Soulless

by Garr, Amber

  “I’ve already made arrangements.”

  “What?” The anger returned with a vengeance. “You made this decision alone? Without talking to me first?” I ran forward and shoved my hands against his chest. “We’ve been together for ten years! Doesn’t that mean anything to you?” I tried to hit him again, but he easily maneuvered away from me.

  “Nora, please.” You don’t understand.

  “You’re willing to kill someone?” I shouted. “You’ve already made plans to waltz up to a human and suck the life from them? Is that what you’re telling me?”

  He didn’t respond. Frustration built in my chest, tearing me apart from the inside out. I wanted to explode; let the beast escape and save me from the misery standing before me.

  The misery I loved more than anyone else in the world.

  “Come with me.” Theron held out his hand as if he expected me to obey. I shook my head. “Nora, imagine what it would be like to be free of all this. No more registers, no more quotas, no more lost souls. We can live the life we want.” And you’ll be safe.

  “Why do you keep thinking that?”

  Theron tensed and fortified the wall between our mental connection. Never had I felt such a black hole of…nothing. I looked at him as though seeing a new person. His face glowed in the light from the lavender sky and, for the first time in a long time, he seemed excited. How had I not seen this coming?

  “I’m not going with you.”

  Theron dropped his hand and stepped toward me. “Please, Nora. I want to do this with you.”

  “I won’t go. I can’t.”

  “You’re not safe here.”

  “I’m safer here than anywhere else. I will not be a killer and a thief.” I turned, feet dragging as though sinking into the ground, and walked toward the house.

  “Nora, please don’t…” Theron’s voice drifted off as the buzzing in my ears grew louder. I couldn’t comprehend what had just happened. Was he really leaving me? Was he really going to kill an innocent tonight?

  Was he choosing them over me?

  Snapping around to face him again, I started to shout. I wanted to tell him to wait, or at least think about his decision a little longer. I wanted to tell him to stay.

  But when I turned, only the empty air and our shattered bond were there to greet me.

  “Nora?”

  A distant voice tried to wrench me from my dark thoughts, but the memories clung tight to their masochistic ways. The constant torment of that day played endlessly in my mind and had become a part of me that I couldn’t live without.

  “Nora? Are you here?”

  Jason’s gentle tone and honest concern finally helped me focus. I sat up and peered over the edge of the rock. “I’m up here.”

  He looked at me for a second before shaking his head. “How did you get up there?”

  I watched his eyes travel over every possible path to my climb, calculating the fastest way to the top. Before I could respond, he jumped onto the boulder sitting closest to him and scurried up the side of the cliff faster than should have been possible. Muscles stretched and tightened as he pushed his way forward. Even in the dark, he maneuvered remarkably well.

  In less than five minutes, Jason sat down beside me. “Oh, wow,” he said in-between fast breaths. “This is amazing.”

  “Thanks,” I said, as if I owned the place.

  “You come here a lot?” he asked gazing out over the vast emptiness.

  “Only when I’m upset,” I mumbled.

  Jason suddenly faced me and placed his hand on my arm. “I knew something was wrong, but I couldn’t really explain it…” he trailed off. “Charles thought I was crazy.”

  “You felt something, didn’t you?” I swallowed, trying to ignore the knot in my stomach. He shouldn’t be this connected already.

  “Yeah, it was weird. Like this…feeling that you were in trouble. Or not in trouble, but…scared or something?” He removed his hand and shifted his body to face me even more. “Is that possible?”

  I smiled. “I’m afraid it is. It would seem that you’ve bonded already.” I tried to sound neutral, but I heard my fractured voice.

  “And that’s bad?” Jason asked.

  “No,” I said, shaking my head and trying my best to reassure him. “It’s just fast. The bond between Advisor and Warden usually takes time to grow.” Like years, I thought to myself. Why was this happening?

  “Huh,” he said. “And it’s only been a day.”

  “Almost two,” I teased.

