I ripped my arm out of his grasp and stood. I looked at him as though he was nuts. “What is your deal? I stepped on something and fell. I wasn’t going to drown or anything. Geez, Ryker, chill out.” I looked down and saw some driftwood. That must have been what I’d stumbled on.
“Sorry for giving a shit,” he snapped. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Friends by association and all. I’m sure Max wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”
I hated when people threw my words back at me. “Yeah, association. Oh, and to answer your question, Paige wasn’t at my party. I rescinded her invite. I just wanted my family and friends here to celebrate with me.”
“Of course. Well, I’m getting out of here. Do you want a ride, or do you want to go with Max and Tyf?”
Of all the times to ask me… I’d always wanted to be the girl in his car, but I had to say no. “I’ll go with Max. Thanks, anyway.”
“No sweat. See ya, Dude.”
I closed my eyes, and my head spun a little. I opened them and saw him collecting the blanket and beer bottles.
I walked over and grabbed mine out of the sand. “Hey, Ryker?”
“Yeah.”
“Don’t call me Dude.” I finished my beer and walked back to the rock to get my shoes. I texted Max that I was ready to leave. I’d had enough of this confusing night. No, I still had more to say. “Hey!”
Ryker just looked at me and said nothing.
My hands landed on his chest, and I pushed him hard enough to make him stagger. “What the hell is with you? Do you try to ruin all of my celebrations, or does it just come naturally?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Let’s see, we can start with my twenty-first birthday. You practically screwed my friend in the hallway and then told me how she’d pleasured you. Oh, and you told me you didn’t want me. So happy birthday to me.” I threw my hands in the air. “Now at my graduation party, you show up and make me think that maybe I got through to you and we could be civil, and what do you do? You bring up another woman! Seriously, Ryker? What the fuck? Is your goal to hurt me?”
His head fell back, and he looked at the sky. With clenched fists and a soft voice, he said, “No, I didn’t mean to.”
Ryker had tried to sound apologetic, but I wasn’t buying it. To say that I was about to explode would be an understatement. “You didn’t mean to? Are you kidding me? You know what, why do I bother?”
I turned to leave, and he grabbed my elbow. He spun me around, and his lips crashed on mine. His hands threaded in my hair, and I closed my eyes. I was lost, absolutely and totally lost in his kiss. I’d dreamt of that kiss for years. I moved my lips to touch his, and I savored every second. I felt his tongue, and the piercing made my insides flutter. My hands went to his strong back. He pulled back, and I immediately missed him. I slowly opened my eyes and stared into his.
We didn’t speak. We didn’t move. The air was calm. We just stood there. My heart raced so hard that it was the only thing that made me aware the kiss hadn’t been a dream. It was quiet except for the sounds of the waves. He put his hand on the side of my face, then the back of my neck. He pulled me into a hug. I tightened my arms around him and felt his excitement press against me. I didn’t want the moment to end.
“What’s going on?”
Ryker and I moved away from each other as if we were on fire and afraid of getting burned. I didn’t know why he did that, but I felt uncomfortable and out of place.
Tyf jumped in. “Max, it isn’t any of our business.”
I wanted to say something, but Ryker took charge. I stood there, ready to hear him tell Max something romantic and, more importantly, truthful. My lips curled into a broad smile in anticipation of finally hearing him say something positive about us. Oh my God, could we be an “us”? I tried not to fidget, but it wasn’t easy. My arms swung behind me and rested on the small of my back as I crossed my fingers. He opened his mouth, and I stared at it, willing the right words to come out. Come on, Ryker, you can do it. The anticipation was killing me.
“Just giving Dude a congratulatory hug. No big deal.”
Of course that’s what he’d say. My heart plummeted, my fingers uncrossed, and I felt my smile vanish. No big deal? Just a hug?
Tyf gasped. My eyes went to hers, and she looked hurt for me. I could tell she didn’t believe him. Her sympathetic look hit me hard. I didn’t want sympathy, even if it was from a friend.
To hell with that. Always coming out on top, that’s what he did. Made me look like a fool.
