Dazed

by Katie Hauenstein

  “I don’t think it’s even possible for you to be terrible. This is what I think: I think you were right in breaking things off – ”

  “You broke things off.”

  He waved his hand dismissively. “Doesn’t matter. – I think if Stephan didn’t die yesterday, you would still be struggling with your emotions. Do you know why I broke things off?”

  “You admit it!”

  He laughed and shook his head. “I did it because I knew you were struggling and I didn’t want to get in the way of you figuring things out. I was confident that in the end, you would choose me when I had the chance to compete with him over your heart.”

  I giggled.

  What’s with all the giggling?

  “You make it sound like I’m a prize to be won.”

  “No. You’re so much more. You are the woman who stole two men’s hearts without knowing it or knowing what to do with them when you finally figured it out.”

  I looked down and Peter swiftly turned my face to look back at him. “You would have come back to me. I know it and I think you know it. You’re just so rotting roots thoughtful about others that you can’t see it.”

  There was a silence between and he removed his hand from my face so I could look down again. Closing my eyes, I thought really hard about everything he had just said.

  Is that how it would have gone? Would I really have chosen Peter between him and Stephan? Peter certainly thinks so and thought so even before everything happened yesterday. I probably would have. I’ve been friends with Stephan for so long, but I’ve been with Peter for a long time, too.

  I looked back into Peter’s brown eyes.

  My time with Stephan was filled with sadness because of an evil person. Our love didn’t have a chance to blossom. But my love for Peter has had five years to sow and grow. Yes. I would have chosen Peter if I really had a choice.

  As if he was reading my mind, he leaned towards me and kissed me briefly, yet fervently. When he pressed his forehead into mine, I saw his eyes widen at my bloody dress. I looked down as well; I hadn’t realized how much blood actually got on me.

  “I guess I should probably go bathe and change.” I said, stating the obvious.

  Peter laughed. “I should, too.” He began to stand and I stopped him by taking his hand. Turning back to me, he questioned what I was doing with his eyes.

  “I choose you, Peter. And I don’t care who knows it.” He smiled and squeezed my hand before standing and leaving.

  As I was walking down the glass hall back to the Core, a Guard caught up with me and trailed behind me. On my way up the stairs, I crossed paths with Father.

  “Rose, I was just going to find you. I would like to speak with you,” he said, all business.

  Gee. I wonder what he could possibly want to talk about.

  “Would you mind if I bathed and changed first? I feel like I pulled myself out of a blackberry bush,” I replied.

  Father looked me up and down as if only just then realizing how much of a wreck I was. As Peter had said, I had some crazy bed head. Then, there was the blood stain on my dress. I was sure I probably smelled, too.

  “Alright – Come on down to my office when you have taken care of that.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Painfully, I climbed the rest of the stairs. Though I had slept for a long time, I was still exhausted and felt like a troll was sitting on my spine. Without any grace, I slammed the button to slide open my door and wordlessly stumbled in and through to the bathroom.

  “Your Highness – ” Marie tried to get my attention, but I ignored her; it wasn’t normal behavior for me, but I wanted to be alone for a while. I peeled off my dress and undergarments, then started the hot water. It was so rare that I ran my own bath, I didn’t know where the rose oil was kept.

  Hearing the bathroom door open just a bit, I looked at it and saw Marie’s waving hand holding the precious scent. “Thank you, Marie.”

  “You are welcome, Princess.”

  I poured some of the oil in my bathwater and the aroma of rose filled the air. Sometimes, I felt a bit like a cliché. Though I didn’t like the Rose of Petrichoria title, I did like roses; from their delicate scent to their soft petals – even the prick of the thorn. After turning off the water, I lowered myself into the full tub. Rather than allowing myself to fully relax right away, I washed away the tears and turmoil from the night before.

  Because Father wanted to see me, I didn’t have a lot of time to unwind, but I did take a few minutes to breathe in the floral scent filling the air and breathe out the sense of loss I couldn’t help but feel. Stepping out of the tub, I wrapped myself up in a red towel and went back into my bedroom.

  Thankfully, Marie wasn’t in there; she must have taken a hint. She had always been perceptive to my needs. On my bed lay brown trousers and an ivory cowl neck tank top.

  No corset today. Thank you, Marie.

  To ready myself for my meeting with Father, I quickly put the clothes on, put on mascara and lip gloss, and braided my hair.

  Though I knew I needed to get to Father, I sauntered down the five flights of spiral stairs so I could compose myself.

  It can’t go as badly as I think it will, can it? He can’t be too angry about Stephan – or Peter. Or maybe he’s mad because he thinks I’m being fickle with my heart. Maybe he doesn’t mind that I’m in love – even though it’s against the rules. Who am I kidding? Of course he’s angry.

