Soulless

by Garr, Amber

  “Nora?” Rollin asked, loud enough to make me believe that it had not been the first time.

  “Yes?” I said, trying to shake Theron from my head.

  “Do you have any questions?” My Elders looked down at me in concern. No doubt some of them knew where my mind had traveled.

  Glancing at Jason and his sad, brown eyes, I suddenly had a thought. “Where is he staying?” My breath caught and I swallowed hard, knowing the answer already. There were protocols in place for this kind of situation.

  Rollin cocked his head to the side and wrinkled his brow. “With you, Nora. Where else would he stay?”

  “I…I…,” I couldn’t push the words out from my clenched throat.

  “Sir?” Jason asked. He looked at me with embarrassment and a little bit of hurt. “Sir, I can stay somewhere else.”

  I instantly felt guilty for making my new ward uncomfortable, but before I could apologize, Rollin answered, “No. That is not how it’s done. A new ward and their Advisor always live together. There’s too much at stake to risk leaving a new Warden by themselves. You will live at Nora’s place.”

  “But, sir? She clearly doesn’t want me to—”

  “It’s okay, Jason,” I said. Taking a step closer to him, I almost reached out to touch his arm but pulled my hand back at the last second. “It’s the way it should be.”

  He lifted his eyebrows and twisted the cap in his hands some more. I smiled and nodded my head.

  “Very well,” Rollin said. “You are to be back here in two days, Nora. Your new register awaits you at your home.”

  I lowered my head in respect and Jason stood straighter, as the Elders motioned for us to leave the room. I thought he might salute, so I turned to walk down the aisle in the hopes he’d follow my lead. We left the room in silence. And as the doors closed, Charles appeared out of thin air.

  “Geez, Charles! Stop doing that.” I covered my heart with my hand and glared at him. “And when are you going to teach me how to transport?” Charles was very old, and had learned the tricks of manipulating our realm better than I think some of the Elders had.

  “We can do that?” Jason asked, mouth hanging open in surprise.

  Charles looked past my shoulder and up at the soldier. “Who’s he?”

  Proud, yet doing my best to hide my trepidation, I lifted my chin. “He’s my new ward. His name is Jason.”

  This time, it was Charles’ mouth that dropped. “They gave you a ward?”

  I didn’t like the condescending tone. “Yes, they gave me a ward.”

  “But why?” Charles continued.

  I punched him in the shoulder. “Because I deserve one.”

  Mumbling, he rubbed the sore area. “That’s not what I meant, Nora.” He gave me a pointed look and I knew exactly what he was trying to convey. Why would they give me a ward after losing so many souls to Theron? Why would they give me a ward after knowing I’d fallen in love with my own Advisor?

  Jason shifted nervously on his feet and I turned to face him. “How long have you been dead?”

  He looked up at me in surprise. “Ma’am?”

  “Okay, first of all stop calling me that.” I waited for him to grin before continuing, “Do you understand what’s going on?” Where was his warden? I looked at Charles asking the silent question, but he just shrugged.

  “No ma’am, I mean, Miss—”

  “Nora.”

  “Miss Nora—”

  “Just Nora.”

  He chuckled. “Okay, Nora.” I nodded in appreciation, and he continued, “It’s all kind of a blur right now.” Lifting his gaze, he scanned the large hallway with arched ceilings made of stone. “One second I was in the field helping my sergeant, then I saw…I saw…my grandfather. No,” he shook the thought away as if it was completely silly. “It wasn’t him. But it looked like him. At least a little. And he told me that I’d been chosen.”

  Charles and I shared another look. “Yeah, that wasn’t your grandfather.”

  “Nora!” Charles shushed me. “It’s all too much right now.”

  Jason’s dark eyes saddened, his face falling in disappointment. “It wasn’t?” He rubbed an empty spot on his wrist. “No, of course, it wasn’t. But, then, who was it?”

  “Your Death Warden,” I said gently, while inside I cursed the guy who should’ve explained a whole lot more to the kind young man.

