Something New

by Sean Ashcroft

  The job he’d had before that hadn’t been much better, honestly. So it was more like the last ten years.

  That was a lot of damage to undo, but Ash was willing to try. Neither of them needed to be miserable.

  “Better?” Ash asked as his hands started to cramp up. He was willing to keep going, but he’d need to stretch his fingers before he could do anything else.

  “Way better,” Declan said quietly, breathing a deep, heartfelt sigh.

  Ash moved his hands up, ignoring their protests for a moment to rub the back of Declan’s neck, earning himself a low moan. Declan’s head fell forward, as though Ash had found his secret off switch.

  He laid his hand flat on Declan’s back, letting the heat of Declan’s body soothe it. Declan had always run hot. He was handy to have around in the winter, like a giant hot water bottle.

  Ash couldn’t help the wave of affection that washed over him as Declan turned back, his face relaxed, his breathing slow and even. He was beautiful when he was at peace, and Ash had never really gotten used to that. It still made his heart skip a beat every time.

  Especially with Declan blushing high on his cheeks, his eyes dark.

  Ash’s stomach bottomed out as he realized it was the same look he’d had earlier in the week, when they’d been coming home from Charlie and Scott’s place. The one he’d had when Ash had been so sure they were about to kiss.

  The look had only been there for a moment, but the tension between them had suddenly been so strong that Ash had almost given into it himself, even knowing that he risked losing Declan over it.

  Blood rushed in his ears, that same sureness filling him up again as Declan swayed in his direction, his breath catching. The heat that had been building in his gut before flared up, a hot flash of arousal deep inside him, need making his throat dry.

  He wanted Declan. He’d always wanted Declan.

  Ash was almost sure enough to close his eyes in anticipation, his eyelids fluttering automatically as he waited to be kissed, and then…

  Declan practically jerked away.

  Ash moved his hand, suddenly unsure that Declan wanted to be touched. His heart was still pounding, but for different reasons now.

  This was the second time this had happened in a handful of days. That had to mean something.

  Or maybe it didn’t. Maybe it wasn’t even happening, and Ash just desperately wanted it to. Wanted to believe that somehow, moving away from all the stress and bullshit that had filled up his life would give Declan space to finally see Ash, to finally want him.

  It was stupid to think that was ever going to happen, and Ash knew it. He just wanted to believe it so badly that he couldn’t tell fact from fantasy anymore.

  That was the best explanation, anyway.

  Declan didn’t want him. He couldn’t. Ash would never get that lucky.

  “I, uh…” Declan stood, looking over at the door that led to the hall. “I think it’s time for bed. I’m exhausted.”

  “Me too,” Ash agreed, happy for the excuse to put some space between himself and Declan before he did or said something stupid. “Sleep well. You’ve earned it.”

  “You too,” Declan said, retreating toward the door.

  On the off chance Ash wasn’t a victim of wishful thinking, it was obvious that Declan didn’t want to stick around right now, anyway.

  That shouldn’t have been as disappointing as it was. Declan was Ash’s best friend, and he should have been grateful for what they had instead of desperate for more.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Declan gasped as he finally gave in and shoved his hand into his underwear, wrapping his fingers around his hard cock with a sigh of relief.

  He couldn’t stop thinking about Ash, about the way he’d touched him earlier, about the warmth of his hands seeping into his muscles. He could barely remember ever feeling like this before.

  He’d almost kissed Ash twice now. The first time, he’d brushed it off as a momentary lapse. As fatigue, and excess happiness, and a whole bunch of other things that weren’t the raw, burning need he’d felt. Both times.

  Both times, he’d wanted to kiss Ash because he could imagine how good it’d feel, because he wanted it all the way down to the pit of his stomach.

  He couldn’t stop thinking about what might have happened if he hadn’t backed off. The image of Ash sliding his hand into Declan’s jeans, pulling his cock out, stroking him slow and steady, confident that he knew what he was doing, his eyes sparkling as he looked up at Declan like he always did.

