Bent not Broken

by Lisa De Jong

  “I’d be happy to take you somewhere if you’d like, Caroline. Where would you like to go?”

  “Well, I was just going to stop by the bank.”

  “Oh, I see...why don’t I take you there? I don’t mind waiting to take you home either.”

  “I’m fine to go on my own,” I insist.

  “I know you are. Let me take you, though. We’ll just pop over there.”

  We get in her old car and she drives the couple of blocks to the bank. She shuts the car off when we get there and I think she is coming in, but she stays inside.

  “I’ll wait here for you.” She nods and gives me a reassuring smile. “Take your time.”

  I try to remember the last time I came to my mother’s work. She used to bring me here when I was little and show me off to her friends. They would all talk in singsong voices to me.

  Jeanette is the first person I see when I walk in the door. It’s clear that she’s shocked to see me.

  “Why, hello, Caroline! How are you? It’s so good to see you.” She gives me a big hug. “What are you doing here? I would have thought you’d be with your mother.”

  “Oh? Yeah? I...didn’t get to go.” I laugh awkwardly and try to stall to figure out what else I can learn. This isn’t what I expected at all.

  “Well, maybe next time. I hear that festival in Memphis is hard to beat. Do you like the blues, Caroline?” She looks at me so earnestly that if I were not so bewildered I would giggle.

  “Um, yes, ma’am, I do.” Memphis. I let out a deep breath. She’s with Daddy.

  “Me too. I’d sure love to go sometime.”

  “Well, maybe you can someday.” I back up, hoping to make a quick escape. “It was good to see you, Jeanette.”

  “Oh, you leavin’? Was there somethin’ I can help you with?” She’s by my side in an instant. “We want to take care of Jenny’s girl. It’s not every day that we see you in here. This is a treat.” She’s patting my arm and leading me back to Betty, one of the tellers. “Betty, can you believe this is Caroline? Look how tall! I tell you what—you’ve grown a foot since the last time I saw you, girl!”

  Save me now.

  Miss Greener walks in right on time.

  “Caroline, just checking on you. Did you find what you needed?” she asks, winking at me.

  “I did, thank you. It’s so good to see you, Jeanette and Betty.” I walk out with Miss Greener. I think Jeanette is still talking as I leave, but I just keep walking.

  “Did you see your mother?” She asks when we get in the car.

  “No.”

  I don’t tell her she’s gone. I know better than to tell anyone she has left me alone. Miss Greener would want me to come stay with her while Mama is away and even though it drives me crazy, I’d rather be home.

  “Well, hopefully you can make your peace with her when she gets home tonight.”

  “Yes, I’d like that.”

  I cannot express what a relief it is to know my parents are together. Everything will be all right now. I don’t even mind that she didn’t tell me she was going. I hope they can really work things out and that we can be a happy family when they come home.

  I finally do sleep. A deep sleep. It’s long overdue.

  Chapter 7

  Harriet’s

  This morning I woke up at 8 o’clock, took a quick bath, let my curls air dry, ate a piece of toast, let Josh out, dusted off my mom’s Miss Tennessee picture and sat down wondering what I should do next. I’m clearly backslidden. My life has been greatly simplified since my parents left. Despite the obvious fact that I’m alone, I’ve made some decisions about a few things that are for the better.

  First of all, I will never wear pink foam curlers again. This is a small thing, I know, but it brings me great joy to lie my head flat on my pillow at night, with no bumpy ridges getting in the way. My hair loves this new freedom and even though it is on the frizzy side, I think the curls actually look better. I don’t know if this is really true since I’m the only one usually looking at me, but that’s the upside of being by myself.

  The second thing I’ve decided is I will only iron when an article is in dire need of it. If I hang the dress up as soon as I get it out of the washer, the wrinkles aren’t too bad. My mother would be mor-ti-fied if she knew I was leaving the house in slightly wrinkled clothes, but...well, she’s not here, is she?

  I’ve left the dishes in the sink for the first time in my life. One day I even ate chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. And lunch. Okay, dinner too. But for dessert, I was sick of them and had some ice cream instead.

