly been and gone.’
‘I guess we have to wait and see, bro.’
‘How are you and Jen?’ Josh said after clearing his throat.
‘Great some of the time. Rocky some of the time. Trying to live our best lives. You know us.’ Andi managed a small smile. ‘We can get through anything. Hey, have you heard from Pete lately?’
‘He called last week.’
‘We’re meeting on the beach tonight for a beer. We’ll light a fire. You in?’
‘Yeah, I can make that.’
She nodded. ‘Good. He’ll be stoked to see you.’
‘He sounded different on the phone.’
‘He’ll be stoked to see you,’ she repeated. ‘And I bet he’ll sound better when he knows you’re definitely back. Bring Olivia down, too. I’m assuming you won’t tell her these things, but if she can see how great you really are, then later when it all comes out, you’ll trust her to believe that that’s not who you really are.’
‘That could be a good idea, if she’d want to join us.’
‘You can only ask.’
I came out from around the corner. ‘Hey, what did I miss?’ I said as I retook my seat.
‘I was telling Josh about a get-together we’re having on the beach later.’
‘Oh, nice. It’s supposed to be a beautiful night.’
‘I was wondering if you’d want to come join us?’ Josh said.
‘I’m usually asleep by nine, but I can come for a while if you’d like me to.’
‘I would.’
‘Excellent!’ Andi said. ‘We can gossip about this guy here. I can tell you about all the embarrassing things he’s done. Geez, I hope your child doesn’t get your lack of athletic skills, Josh. Remember that time you tried to learn to surf?’ she laughed. ‘We’re lucky he’s here to tell the tale. Oh! And skateboarding!’
‘I once broke my arm trying to rollerblade,’ I said.
‘Josh split his head open after failing to duck when running through a cave. We need to have lunch for sure, Olivia. So many embarrassing stories to tell you.’
‘Sounds interesting …’
‘Yeah, a real hoot,’ Josh scoffed, rolling his eyes. ‘Should we get going?’
‘Sure. It was good to meet you, Andi.’
She pulled me into a hug. ‘You have no idea how good it is to meet you, Olivia.’
‘I’ll see you tonight,’ I said when she finally released me.
Andi moved onto Josh, hugging him tight. ‘Call me any time, about anything,’ I heard her say.
He pulled back. ‘Will do. See you tonight.’
We walked a short way toward our cars before Josh took my hand. I said nothing as we strolled, allowing it to feel normal as our fingers entwined. And it did, easily. At the car, he kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes as he lingered there, remembering what I’d just heard.
‘Josh,’ I said.
He straightened, remaining close though. ‘Yes, Liv.’
‘Thank you for being there for the appointment today. I know it takes a lot out of you.’
‘I’m relaxing into this more and more every time I see you.’
‘Good,’ I said. ‘Exactly what we wanted. Easy does it. Speaking of, I might rest before tonight?’
‘I’ll pick you up at seven?’
I kissed his cheek then, wanting to tell him the same message Andi had for him. ‘See you then,’ I said instead.
Chapter 6
If only I could gain enough effective rest from a good night’s sleep as I did from afternoon naps. But, alas, since my mammoth sleep days ago, this baby would only allow two-hour intervals. My appetite, that was another issue entirely.
I rolled off the bed as my stomach groaned, knowing that as soon as I made myself the huge meal my body told me I needed, I’d only manage to eat half, get indigestion, then be uncomfortable for hours until I was starving again.
‘Ok, baby,’ I sighed as I waddled down the narrow hallway in my cottage and into the kitchen. ‘Let’s see what we’ve got here.’
Scratching my belly, I opened the fridge and the cupboards, had a long look and closed them again. What I wanted was something I didn’t have to cook myself.
‘Do you feel like pizza? A burger? Salad?’ I said, talking down to my baby. ‘What I wouldn’t give for a soft cheese and processed meat platter with a glass of wine.’
I rested my hand on my side when I felt a kick. ‘Sorry, poppet, but as good as it sounds, I’m not allowed.’
I checked the clock. Josh would be here in an hour so he could take me to meet his friends, to further get to know his sister … to get to know him, which I was the most interested in. Would he ever tell me about his upbringing? Was he right in thinking he wouldn’t be good for our child? Was I about to put my trust in someone who could bail at any second? What I knew for sure, if I didn’t try and play a part in his life, he wouldn’t have the incentive to play a part in mine.
I ate a sandwi
ch quickly, showered and dressed in a pale turquoise flowy dress and slipped into some flats, then waited. A text from my mum came through.
