Under My Skin

by Shawntelle Madison

  “Is everything all right?” I asked him.

  “Yeah. It’s just been a long night.”

  “You want to talk about it?”

  He grabbed my shoulder and squeezed it. “No, don’t worry about me. You let me shoulder all of this.”

  I remained quiet for a bit. “Tyson said Justina will take over Zoe in about two weeks or so.”

  He grunted. “That’s the way it usually is, but if you keep fighting, you won’t go down that way. You still fighting?”

  When I didn’t answer, he took my hand. The sensations fluttered over me again. The awe from viewing an open prairie that stretched for miles or the beauty of a vast canyon with a river that carved away the rocks. So powerful. Part of me wondered what he felt when he touched me.

  “I’m tired. To be honest.”

  “Being tired doesn’t make you a bad person. Kinda makes you human.”

  I swallowed deeply. On any other day, any other time, the circumstances would’ve been different. I could be an ordinary girl sitting next to her boyfriend. An ordinary girl heading for a date with her fiancée. But the girl who Quinn touched was a shell waiting to be filled by someone else.

  “Quinn, what do you...feel when you touch me?” The minute the words came out, I immediately reddened. What did I just ask him? I quickly added, “I mean, what would the Guild feel if they touched me?”

  I heard his tongue clicking faintly. “You’re like no one I’ve ever met before, kinda like looking into the deepest part of the ocean.”

  Was that a good thing?

  He continued. “I can feel him in you, the General. He’s like a shark swimming along the surface—hunting for prey.”

  So that’s what he saw when he touched me. All those times when he held my hand. When our cheeks brushed together after he’d rescued me from Justina. During each of those times he truly saw me.

  Instead of driving me back to the estate, he stopped briefly a few miles away on an empty country road. The mountains hugged us on each side, but they offered no protection from our enemies.

  “What are we doing here?” I managed to ask. Was something wrong?

  He got out and joined me in the back seat. We sat next to each other in silence, for too long as if he had something on his mind.

  “You can’t go back there anymore,” he finally said. “I can’t stop thinking about you and worrying about what will happen.”

  “What are you talking about?” I sighed. “I have to stay because there are things I need to do. If the General wakes up at the Resistance base, I won’t be able to help Zoe.”

  Exasperation filled his features. “If you’re with the Resistance, we can take care of you. You don’t have to go back there.”

  “To live in a cage with my Lund Bracelet on as General Dagon picks at the lock?” I chortled. “Yes, I do have to go back there. I’m in a better position now than before. I have the antivirus. I have the necessary training. The Prime Minister will give me control over Myrian troops. Now it’s up to me to do the right thing.”

  I’d thought about it for a long time as I’d fought the General. No matter how afraid I was, I had to go back. Revenge fed me now. For what he did to me, to Quinn’s brother, to everyone. I had to take out the General and use his position to help the Water Bearers like Zoe. The General didn’t trust me, but I still had to try.

  Quinn sighed and took my hand. I smiled from the connection we shared.

  “You’re making a gamble you might not win. A gamble I don’t want you to make.” His hand tightened around mine.

  “I know. Believe me, I’d prefer to go to the Resistance camp to hide out and hope for the best, but there’s no guarantee I can eat up and swallow General Dagon the same way you did your Guild member.” I released his hand. “Right now, I don’t feel strong enough to help even myself.”

  We were silent for a while. He spoke first. “I almost want to force you to return to the Resistance with me.”

  “I know you do.”

  Words hung between us, memories of our first kiss, the stolen embraces that came afterwards.

  “I’ll take you back to the house and report in.” He took my hand and the warmth from his palm spread through me.

  I nodded and asked a question on my mind. “You always seem so calm. I envy you.”

  “For a long time, I’ve been preparing for the day when the General might learn about me. I suspect the time will come sooner or later. Someday my cover will be blown, and I’ll have to find the invaders.”

