On the Edge of Fear

by Thianna D

  Her laughter didn’t help either.

  About a mile down the shore, he turned east and they walked a few feet and came out at the back of one of the cabins. A back light was on so she could see his face. It was bright red and he gave her a look that said he quite honestly didn’t know what to say. It made her laugh harder. “Y-your parents,” she squealed and doubled over.

  His groan made her laugh so hard she snorted and once that happened, it happened again and again. It took several moments before she was able to stop and stand back up. Ryan stared at her, his eyebrow cocked and some of the heat gone from his face. “Funny?” he asked in a teasing voice.

  “You should have seen your face,” she said with a little snort laugh. “How often does that happen?”

  “Not often. Usually we’re pretty clear about where we’re going to be on the island. I forgot to mention I was taking you to the western shore that was north of the child-safe zone.” He scratched his head and tried to smile. “So, uh, welcome to Elan Isle.”

  It was official. Ryan Walston was absolutely adorable. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged tight. “I could learn to love it here.”

  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled so tight it almost hurt. It felt so good. “That makes me very happy to hear. It even makes up for what I almost heard.”

  She snorted into his chest and he laughed. His hand smacked her lightly on the rump and instead of annoying her as it would have if anyone else had done it, it helped make her feel safe. Which she did not understand at all.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Ryan couldn’t believe what almost happened. He was both embarrassed that he almost overheard his own parents and relieved that Alexis had such a good sense of humor. She was a treasure. And she was willing to enter into the kind of relationship he wanted. At that moment, he felt like he could walk on water.

  “Want some dessert?” he asked as they walked around the cabins on the west side of the child-safe zone.

  “Mmm,” Alexis hummed. She patted her stomach. “Not sure there’s room.”

  “But it’s ice cream,” he said in a wheedling tone. “Who can resist ice cream?” She turned toward him and he stuck his lower lip out a little. It brought out exactly the response he was looking for. She giggled. He grinned. “With Slate running his own cupcake shop, he doesn’t have the opportunity to make the desserts like he does the rest of the year. But he always makes ice cream. What do you say?”

  “I say it’s you that I can’t resist,” she said, still giggling. “Sure. Let’s check out the ice cream.”

  Filled with pride he couldn’t quite account for, he took her hand in his and jogged across the area toward the cafeteria. Dinner was still in full swing so the place had a few people eating. He led her over to a freezer in the corner. Two large cartons of ice cream lay below it with a sign in front of each one. “Looks like we’ve got Very Berry and Chocolate Dream. What’s your poison?”

  After getting their cones, they walked back outside and wandered slowly toward her cabin, eating as they went. Now that the first oomph of “I want her” had passed, he wondered if having sex was the right thing to do. He wanted her. God but he wanted her. But this needed to be about her too. He doubted she’d had any good experiences with sex and it wasn’t like he was great at it. Fucking a sub who was tied up to a bench was one thing. Making love to Alexis in a bed was entirely different.

  What if he fucked it up?

  She sighed softly and he glanced over at her. Alexis smiled up at him and his heart gave a huge lurch. How was he so lucky?

  “Want to come inside?” she asked and he realized they were at her doorway.

  Umm. He gulped. Yes, he did. But should he?

  “You don’t have to,” she said in a rush and he shook his head.

  “I want to. I…” He scratched his head nervously. “I don’t want to hurt you. Plus I think almost overhearing my parents made all my desire fly away.”

  She snorted and burst out laughing. Well, that was better than getting upset, he supposed. He popped the last of his cone into his mouth and dug his fingers lightly into her sides. Alexis shrieked and pulled back. Someone was ticklish. Delighted, he followed her into her cabin and kept tickling her. It was somewhat easy to do because she wasn’t fighting hard. In fact, she was trying to finish the last of her ice cream and keep away from him.

  “Stay away,” she said, laughing as she held the last of her cone out as a weapon. “Or I’ll get chocolate on you.”

  “Kinky,” he said with a grin and reached out to dig his fingers into her sides again.

