Soulless

by Garr, Amber

  Jason stumbled back a few steps. “People always joked about Death having a list.” He shoved his hands in his pocket. “But this is real, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “So, do you decide when it’s time?” He shifted nervously from side to side.

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “That’s not up to us.”

  “Well, who decides?”

  “Fate.”

  He huffed. “Fate? Really? You believe that?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, I don’t.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?” he said a little too loudly. “Do you ever give more than one word answers?”

  “Sometimes.” I smiled when he sighed. “Do you want to see how it works? Without touching?” I added.

  Done with his interrogation, he nodded. I focused on the book, resting my hand over the raven carved into the gray leather cover. It filled most of the space and extended beyond the reach of my palm. Ravens had always been linked to my register. Each Warden had a symbol, and we had no influence over which animal was chosen to represent us. The raven had felt like a natural fit for me. Theron’s had been a snake. Perhaps I should have paid closer attention to that.

  “What’s happening?” Jason asked, his voice barely audible.

  I knew what he meant before I even looked down, as I could feel the heat radiating under my hand. The book now glowed with shades of blue, gray and pink, a sign that I’d requested permission to look inside. The light crawled up my hand, swirling around my wrist like a vine.

  “Think of it as a key,” I said. “The register recognizes only those with permission to view it.” A second later, the cover opened and I pulled back my hand with a jolt. Forty-two years later and it still got me every time. I chuckled to myself.

  “Whoa,” Jason breathed.

  Smiling, I again appreciated his ignorance to our world. It really was refreshing to be amazed by all the little intricacies Jason saw through new eyes. The novelty for me had disappeared two years ago with Theron.

  Releasing another flare of light, the pages shuffled open in the book until landing on the newest additions. The name, age, and location of their inevitable death, written in perfect calligraphy, graced the page in golden letters.

  “This is unbelievable,” Jason whispered.

  I smiled up at him. “I know it may seem a little twisted, but it’s a system that’s been in existence since the beginning of humanity.”

  Shaking his head, he let out a slow breath. “Why does that one look different?”

  The very first name on my new page shimmered more than the rest. “Betty Newburg,” I read aloud. “It’s her time.” I’d watched Betty for many years, and at ninety-three she’d lived a long, fulfilling life.

  “What’s that mean?”

  “It’s time to collect her.” I looked up at Jason and smiled at his pale face and scared eyes. “It’s okay. This is the way it is meant to be.”

  “I don’t know if I buy that.”

  “She’s been suffering for years. This will be a relief to her.”

  He paced back and forth in front of the podium, hands twisting his cap yet again. “Okay, fine. I get it when old people die. That’s natural. But what about people like us? Why would Fate, or whatever, take young people? Or babies? How do you explain babies?”

  “Some souls aren’t meant to be around very long during this life,” I answered. Babies were always tough on Wardens. “But every soul gets another chance.”

  “What?” Jason stopped moving.

  “Why don’t I show you?”

  He stared at me, and then lowered his gaze to Betty’s glowing name. Nodding slowly, he sighed. “All right.”

  “You should change.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t think it would be good for her to see you in military clothing.” Betty’s past had not been very pleasant when it came to war.

  Jason stared down at his clothes. “I don’t know how to do it.”

  “Here.” I grabbed his hand and sent my energy through him. The intense sensation of electrical pulses surprised me, especially since he’d only been my ward for an hour. I tried to keep my face unreadable as my insides fluttered. A moment later, I stepped back and smiled. “There! Now you’re just as boring as the rest of us.”

  In place of Jason’s desert fatigues, he now wore a light tan get-up similar to my own tunic and unshapely pants. But where I felt frumpy and dull, Jason seemed perfectly suited for the lackluster uniform.

  “Huh,” he said, pulling his sleeves and tugging on the shirt. “Not much different, is it?”

  “I suppose for someone used to wearing brown, it suits you just fine.”

  He pointed at me. “Why don’t I get blue?”

  “Do you want blue?”