  Like Declan meant something to him.

  It would have been so damned good, and he hated himself for not being brave enough to stick around for it.

  If he closed his eyes, it wasn’t hard to imagine being back on the couch, letting Ash crawl into his lap, his eyes screwed shut as Ash worked him expertly, spread precome up and down the shaft, reached lower to roll Declan’s balls in his hand.

  Declan bit down on his lip to stop himself moaning, aware that Ash was sleeping just across the hall. It wasn’t as if either of them would be surprised to learn the other masturbated, but Declan knew that Ash would know, somehow, that he was thinking about him.

  That he hadn’t stopped thinking about him.

  The pit of his stomach ached with need, his cock leaking freely into his hand at just the thought of Ash touching him, wanting him. He hadn’t thought he’d ever get that lucky.

  Ash had wanted to kiss him, though. He’d felt the spark between them, the way the air had changed. That was what had made him jump back.

  Declan wished he’d reacted differently now. He’d seen the look in Ash’s eyes when he jumped back. Disappointment. To the point of being hurt.

  Not only did he never want to hurt Ash, but he had wanted to kiss him. No matter how terrifying that was.

  A soft groan escaped Declan as he imagined Ash dropping to his knees, wetting his pretty pink lips in preparation to take Declan’s cock in his mouth, sucking tentatively at first, swirling his tongue around it, lapping at the slit, swallowing precome.

  Ash’s eyes fluttering closed, a low moan welling up from deep inside him, eager to do this. Eager for Declan, for them to take the leap past whatever dance they were doing right now into something better.

  Scarier, but better. So much better.

  Declan didn’t doubt for a second that sex with Ash would be amazing. He had a great personality and all, but it wasn’t his personality that led to heavy-eyed pretty boys sitting at his kitchen table of a morning, looking at him like he was made of chocolate-covered marshmallows.

  The handful of times Declan had met Ash’s boyfriends, they’d inevitably been like that. Enchanted with him in the way only a truly satisfied man could be.

  The fact that Declan had taken notice of that probably should have been a clue that this was going to happen. That he’d always paid a little too much attention to Ash for it to be strictly platonic.

  Declan let himself imagine Ash’s mouth around him, hot and intense, putting just enough pressure on his cock to tease.

  Ash would tease the hell out of him. He knew that without ever having to lay a finger on him.

  “Ash,” he gasped, biting down on his lip the moment he let the word escape him, afraid that Ash might hear him from across the hall. The last thing he wanted was to get busted doing this.

  He wasn’t ready to talk about it. Not yet.

  Declan gripped his cock tighter, a low, needy moan welling up in his chest as he stroked himself. Heat welled up in his gut, the familiar warmth of arousal, of need, of an orgasm building inside him.

  In his head, he stroked his fingers through Ash’s hair, letting them tangle in the too-long strands, rubbing circles into Ash’s scalp to stop himself from gripping too hard, his cock throbbing with the pressure of Ash’s mouth, the teasing of his tongue.

  Declan rolled onto his back, rocking his hips into his hand and screwing his eyes shut, spreading precome down the length of his cock with the pad of his
thumb and pretending to himself that it was Ash lapping at him.

  The taste of blood in his mouth surprised him, his lip bleeding a few drops after he’d bitten down hard enough to break the skin. It’d been a long time since he’d bothered to masturbate like this, with a surround-sound fantasy in mind, and his body was reacting strongly to it.

  His toes curled up tight as he thumbed the head of his cock, gripping himself tighter, reaching down with his free hand to trail patterns along the sensitive skin of his inner thigh as he lapped at the inside of his lip to soothe it.

  Even that felt good when he imagined Ash with him. He could see himself digging his fingers deep into the flesh of Ash’s perfect ass, holding him in place, lining himself up to slide inside the warmth of his body.

  He’d never actually done that, but he’d read that it was good.

  Declan was close now, right on the verge of coming over the thought of Ash touching him, wanting to touch him, wanting Declan naked and eager and so, so excited to finally do this.