  One moment he was leaning forward and the next, a mess of chocolate covered his mouth. He pulled back and licked the chocolate off his lips as she backed up toward the stairs. After eating the cone, he held up his fingers covered in chocolate ice cream. “I think someone’s begging for more.”

  “No,” she screamed and laughed at the same time as she ran up the stairs. He was right after her. When he chased her into her bedroom, he froze.

  “You’ve got a skylight,” he said with a huff. She had the same bedroom he and Luke shared in his parents’ cabin but they didn’t have a skylight. “And a huge picture window.” Geez.

  “Yeah. I love it. I haven’t had time yet, but I imagine I can lie in bed and watch the leaves outside.” He licked some of the ice cream off his fingers. “Come on,” she said and took him by the elbow. “Let’s get that washed off before you drip on something. I’ve already cleaned a cabin and a half this morning. I don’t want to have to do my own.”

  Ryan went willingly and after they both washed their hands and faces, followed her back into her bedroom. With the sun down and the stars out, and the fact the lighting near the cafeteria didn’t come that far, it was almost like being outside when she turned off the light. It felt natural to kick off his shoes and sit down on her bed. She joined him and when he held an arm out, curled up to his side.

  “I’m not sure I’d sleep if I had this view,” he said with a yawn. With a warm body curled up to him and the peace in the room, he felt sleepy.

  “I know Kendrick said I would probably end up with roommates, but I kind of hope not. It’s nice to have it so quiet.” She curled a little closer. “Plus if I ended up with a roommate in here, we couldn’t do this.”

  Well, they could, but he wasn’t going to remind her of that. They could rest a little bit and then see if they wanted to do something or have him leave. That was a good plan. He tightened his hold on her and relaxed further.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Alexis scrubbed the living room of the second cabin she was cleaning, not sure which part of her ached worse: the leftover muscle strain from cleaning the day before or from running with Ryan that morning. Or perhaps it was the feeling she had when she woke up, curled into his warm arms. She’d never slept with a man before, let alone spent time with a guy when sex wasn’t involved. Sex would be involved at some point, wouldn’t it? She wanted Ryan and by his hard-on the night before and that morning, there was no doubt he wanted her.

  So why hadn’t he taken her? He’d given her a wonderful kiss—well, it had been wonderful until they both realized that morning breath after not having brushed their teeth the night before was quite disgusting to kiss with. But it felt so good, she would have been willing to brush her teeth and get on with it. Instead, he’d gone home to change and had returned for their run.

  Ryan Walston could definitely run. He had a lithe build that was perfect for the action and his long legs could have stretched a lot further than they did. She had no doubt he shortened his gait for her. She wasn’t used to running, except for when she was running from something, so after half a mile, she’d begun to lag.

  He hadn’t seemed put out at all. Instead, he’d said, “Every day we’ll go a little further. You’ll be running around the island in no time.”

  Perish the thought. That might kill her.

  Though she had the feeling it was her feelings for Ryan that were mor
e likely to do her damage. It reminded her of her childish dreams that someday her prince would show up on his charger and carry her off. That didn’t happen in her world. And yet… Ryan had brought her to the island and got her a job.

  “And what a job,” she murmured wryly as she stood up and stretched her shoulders. “My prince brought me to be Ella in the cinders.” She couldn’t take it as a put down. It wasn’t. She was starting at what was probably the lowest rung on the ladder. But she was safe and had a roof over her head and food. “And a prince who also spanks. My fairy tale is wonky.”

  At the thought of spanking, she cast a glance at the corner of the room where the garbage bag was. Christine had brought her lunch again and thankfully had to leave before she ate it. Alexis hadn’t been in the mood for food and after a few minutes of the aroma overpowering her, she’d tossed it into the garbage.

  She couldn’t follow Ryan’s rules for a day. Then again, she knew her body better than he did. Three square meals a day when she was used to one crappy one was a lot for her to handle. Since she ate with Ryan for breakfast and dinner, she didn’t want to get sick or something. So skipping lunch was a good idea. Yes. Over time, she would build up to three meals a day.

