If You Still Want Me

by C. E. Kilgore

  Joseph shoots up out of the chair so quick it almost falls over, then he can't get into Daddy's offered embrace fast enough. “I'm so sorry, Pops!”

  “Shh,” Daddy hushes Joey who's barely holding onto the choking sobs shaking his body. “It's okay, son.”

  “Yes,” Tabitha says coolly. She's sitting up straight now, her back an iron rod and her face a shield of serenity. It gives me chills when she gets like this, because I know she's about to go to war. “It will be okay. There's a church in Lake Charles that has a treatment program.”

  “Treatment program?” Jerry tilts his head.

  That ruffles all my feathers. “He's not sick, Tabi.”

  “According to Pastor Robinson, he is!” Tabi fights back.

  Jerry lets a rare flash of anger into his eyes. “I thought you stopped watching that TV preacher.”

  “But he's right, Jerry! Just look – the Devil's stepped right into our family and-”

  “That's enough, Tabitha,” Elijah's voice is calm but carries an understood warning.

  “But, Daddy...” she starts to argue, but is cut off as a toddler's cry sounds from the back of the house.

  “I'll take care of it,” Jerry stands to go see after their daughter, pausing for a moment to lay a hand on Joesph's shoulder and give it a squeeze while eying Tabitha. “Family is family. I don't see no devil in this room, and God don't make mistakes.”

  With that, he leaves the room and leaves Tabitha's mouth hanging slightly open. Joseph stands up from Daddy's embrace, bolstered by Jerry's unexpected acceptance. “I've wanted to tell y'all for so long.”

  “How long have you known, son?”

  “Since I was about fifteen, I think,” Joey answers. “Probably before that, but I didn't want to admit it to myself.”

  "Fifteen..." Daddy takes in a deep breath as he nods. “Alright. Boy, I wish you would've come to me sooner; that you understood we could talk about this, but-”

  “I did, Pops, really. I just... I didn't want your only son to be a disappointment.”

  “Disappointment?” Daddy looks hurt by the word.

  “I'm your only son. Who's gonna carry on the Harris name and...”

  Elijah's raising eyebrow silences Joey's unfinished sentence. “This Alex not want kids?”

  “He does,” Joey blurts out then blushes. “I mean, we've kinda talked about it.”

  “A name is a name,” Elijah taps the back of my chair. I can't express right now how proud I am of my daddy. I feel like a bystander, watching it, but happy to bear witness as something I thought might become a train wreck turns into something beautiful. “Tabitha and Ruth's kids may not have my last name, but they is Harris family all the same.”

  “Kids?” Tabitha chokes on the word. “But, two men can't raise a baby!”

  That catches Daddy's ire; an expression you rarely see and know to run from with your hands covering your butt. “Tabitha Grace! Are you sayin' I didn't raise you and Ruth up right those six years after I lost your mother, God rest her soul?”

  “No, sir, but-”

  “How is one man tryin' to raise two baby girls best he can any different than two men doin' the same?”

  “Well, sir, I,” Tabitha squirms in her chair. “But it's a sin, Daddy! The bible says-”

  “Do not quote misunderstood scripture to me, young lady.” He stares her down and she goes quiet again. “I won't pretend to understand it, a man loving another man that way, but I won't question God, either. Who am I to judge? Am I the mouth of God or the humble shepherd? God puts love in people's hearts, Tabitha, not the Devil. I thought I taught you that.”

  He sighs heavily, as if he's failed somehow, and I hate to see that.

  “It's a lot to take in,” I offer to Tabitha. “Joey is still Joey, though. He's still our little brother who needs our love, support and understanding. Right?”

  Tabitha stares at me for a long moment, then kicks the nine-hundred-pound gorilla across the room. “You knew, didn't you! Of course he would've told you and not us. I can't... I just... I need to pray and then lay down for a bit.”

  She stands, pain etched on her face then leaves the room without another word. Joseph slumps back down into his seat as Daddy does the same. It's quiet for a moment before Jerry reappears.

  “She just needs time,” he says, but I can tell he's uncertain that's true. “You know how stubborn she can be once she gets something in her head.”