  Without knocking, when I pressed the button, the door to his office slid open and I walked in. Very unlike him, he was leaning back in his chair and looking at me as if he had spent the entire time I was gone watching the door.

  “Please have a seat, Rose.”

  No full name. A good sign?

  He gestured to the chair on the opposite side of his desk – a seat I always dreaded because it only meant one thing when I was a child; I was in trouble. There had been a few times when it didn’t, but, for the most part, a lecture would be about to happen.

  After I did what I was told, he leaned his arms on his desk and continued. “How are you doing after yesterday?”

  He’s softening me…

  Clearing my throat, I responded, “Alright, given the circumstances.”

  “I am a bit confused about something I would like for you to please clear up.”

  Here it comes…

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Yesterday, you told me to quarantine you because you had been kissing Stephan, yes?”

  I nodded.

  “Then last night, I went to your swing only expecting to see you, but found you in Peter’s arms.”

  It wasn’t a question, but he paused anyway before proceeding with the lecture. I could definitely see where he was going. He wasn’t angry, but he was concerned about how blasé I was being with my heart.

  Father continued. “You are of course aware that it is against the rules to be in a romantic relationship before the King’s Test, right?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  He leaned back again and ran his hands down his face. “I am trying to be gentle about this since the subject is probably a tender one right now, but I really need to know what you were thinking being in a relationship at all, much less with two men.”

  “Weren’t you and Mother in love before the Queen’s Test?” I asked exasperatingly.

  “Yes,” he drawled. “But we were not in a relationship. We did not kiss and have secret rendezvous. And I was not seeing two women.” He hesitated for a moment. “You haven’t – uh – you know – have you?”

  “Father! No!”

  “I had to ask. I just wanted to be sure.”

  “Well, I have not done – that – with anyone! Really!” I sighed. Wringing my hands, I looked down. There was no way around it; I was going to have to tell him everything. After taking a deep breath, I explained everything. “About five years ago, I danced with Peter for the first time and we just – felt this – pull to each other. A couple months later, we began
secreting away together. It was all laughing and fun and even though I knew it was wrong, especially because I was keeping it from you and Mother, we stayed together because we are in love."

  I met his eyes. "A couple days ago, Stephan commed and said he has – had been in love with me for ten years. I was confused and Peter saw it. The morning Stephan came in, Peter broke things off. He told me today that he let me go so that I could fairly decide between them and he was sure I would choose him."

  "It doesn't matter who you would have chosen. Ultimately, the King's Test will decide," Father said coldly.

  This is not going well.

  "Yes, of course. A situation that I had discussed with both of them. Peter thought he would be losing, so he just wanted to be together as much as possible over the next few weeks." I swallowed hard. "Stephan was sure he would win and wanted to begin our lives together now rather than later."

  "Hmm."

  I wasn't sure what that meant.

  "Talk to me about yesterday," he commanded quietly.

  "Before Stephan and I could really explore our feelings, he began exhibiting symptoms. Right after a kiss, his eyes glazed and he dropped me." I looked down. "You know the rest of what happened with him."

  "Yes. Doctor Winston told me you stayed with him until the end and that his last living nightmare was something about your safety," Father said with consolation.

  I rotated my eyes upwards to stop the tears before they came and failed spectacularly. Still not able to look Father in the eye, I looked back down and let tears fall. "Even though I wanted to be alone, I wasn't alone for long before Peter joined me."

  Then, I met his gaze; he was beginning to cry, too. "I swear nothing happened between us last night. He and I needed each other even if I didn't know it at first. I couldn't cry anymore, but he sobbed and sobbed, and I pet his head, like Mother does for me when I’m sad, and tried to coo him into some kind of solace. It just couldn't be done. He was so upset about his family. I couldn’t send him away."

  I huffed. "I didn't want to go back to my room and Peter didn't want to be alone, so we laid down and I let him hold me because he needed it.

  "I never stopped loving Peter. I know I loved Stephan, but I don't know to what degree because we never got to figure it out. Honestly, I must tell you that Peter and I patched things up this morning and I have no intention of ending our relationship until after my Birthday Ball." I pressed my quivering lips into a straight line and jutted my chin to let him know I meant business.

  Father sniffled and relaxed a little; just a little. "I'm not very happy about this, Miriam."

  Ooo. He used my real name. This is serious.

  After pursing his lips and biting his cheek while deep in thought, he nodded as if he made a decision. "While I am not happy about this at all, I am going to let it fly and stay flying until your Birthday Ball." He leaned forward. "I am only allowing it because of how difficult yesterday was for both of you. You're right. Neither of you should be alone."

  "Thank you, Father. Please forgive me for breaking the rule to begin with."

