Bent not Broken

by Lisa De Jong

  “Come on, Caroline, my brother is trying to hog you as usual.” Clara Mae takes my hand and we run inside to her room.

  The dolls are beautiful. I’ve never really played with dolls and feel that fifteen is surely too old to start, but I still appreciate Clara Mae’s collection. She has every kind imaginable. At first I’m afraid to touch them, but Clara Mae pushes one into my hands. I set it carefully beside me and watch as she takes one and plays with the doll’s hair. She’s really good, keeping me completely mesmerized with her twists and turns of the curls into an elaborate hairdo. Before I know it, Mrs. Owens is knocking on the door, saying, “Caroline, are you ready? It’s almost 5:30.”

  ****

  I’m so glad I went—it took my mind off of things. I just hope Isaiah isn’t too upset with me. After I wave goodbye to Mrs. Owens and Clara Mae, I look down and on the doorstep is a small box. It’s wrapped in pretty lavender paper. I carefully tear the wrapping off and open the box. Inside, there’s a small wooden jewelry box. The wood is dark walnut and perfectly smooth. I rub it over and over, loving the soft finish. Inside the jewelry box, a tiny “I + C” is etched into the wood. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever been given. This must be what Isaiah has been making. He has hinted several times that he was making me something, but I didn’t imagine it would be so special.

  I run inside and wait for him to call. And wait and wait.

  It’s after 6 o’clock and still no call. Still no word from my mother, either.

  Nellie calls at 6:30 and says, “Grandpaw and I will be over in a jiffy with your present, dear. You’re not in the middle of dinner yet, are ye?”

  “No, come on over, we haven’t eaten yet.”

  “All righty, we’ll be over shortly.” Nellie always hangs up on me. I don’t think she means to, just once she has said what she wants to say, she’s done.

  True to their word, they’re over in a jiffy. By this time, my stomach is rumbling, but I haven’t started supper. In the back of my mind, I think my mom will probably be home any minute with a plan for supper. Grandpaw & Nellie come in the door with big hugs and kisses.

  “How does it feel to be fifteen?” Grandpaw asks.

  “Well, about the same as fourteen so far,” I say with a grin.

  “You look an inch taller already. You better slow down or you’re gonna pass Nellie up.”

  He pokes my ribs and makes me laugh.

  “I wish I’d stop, I’m already the tallest girl in my class. And taller than most of the boys too.”

  Except Isaiah.

  “Oh, don’t you be ashamed of that,” Nellie speaks up. “You look like one of them models.”

  “A damn fine model!” Grandpaw whistles.

  “Edward! You hush your mouth.” Nellie swats Grandpaw’s backside.

  “Well, she is a damn fine beauty. Anyone can see that.”

  “You just mind your mouth, mister.” She glares at him and then turns to me, smiling. She’s hilarious the way she can turn it on and off like that. “Pretty is as pretty does, Caroline. You’re sweet and that’s what matters.”

  “Thank you, Nellie.” I blush for about the fiftieth time that day. I also wonder why my mama doesn’t seem to agree with Nellie’s theory on beauty.

  “Now where is that mother of yours?” Nellie asks.

  I notice she doesn’t even mention my daddy. I wonder if they’ve talked to him. They’d be who he’d call over Mama right now, probably.

  “I haven’t heard from her yet. I’m not sure,” I answer.

  “Well, it’s gettin’ to be late. Have you had your supper yet?”

  “No, ma’am.”

  “Well, where is that girl?” Grandpaw asks. “Why don’t we take our birthday girl out to eat and leave a note for Jenny to meet us.”

  “That’s a right fine idea, Edward. Turns out you are good for somethin’.” Nellie gets her purse. “Does that sound good to you, honey?”

  “Yes, ma’am, it does. I’m hungry. Where should we go?”

  “Well, there are only two choices that are open this late around here. How ‘bout Dixie’s?”

  “I love Dixie’s!”

  “Let’s get a move on then.”