  “Ma’am—,” Jason smiled, and for a second I saw his playful personality. “I mean, Nora. I know I haven’t spent a lot of time in school but I’m not stupid, and I’m having a hard time following here.”

  I caught a lilt of an accent in some of his words, reminding me of a cowboy. Knowing it was now my job to comfort and educate, I stepped forward and rested my hand on his bicep. His muscles filled the uniform, leaving very little space underneath. I tried not to think about that. “Why don’t we go and I’ll explain on the way.”

  “We’re going to your place?” he asked. Charles made a noise. I glared as my friend held up his hands, face turned away so I wouldn’t see his smirk.

  “Yes. That is the way it’s done,” I repeated Rollin’s words and tried to convince myself. No one had stayed at my house since Theron left.

  Jason sighed and shook his head. “This place is weird.”

  Charles laughed and I couldn’t help but join him. “Yep, that about sums it up.” He reached out toward the soldier. Jason accepted the kind gesture and the two men shook hands. “Nora will take care of you. I can’t think of anyone better to help guide you through this.”

  “What about you?” Jason asked, and then immediately snapped his head up to look at me. “I…I don’t mean any offense, ma’am. I’m just trying to understand.”

  “It’s okay,” I said over top of Charles’ obnoxious laughter.

  When he calmed down, he patted Jason on the shoulder and started to walk away. “Oh, no. Nora is much better suited to be your Advisor. She was a good student.” I glowered at him and he winked. “She’ll teach you well. Besides, she could use the distraction.”

  How I wished I could conjure something up to throw at him, but Charles disappeared a moment later, leaving only a trail of light pink haze in his wake.

  “How…?” Jason asked.

  I weaved my arm through his and pulled him forward. “It’s complicated.”

  “Can you do that?” he asked, still looking at the spot where Charles had evaporated.

  “Not really. I haven’t been here long enough to master it.”

  “How long have you been here?”

  We walked through a side exit and out into the pastel plain, as I liked to call it sometimes. Jason stopped and stared in awe, completely forgetting the question he’d asked.

  “What do you think?” I smiled up at him, noticing how much taller he was. Easily a foot. In the daylight I really noticed his youthful face and well-defined everything else. He looked too young to have been in the military long and I wondered if he’d done some other kind of physical labor in his living state.

  “Is this a dream?” Hopeful eyes stared down at me and my steps faltered.

  “No, Jason. I’m sorry, but it’s not.”

  Nodding, he pressed his lips together in determination. “I didn’t think so.”

  I could get to my cabin quickly by jumping through the realms, but something told me Jason needed this time to decompress. We continued to meander slowly down the winding road. “So is Jason your real name?”

  He looked down at me in surprise. “Yes. Jason Greene. Private Jason Greene, U.S. Army.” Pointing to the name badge on his uniform, his face took on a veil of sadness. “I wonder if my parents know yet.” He stopped, dragging me back with him. “My brother, my sisters… Oh God, this is going to devastate them.”

  Cursing his incompetent Warden again for not dealing with this right away, I switched into work mode. “I’m sure it’s going to be tough on them, but you died fighting for something you believed in. They will know that and it will bring the
m comfort.” I rubbed my hand slowly over his back, trying to ease the panic brewing underneath.

  “Wait!” He quickly turned and grabbed my shoulders. “Can I go see them?”

  Damn it. “No, Jason. You shouldn’t—”

  “Yes! Take me to them so I can see that they’re okay.” His grip tightened and his eyes glazed over with anticipation.

  “No. I’m sorry, but it’s not possible.” I tried to back away.

  “You have to take me to them! They have to know I’m okay!” Suddenly, Jason fell to his knees and began to sob. His cap dropped to the side and he covered his face with his hands. “I don’t want this.”

  My heart broke for him. I remember saying the exact same words forty years ago. No one wants to die when they have so much life ahead of them to enjoy. But that wasn’t our fate, and now Jason was getting a second chance. Just like me. I knelt down beside him and wrapped my arms across his back.