  These are the small consolations. This is dealing with a bad situation in a positive way. I’ve learned to do that from years of experience and from the latest batch of self-help books I just got from the library.

  ****

  As I’m walking home from Miss Greener’s a week later, I pass Harriet’s and see a Help Wanted sign. I’ve been to her house three times and she has paid me every time, but the last time I was there I finished all the odd jobs she had for me. What she said about a little summer job got me to thinking that’s exactly what I have to do, get a real one.

  The food is beginning to dwindle. The shelves are getting bare and I’ve used almost all of the money Miss Greener has given me. I’ve always loved tuna, but if I never see another can, I will be just fine.

  I still haven’t told a soul that my parents are both gone. I don’t know how it’s escaping everyone, but no one seems to realize that I’m on my own. Either they don’t truly realize both parents are gone, or they assume I’m with my grandparents. I come and go as I please and no one has said a word. Even Miss Greener, for all her intuition or nosiness, whichever it is, hasn’t noticed. And my grandparents, as much as I love them, I’m used to them being distracted a lot of the time.

  The whole situation makes me determined to be more observant when I’m an adult. So far, every adult I know seems to be in his or her own little world.

  I haven’t even told Isaiah, and there would be no way for him to know. Since school ended, I haven’t been able to talk to him as much. He’s helping his uncles at their construction job and tries to call in the afternoon, but he isn’t always back home in time to do it.

  I’ve spent a lot of time walking with Josh. He’s loving all the extra attention. I stop by the library almost every day. I carry a big bag with a few books and snacks. Around noon, I’ll usually pull out half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and eat it down by the water.

  I walk into Harriet’s and see Miss Sue at the counter. She’s pouring coffee for Mr. Davidson, Tulma’s mayor. It’s not uncommon to see the mayor on a weekly basis at Harriet’s. The word around town is that Harriet’s is his favorite place to eat. Dixie’s is also his favorite place to eat. Mr. Davidson is known for being a fair man.

  Miss Sue is the great, great granddaughter of Harriet. She has run the place for at least twenty years and is what everyone in town calls an “old maid,” except no one really knows exactly how old she is. I think maybe she isn’t all that old. When she laughs, she looks like a little girl. And she actually laughs quite often.

  A pie from Miss Sue will make your taste buds get up and dance. She makes the best pies in the South. I can’t prove this for a fact, since I’ve never been anywhere else, but it’s just something I know is true.

  “Hey there, Miss Caroline. How are you on this fine day?”

  “I’m good, Miss Sue. Hi, Mr. Davidson.”

  “Hello there, Caroline. You’re looking more like your mother every day.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Would you like to sit at the counter, Caroline?” Miss Sue has a menu ready for me.

  “Actually, I was wondering if I might talk to you for a minute...when you’re not busy.”

  “Why sure, Caroline, I’ll be right with you.” Miss Sue finishes with Mr. Davidson and walks around the counter and leads me to a booth.

  “Now. What can I help you with?” She smiles into my e
yes. Her eyes crinkle in the corners when she smiles and her cheeks burst out on each side.

  “I, uh...I saw that you would like some help and I’m...I wonder if maybe I could help you...you know, work here…” I’m overcome with nervousness. I think I really need this job.

  “Oh, sweetie, that is so nice of you. But I was kinda thinkin’ of someone a little...well, older. You know, someone who can be here past summer vacation…”

  “I thought you might say that, but-” I lean in and say softly, “I really need this job, Miss Sue. I really do. And I can wash dishes. I can cook. I can clean better than most adults. I’m always on time. I can stay late. Whatever you need, really. Even after school starts back up, I could still come in…before and after. I will work really hard.” I run out of breath talking so fast.

  Her face is hard to read as she looks at me. I’m afraid she’s going to say no, when she finally speaks.

  “Well, for you maybe I’d rethink this. I believe you would be a good little worker. And I started myself when I was...really young. This job won’t pay much, but I sure could use your help. I lost my best help last week and I can’t seem to catch up.”