I could only imagine my expression before and after his blatant lie. Jackass. “Yeah, Max, don’t worry about it. Are you ready to go?”
Max looked at me and then Ryker and back at me. He looked like he was at a tennis match. “Yeah, you said you were ready, so here we are.”
“Okay, let’s leave.” I looked at Ryker and didn’t say a word. I turned and walked away.
That kiss. Why did I have to kiss her? Watching her leave ripped me apart, and just like that, I was alone. If she tells them what happened, they most certainly won’t be happy. Max said he’s cool with us being together, but he hates when I treat her like shit. That was one of those moments where if it came down to it, he’d pick Faith over me, and I could understand that. She was everything that I wasn’t: open, honest, and pure. I sat on the beach and looked at the sky. I thought about what Faith had said about the stars seeing everything that happens. To her that was wondrous; to me that was terrifying.
With my bottles and blanket in hand, I made my way across the sandy ground to my car. All I could think about was Faith’s lips on mine; she was all I could taste. I wanted to ravage her and make her mine, but that wasn’t going to happen. I needed to stop thinking about it.
The ache in my pants matched the one in my heart. I needed to do something about it. Time to call a stamp. I grabbed my phone and scrolled through names, trying to find a girl who was all hook up and no commitment. Unfortunately, her number, along with a few others, went straight to voice mail. Maybe I needed to find someone new. I decided to head to a bar.
The local spot should do it. My reputation preceded me, and the women generally flocked to me like vultures to a slab of meat. As I crossed the beer stained floor, I noticed a beautiful girl sitting at the end of the bar near the popcorn machine. I strolled over and filled a basket with the buttery snack, then sat on the stool next to her. I placed the basket between us and ordered a beer. My eyes traveled from her chest to her face. She had beautiful blue eyes, smallish tits, but very pretty. She turned and gave me that look, the “you’re hot, what are you doing later” look.
“You here alone tonight?” I asked.
“Now I am. My friend was here, but she left with someone.” She shrugged and sipped her glass of red wine.
“Can I buy you a drink?” I instantly regretted that line. I wasn’t in the mood to work at getting someone on their back, so I changed tactics—probably not my best decision. “Want to leave and go fuck?”
The beer that had just been placed in front of me covered me. After she stormed out, the bartender smirked and handed me a towel. I wiped off my face and then ran the towel over my hair to the back of my head. I felt a hand on mine, and I turned to see an older woman. She wasn’t too old, probably in her late thirties or early forties. She had that all-knowing look in her eyes.
“You’re the drummer aren’t you?”
“Yeah. You know our band?” Maybe she wasn’t older.
“I was at The Ruins the other night and saw you. You guys are really good.” Her eyes ran up and down my beer-soaked body as she traced her lips with her tongue. “Wanna get out of here?”
Did I? All of a sudden I didn’t. “I think I’m going to go home and dry off.”
She shrugged. “Okay. Maybe another time?”
“Yeah, maybe.” That was what I said, but I meant no.
I tossed a twenty on the bar and told the bartender her next drink was on me. The guy deserved a tip
since his bar was a mess because of my big mouth. I walked out, got in my car, and drove home.
As I parked, I looked at the old house. I didn’t want to go in. I hated that I only had a small basement apartment, but I supposed it was better than some of the foster homes I’d lived in. I needed to strip out of these wet, sticky clothes and get a shower, so I went in. I tossed my phone on my nightstand and hopped in the shower.
As the water ran down my body, all I saw was Faith. I hated that she cared so much. No, scratch that. I loved that she cared so much, I just couldn’t handle it, and again I let her down. I grabbed the soap and ran it all over me. I wished I could clean away all the bad, but I couldn’t. I contemplated jerking off, but instead I turned the handle to cold and let it beat me until my skin was numb. When I was done punishing myself, I grabbed a towel and dried off. My bed was calling me.
My eyes closed, and our kiss appeared. Faith had tasted so good, not like anyone I’d ever had before. Her moan made me hard as a rock. I looked at my phone and grabbed it. I scrolled through my contacts until I got to her name.