  “The invaders?” I’d heard others referring to that name during the General’s meetings.

  “The invaders are working with the Resistance. They also want Myria to be free and just—for everyone. Of course, that’s not easy with someone like the Prime Minister around.”

  A part of me wanted to take my free hand and trace my finger along the bridge of his nose, push one of his stray curls off his forehead. He’d survived for so long through a life as a Water Bearer, in the Myrian military, and now the Resistance. Something about him was special. Maybe it was his will to live. The only thing that mattered was he was alive—that he’d be safe as long as his cover was maintained.

  I slowly let go of his hand, but he refused to let go of mine. I didn’t want to look at his face to say goodbye again. That moment was coming when we’d reach the estate and pass through those gates.

  “Are you sure you want to go?” he asked again.

  I sighed. “Still offering me an out? You make a great hero, Quinn.”

  “All in a day’s service.” He turned toward me, his lips hovering over mine. My eyes were open this time as he wrapped his arm around my waist. No barriers this time. I was completely open, and it made the moment all the more intense. His kiss was passionate, a reminder of the heated kiss we first shared. He kissed me again and again until my heart swelled and my breath caught.

  “You stay out of trouble, okay?” My voice broke up.

  “Maybe I should say the same thing to you,” he whispered.

  The words, Take me away, lingered on my tongue, but if I said them, I’d never go back to the estate. I let go of his hand and pushed him away. I could feel my spirit moving me forward. Freedom was mine. I had to take it with one step. “Take me back, Quinn.”

  Quinn drove me back to the estate. The guards at the guard post waved us inside without any problems. I played the role well by now. I left the car with a casual wave once it pulled up to the back of the house.

  As I strolled up to the house, I almost wanted Rebecca to confront me so I could lash out at someone. It wasn’t fair—what was happening to Zoe, what was happening to me. We should have our lives ahead of us, but the Guild had taken them away.

  My precollege credits were inconsequential. I held back a laugh. Traveling the world was impossible. Dates with guys like Paul from back home? That was never going to happen with the life I led.

  I took one step and a chill hit my back, a dire warning. I walked faster, brushing my arm against the scanner at the door. I had to reach the bedroom before he woke up. I had to reach the bed so he could see I was asleep.

  My footsteps thundered down the hallway as I ran. I was almost there. I could make it. I could make it. In one blink, I was in the hallway—and the next I plunged into nothingness.

  I entered the fog of the General’s control in his study. I heard several voices. Men who spoke of enemy positions, weapons for a staging area. When my vision cleared completely, I saw myself at the desk, having a discussion over the network.

  From her chair across from him, Rebecca took notes on a compu-tablet.

  When the meeting ended, Rebecca glanced up for instructions. “Everything is proceeding as planned, Master.”

  He must’ve noticed me. He addressed me first. “So the sneaky little planner has awakened. Glad you could join us this evening.”

  Rebecca smiled coyly. “Perfect. She can join us for your dinner tonight.”

  “Did you really think you could sneak
around without me finding out your little game?”

  I froze inside his mind. Everything depended on the meager secrets I kept. The wall of my deceptions had risen higher and higher.

  “Keeping quiet won’t make much of a difference.” He tapped my fingers against the hard wood of the desk. “Who did you visit last night? Must’ve been important. You covered your trail quite well. None of the cameras on the grounds witnessed your departure. Your little driver has disappeared as well. Quite a convenient time for him to have personal leave.”

  I held my ground. My silence was my defiance.

  “You’ve made this the most interesting body I’ve acquired, most assuredly, but the games need to end soon. Whether you tag along or not, I have duties for Myria that must be upheld. If you continue to resist like this, you won’t like the consequences.”

  No words. He didn’t deserve my words anymore.

  “Fine,” he said. “Be that way. You’ll be chatty soon enough.”

  The General rose. I wore a beautiful dark-red gown with a fitted waist and delicate gloves, the color of spilled blood. When he walked past the grand mirror in the hallway, he winked at me.