  He laughed. “Maybe it’s because we live together. We skipped all that getting-to-know-you stuff in the beginning and went straight to cohabitation. That puts us at what…at least three years into a relationship?” Jason beamed with pride.

  “Maybe,” I said.

  “Why did we do that anyway?”

  “Do what?” My thoughts had split into too many directions to follow Jason’s mental track.

  “Live together? Why do they force us to do that?”

  This time I laughed. “I wasn’t forced, Jason.” He fidgeted beside me, so I quickly continued, “Your arrival just caught me by surprise, that’s all.” My answer seemed to please him and his shoulders dropped. “Escorting souls to their next life involves a delicate balance between compassion and necessity. And during the first few years of their existence, a new Warden needs a lot of guidance. It’s always worked well for a ward and their Advisor to spend as much time together as possible. It strengthens the bond and helps the new Warden grow.”

  Nudging me in the shoulder, Jason teased, “So you’re stuck with me forever then.”

  I smiled. “No, you can choose to leave my side when you’re ready. We’ll always be bonded, but we don’t have to be together all of the time.”

  “But you can be, right?”

  “If you choose.” I looked away, not wanting him to see the pain in my face. Theron’s departure had not been of my choosing.

  “Like you stayed with your Advisor?”

  Caught off guard, I couldn’t answer right away. How did he know?

  “Charles told me about him,” Jason answered my unspoken question. “Theron, right?” I nodded. “Charles said he was a jerk.”

  Nearly choking on my emotions, I shrugged instead. “Charles didn’t like him much.”

  “He said you’re better off without him.”

  “I’m sure he did.” I couldn’t help but grimace thinking about the dozens of times Charles had reiterated those very thoughts to me.

  Jason moved closer to the edge and hung his feet over the cliff. They dangled precariously into the night, above fifty-feet of nothing…although when you’ve already died once, heights are no longer an issue.

  The silence stretched on for a while until Jason whipped his head around to look at me with an intense gaze. “What kind of a name is Theron anyway?”

  “An appropriate one,” I said before realizing Jason wouldn’t understand. “Did anyone tell you the ‘naming rule’?”

  “Huh?”

  “Of course not,” I muttered. As soon as I found Jason’s Warden, I promised to give him an earful. “Part of the ritual to becoming a Warden means you get a chance to reinvent yourself. You get to start all over and the first step is choosing your new name.”

  “Really?”

  I nodded. “You don’t have to change it, but most people do. It helps disconnect you from the life you left behind.”

  “Interesting,” he said, deep in thought. “So Nora’s not your real name?”

  “Not my human name, no.”

  Jason’s brows crinkled together. “Human name,” he said quietly.

  “I chose Nora because it means ‘light’.” Continuing so he wouldn’t think about his past life too much, I kept explaining, “I thought it was appropriate for the work I was about to do for the rest of my existence.”

  He shrugged. “That’s good. It fits.” His eyes met mine and the intensity of his smile grasped my soul. Not in the way Theron ha
d, but in a way that let me know how kind and caring Jason was deep from within. “So what does Charles mean?”

  I huffed. “Free man.”

  “What?” Jason chuckled and I joined in.

  “Charles’ death freed him from many obligations in his living world,” I said evasively. This was Charles’ story to tell and I had no doubt Jason would finagle it out of him sooner rather than later.

  “Huh,” Jason said. I knew what was coming next by the way his body tensed. “Theron?”

  I tried to crack a smile so he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable for asking. It was only natural for him to be curious. “Theron means ‘hunter’. He liked the irony.” And knowing how it all turned out in the end, I wondered if he was destined to become a Soul Hunter from the beginning.

  “A hunter of souls?” Jason asked, then quickly turned his head when he saw my face. “Sorry, I…Charles said…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked.”

  “It’s okay, Jason. Theron left a long time ago.” He didn’t need to know how I still struggled with that fact, nor that I’d met with Theron just a few short hours ago.