  Besides, he didn’t need to know.

  So why did she feel guilty and ashamed? She grabbed the cleaner, dumped some on the floor, and went down on her hands and knees to scrub the corners of the room. If she gave it a bit more attention than it needed? Well, it probably deserved it. Plus it helped her not to think for the rest of the afternoon.

  She had just started on the upper floor of the third cabin when Kendrick’s end of day text came through. Alexis stared at it. Her body felt wrung out and for that reason, she was glad she could stop. However, stopping meant going back home and waiting for Ryan.

  Would he ask if she ate lunch? Would she be able to look him in the eye if he didn’t?

  Alexis wasn’t sure how she felt. She hadn’t been accountable to anyone for anything in a long time. It made her feel like she’d done something wrong. “All it was, was one lunch,” she muttered as she put the cleaning supplies away a little more sharply than was needed. “Nothing to get myself into a tizzy about. Besides. Ryan’s understanding and a gentleman. And we just started this whole D/s’y thing. Surely there’s a grace period.”

  Once the supplies were where they should be, she walked out of the cabin, the garbage bag in her hand. Kendrick had said someone would pick it up, but she figured she could carry it down and put it in a trash bin somewhere. No need for someone to make that trek if they didn’t have to. Besides, it was stinking up the cabin something fierce.

  The trash bin in the pod was completely empty and she doubted would be cleaned out until people moved in. If she put the trash in there, it would stink up the whole place. That would be rude. So she carried it the full way down to the office. Surely they had a bin that was cleaned out often.

  Alexis had to walk around but she finally found an overflowing bin outside the cafeteria. She glanced around and when she didn’t see anyone, tossed her bag on top. Then she jogged back to her cabin. There. Done. Nobody needed to know she didn’t eat her lunch. Nobody.

  A trickle of sweat ran down her face and once she was inside her cabin, she ran upstairs to take a shower. She smelled of cleaning supplies and rotting pork. Well, it probably wasn’t rotting yet, but it smelled like it.

  Or perhaps that was just the guilt.

  “I’m not guilty,” she snapped at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. “I have the right to decide if I’m hungry or not.” Her reflection looked back at her, shame written all over it, which did not help. Frustrated, she stripped and took a hot shower, hoping it would get rid of how she felt.

  The hot water helped her muscles to relax, but with it brought a huge wave of something else. She hadn’t been able to keep her word for one day. How could Ryan trust her if she couldn’t do what he asked for twenty-four hours?

  “I knew I wasn’t good enough for him,” she whispered as she got dressed. She glared at the shirt. He’d seen her in it already. He’d seen her in everything she wore. “I’m not good enough for him,” she hissed and tossed it across the room.

  “I want to be good enough for him.”

  She sank down onto her bed and stared out the window. Ryan was amazing and the best thing to happen to her. “I just need to try harder,” she said and straightened her spine. “I’ve survived the streets for five years. I can certainly survive whatever this is to become the kind of girl worthy of him.” It didn’t make it any easier to pull on the shirt. Why couldn’t she have anything new for him to see her in? Something pretty. Something sexy. She bet if she had one of those chainmail outfits, he would have sex with her.

  How could she get new clothes? Perhaps she’d ask Christine the next day if the town had garage sales or something similar. If nothing else, maybe she could get away some Saturday morning and go to the peninsula. Surely she could find some garage sales over there. While she didn’t want to spend her stash, it would be worth it.

  She hoped.

  A knock on the door startled her and she quickly looked at her phone. Six o’ clock. “He’s so punctual.” After fastening her sneakers, she ran down the stairs and opened the door. And for a brief moment, forgot the day. Ryan smiled down at her and it was like the sun decided to shine.

  “Alexis,” he said. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers and she moaned softly, pressing against him. When he pulled back, she wished he wouldn’t. “Ready for dinner?”