  Rebecca followed us to the doorway of the grand dining hall. As we got nearer, I caught the scent of dinner. A part of me longed to eat the food, but not with the General like this. Something was up. With the conflict in the north, and Adam’s desire for the General to lead, I wondered how long I had until he’d go there. Would I have time to help Zoe?

  We reached the entrance to the dining hall. If I could’ve stopped at the doorway, I would’ve. At the end of the long, elegant table, two people looked up at me: my parents.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Every fiber of my being trembled. The icy exterior of the fight in me threatened to melt. After being a few weeks away from them, I noticed my father had changed. His complexion wasn’t as pale. My mother smiled when she saw me. I wanted to beg her to run away, to flee this place. But she couldn’t hear me, not with the General in control.

  Two things immediately came to mind. Where was my brother? And why were there guards standing behind my parents?

  “Do you want a fight?” the General asked me. “Maybe I should offer your parents a warm welcome tonight?”

  The time for empty threats had passed.

  I tried to see myself through their eyes. They would see the same light brown skin tone and the same brown eyes. But, with the General in control, they would see a black emptiness that had no end to its depths. It was as if all the sparkle that composed me had been drained away and a dead husk remained.

  Even though this dinner wasn’t meant as a celebration, the finest place settings had been used. Glasses had been filled with champagne. The candelabras were lit.

  My mother stood and moved to approach me, but she stopped when I put my hand up. “Remain where you are. The last thing I need is for you two to touch me.”

  My mother’s voice faltered. “Tate?”

  Rebecca entered the room when my father stood with a frown. Different shades of shock and disbelief touched my parents’ faces.

  “Tate Emily Sullivan,” Dad snapped. “Apologize to your mother right now!”

  My mouth opened into a wide smile. Oh, no, here it comes.

  “You might’ve given birth to me, but as part of the Water Bearer contract, General Frederick Dagon is my employer now,” the General said. “As his employee, you have no power in my home.”

  Rebecca took her place behind me. I bet she was enjoying every minute of this.

  “You ready to talk yet?” the General asked me.

  He then gave me control of my voice.

  “Sweetheart, are you all right? Is something wrong?” my mother asked.

  I wanted to tell her that everything wasn’t all right to explain that I was trapped in the virtual prison of my own body, but I would never do such a thing as reveal to my parents that I’d become an abomination.

  “Of course, everything’s fine,” the General said. “I have everything I need here: food, shelter, clothing.” I gestured to the meals the servants brought in for us to eat. “Matter of fact, my chef has prepared a fine meal today: a crispy duck and scallop salad. Absolutely divine.”

  Neither of my parents moved. They didn’t so much as twitch as Rebecca placed the napkin in my lap. She checked the silverware and made sure they were blemish-free.

  Rebecca addressed my parents. “The General’s a benevolent benefactor who has granted you the opportunity to be here to see your daughter for a...final time.”

  I watched with horror as the two guards behind them shifted position. They moved to place their las-guns within my line of sight.

  The servants placed a bowl of soup in front of everyone. While my parents stared, the General started eating with gusto. He slurped and smacked his lips, once in a while looking up to see my parents glaring at him. Or, I should say, they glared at me.

  After the soup, the servants brought in the duck and scallops salad. Did he know about our diet at home? He must’ve known. Just another move on his part to make this dinner hell for me.

  My teeth clenched hard. Pain stretched into my jaw. He gave me control of my voice once more.

  “Speak up, little bird.” He laughed in my head. With ease, he took control again.

  My parents watched as I cut into the duck and slid it elegantly into my mouth. I smiled the whole time.

  Not long after, Mom got to the point, like she always did. “What’s wrong with you? You’re acting weird.”