  “Relationships can suck,” Jason said after several moments of awkward silence.

  I covered my mouth to keep from laughing too loud. “You are a wise one, ole’ Jason.”

  His smile quickly faded. Sadness filled his haunted eyes and lingered on his face. “I loved someone once, too.” Surprised by his candor, I decided to stay quiet and let him lead the way. “She always knew I planned to enlist after high school. It was the only way I’d be able to get to medical school. But she wasn’t okay with the long distance thing.”

  “You wanted to be a doctor?” I asked, impressed yet not surprised. Something about Jason exuded sincerity and empathy. He would’ve made an excellent doctor.

  “Yeah,” he huffed. “I always kind of had a knack for healing. My father wanted me to go to veterinarian school then return to the ranch and work. I thought about doing that for a while.” He stared off into the starry night, remembering a happier time in his life. Laughing to himself, Jason continued, “My grandfather taught me a lot about the trade even though he’d never been to college. But it was after the birth of Luna that I decided I wanted to be a doctor.”

  “Was Luna a cow?” I asked.

  He laughed until tears filled his eyes while I looked on in confusion. “No. Luna is my baby sister. Was,” he quickly corrected. “She was a surprise her entire life. All of us were teenagers and my parents thought they were done. But then Luna came to be and decided she wanted to meet us three weeks early.”

  I sat back and enjoyed Jason’s story. It amazed me to see how much love he had for his siblings and a small part of me envied him. I never had anyone like that in my life. Growing up an orphan didn’t afford me that luxury.

  “I’ll never forget that night,” Jason continued, gazing up at the dark sky. “We’d been gone all day herding the cattle in preparation for the annual branding. My mom refused to stay still and insisted on fixing a big spread for all the workers. The weather had been perfect, so we set up tables outside and feasted until our stomach’s almost burst.” He smiled and I returned it. “And then, just as we were calling it a day, Luna decided she wanted to introduce herself to everyone.”

  “So you delivered your baby sister?” I asked, guessing where this story was going.

  “I sure did,” he said with pride. “The doctor was an hour’s drive away, so I used all of the skills I’d gained from birthing calves and figured it would be kind of the same.”

  “And was it?”

  He shrugged. “Pretty much. In less than twenty minutes, Luna was out and alive and screaming under the moonlight.”

  “Luna?” I asked.

  “Yep. For the moon.” He shook his head and laughed. “She hates that name.”

  “Why?”

  “Because she has to argue with everyone all of the time.” Taking a deep breath, he continued, “Except for me. She never argued with me.” Grief flooded his features and I tried to think of a way to distract him.

  “Well, then your name is perfect.”

  “What?”

  “Jason. It means ‘healer’ in some parts of the world. And from what I can tell, that’s who you are.”

  He shrugged. “True. Do you know I was training to be a medic?” His eyes lit up at the memory. I shook my head. “After basic training, I went straight into the program. When we deployed, that was my first job.” He rubbed his hand over his face. “I think I was helping someone when I was killed…”

  “I’m sure that’s exactly why you’re here now, Jason. You’re kind and caring and your life was cut short way too early.” His shoulders stiffened with my words. “This is your chance to continue to help people for as long as you want.”

  I stood up and reached out to him. Grabbing my hand, I helped him to his feet. “I’m glad they chose you,” I said before I could stop myself. Was it because I felt like we had a similar story, or had I finally realized just how lonely I’d been all this time? Before I could analyze anymore though, a sharp wave of nausea swept through me. “Whoa,” I said, grabbing hold of Jason’s arm.

  “Are you okay?” he asked. Then his body swayed and he stumbled backward. “What is that?”

  “You feel it too?”

  “Yeah. I feel like I’m going to hurl.”

  He could already sense it. That level of empathy was way beyond our two-day-old relationship. Something about that should have scared me, but I shoved it to the back of my mind to deal with the problem at hand.

  “It’s the Elders. I’m being summoned.” Again, I thought sarcastically.