  “Thanks, Jerry,” Joseph manages a smile.

  He waves off the comment as he starts cleaning the table. “My Auntie Kiesha, she's gay... or a lesbian... whatever. She's a good woman; helped my momma raise me right. Tabitha is a good woman, too, just... I think this is just a shock.”

  “I know,” Joseph puts his head in his big hands. “I'm sorry to do this now, with her being pregnant and... But Alex wants to meet everyone, and I can't keep hiding the man I love anymore. It aint right.”

  “It's not, so it's good you told us,” Jerry pats Joseph's shoulder then leaves the room, the sounds of dish-washing starting from the kitchen a few moments later.

  “I figured he'd be okay with it,” I smile. “Jerry's always had a big heart. Tabitha, well, you knew how that might go.”

  Joey nods. “Now I gotta tell Ruth, and Michael,” he winces, because we both know Michael lost his shit when he found out his favorite basketball player was gay.

  “We'll tell them together,” Daddy says, smiling at the both of us. “Now, I think Alex has the right idea. You said you've talked to him about kids and moving to Minnesota? Way past due, then, us meeting the person who's stolen my only son's heart.”

  Joey's fighting off more tears as he reaches across me to take Daddy's hand. “Thanks, Pops. I love you.”

  “Love you, too,” Daddy squeezes us into a hug.

  Then, they're both staring at me, as if waiting to see if I'm ready to jump off that bridge, too. I want to. I want to have the rest of this heavy weight lifted from my heart. I want to be able to breathe easy again. I want-

  “Jerry!” Tabitha yells from the bedroom. “My water just broke!”

  Austin

  Setting the phone aside, I let the sounds coming from the shower draw my feet to the bathroom door. Am I really gonna go through with this? I think so.

  I'm tired of running. I'm sick of fearing what might happen tomorrow. I'm done letting these demons inside my heart tell me I can't be enough for one person to love, much less two.

  I believe I can be enough. I think Saul can show me how, then he and I can share what we figure out with Victoria. With a deep breath to quiet any lingering doubts, I push open the bathroom door to start down a new path with the man I love.

  The sight of his tall, lean frame through the mottled glass door has me stripping off clothing in a rapid heartbeat. I need to get in there and hold him in my arms before I let my fear talk me out of it. I need to own this moment, to control it and make it mine.

  Ours. Our love. It may not be typical, our situation and our love, but that don't make it wrong. It's right for us, and I'm finally starting to clue in; what's right for us is all that matters.

  His smug grin greets me as the glass door moves aside. The brat knew I'd be coming for him; that I couldn't keep away any longer than I had to. We know each other so damn well, and that's why I think this will work.

  It has to work.

  "Well, 'bout time, cowboy," Saul teases as he stands under the shower head, his tall height stooped just a bit so the water pelts his back. His green eyes survey me, and I let him take it all in as I close the glass door. "Fuck," he moans out when his gaze reaches my jutting erection, and the word vibrates through me.

  "Not tonight," I take the lead back, fighting against a smile as he looks at me with that adorably confused expression he has that makes my knees weak. "We can fuck later. Tonight, I'm gonna make love to you, Saul, which means we do things my way."

  He shivers then lowers his eyes to me. "Guess I'll just have'ta suffer through that
then, sir."

  My hands twitch with a need to touch him. His bratty, playful submission calls to something deep down inside me. I've been craving this for two damn years, and I know it's gonna be a battle to take things as slowly as I want to.

  "Come here," I open my arms to him and he responds with a smile. Hugging his naked body to mine satisfies the lust for a moment, but now I can feel his cock against my thigh. With a chaste kiss that leaves him whimpering in protest, I step back to look him over.

  Yeah, I've stolen more than my fair share of glances at him when I could. He doesn't exactly hide himself at the club. It's a whole different matter, though, looking at his impressive, pierced and erect dick and knowing I'm free to play with it.

  With a slow glide, I ease one finger over the ball piercing at his cock's engorged tip. It bobs heavily in response as Saul lets out a shuddering groan. His hips thrust forward, seeking my hand, but I pull away.