  ****

  Dixie’s is a restaurant in an old Victorian house, just this side of the river. The owner, Dixie, is a warm, buxom woman who laughs loud and often. Her laugh reverberates so in the uncarpeted house that Grandpaw says he’s only going to think of sad things to say. I love Dixie—I’ve loved coming here since I was a little girl. She makes the best mashed potatoes.

  “Why, hello, Caroline! My, you’ve grown up since the last time I saw you!” Dixie shouts.

  “Hello, Miss Dixie.” I smile shyly.

  “Do you want your regular?” she asks.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  It’s no time before Dixie brings out her delicious roast beef, mashed potatoes and sweet carrots. For dessert, we have warm bread pudding with rum sauce. I eat until I’m stuffed and realize I’ve managed to be happy this whole day, even without my mama and daddy.

  ****

  Mama never shows up at the restaurant and isn’t home either. Nellie is bewildered by her and says she’s worried about that girl.

  “I think we should call the police, Edward. She wouldn’t miss Caroline’s birthday like this. Something is wrong.”

  “No, Nellie. I’m sure she just got caught up in work or something…” He doesn’t look me in the eyes.

  “You know, she did mention that she had to work late,” I say before I can think. My gut twinges a bit with the fib.

  “She did?” Nellie asks. “Well, I’m glad to hear that, although I can’t believe she would do that on your birthday. I’m sorry, honey.”

  “Oh, it’s all right. I had a nice time with you.” I kiss their cheeks. “It was a really nice birthday. Thank you.”

  “Our pleasure, dear. Would you like us to come in for a while?”

  “No, ma’am, it’s okay. I’m good. I’ll just read for a while and go to bed. I’m sure Mama will be home soon.”

  “Ok, dove. We love ya.”

  “I love you, too.”

  They watch as I go inside and when I look out the window, I wave. They drive away, tooting the horn once as they go.

  I have a hard time sleeping. Mama doesn’t come home. I never talk to Isaiah. I miss my daddy. I’m fifteen years old.

  Chapter 6

  To-Do Lists

  First Day of Summer Vacation To-Do List:

  1. Take my time getting up.

  2. Read a while.

  3. Leave my bed unmade all day long.

  4. Take Josh for a walk.

  5. Write in my journal.

  6. Go to the library.

  I’ve done the first five things all before 10 o’clock. At precisely 10 o’clock, I’m also showered and on my way to the library. It’s a 15-minute walk and I’m sweating by the time I get there. The humidity has kicked in full swing. How did Scarlett O’Hara manage to never sweat? I s’pose she never walked even this far in the heat. She probably never had need of a library either, come to think of it.

  I go to the self-help area and look at all the parenting books. I see a book called Making Divorce Easier for Your Children. I take it and Learning to Cope after Divorce over to a table and read them both for a long time. I have an encyclopedia covering the books, so if anyone walks by, they won’t see what I’m reading. It’s close to impossible to keep secrets when you know everyone in town, but I’m going to try anyway.

  Learning to Cope After Divorce says it’s important to get out and resume living a full life. Don’t just wallow in self-misery, but get out and see people. Experience life, it says. In Making Divorce Easier for Your Children, it encourages parents to each give one-on-one time with their children. Make sure you let your child know it’s not their fault that you can’t live together, it says.

  I’m deeply immersed in the books when Miss Greener walks up to my table.

  “Boo
!” she whispers in my ear.

  I jump out of my seat like a scalded dog.

  “Oh, sorry, Caroline! Didn’t mean to scare you that bad.” She laughs.

  “Hi.” I smile at her, while furiously scrambling to hide the books.

  Miss Greener has a way of looking untidy even when I know she has just brushed her hair. For once, she’s not wearing a hat. She’s wearing a dress and the tops of her knee-highs are showing. This is fancy for her.

  “Would you like to go grab a shake?” she whispers.

  I nod, excitedly. “Let me just go put my book away.”

  I quickly put all the books in place and we walk across the street to the diner. Harriet’s is the other restaurant in town—a down-home, old-fashioned diner complete with black and white-tiled floors.

  I realize I’m starving when I sit down.