  “Are they calling me, too?”

  “No, I think you’re just feeling it through me.” He opened his mouth to say something but I put up my hand. “And I don’t know why.”

  He winked. “How’d you know I was going to ask that?”

  “Just a guess,” I mumbled. Another call threatened to knock me over. “We should get going.”

  “I’ll follow you,” Jason said, looking around nervously. I assumed he was having issues moving through the realms.

  Then again, he was only two days dead.

  Grabbing his hand, I squeezed it tight. “Let’s go.” We passed quickly through the betweens, finding ourselves in front of the massive stone headquarters in no time at all. As we stepped out of the forest and onto the road nearby, Charles appeared in front of me.

  “What the…” I yelled, stepping back and falling into Jason. He wrapped his large arms around my torso and lifted me up, moving my body behind him—protecting me without a second thought.

  “Oh, it’s you,” he said a moment later.

  “Yes, it’s me,” Charles huffed. Then he fixed his gaze on me. “They’re waiting for you again.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I came as soon as they called.” Turning to Jason, I grinned. “Thanks for finding me,” I whispered.

  He bent forward and kissed me on the cheek. “No problem.” Stepping away, he threw his arm around Charles. “Looks like it’s just you and me again, Free Man.”

  Surprisingly, Charles didn’t seem upset by the use of the nickname. In fact, his smile stretched wide across his face. “Good. Because I have more questions for you about being a cowboy.”

  The two of them walked away from me, all but forgetting my existence. I turned and sucked in a deep breath. My second summoning in as many days. I hoped I’d be meeting my new Advisor. Although a piece of me knew that when I did, that part of my life with Theron would be gone for good.

  Placing one foot in front of the other, I pushed through the doors and prepared for whatever mystery waited behind them.

  Elder Mazie greeted me with a smile, and something odd sparkling behind her eyes. Although an Elder for the last two centuries, she couldn’t have been more than a few years older than me when she became a Warden. I wondered how she felt about having the stigma of youth attached to her when in a position of such authority.

&nbs
p; “Nora, I’m so glad you heard my call.” She wrapped her hands around my shoulders and kissed both of my cheeks. Towering over me with her impressive height, the long blonde hair and elegant way she held herself made me curious about her past. I’d always imagined her as being royalty in some court once upon a time.

  “I think this will be good for you,” she continued.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Your new Advisor.” She wrapped her arm around my shoulder and led me further down the hall of the grand structure. I’d never felt comfortable behind these walls. Then again, I usually only had to visit once per year during our annual gathering. But Mazie moved gracefully through them liked she belonged. This was her castle.

  “We’d noticed how hard Theron’s departure was on you, but Rollin wanted to see if you could thrive without his influence.”

  My shoulders tensed at the mention of Theron and the innuendo that he had tainted me in some way. “I’ve been fine,” I muttered.

  Mazie looked down at me with pity. “It’s okay to admit when we’re hurting, Nora.” Lifting her gaze to the hallway in front of us, she continued, “Your solitude, the lost charges, and the way the light has left your eyes…I can see it.” She smiled sympathetically at me again.

  I wasn’t sure how I felt about this conversation. Had my internal struggles really been that evident on the outside? For everyone to see?

  “Theron didn’t understand our ways,” she said cryptically. “And he never gave you the chance to grow.” Just as I was about to ask her to explain, she pulled open a large wooden door and escorted me inside a room. “It’s time for that to change.”

  I stood still. The smell of something burning assaulted my nose and a haze dripped from the vaulted ceiling like a cobweb hanging from a tree in a misty night. The small, windowless room felt further constricted by the gray stone walls and furniture pushed around the edges. In the center, an old man sat on the floor with legs crossed and eyes closed. Dark, silver-tinted hair, framed the side of his face in two long braids. A turquoise pendant in the shape of an eagle stood out against the stark monotony of his tan tunic. There was no denying his Native American heritage, and this man appeared to wear it with pride.