  “It will take some time, but you’re going to learn to love this life, Jason. There was a reason you were chosen to become a Death Warden. It’s a rare honor only bestowed on those truly deserving.” He shuddered and I squeezed him tighter, resting my cheek against his shoulder. “They saw something in you, Jason. I know it might take a little while for you to adjust, but you have been given a great gift. You have a duty now to help guide others like you.”

  At the word ‘duty’ he sucked in a ragged breath and sat up straighter. “And you’re going to teach me how to do this?” His eyes glistened with sadness, yet finally held a hint of hope.

  Smiling, I rested my hand on the side of his face. “Yes. I’ll always be here for you.” I remembered how Theron had uttered those same words to me. Despite believing him at the time, I vowed silently to Jason that I really meant it…forever.

  Jason and I looked at each other for a long moment until finally, he smiled back. “Okay, ma’am.” A glint of humor darted across his face when I narrowed my eyes at him. “Sorry, habit.”

  “Don’t let it happen again,” I said, but couldn’t pretend to be upset.

  We stood and brushed ourselves off. His tan uniform hid the dirt much better than my monotonous blue outfit. I caught him rubbing his wrist again. “Are you in pain?”

  Glancing down at the action, he shook his head. “No, actually I feel great. But I don’t know what happened to my watch.”

  “Your watch?”

  “Yeah. It was from my great-grandfather. He got it in Germany during the War.” He looked around in confusion. “I never took it off…”

  Reaching forward, I grabbed his hands in mine. “Do you remember what it looked like?”

  Smiling, he closed his eyes. “Yes. Exactly. It had a chrome crown with gold etched numbers and a little extra area for the second hand. There was a scratch on the face that looked like a cross, and I had to make a new hole in the leather band because all of the others were too worn out.” He opened his eyes and focused on me. “Out of all the kids, he left it to me—hey!”

  Jumping back in surprise he smacked his hand around the watch now firmly attached to his wrist. “How…how did that just happen? Okay, I know I’m dreaming now, right?”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “No, Jason. It’s just a trick of this realm.”

  Too stunned to speak, his mouth hung open in silence. His innocence was refreshing. I hadn’t been around a Warden this new since…well, since it was me in this position many decades ago.

  “You’re probably going to have to get rid of those,” I said, pointing at his fatigues.

  “Huh?”

  “They don’t like individuality around here so much.” I waved my hands over my boring outfit and struck a pose.

  “You mean they don’t want us in black leather boots and low-cut tops?”

  Surprised at his sarcasm, I didn’t know how to react. When he winked, I nearly fell over. “Did you just make a joke?”

  He wiggled his eyebrows a moment before turning serious again. “Can I just have a little more time to adjust?”

  I smiled and nodded my head, complete understanding passing between us. “Sure, Jason. Take all the time you need.”

  Weaving my arm through his again, we continued down the path that would eventually lead us home—me in my tunic and him in his fatigues.

  “You live here?”

  We’d walked in silence the last ten minutes while Jason enjoyed the beauty surrounding us. He’d commented several times on how different it was compared to his most recent deployment overseas, and to his home. I expected to see sadness when he spoke of his former life, but with all he had to accept today, I felt thankful he was able to simply admire the uniqueness of our world.

  “Yes,” I said, opening the white gate that led to the front door.

  “A white picket fence?” Jason looked down at me with a raised brow.

  “Yes.”

  “You don’t strike me as the type.” He smiled.

  I didn’t. I couldn’t. It had been a private joke between Theron and me—a white picket fence to show how domesticated we were.

  Ignoring Jason, I continued down the cobblestone path. Those with the power to manipulate our realm could create whatever scene or structure existed in the living world. Theron had asked for this type of cottage in memory of a place he’d visited as a child living in Croatia. When I became his ward and moved in with him, I’d requested the trees and the stone landscaping. We argued over that for a while, but eventually he caved. A few years later, we added the fence. Theron had laughed when I told him it was too much.