  Her heart dropped as did her gut. Food.

  “What’s wrong?” Ryan put an arm around her and led her into her cabin, shutting the door behind him. “Don’t you feel well?”

  It’s my decision what and when I eat. My decision. She looked up into his face to explain that and the care in those beautiful blue eyes was her undoing. Alexis burst into tears and he sat down on the sofa and pulled her down onto his lap.

  “What happened?” he murmured into her ear. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed her head into his shoulder.

  That just made her cry harder. And she wasn’t sure why. When the sobs let up, she was still held tightly in his arms and he was rocking her back and forth. He pressed his lips to her temple. “What’s wrong, Lex?”

  Oh, that nickname. Ryan Walston was her Kryptonite. “I… I—” She clamped her lips shut and forced herself to take a deep breath through her nose. Alexis had survived street thugs, johns, pimps, and drug dealers. She could surely survive telling a caring man like Ryan the truth. He wouldn’t be angry. Would he?

  “Shh,” he murmured. “I’m sure we can figure things out, Lex. Tell me and I’ll try to help. If I can’t help, I know people who can.”

  A sob of a laugh left her lips. He had unerring faith in his friends and from what she’d seen so far, he was right to. But he wasn’t right to have faith in her. “I didn’t eat lunch,” she whispered and scrunched her eyes shut so she wouldn’t see his face.

  “Was it bad?” Ryan asked with concern. “If there’s ever anything you don’t want, let me know. I can bring you something different.”

  She groaned a whimper. He’d given her an out. She should just take the out. But hadn’t he made that rule about honesty as well? “I didn’t want to eat it.”

  “Oh.”

  She cocked an eye open a little to see what expression came with that “Oh.” Ryan was frowning slightly, though not as though he was angry. More like he was trying to work something out.

  “And how do you feel about that?” he asked in a quiet voice that for some reason made her abdomen clench. It wasn’t harsh or mean but she had the feeling she was about to get into further trouble.

  “I don’t know,” she said and struggled to pull away. He held her tighter. “Let me go.”

  “No, Alexis.” She froze. That tone. It was like Kendrick when he said something. There was no way to go against it. “You’re going to sit here in my arms until we’ve had this discuss
ion. Then we’ll move.”

  He looked into her eyes for a long moment before he spoke again. “Besides not eating lunch, did anything else happen today?”

  “No.” She sniffled and pushed a lock of hair out of her face.

  “Were things fine before lunch?” Confused, she nodded. “And after lunch, what happened?”

  Unable not to, she squirmed on his lap. “Well… I started thinking about the lunch and that I should have eaten it. But I didn’t want to. Two meals is enough for me. It is. But then the lunch kept… it kept taunting me.”

  Ryan chuckled softly. “It kept taunting you?”

  “Yes.” She waved her hands around as though to make her point. “It was in the garbage and the smell kept hitting me and every time I looked over in the corner, there it was.” Alexis glared at the memory.

  “Oh, honey.” Ryan chuckled harder as he pulled her close and kissed the top of her head. “You felt guilty because you didn’t follow the rule.”

  “But it’s my body,” she said in pitiful tone. “I should know if I can eat or not.” And don’t laugh at me. Though she liked the endearment.

  “Well,” he said with another kiss to her temple. “I think this shows you do have some submissive tendencies, Lex. That rule is a boundary. You stepped outside of it and it has screwed up your entire afternoon.” He pressed a kiss to just above her nose. “So let’s take care of the rule breaking and the guilt. Then we’ll go to dinner.”

  Her brain took each piece and tried to make sense of it. Then it all slid home. “You’re going to spank me?” she asked, shocked. Though she wasn’t sure why she was shocked. It wasn’t like he’d hid it or anything.

  “Yes. I promised you I would. And I won’t break my promises to you, Alexis.”

  Damn it. Why couldn’t he have promised something else?

  “I promise to eat lunch tomorrow,” she offered, hoping that would settle it. From the expression on his face, she had the feeling it wouldn’t.