  He curses at me, but he's also grinning like he just won the damn lottery. Shit, maybe we both did. He's right; think of all the fun we could'a been having if we'd sorted ourselves out sooner.

  "Turn around," I say with my eyes still on the cock I can't wait to get my lips around.

  Patience, I inhale. As he turns and his cock is with replaced with the most perfect ass I've ever laid eyes on, I don't know how well patience is going to serve me tonight.

  "Beautiful," I whisper in awe. The word slips out from my subconscious, but I'm encouraged to see Saul's body arch to the sound of it.

  Pressing against his arching back, I reach around him to grab the bar of hotel soap he'd been using to wash up. It smells like lavender and lemongrass; a sweet tartness that makes me smile because it reminds me of Saul. Planting a kiss between his shoulder blades I step back much to his groaning argument.

  With a slap to his wet ass, I silence his protest, turning it into a pleasured curse. I know what he likes. I've spent two years at Brandon's club, watching and learning. I've filled my fantasies with him and all the things I wanted. I've stood in a shower, just like this, only he was in my head instead of right in front of me.

  My hand grabs his ass, just so I can affirm that he's really here. That ass wiggles a bit, and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. I give his cute, cream-colored ass another good smack. "Hold still."

  "Yes, sir."

  My eyes close to those words, letting them settle in and give me courage. Lathering up the soap, I perch the bar in the small of his back. "Be a good boy and don't let that soap drop."

  One bright green eye glances over his shoulder at me through a mess of wet blonde hair. "Yes, sir. I'll try."

  Our glances lock as I start massaging his ass with my soaped-up hands. His bottom lip disappears between his teeth then pops back out, plump and begging. I counter by easing one finger down between his ass cheeks, stopping just above the tight ring of muscle. It makes him groan as his thighs tremble in an effort not to move and drop the soap.

  "Good boy," I reward him with a smile as I circle the entrance before penetrating it.

  "Oh, God," he chokes, wincing in a fight to stay still. "Austin... So damn good."

  "Is it?" I pull the finger out then move it back in to the knuckle in a slow, methodical motion.

  "Yes, sir. M-more, please," he begs as his legs shake.

  "Maybe," I contemplate, removing my finger. He whimpers, but the bar stays in place, so I reward the effort with two fingers this time.

  "F-f-fuck!" His back arches. The soap bar inches to the side, teetering, but doesn't fall.

  A slap to his ass corrects him. "Careful, Saul. Remember the soap."

  "Sorry, sir," he exhales, going still again.

  I know he likes the pain; needs it as part of his pleasure. I'm not Victoria - I don't think I could ever whip him or draw blood like I've seen her do at the club, even though I know it's what he wants. I can't give him what Victoria can, but maybe I can give him something she can't in return.

  After five, two-fingered pumps into his body, that tight pucker relaxes and Saul's moaning with muttered words begging for more. The tip of my dick taps his taint as my fingers hit against his prostate. He convulses, the soap clatters against the tiles and I wrap my arms around his chest to keep him from falling.

  "Austin," he pants, leaning his head back against my shoulder. "I done dropped the damn soap."

  I grin, kissing his neck. "You did. I'll have to punish you for that later."

  He shivers in my arms, and I know he's looking forward to it. "Yes, sir."

  Helping him stand, I step away and open the glass door. "Go get dry and wait for the pizza while I finish washing."

  That swollen bottom lip of his pushes out in a pout. I take it between my teeth, give it a gentle bite then suckle it hard. That has him melting all over again, but he takes the offering with a nod and steps out of the shower.

  Once he's gone, I lean back against the cold tiles, trying to calm the heat in my blood. My dick is throbbing, painfully protesting the fact I just told Saul to leave when his perfect ass had been so damn close. Taking that heavy heat in my hand, I stroke it to take the edge off. It's been so long since I've been with a man, and the fact that this is Saul, are both strikes against my ability to take things slow and make it last.

  Thumb circling my tip, I know I'll have to take care of me first so I can take care of him properly. Closing my eyes, I can see him clearly - body ready and his eyes staring at me with lustful want. One long stroke down my shaft and his back arches. With every stroke, I feel his tight ass taking my cock in. It has my breath hitching as I struggle to swallow a stifled moan.