  Miss Greener, in her all-knowing way, says, “I’m kinda hungry for a burger, how ‘bout you, Caroline? My treat…”

  We order burgers and fries and chocolate shakes. It tastes wonderful. We talk to all the regulars and enjoy the small talk for a while.

  “George misses you, you know.”

  “I miss him, too.” I wipe my mouth with a napkin and take another sip of my shake. “Is he still chewing that bone I brought over a couple weeks ago?”

  “Oh mercy, he finished that one at least a week ago now! You know that dog, he can’t leave the bone alone until it’s gone.” Her shoulders shake as she laughs. “He is something else.”

  George is a huge mass of hair and thinks he’s human. I used to walk him for Miss Greener when she worked another bus route, but now that she’s on my route, I only see him if I go visit them. I take Josh with me every now and then to say hello to his buddy.

  “You’ll have to come see us soon. Bring Josh…”

  “Yeah, I’ll do that. I’ve missed George. I’m sure Josh misses him too.”

  When I’ve finished my food, Miss Greener leans over and says, “Caroline, I know you’re going through a rough time right now.”

  I hate the flush that rises when a touchy subject comes up or when close attention is paid to me.

  “I’ve heard about your daddy being gone, and well, I know about your mama too…’specially after the other day and all. I’m worried about you. I just want you to know I’m here for you. If you need to talk—do you have anything you’d like to talk about?”

  I sit there, quiet and embarrassed…that she knows so much and that it’s so obvious that I’m such a mess. Please don’t cry. Please don’t cry. Please don’t cry, I chant inside until I feel the knot go away.

  “I’m hoping this is just a phase my parents are going through. Maybe they can work things out.”

  “Maybe so, maybe so. These things can take time, though.”

  If I didn’t love her so much, I would be offended at this talk, but I know she’s just worried about me.

  “It’s ok.” I find that I cannot say anything else.

  She looks at me, waiting for more.

  “It’s gonna get better,” I whisper.

  “I’m sure you’re right, honey. Will you just promise me that you’ll call or come to me if you ever need anything? Anything at all. Will you promise me that?” She takes my hand and her eyes are full of tears.

  I’m so touched by her concern that I want to tell her everything. I want to tell her that my mother never came home last night...that we haven’t spoken in a week...that she didn’t remember my birthday. But I just say, “Thank you, Miss Greener. I will. I promise.”

  There’s a commotion by the door and Les and Leroy burst into the restaurant. They saunter over to the bar, taking notice of all the customers in the place. Leroy spots me and walks over to our table. Les sits down and picks up a menu, watching our every move.

  “It’s Miss Caroline,” Leroy says. “You’re looking mighty fine this mornin’.” He mouths, White bitch.

  I just look at him and then at Miss Greener.

  “You ignorin’ me, girl?” He leans down into my face. “I’m talkin’ to you.”

  “Hi, Leroy,” I manage. He makes me so nervous that I begin to shake.

  “That’s more like it.” He runs his fingers down my hair and then gives a curl a sharp tug.

  Tears prick my eyes, and I knock his hand away. Miss Greener stands up.

  “Hey! You leave her alone, do you hear me?”

  “Whatcha gon’ do ‘bout it?” He puts his face as close to Miss Greener’s as he can without touching.

  “You keep your hands to yourself. Be nice,” she says, not backing down.

  “Oh, I’m gonna be nice, all right. I’m being nice.” He holds his hands up and backs away, laughing.

  We leave, not saying anything until we get outside. “Try to stay away from them, Caroline. Leroy, especially, is pure trouble.”

  “I know. My Nellie says the same thing. They both make me nervous.”

  “Well, you just be careful. I’m sure they’re just talk, but Leroy seems to have it in for you, so be cautious. Just watch out for yourself. I know you walk everywhere and summer is upon us, so you’ll be out a lot. Maybe you can call Clara Mae and the two of you can go places together.” She grins at this thought and that seems to settle it in her mind. “Clara Mae and Thomas would be happy to hang out with you this summer.”

  “I’m sure we’ll hang out some.”

  “Good. Well, I have a doctor’s appointment in a half hour. Can I give you a ride home?”

  “That would be great.”