Mum: Just checking in :)
Me: Thanks, ma. I’m fine. How are you? It’s late there. Everything ok?
Mum: We’re good. Dad’s snoring. Are you sure you’re ok? I’ve just been on Facebook. I got a new phone and when I tried to log back into the app I couldn’t because for the life of me I can’t remember the password.
Me: You can reset it.
Mum: Yes, I know that now. My point is you haven’t posted anything in a while.
Me: Nothing to post, I guess. I’ve been so busy.
Mum: With work?
Me: Yep.
Mum: I think you need a break. Will you be able to visit us next year?
Me: I hope so. Maybe March. I miss spring in Cornwall. But we’ll see what contracts I have at the time.
Mum: Maybe it’s easier if we visit you hahaha.
My heart dropped. Dad couldn’t travel, could he? And Mum had only been to London three times, let alone out of the country.
Me: I don’t know about that, mum. I’ll work on March.
Mum: Don’t you want us there?
I rolled my eyes.
Me: Of course. I just know it’ll be difficult for you.
Mum (after moment): I miss you.
Me: I miss you too, mum xx
I heard the knock and the door, and I manoeuvred myself to stand. I quickly took a selfie, careful of the angle, and sent it through.
Me: I’m really ok, mum. Fit, healthy and happy.
Mum. Gorgeous. Are you puffy?
Me: It’s been hot here. I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it. Another reason I think you won’t like it here, especially in the summer.
Another knock.
Mum: I guess you could be right.
Me: Love you, mum. I’ll call you tomorrow.
Mum: Take care, my only child. I love you.
Me: xx
I dropped the phone into my bag and answered the door. Josh stood there wearing a pale blue t-shirt, taupe cargo shorts and an instant smile that stopped my heart.
‘You ready?’ he said as he leaned in and kissed my cheek.
‘Sure am.’ I pulled the door closed and followed him down the path. ‘So considering I’ve never met these people before, any handy insights you could provide?’
He opened the car door for me, and I not-so-eloquently lowered myself in. ‘Not really,’ he said as he closed the door and jogged around to his side and got in. ‘They’re a good bunch. Nothing to worry about.’
‘And do they already know about me?’
‘Um, well Andi does.’
‘How will they take it? Or are we not telling them how we fit together?’
‘Of course we can tell them. It’s not a secret. I’m not ashamed, if that’s what you think,’ he said as he turned the ignition and made off down the road.
‘Tell me more about Pete.’
‘He’s a good friend of mine. We’ve known each other since school. I wasn’t always the gentleman I make myself out to be,’ he said with a grin. ‘I struggled a lot and that made me shitty to be around. Pete stuck by me.’
‘Why do you think he did that?’
‘Sometimes I really don’t know, but then sometimes I realise it was because he knew that being a shithead wasn’t who I really was.’
‘Are you still a shithead?’
‘I’ve been reformed for about twelve years now.’
‘Because of Pete?’
‘And Andi, and my photography. It’s important to step outside of yourself sometimes. My friends help me with that. But I’m only human. I still make mistakes. Art helps though. What does interior design do for you?’
‘You’re right, creativity can be a great way to reset. I do what I do because of that spark I see in a client’s eyes when they first see my designs. They’ve provided the details and vision but that look when it comes to fruition, that’s why I do it.’
‘You like to make people happy?’
‘I didn’t grow up with much joy. I’m an only child. My mum wrapped me in cotton wool. No adventures, no risk-taking. There were little bits along the way, but it was hard to truly feel them when my family was always waiting for something to go wrong.’
‘Yeah, I didn’t get much joy growing up either.’
‘Oh?’ I said, hoping he’d elaborate on what I’d heard earlier.
‘No, so that’s why I was drawn to you that night when you were twirling on the beach in that yellow dress. After being barely friends all those years, something in me knew I had to come talk to you then and there. You welcomed me with your smile and instantly I felt alive. I felt …’
‘You felt the spark?’ I finished for him.
He grinned. ‘Wasn’t it obvious?’
My insides clenched in remembrance. ‘I guess it was.’
We arrived on the beach, and Andi was already there with four others. One I recognised from a visit I once had to the hospital. She was a nurse, and I hoped to god she wouldn’t remember me, or she’d maintain confidentiality. Especially in front of Josh. The other three I didn’t know, but we were walking closer and they’d turned to us, so I was sure to know them soon enough.
‘That’s Amy on the left,’ Josh said as if to read my mind. ‘Pete’s sitting on the chair, then there’s Matt and on the other side there’s Jen, Andi’s girlfriend.’