  “No.”

  “Then why’d you ask?”

  Jason shrugged. “Just wondered.”

  “I could give you pink,” I teased.

  “No, thank you,” he said with a shudder.

  I laughed. “Come on. Betty’s waiting for us.”

  When we stepped through the white picket fence, my body shivered with a familiar sensation. I looked at Jason, but didn’t notice a reaction. He probably had to wait until we were closer. “She’s at the hospital in Miami,” I informed him.

  “Miami? But how…” Jason struggled to find the words.

  I reached out and weaved my fingers through his. The transition would be easier if I had contact with him, but I think part of me just wanted someone to touch. I hadn’t been on a collection with another Warden in a long time.

  Jason stared at my hand, and when I saw the smirk forming on his face, I pulled us forward through the realm. Crossing through three betweens in rapid succession, we reached the hospital with just a few steps.

  “Okay,” Jason said through a shaky breath. “You’re going to have to explain that to me one day.”

  I squeezed his hand. “I will. Soon. But now we have to find Betty.” Looking through the haze of the border between our worlds, I watched visitors and patients rush in and out of the hospital doors. A man with a cell phone glued to his ear carrying a balloon and a stuffed monkey, stumbled right through Jason, oblivious of his existence.

  “What the…” Jason jumped back and brushed himself off. “Did he just walk through me? Did he see us?”

  “Yes and no,” I replied curtly, distracted by vibrations tingling through my arms. “Do you feel it yet?” I asked.

  “Feel what?” Jason continued to shake his body and jump around. Then, he stopped. “Wait. The goosebumps?”

  Laughing, I shook my head. “No, that’s from the new dad who just plowed through you.” I turned to face him and placed my hands on his shoulders. “Close your eyes and concentrate.”

  Jason wrinkled his brows at me before cooperating. Not more than a few seconds later, I felt him tremble. “What is that?”

  “It’s your Warden side telling you that it’s time to collect a soul.”

  Suddenly, Jason focused on my face. “What’s wrong with your eyes?”

  “Another Warden trait. You’ve got it too.” Although, where my eyes glowed their trademark yellow, Jason’s looked a shade lighter with a hint of orange surrounding the border of his pupil. I’d never seen that before, but it was beautiful.

  He smiled. “This is pretty cool.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  Deciding it would be easier to remain invisible to the living, I pulled us into their world. The pastels disappeared and vibrant colors took their place. Despite the gray brick hospital, the green tropical plants and vivid orange flowers contradicted the institutional tone. I stood still, quivering with anticipation.

  People walked by, seemingly oblivious of our presence. “Can they see us?” Jason’s eyes narrowed at each person that got too close.

  “Not if we don’t want them to.”

  “So what are we doing?”

  “Waiting.”
<
br />   “For wh—”

  I grabbed his arm and pointed at the entrance, quieting his curiosity. “For Betty.”

  An old woman with silver hair dressed in a pink hospital gown and wearing a luminous smile, shuffled through the doors. Having watched Betty deteriorate slowly from her disease, I’d been waiting for this day. And now the pain and confusion that once clung to her face had disappeared when she took her last breath. I smiled.

  “Do you feel that?” Jason said, as Betty’s gaze focused on the two of us.

  Chuckling, I replied, “Of course.”

  “Gordon?” Betty said, staring at Jason and moving at a faster pace.

  “Oh, by the way, you look like her dead husband,” I whispered to him.

  “What?”

  Sending an elbow into the soldier’s ribs, I grinned. “Just play along. That’s who she needs to see.” He looked down at me with that raised brow again. “Trust me. I’ll explain later.”

  He swallowed and watched Betty getting closer. “Will she try to kiss me?”

  Shaking my head and smiling to myself, I moved a step behind him. “Maybe.”

  “What do I do?”

  “Listen to your instincts.” I took another step away.

  “Gordon?” Betty started to cry. “Oh, Gordon. I’ve missed you so much. I knew you’d be here waiting for me.” She reached Jason and lifted her hands up to his face. “You look so handsome. My handsome angel.”