  Reaching forward to open the door, Jason stepped ahead of me and held it to the side. Not used to the gesture, I didn’t move.

  “After you,” he said with a wink.

  Staring at him a moment longer, confusion began to swirl inside. Did I like the way he seemed so comfortable around me? “Are you okay?”

  Jason chuckled. “Yeah, why?” He continued to hold the door in his hands.

  “You seem to be taking this exceptionally well.”

  He shrugged. “It’s how I’ve been trained my whole life. No sense in dwelling on things that can’t be changed. In war, that could get you killed. On the ranch, it could cost you your livelihood.”

  This time I lifted my eyebrows. “The ranch?”

  “Yes ma’am,” he said, tipping an imaginary hat and smiling wide enough for his perfectly white teeth to shine through.

  “Like a real ranch. With horses and stuff?”

  He laughed. “Yes. With horses and all that other stuff.”

  “You’re a cowboy?” I’d never met one before, and now that I thought about it, his accent made perfect sense.

  “I was,” he said, eyes dropping and head sagging.

  I placed my hand on his shoulder. “You’re going to have to tell me all about it. I was a city girl but always wanted to have a farm with ten white horses.” My confession brightened his mood and, in silence, he ushered me inside.

  The miniature, one-room cottage may have felt cramped to some, but to a Warden, it was perfect. We didn’t sleep, as time moved differently on this side. And we didn’t really need to eat, although we could in the living world. So with space for a bedroom and a kitchen being unnecessary, our homes usually consisted of the minimum.

  “Huh,” Jason said. He stood in the doorway looking around my humble abode. “Again, not what I expected from you.”

  I couldn’t help but hear the hint of humor in his voice. “And what did you expect, exactly?”

  He stepped forward and picked up the lava lamp sitting next to the door. “Not so…retro.”

  “Hey, I’m a girl of the sixties. What do you expect?”

  Jason’s face froze in shock. “Really? How old are you?”

  “Older than you.” I snatched the lamp out of his grasp and set it next to my one and only Barbie doll. “And I’m sure you’ve been taught to respect your elders,” I teased.

  Ignoring me, he moved through the space, eyes taking in every nuance and hands t
raveling over each trinket. My childhood had been difficult at best. It wasn’t until I died that I was able to have what I never could when I was alive.

  Jason stopped next to the bed shoved into the corner. We didn’t have to sleep, but beds weren’t always for sleep. Theron had added that to our collection not long after he professed his love for me. I hadn’t used it since he left, but still couldn’t bring myself to part with it either.

  Jason’s gaze lingered on the bed for several moments and I swear I saw a blush creep over his face. I busied myself with the straightening up, hoping he wouldn’t ask any questions. I wasn’t prepared to have that discussion just yet.

  Thankfully, he left it alone and got distracted by the podium in the middle of the room. “Whoa, what’s this?” Reaching out to touch the ancient book sitting on top, I quickly jumped forward and pulled his hand back.

  “That is my register,” I said. “And you can’t touch it.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you’re not ready.”

  “What do you mean?” He reached forward again.

  I slapped his hand away. “I’ll explain if you’ll focus for a second.” I tried to sound authoritative, but couldn’t help smiling when he beamed at me. His brown eyes sparkled with amusement.

  Tipping the invisible hat again, he stepped back and gestured to the book. “I’m all ears.”

  I rolled my eyes and sighed. Elder Rollin had said my new register would be here. Every time it got updated, I trembled in anticipation. “This contains the list of my charges.”

  “Charges?”

  “Souls for me to collect.” Jason blanched so I continued, “They aren’t all going to pass at the same time, but it’s our guide. Our chance to learn about them, befriend them so we can be who they need when it’s time to gather them.”

  He swallowed. “Was I on that list?”

  “Not mine, but, yes. Someone had you on their list.” I still needed to find out what happened to his Warden.