  He switched back to having Ash between his legs, imagined Ash taking him deep into his throat, strong muscles holding him in place, contracting around him, Ash’s eyes falling closed as he sucked. A tiny, satisfied sound escaping him around Declan’s cock as he reached down to touch himself.

  Declan rolled over onto his stomach, rocking his hips against the mattress, his cock still gripped tightly in his hand. Just a little more. Just enough to tip him over the edge.

  His brain provided the sound of Ash’s laughter, delighted as he licked precome off his lips, his pale blue eyes sparkling up at Declan, and it was all over. Two, three, four thrusts and he was coming, burying a moan into his pillow, jerking his hips as his orgasm washed over him, wringing him out.

  He groaned as he rolled back over, thankful that he’d kept his underwear on and didn’t need to get up to change his sheets.

  His whole body was tingling, his skin oversensitive, his heart pounding in his chest.

  What the hell was that about?

  Chapter Sixteen

  To Ash’s relief, their second week was going more or less exactly as he’d expected. Better, even. What felt like the entire town had trickled in one by one, most of them just coming to look, but enough of them coming to shop that they’d put a noticeable dent in the displays.

  Declan hadn’t quite been run off his feet, but he’d barely had a moment to himself. Ash was still a little worried about him burning his hand earlier, but it had only been minor, and Declan had suffered him being over protective for longer than he usually would have.

  Something had changed. Ash could feel it, even if he couldn’t put his finger on it.

  Well, Declan had almost kissed him. Twice. Ash was sure of that.

  And this morning he’d been back to normal.

  Maybe this was all part of the healing process, but Ash really wanted to skip that and have his Declan back. He knew he was being impatient with him, and that was the opposite of what Declan needed, but he’d improved so much over the past week.

  Ash just wanted him to be happy, whatever that meant.

  He would also have liked to kiss him, but he could settle for Declan’s happiness. It meant a whole lot more to him than kissing him ever could have.

  As long as Declan was feeling better, he didn’t really care what else happened. He just wanted that to happen faster. Almost exclusively for Declan’s sake.

  Ash turned as he heard Declan’s footsteps on the stairs.

  “Hey,” Declan called from the doorway. “You need help with those shelves?”

  Ash shook his head. “No, but I wanna see that burn.”

  Declan smiled wryly, but there was kindness in his eyes. Warmth.

  The old Declan. The one Ash loved so much his heart felt like it might burst when he smiled at him.

  It was so good to see that.

  It made sense, too. Ash felt as though he could relax knowing that the town was behind them, glad to have their bookstore back no matter who was running it. This was definitely his kind of place.

  He was starting to get the impression that it was also Declan’s kind of place. He was brighter and happier. He just needed a little more sleep to take care of the dark circles under his eyes, and he’d be good as new.

  Patience. Patience was what Ash needed right now.

  Declan walked over to him without having to be told twice, holding his palm out for inspection. He’d only brushed it against the steam wand on the coffee machine, but Ash knew from experience that those were incredibly hot, probably more so after being in near-constant use most of the day.

  People had responded well to Declan offering them a chance to sit down with a cup of coffee and a good book. The store was rarely empty from when they opened to when they closed.

  It was really nice to feel so accepted.

  Ash took his hand, holding it up to the light so he could see the red mark running across the base of Declan’s thumb.

  “What’s the diagnosis, Dr. Basic First Aid?” Declan asked.

  He sounded too happy for Ash to even care about being teased.

  “Smartasses don’t get dinner made for them out of sympathy,” Ash warned, but he’d already planned out dinner tonight, so it was an empty threat. Declan didn’t necessarily know that, though.

  “Does it hurt?” he asked before Declan could say anything else.

  Declan shrugged. “Not really? It’s tender when you touch it, but I don’t think it’s that bad. It was only for a second.”

  “I remember you swearing like a sailor over it,” Ash said.