  Through squished cheeks, Jason tried to turn and look at me. I nodded to the side. “Take her there.” He didn’t move until he saw the gateway that had just opened up. White and blue light swirled together to form patterns of grays and purples as the portal gained strength. His panicked eyes snapped back to me. “It’s where she needs to go now,” I reassured him.

  Jason grabbed Betty’s hands gently in his and wrapped his arm around her frail body. “Come, Betty.” He sounded like a natural.

  “Just don’t get sucked in,” I called after them. Jason’s frantic look returned.

  He leaned away from Betty. “Can that happen?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. But we’re not supposed to go inside the light.” Unable to stop myself, I laughed. “Go. You’ll be fine.”

  “If you’re joking with me, it’s not funny,” he said, but turned back to Betty and continued forward.

  “That wasn’t funny,” a new voice said behind me.

  Startled, I jumped and turned, trying to stop my frantic heart. “Theron!” Eyes darting back to Jason, I checked to see if he’d noticed Theron’s appearance. “Damn you! You scared me.”

  He smirked and something twisted in my gut. “You haven’t changed, have you?” Reaching up, he almost touched the side of my face…but then dropped his hand.

  Anger burned inside. “Are you stealing ninety–year-olds from me now?” Crossing my arms against my chest, I straightened my shoulders and cocked a hip. “You’re too late.”

  Theron’s gaze traveled to Jason and Betty. She had one foot through the gate, but held on to Jason’s arm with a deceivingly strong grip. “I see that.” His deceitful azure eyes focused on me again. “But I’m not here for her.”

  I didn’t move even as my insides screamed in sudden excitement.

  “I need to talk to you,” he said.

  I pursed my lips together trying to suppress the uninvited smile. “I’m busy.”

  Theron grinned. “Looks like your soldier has it under control.”

  Betty laughed and pulled Jason into a waltz. They dodged in and out of the light, passing through the living, and dancing as the dead. “I can’t leave him yet.”

  Sighing, Theron nodded slowly. “Fine. Meet me when you’re done.”

  “Where?”

  “There’s a tiki bar on the beach not far from here. I’ll be on the deck.”

  Presumptuous as always. “And what if I don’t come?”

  He brushed a piece of hair off my face before I could stop him. His face, his eyes, his smile…I couldn’t stop staring. “You will,” he said, disappearing with an all-knowing smile.

  “Nora?”

  I tore my eyes away from the spot where Theron had vanished. Trying to understand why he wanted to talk to me, I refocused on Jason who’d been dancing with Betty the entire time I had stood in a complete daze.

  “Nora, what do I do now?”

  Yanking me from dark, twisted thoughts, I made my way to the portal. Betty clung to Jason, tears staining her cheeks as her eyes gazed at the man she loved.

  “Nora?” Jason’s voice was a bit worried, as if the lovely lady would never let go.

  Very gently I lifted one of Betty’s hands and wrapped my fingers tightly around it. Betty’s cold touch grew warmer, and her strong grip proved that the muscles were now working after her ailment had finally come to an end. “Betty,” I whispered. “It’s time for you to move on.”

  With face pressed to Jason’s chest, she opened her eyes and stared at me. Years of happiness, pain and fulfillment flitted through her gaze. Finally, recognition took hold. “Nora?”

  I smiled and Jason tensed. “Yes, Betty.”

  “I thought you left me,” she whispered.

  “Never,” I said, squeezing her hand.

  Betty tilted her head to see Jason. “Nora is my angel.” Jason looked at me in confusion but stayed silent. “I told them I saw you,” Betty continued, “but they didn’t believe me.”

  “It’s okay, Betty. I’m here now and that’s all that matters.” Removing her arms from Jason, I began to guide her toward the portal. “Gordon is waiting for you, Betty. He’s been waiting a long time.”

  Her bony shoulders stiffened, eyes widening in fear. “But he’s here with me now.” She reached back to Jason who hadn’t moved.