  This will be the last time I do this - fantasizing about my best friend in the shower while I jack off. This will be the last time before that fantasy becomes a reality. After this moment and from now on, I want to share every moment of my pleasure with him.

  Saul

  Austin's takin' his sweet-ass time in the shower, and I'm pretty damn sure I know why. Me an' him were both 'bout ready ta' blow. Hot damn, that's one shower I'll never forget.

  As the bathroom door opens to reveal his hard, tan abs above a crisp white towel, I get the feelin' this is gonna be a whole night I'll remember forever. His black hair, curled by the damp, drips onto his shoulder, each drop begging me to watch as they trickle across the valleys and peaks of his figure. One drop strays close to a nipple, its dark circle puckered from the cool air.

  The tip of my tongue flicks against my teeth. Damn. I want to taste him.

  A few drops coast along the lines of his tattoos; faded, simple lines done in blue, prison-ink acting as a calendar for the time he spent behind bars. He hides them most of the time, so I take this chance to take him all in - all that he is, prison-inked skin and all. It don't bother me none, those lines that help tell the story 'a who he is an' where he's been. They're part 'a him, an' I love every piece.

  His gray eyes stare at me for a long moment, his feet unmoving. I give him a little smiled greeting, a slice of pizza half bitten and my legs hanging open as I lay perched up on one elbow. I'm naked as my birthday, ready an' waitin' for that punishment he done promised me.

  With a deep inhale, he crosses his arms and gives me a stern look. That look has my cock swellin' before he's even put a finger on me. I knew he could be the dominant I need.

  "You better not have answered the door like that."

  Let the games begin. I bat my eyelashes innocently. "But the guy gave me a discount on account 'a my big dick."

  His gaze drops to between my legs were my pierced dick bobs a 'hello, cowboy'. One of his black eyebrows raises. "How much of a discount?"

  He's playin' with me, and it's fuckin' awesome. I wink at his continued stern assessment. "I got us five dollars off, plus a coupon for free bread sticks with our next meal. Oh, an' I got his number."

  The gray in his irises darkens. "You got ripped off. Your cock is worth at least ten bucks off and free wings."

  "Well..." I swallow h
ard as he leans down, his hands fisted on the mattress next to me. A low growl rumbles in his throat, an' how I don't fuckin' blow my load right then, I got no clue.

  "As for his number - lose it. You belong to me and Victoria. Tonight, I'm going to remind you that you're mine, then tomorrow, we'll see about getting Victoria back where she belongs."

  My heart leaps. "With us?"

  His gaze softens as his subtle, loving smile brightens my whole world. "With us," he nods once then kisses my shoulder.

  It's all the right things ta' say to have me quiverin' against the sheets. I knew this could fuckin' work - that he and I could find a middle ground. Victoria knew it, too, and that's probably one of the reasons she left me - so he an' I could have this chance. It's not the only reason, though, and I'd be a damn fool for thinkin' so.

  "I..." A sharp inhale has me settin' the pizza aside. I don't rightly understand why the feelin' of guilt shows up, but I guess it's just one 'a the ways I'm a bit fucked-up inside. Maybe that's why I'm so damn needy; why I've done made Vickie sick 'a me. I don't want Austin to get sick 'a me, too.

  "I answered the door in my jeans, and the delivery girl had ta' be at least fifty."

  "I know, darlin'," the soothing calm in his voice stops those feelings in my stomach from takin' over. He sits next to me, his hand brushin' through my hair. "If I didn't trust you, this wouldn't be happening. Now, how much have you eaten?"

  His finger lifts the pizza box lid up to have a peek inside, so I answer honestly. "Just this one."

  A frown weighs his mouth down. "Still not hungry?"

  "Just nervous 'bout tomorrow. What if... What if she's really done with me?"

  "I don't think that's possible, Saul. She loves you too much to break up with you over the phone. I think this was just another one of her pushes, control freak that she is."

  I gotta snort a laugh at that, 'cause part of my brain has been thinkin' the same damn thing. "Guess it worked?"