  “It was more surprising than painful. Sorry about swearing in front of customers.”

  Ash looked up, away from Declan’s hand to meet his eyes. “I’m not the boss of you. And I don’t think any of them cared. I really don’t think it’s that kind of place.”

  “Well, I appreciate you taking care of me,” Declan said.

  “Even if you make fun of me for it?” Ash raised an eyebrow.

  “Even if I make fun of you for it.” Declan smiled at him. “You wouldn’t hang out with me if I didn’t give you hell sometimes. It’s how I show affection.”

  Ash laughed softly, tracing the skin around the burn on Declan’s hand, trying to soothe it without making it worse. “I know. Just, for the record, there are other ways.”

  Declan nodded. “I know.”

  The look in his eyes had changed. It took Ash a few seconds to decipher it, since he wasn’t sure he’d ever seen that look on Declan before.

  The hairs on the back of Ash’s neck stood up.

  Before Ash could process what was happening, Declan pushed him back against the shelf behind him, the whole weight of his body holding Ash in place.

  Lust.

  That was the look.

  Ash swallowed, his stomach swooping. This was new.

  He had no idea how to react, although his body had a few ideas. His heart was pounding, his lungs tight.

  “Tell me to stop,” Declan murmured.

  Ash shook his head, his pulse already pounding in his ears. There was no point in pretending he didn’t want this. Declan could probably see it written all over his face anyway.

  How long had he waited? How often had he wished that things were different, that Declan would look at him one day and see someone he wanted, someone he could be with?

  Too many. And now it was happening, and Ash’s head was spinning so fast he couldn’t even hope to think straight. Declan was so warm, and so close, and so perfect.

  He gasped as Declan’s lips made contact with his, a moan welling up deep in his chest. He’d never expected Declan to do anything like this, never dreamed that he might actually make a move.

  It was exciting. Terrifying, but exciting.

  Declan shifted his legs apart, letting his hips rest against Ash’s, their bodies fitted together against the shelves. Heat was building in the pit of Ash’s stomach, arousal he’d pushed to the back of his mind a thousand times when he
was close to Declan, sure that he’d only ruin their friendship if he ever acted on it.

  And now Declan was the one acting on it. Ash had known something weird was going on with him, but he hadn’t expected this.

  His eyes widened as he felt Declan’s cock stir against his thigh, a shock of arousal coursing through him. Ash’s pulse pounded in his ears, his heart threatening to give out on him over the shock of knowing that Declan was turned on by this, too.

  All his wildest dreams were coming true at once.

  He gasped as Declan’s tongue traced his lips, eager to give him whatever he wanted. Declan tasted of stale coffee and the chocolate bar he’d split with Ash for lunch, in lieu of anything more nutritionally sound.

  And he tasted of warmth and sunshine and years of quiet longing, but that was all in Ash’s head. He’d wanted this for so long that he didn’t really care why it was happening now.

  The moment he thought that, Declan pushed away from him, putting two strides between them before Ash was done processing that he was moving at all.

  Ash’s stomach dropped.

  There was no turning back from this. It wasn’t an accident. It couldn’t be brushed off as nothing.

  The look on Declan’s face was enough to tear Ash’s heart out. He looked horrified.

  Ash swallowed. A thousand excuses rushed to the front of his mind, ways out of this, ways to force it into not being a big deal.

  But it was a big deal.

  It was a big deal, and now they were both holding onto the new, fragile thing they had between them, relying on the other not to drop it. Not to shatter it into a million pieces, never to be put back together.

  “I need to leave,” Declan said, his voice rough.

  “You don’t,” Ash said automatically. He didn’t want Declan to leave. Not even a little bit.

  He wanted Declan to want to kiss him. He wanted Declan to kiss him again.

  “I do,” Declan countered, already heading for the door. “I’m sorry.”

  Sorry.

  He didn’t want Declan to be sorry. He wanted Declan to stay.

  Ash watched him go, his stomach twisting as he heard the bell over the door chime.