  “Look, Betty. Gordon’s over here.” I directed her attention to the swirls of light. Somewhere beyond that luminescent beauty, Betty’s loved ones waited to greet her. Whether they had already been reborn, or stayed until her arrival, she would find them again.

  Betty gasped and threw her hand over her mouth. Tears flowed freely again when she spotted someone I didn’t see. Only our charges could recognize the souls on the other side. We never saw what waited beyond the light.

  “Okay, Nora,” Betty said quietly. “I’m ready.” Without needing a word of encouragement, Betty stepped from my arms and passed through the light. Wisps of hair danced around her head as her body shimmered and her image wavered between our space and theirs. She never looked back.

  A moment after she disappeared, the portal dissipated with an audible hiss, leaving behind a smoky aura of blues and whites. I had never seen my light after I died, but Theron’s blue-gray eyes had been comfort enough for me, and I’d followed willingly.

  “That was pretty amazing,” Jason uttered behind me.

  I turned to see his eyes glistening with unshed tears as sadness crept back into his handsome face. “These are the ones that remind me why we were given these gifts.” Despite watching Betty wither away from the inside out, her transition, her death, brought a sense of comfort and peace to me, as well.

  “She recognized you,” Jason stated more than questioned.

  “Yes. I visited her a few times in the hospital.”

  “As yourself?”

  “I was her angel,” I replied with a quiet voice.

  “The Angel of Death?”

  “I suppose you could say that,” I chuckled. “Betty found peace knowing that her time was coming soon.” Offering a shrug, I began to walk away from where the portal had been just moments ago. “I helped her accept her fate.”

  Jason followed closely behind. “I have so many questions,” he mumbled.

  “I’m sure you do, but I need to ask you a favor.” Remembering I had an appointment with my ex, I let out a deep breath. “I need to meet someone and I need to do it alone.” I held up my hand to stop Jason’s objections. “I won’t be long. Do you think you can get back to the cabin without me?”

 
Jason’s brow crinkled in concentration. “I…maybe?” He looked beyond the living world and into our own. “I just walk straight through there, right?”

  I smiled. “Yes. And if you get lost, I’ll be able to find you.”

  “How?”

  Tapping my head, I shrugged. “We’re connected now.”

  “That’s weird,” Jason said.

  “Yep.”

  “So…I just step here…” He placed a foot through the realm and I watched his whole body vanish into the haze.

  “I’ll be back soon,” I called out to him, knowing he’d still be able to hear me. I really hoped he’d be all right. Jason struck me as a fast learner, and even if he did get a little lost, I had a feeling he wouldn’t mind exploring more of our world.

  Turning on my heel, I kept close to the hospital walls until I reached a corner. I needed to change to solid form, don regular clothes, but a girl appearing in the middle of the street might not be the best entrance.

  The bright sunlight and tropical atmosphere inspired my design choice. Stepping from the shadows in a flower dress, cork sandals and a sun hat, my mood brightened. Warm rays beat down on my arms, heating up my cold exterior. As I passed by families corralling kids, and business professionals talking on their phones, I listened. Sounds of the living mixed with sounds of nature. Cars, gulls, boats, and music a few blocks away helped soothe my senses.

  Until I remembered what I was doing here.

  Rounding the corner and stepping closer to the beach, I noticed the place Theron mentioned. Despite being the middle of the afternoon on a weekday, the restaurant and bar were crowded. I wondered if I should take comfort in that as I climbed the stairs and looked around. Almost instantly, I spotted the black leather jacket and even darker hair glistening in the sunlight. The moment I recognized him, Theron turned around, eyes piercing my own with an intensity unmatched by any other.

  I swallowed hard and adjusted my hat to hide my face. Why hadn’t I created sunglasses? I didn’t want him to know that he still had that kind of power over me. Pushing through the crowd didn’t help calm me down, and by the time I reached the end of the deck my frazzled nerves twitched uncontrollably.