Me: I’m sorry.
I needed to add one more word.
Me: Again.
I waited for her reply. It seemed as if it took forever, although it was only about two minutes.
Faith: Sorry for what?
Me: Being me.
Faith: Oh that.
Me: Are you mad?
Her next message took longer, and that worried me.
Faith: Why would I be mad?
I shrugged and realized that she couldn’t see me.
Me: Because I’m an asshole.
Faith: No, I’m not mad. I’m used to that.
Great. She’s used to me being an asshole. I closed my eyes because she was right.
Me: I’m sorry.
Faith: You said that already.
Me: Do you forgive me?
Faith: I don’t know.
Fuck! She didn’t know? I had no clue how to respond to that. I wasn’t going to beg. I should, and part of me wanted to, but I didn’t. I needed to forget everything that had happened. If it wasn’t for the band, I’d leave town and start fresh like I did when I was younger.
Me: Okay.
That was it. That was all I had, just “okay.”
I set my phone back on the nightstand and stared at it. I knew she wouldn’t text me back, but I still looked at the phone, waiting to see if it lit up with her response. I stared at it until my eyes would no longer remain open.
I woke the next morning to a text, but it was from Max.
Max: My place. 11am.
That was it. I didn’t even reply because I knew I couldn’t get out of it. I looked at the clock. It was only seven. I rolled over and tried to get more sleep, but that wasn’t happening, so I got out of bed and took a shower.
Mr. Bishop was outside washing his car when I got to Max’s. I inwardly cringed and felt guilty for how I’d treated his daughter. There was no way he would approve of me. My own mother didn’t approve of me. So with no reason to try to talk to him, I just gave a quick wave.
Max greeted me. Rather than having a scowl, which I was sure would be there, he greeted me with a big smile. “Hey, man, just waiting for the others to get here.”
“Others?”
Max looked as if he was ready to come out of his skin. “Tim and Jake. I have news, and I want us all together when I announce it.”
“Oh. Okay, when are they getting here?”
No sooner did I ask than they walked in.
Tim looked exhausted. “What’s up, guys?”
Max cleared his throat. “I heard from Northern South Entertainment. They were at The Pub the other night, and we’ve been selected to open a show for Blanco Diablo next month in North Carolina! How cool is that?”
Tim was the first to speak. “No way! That’s awesome!”
Jake chimed in, “I’m totally stoked!”
They looked at me. I was happy about the opportunity, but I had other things on my mind. North Carolina didn’t hold great memories for me, but I couldn’t let them know that. “Sounds good to me too.”
Max lowered his brow, and his expression showed total disappointment. “Something wrong, Ryker?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m really excited. Sorry, I was just caught off guard.”
“Great, because we need everyone on board. Our practice times just got longer, and we need to get in as many gigs as we can. Tim, can you work at lining us up gigs during the week as well as on weekends? We have the next five weekends booked, and we need to make some adjustments to our schedule.”
“I’m on it.” Tim punched things into his phone. “I’ll talk to you all later and let you know what I have on tap for us. This is great news. Thanks, Max.”
Jake walked out with Tim, and I was left with Max. I decided I should go too, before he started in on me about what he’d seen the night before.
“Well, I’ll see ya later.” I turned toward the door.
“Hold up a minute, I want to talk to you now that the guys are gone.” Max’s demeanor changed, and he no longer had a light tone in his voice.
I closed my eyes and cringed at the thought of the verbal lashing I was about to get. I opened my eyes and turned toward him. Trying to play it cool, I said, “Okay. What’s up?”
“I think you know. What happened last night with Faith? I told you not to fuck with her head.”
My eyebrows lowered. Shit. “Yeah, I didn’t mean to. I really didn’t.”
Max got angrier as he spoke. “You never mean to. You never mean to hurt people, but you do. You never mean to lead people on, but you do. You never mean to use people… well, maybe you mean to do that, but not Faith. Do you hear me? Not her.”
“Ya know what? Who the hell are you to tell me who I’ve hurt and who I haven’t?”