  “Oh, thank you, Miss Sue! You won’t regret it!”

  “How old are you, anyway?” she asks, grinning. “And how do your parents feel about you working here?”

  I must confess I do contemplate fudging my age a little bit, for several reasons, but figure she would find out the truth eventually. I’ve known her my whole life, so if she really thought about it, she could probably figure it out herself.

  “I’m fifteen,” I say with pride. “And my parents are fine with it.”

  “Well, I’ll be. Seems like the last time I asked, you were eleven. I thought you were maybe thirteen now. Fifteen is just fine.” She studies me for a minute. “And you could pass for even older. You sure are tall. Are you sure you want to work here? It’s hard work. Wouldn’t you rather be out, enjoying your summer vacation?”

  “I really do want this job, Miss Sue. I mean it. Besides, my parents both work all day...they would actually like me to be busy with something.” I don’t know where that came from, but it seems to settle it in her mind.

  “Well, I tell you what, let’s give it a try, why don’t we. I’ll give you cash once a week. You’ll start out washing dishes. We’ll see how that goes. It’s busy around here, are you sure you can keep up?”

  I nod. “I’m sure.”

  She pats me on the shoulder and says, “When can you start?”

  “Well, I should go home and let my dog out. But then I can come back if you’d like.”

  Miss Sue lets out a loud laugh that nearly shakes the windows and says, “Well, all right then, it’s a deal!”

  I race home and take Josh for a quick walk, trying to hurry him up. He seems particularly slow today, stopping to sniff every flower, every bush, and every post.

  ****

  Once I’ve dropped off Josh and have almost reached the diner again, I cross Third Street, just before Main. Out of habit, I look down to Pope Street and stop dead in my tracks. In front of the bank, my mom is getting out of Mr. Anderson’s car. She tosses her head back and it’s too far to hear her, but I know because I know her like I know myself: she’s laughing. She’s happy. She’s with Mr. Anderson.

  I run to Main Street, past Harriet’s, past the school, and finally reach the river. I’m crying and my nose has started dripping. I can’t breathe and I fall on the dirt by the water. As the tears fall, I realize how much hope I’ve put into my mama and daddy coming back together. I’m so confused...why aren’t they coming home?

  “Caroline...Caroline?”

  I look up to see Thomas standing over me. He leans down until he’s squatting in front of me at eye level.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “Oh, Thomas…” I hate crying in front of anyone, but I can’t stop. He leans over and hugs me while I let my tears fall on his white cotton shirt.

  He’s quiet as I cry and when I come to my senses, I jump up. “Sorry, I got your shirt all wet.”

  “Don’t worry about that. I’m worried about you. What’s going on? You can tell me.”

  “I’m sorry, Thomas. I have to go.” I turn around and run as fast as I can.

  I hear him calling my name as I run, but I don’t look back. I run back to the diner, sneak in the back door, and go in the bathroom. I rinse my face. You have to calm down. This doesn’t mean anything. You have to stay calm. Everything is going to be all right. You have work to do.

  I try to smooth down my hair. My hair is in crazy ringlets from all the humidity. I blow my nose and tuck my shirt into my skirt. I still look a mess, but I go out the bathroom door and straight to the kitchen. There’s a pile of dishes and I begin washing them.

  There’s a black lady standing by the large stove. She has a kerchief over her hair and is humming as she works. I notice the pile of orders sitting beside her. As she expertly turns over burgers, she’s also toasting bread, making pancakes, an omelet and a tuna melt. She barely looks my way, but says her name is Ruby and that it’s nice to have my help. I thank her and get to work. I have the kitchen looking spotless when Miss Sue walks in, wiping her hands on her apron.

  “Caroline! I didn’t even know you were back! Look at this kitchen! Good heavenly days, child, you weren’t kiddin’! The place looks great. Look at her go, Ruby.”

  “You ain’t kiddin’. The child hadn’t stopped since she got here,” Ruby comments.