  Before the General spoke again, he wiped off my mouth. I swooped in to try to get control, but all I could do was force the General to release his fork. “Maybe I just woke up. Do you think I enjoyed living in that hovel you call a house? I have servants now, expensive clothes, jewelry—”

  Dad’s face turned to steel. “You don’t talk that way—”

  “It’s rude to interrupt someone when they’re speaking, don’t you think?” Dagon bit back.

  I relentlessly wrestled for control. I tried to do as Quinn taught me. Focus. It was all a mental game of control to swallow the other consciousness, and I had to act before this situation spiraled into madness.

  Dad stood again. Much faster than he used to.

  The guard behind him took a step forward, trained his gaze on the back of my father’s head.

  “Dad, no!” I managed to gasp. The single second of control had vanished just as quickly.

  “Sweetheart?” Mom was close to tears. They pooled under her eyes and made the whole moment much more painful.

  “None of this makes any sense,” Dad addressed Rebecca. “Your messenger brought us here so we can see our daughter.” His voice became louder. “Something’s wrong here. Is she on drugs or something?”

  The guard grabbed Dad by the shoulder and shoved him down.

  “Get your hands off of me!” Dad shifted to yell more at the guard, but stopped when presented with a las-gun to his chest.

  “Are you ready to talk now, girl?” the General asked me. “You ready to tell me where you went on your little trips? Tap your fingers of your left hand against the table. One for yes. Two for no.”

  If Quinn were at my side, he’d tell me to be strong, hold the line, and not allow the General to push me around like this. But I’d read General Dagon’s journal and seen Pete’s condition firsthand. I knew there was no line he wasn’t willing to cross to get what he wanted. When it came to my parents, I refused to put them in danger.

  “Did you go alone?”

  I tapped the table once.

  “Don’t you lie to me. It’s unlikely you went alone. You were gone for a while. A flight, perhaps, after travelling on foot?”

  Dread filled me. I tapped again.

  “You’re getting bold and the attempted rescue right after the auction means someone on the outside wants to help you.” He laughed softly. “The Resistance?”

  Hold yourself steady, I begged myself. My fingertips trembled. I formed a tig
ht fist to keep it in check. He wouldn’t know my secrets if I didn’t give in and tell them all.

  “No need to answer me. You have no control whatsoever, but I’m rather delighted you managed a little jaunt every night to the Resistance. How clever.”

  While my interrogation continued, Rebecca spoke to my parents. “Your daughter’s perfectly fine. She’s not Tate anymore. Master Dagon has adopted her as his daughter Elise now. Elise Dagon holds a vast fortune that will insure she receives a quality education and proper medical care.”

  “You’re. Not. My. Daughter.” A tear slid down Mom’s cheek.

  Dad tried to reassure her. “We need to get the enforcers involved, that’s all.”

  A laugh escaped the General’s lips. “The enforcers? Who’d you like to contact? I have several associates with the local authorities if you’d like to inquire about our little conversation.”

  With a twitch of the General’s fingers on my raised right hand, Rebecca handed him a personal comm-unit.

  The General tossed it across the table. “Go ahead. Make your call. Save me from my new cruel home.” The General made me laugh again.

  Deep down inside, I wanted my parents to leave, but they loved me and that’s what saddened me further. The General knew this would break me.

  My parents exchanged glances while the General fished for more information.

  “Where’s the Resistance base located?” he asked me. “North?”

  Two taps.

  He went through every direction, but, for once, I had no secrets to reveal.

  “Are you holding back from me? Do you want me to tell my associates to open fire?” He nodded to alert his men.

  For some reason I stood and the General directed me toward the tea service next to the table. I sensed my parents looking at me, but General Dagon forced me to stare at my hands while he prepared a cup of tea.

  “Let’s try this again, girl. And don’t do anything foolish while my men are aiming at your parents. We wouldn’t want fingers to slip, now would we?”

  “Don’t you dare!” I whispered, now free again to speak. “Do you think they’d be foolish enough to just let me see the location of their base with you roaming around in my head?”