Max glared at me. “Who am I? Who am I? I’ll tell you who the fuck I am: your friend. She’s like a sister to me. You use women for fun and then toss them aside.”
I laughed. “I use women? If you weren’t back with Tyf, you’d be doing what I am. But now that you’re back with her, you have this holier-than-thou attitude, and ya know what?”
“What?”
I shook my head. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”
“No, I want you to tell me. Go ahead.”
I remained silent. I didn’t want to fight with Max. He was all I had left.
“You’re not going to say anything?” Max said. “Well, I will. I love Faith, and I’m begging you not to turn her into one of your stamps. Maybe you’re right, and you’re not good enough for her.” Max winced after that comment flew out of his mouth.
I felt as if I’d just been shot. As I headed for the door, I looked back. “For the record, you didn’t tell me anything I haven’t heard before. I’ve been told my whole life that I’m not good enough. It is what it is, and I am who I am.” I opened the door. “Did you ever think that I need her more than she needs me, and that scares the shit out of me? Has the thought crossed your mind that I don’t have anyone, and loving someone isn’t an option for me? Have you thought about me at all?” I walked out and closed the door.
Alone was what I deserved to be. I needed to keep reminding myself of that. Going home wasn’t an option. Being surrounded by cold walls wasn’t what I needed. My car weaved down the winding road until I found myself back at the beach. I got out, leaned on the hood, and just looked at the water. I thought about everything Faith had told me last night about the water and what she said about the stars. She had a way of looking at things differently. I wondered if she would ever look at me differently. Did I even deserve that?
It was Friday night, and we were playing at The Pub. Open mic was going on between our sets, which was great because it meant we had more time to chill. I thought about the last time I was there, and my cock twitched at the memory.
Tim had purchased a new trailer for our instruments since we’d heard that we may be traveling with the g
uys from Blanco Diablo. I didn’t see his truck in the parking lot yet, so I decided to have a smoke while I waited. It was a warm June night, and the humid air kept the temperature perfect. I loved summer nights. I saw Max’s car pull in. As my hand rose to wave, I saw that he wasn’t alone. Tyf was in the front seat, and I saw Faith in the back. I blew out a long stream of smoke and threw my cig on the ground. The sound of the car doors closing and laughter hit me. I had never been the recipient of that laughter, but I knew that laugh.
Max shouted, “Hey.”
I turned my head, and all three were looking at me. “Hey. How’re you guys doing?”
Tyf said, “We’re great! We’re celebrating tonight.”
I nodded. “Oh yeah? What are ya celebrating?”
Tyf threw her arm around Faith. “Our girl here starts her job on Monday.”
I looked at her, and when our eyes met, she lowered hers. I hated that she couldn’t even bear to look at me. “That’s great. Congrats, Faith.”
She looked up and half smiled. “Yeah, thanks.”
The sound of Tim’s truck brought the diversion I needed. I noticed Michael and some other guy were with him. They parked, hopped out, and walked over to us. Tim shook my hand and kissed Faith and Tyf on the cheek.
Michel pointed to his friend. “Guys, this is Erik.”
I looked the guy over. He was okay looking. Then I looked at the girls. From their wide eyes, they thought he was better than just “okay.”
Tyf held out her hand. “Hi. I’m Tyf, Max’s girlfriend, and this is my single friend, Faith.”
Faith swatted Tyf’s arm, and they both giggled. My brows shot up. I was starting to feel ill. Giggling? Really?
Erik extended his hand. “Good to meet you, Tyf.” He looked at Faith. “Really good to meet you, Faith.”
She blushed. She fucking blushed!
I walked to Tim’s truck and opened the trailer to get my drums. As I brought them into The Pub, I was greeted by some friends and then by the chick I’d almost screwed the other night. Did I ever get her name? I didn’t think I did, but I remembered her long-ass legs wrapped around my waist. Not bothering to make small talk, I continued toward the stage. Max was working with the sound guy as I set up my drums. My eyes caught everyone walking in. Jake was walking next to Tim while the girls were with Michael and Erik. I walked over to Max.
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