  I just keep working, busying myself with the mop. Betty Jo, the waitress, brings dirty dishes back every few minutes. She whistles at the clean floor. I barely hear them; I just focus on cleaning. I don’t realize how quickly time flies. I’m mopping the floor for the umpteenth time and jump when Miss Sue puts her hand on my shoulder.

  “Honey, it’s eight o’clock, you need to be getting home.”

  “Oh, I didn’t realize it was so late.”

  “Yeah, I’m sorry about that, I didn’t mean to have you stay this long. We just had such a busy stretch there.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “Tomorrow I’ll just have you work 7-2. How does that sound? You can eat your breakfast and lunch here. In fact, any time you’re working here, Ruby will fix you something to eat, so don’t worry ‘bout packin’ lunches.” She gives me her huge grin. “And tomorrow, I’ll make sure you take breaks. Don’t want to wear you out before you even get started.”

  “Thank you.”

  I wash my hands, say goodnight and start the walk home. The sun is fading, but it’s still shining. All the shops are closed and the bank has been closed for hours. I still look at the bank parking lot when I pass Third Street, looking for my mom or Mr. Anderson’s car. I don’t see either and try not to hope for her to be home when I get there.

  Josh dances his jig when I walk in the door, and I go outside with him for a few minutes. My bones are aching; my back is tired. My hands still look like prunes from all the dishwashing.

  I look in the telephone book and find Mr. Anderson’s number. I pick up the phone and dial his number. He picks up on the fourth ring.

  “Hello?”

  I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I put the phone down and sit in a dark living room, waiting...wishing...hoping.

  ****

  It’s the middle of the night when I wake. It feels a little cooler in here than before I fell asleep. I think Mama might have come home. Please tell me I’m not dreaming.

  I sit up and look around the room. I see her shoes and her purse. Oh, thank you, God. She has come home. I go to her room and crack the door. She’s in the bed, sleeping. I stand over her, looking at her long hair laid out on the pillow. She looks beautiful lying there. I forget that I hate her and only remember how much I love her and how glad I am that she’s finally home.

  ****

  I wake up extra early the next morning, before the sun rises. I was afraid to go back to sleep last night...afraid I would wake up and she would be go
ne again. When I go into the kitchen, I’m surprised to see my mother sitting at the table, in a pretty new dress. She absently fingers a few twenty-dollar bills.

  She looks up when I enter the room, and her eyes are tired with circles around them. “Caroline-” she says.

  I sit down beside her and don’t say anything.

  “I had to go away for a bit. I needed to talk to your father and figure things out with Grant.”

  I try not to move. I want her to tell me everything.

  “Your daddy’s not coming back, Caroline. I know you probably think that it’s my fault, but I’ve tried. I’ve really tried…”

  I’m holding my breath, willing myself not to cry. He was supposed to come home with her. We were supposed to be a family again. The tears begin running down my cheeks.

  “He can’t stop drinking. I can’t make him stop. And Grant, well, he appreciates me, Caroline. I haven’t had anyone take care of me for a long time.” She’s crying now.

  What have I been doing all this time? I want to yell.

  She goes on. “I’ve been a good wife and a good mother. I’ve sacrificed a lot for this family. I could have had a real career if I’d left a long time ago. Do you know that? But I stayed here, with your father, in this God-forsaken town. It’s draining me dry, it really is.” She’s picking up steam now. “You know I love you, Caroline, but you’re old enough—you’re able to look out for yourself and I need some time. I just need time on my own...for a little while.”

  I can barely speak, but I need to know. “Where are you going?”

  She has a far off look in her eyes. I wonder for the first time if my mom has completely lost her mind. But then she looks at me. She wipes her tears, smiles and puts her hand on my cheek.

  “Oh, I won’t be gone long. Don’t worry. Don’t cry, honey. You’re going to be fine here. I’ll check on you often. Just keep doin’ how you have been—you’ve been taking good care of everything. I’ll be back before you know it. I really just came back to talk to you about all this. I felt bad that I left without explaining anything, but you were ignoring me there before I left.”