  I try to catch a glimpse of my mama as we drive past the bank, but I don’t see her. It’s hard to get a good look in the window.

  “Why don’t you come over tomorrow and see us? Maybe help me plant some things? I’m needin’ your help somethin’ fierce.”

  “Sure. What time would you like me to come?”

  “How about 10?”

  “I’ll be there.”

  ****

  First Day of Summer Vacation Afternoon To-Do List:

  1. Read.

  2. Clean the bathroom.

  3. Clean the kitchen.

  4. Go ahead and make the bed.

  5. Take Josh for another walk.

  6. Weed the garden.

  7. Try not to panic that my mother is still not home and hasn’t called.

  Isaiah calls when I get back from my walk with Josh.

  “Hey. What are you doing today?” he asks.

  “Oh, you know. Just staying busy.”

  He chuckles. Isaiah knows I’m already stir crazy. I was stir crazy in this house before summer vacation ever began.

  “I miss you,” I tell him.

  “I miss you too-”

  “Isaiah!” I interrupt. “The box! The card. So beautiful. I will keep them both forever,” I vow.

  “I’m glad you liked it.” He sounds pleased.

  “I love it,” I say and then get all flustered with the word love.

  He laughs again. “I’m glad about that too, then,” he says.

  ****

  The next morning, I sleep late. I didn’t go to sleep until the sun was shining this morning. I have to stop doing that. I tiptoe to my mother’s room; her bed is still made. My stomach is clenched and the panic rises in my chest. Is she coming back?

  I take Josh out for a while and when I get back to the house, I’ve settled down a bit. It isn’t like I wasn’t alone a lot to begin with. She’s just staying out a little longer than usual. I need to stay calm. She’ll be back.

  I go in her room and look in her closet. Only a few items are missing. She’ll have to at least come home for more clothes. This is a small consolation.

  Feeling like the house is closing in on me, I walk over to Miss Greener’s house. At the last minute, I decide to leave Josh at home. He seems worn out from our earlier walks. She lives close to the school. It’s just her and George. George really does take over the whole house, standing neck and neck with the kitchen counters. His large ears stand to attention, the only
distinct feature on his face, since his eyes are completely covered by hair. He’s quite the character. When he jumps up on me, he lays both paws on my shoulders. He’s very charming and seems particularly happy to see me today, almost knocking me down to lick me.

  As usual, Miss Greener is bright and cheerful. Before I know it, I’m feeling somewhat cheerful myself. Working in the garden will do that to you. Especially with these two. Miss Greener hums “In the Garden” in at least five keys too high, and George starts to howl along when she hits that long drawn-out note going into the chorus. I laugh till I cry.

  When we go in for lunch, Miss Greener hands me a tall glass of sweet tea and I gulp it down. She makes tall, loaded sandwiches for the three of us, George included, and we inhale them, in between chattering.

  Miss Greener and I became close when I started seeing her every day on the school bus. We realized our mutual love for flowers early on, and she began inviting me over to pick out what I wanted her to divide for my garden.

  When I come over, I’m at home. Not enough to rummage through the fridge on my own, but enough to laugh and talk freely. I feel peaceful at her house.

  As I help clean up, I ask if she needs any more help with her garden.

  “If you’re able to come back tomorrow, I have a few more things I’d like you to do,” she says.

  I’m thrilled that I have another reason to come back so soon.

  “Same time?”

  “Same time, honey. That sounds good. Here let me give you a little bit for what you did today.”

  She begins getting money out of her wallet.

  “Oh, no, I’m not taking that! I’m glad to help. You know that.” I hand the money back as fast as I can.

  “You take this. I would have had to hire someone to do all the work you did today. You worked hard. Think of it as a little summer job.” She grins and puts the money in my pocket.

  “It was too fun to be a summer job.” I grin back.

  “Well, good, that means you’ll hurry back.” She puts her arm around my shoulder. “Now come on, I’ll drive you home.”

  “Oh, don’t worry, I’ll walk. It won’t take me long.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t mind driving you.”

  “I’m sure. I need to go do a few things in town anyway.”