They were in a semicircle around a small fire, facing the ocean. There were drinks in hand, except for Pete. As we neared them, Andi quickly got up onto her knees and crawled a short way to an esky, plucking out a beer.
‘For you,’ she said, handing it to Josh. ‘And I have pineapple soft drink for you, Olivia, or water? Unless you’d prefer something else?’
‘Water will be fine, thank you,’ I said when she handed it to me.
‘Come join us,’ Andi said.
‘Olivia,’ Josh said. ‘This is everybody. Everybody, this is Olivia.’
They waved and smiled their hellos. Amy, the nurse, gave me a long look, then smiled as she gazed at my belly.
‘It’s good to see you well, Olivia. Coming along nicely,’ she said as diplomatic as she could, I guessed.
‘A few weeks to go,’ I said.
No one else spoke. They were all staring at Josh, probably wondering why he’d brought a heavily pregnant stranger to this intimate gathering. ‘Ok,’ he said, an awkward laugh following. ‘I guess I have an announcement to make. That is, if Andi hasn’t already told you?’
Andi shook her head, zipping her lip. ‘I’m a vault, my brother.’
‘Well, then. I’m sure you’ve noticed that Liv is pregnant. The baby growing like a champ in there, well I’m his, or her,’ he said, snapping a grin at me, ‘I’m the baby’s dad.’
‘Holy shit! What a small world!’ Amy said, jumping up and hugging Josh. ‘Fantastic!’
Pete remained seated, a serene smile on his face. Andi of course came and hugged me, followed by Jen, but Matt, he sat in place, wide-eyed and unemotional.
‘But you haven’t been in the country for months,’ Matt said, and the moment fizzled a touch.
‘Eight and a half months,’ Josh said when Amy let him go. ‘It happened the night before I left.’
‘Holy shit indeed, then Amy,’ Matt laughed, but I didn’t detect any humour. ‘It almost didn’t happen. You didn’t know each other beforehand, did you?’
‘Through work,’ I said. ‘We’ve collaborated on some projects. I’m an interior designer. Josh has photographed my work.’
‘But how long had you been romantically involved?’
The shift in mood was beginning to make me feel uncomfortable. I looked to Josh to field this one.
‘Sometimes your whole life can change after one night,’ he said.
‘And yours is certainly about to,’ Matt said, laughing again, and again, without humour.
He was being passive aggressive, and I d
idn’t know why. Maybe he was over-protective?
‘And we’re all excited to see where it goes from here,’ Andi said. ‘Aren’t we, Josh?’
He sat beside me. ‘We are.’
‘So to be perfectly clear though, before we move on,’ Matt said. ‘You’re sure that the baby is yours?’
‘Matt!’ Andi admonished him. ‘Leave it alone.’
‘What? We don’t know Olivia. Josh makes good money. Are we supposed to trust this without question?’
‘For god’s sake. We’re trying to get to know the poor woman and you’re sitting there accusing her of trapping Josh. Have some bloody manners would you. Let’s not forget why we’re here tonight. Sheesh!’
‘Fine,’ Matt said. ‘I was just saying what everyone was thinking.’
Andi glared at him. ‘No one else was thinking that.’
‘And I don’t care if anyone else was,’ Josh added. ‘I think I’m a good judge of character, and if Olivia says I’m going to be a father, then I’m going to be a father.’
‘And I’d do the test, if that’s what he wanted,’ I said, my heart thumping in my ears. ‘I have nothing to hide.’
‘Well, good then,’ Matt said. ‘Because I know from experience that these surprise pregnancies are not always what they seem.’
And there it was.
‘I know you have experience with this sort of thing,’ Josh said. ‘But honestly, mate, you have nothing to worry about.’
‘Just looking out for family,’ Matt said. ‘Because that’s what we are here, Olivia. We’re not blood, but we’re family anyway.’
I offered a forgiving smile, though my heart was still pounding. ‘Josh’s pretty lucky, then. I know what this must look like to someone who doesn’t know me. All I can do is assure you guys that I only want from Josh what he wants to give. If it’s a future, great, and if it’s nothing, then so be it.’
‘I believe you,’ Pete said. ‘What else have we got if we don’t have faith in humankind?’
In unison, everyone turned their attention to Pete. He’d sat in his seat, a blanket over his knees and a knitted beanie on his head despite the balmy evening. Andi was nodding. I looked closer at him, and saw it immediately. The conversation between Josh and Andi replayed in my head. I glanced at Josh to see if he was noticing the same thing I was.