  "I forgive you." He exhaled loudly. "Now that that's taken care of, I want to request your presence at a Council meeting in the morning concerning this mutated Daze. Doctor Winston will be there and without me mentioning you, he suggested your attendance as well."

  I quirked a brow. "He did?"

  "Apparently, he was impressed with you yesterday."

  "Huh. Well, I'll be there. What time?"

  "8:00."

  I took a deep breath, sniffled, and stretched my arms over my head. "What time is it right now?"

  He looked at the clock on his holocomm device. "5:00."

  "If it's alright with you, I think I'll skip dinner tonight. I need to try to get my mind straight again after the last few days."

  "That's alright with me. I'll let your mother know."

  We both stood up at the same time and Father rounded his desk quickly to embrace me. I pulled us apart and he squeezed my arms one more time before I went straight back up the Core and to my room; I didn’t run into anybody and I didn’t seek anyone out. Marie was sitting on my sofa and was surprised to see me back so soon, but didn’t hesitate to help me get ready when I said I just wanted to go to bed because I had an early morning coming up.

  ~ ~ ~

  Five coffins sit on a platform. Four are wooden. One is glass and I’m lying in it. The silhouette of man the color of the night sky circles the row of coffins and lays a hand on the wooden one on the end. It disappears.

  I slowly opened an eye to squint at the clock when I heard someone knocking at the door. The only light available was a slit of dim green from the Space Needle coming between the curtains of my window, but it was enough to make my head feel like it was going to explode.

  Who is visiting me at 3:00 in the morning?

  “Rose?”

  I closed my eye again.

  Peter. Maybe if I don’t answer, he’ll go away. I can’t do anymore talking tonight.

  He knocked again and I did not respond again. At that point, I heard a murmured conversation begin between Peter and the Guard at my door.

  “My Lord, if she is not responding, I must insist you take your leave. The Princess has been through quite a lot lately,” said my Guard.

  “I understand that. That’s why I am here. I am here to check in on her. She has not left her room all afternoon and evening.”

  “She has been resting, Duke Peter.”

  There was an awkward silence. It must have been the first time Peter had been addressed by his new title. Squeezing my eyes tight again, I sighed and pulled myself out of bed. The conversation outside my room continued, though I was no longer paying close enough attention to understand anything. After throwing on a robe, I opened the door and lazily leaned into the doorway. I still only had one eye open and I could feel my braid had come undone in several places. Peter smirked at my dishevelment and I could tell he was remembering my bedhead from earlier in the day.

  “Isalright,” I slurred to the Guard. “Comeonin, Peter.”

  The Guard nodded as he stepped aside and I gently pulled Peter in by his hand. Because my back was to him, I wasn’t positive, but I was pretty sure Peter gave the Guard a dirty look on his way in. When the door closed, I dropped Peter’s hand, shuffled over to my small sofa, and plopped myself into the plush seat.

  As I squinted open my other eye, I patted the seat next to me so he would sit. He chuckled as he sat. “You look horrible.”

  “Gee, thanks, Peter.” I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands and yawned, “What is it that you need?”

  “Why is it so dark in here? Why don’t you have any lights on?”

  Then I gave him a dirty look. “Why do you suppose, darling?”

  “Darling?” he asked me, clearly amused.

  I waved a frustrated hand at him. “The lights are off because I was asleep. It is 3:00 AM, Peter! The better question is ‘what are you doing in my room at 3:00 AM?’”

  Leaning against the back of the sofa, he pulled me over to him so my head was on his shoulder. “Fair enough. I was worried when I didn’t see or hear from you all day. I couldn’t sleep without knowing if you were alright.”

  Snuggling in, I murmured, “I’m alright. I just have an early morning and haven’t had much sleep – ”

  I woke up to Peter gently shaking me. “Oh. Sorry. What was I saying?”

  He chuffed. “That you haven’t had much sleep and you have an early morning. Me, too.”

  “Right – Council meeting.”

  I barely woke to my blankets being pulled up to my chin and Peter kissing my forehead. “Good night, darling.” Peter said.

  “Shut up, Peter. Love you.”

  Chapter 22

  When I strode into the Council Chambers, everyone in the room stood because of my rank; Father followed closely behind and we all sat after he did. Looking around, I was acutely aware of the three empty seats dispersed throughout the tabl
e; Peter now sat in the seat for the Juniper Noble household. The elected Delegates for Cedar, Willow, Oak, and Juniper Provinces had the same signs of weeping that Peter and I both had, which wasn't surprising. In our system of government, the Nobles and Delegates worked closely together and because of that, their families were often good friends.

  Despite what Father had said the previous day, Darrel wasn’t there; I figured he must still be figuring things out. The Dukes and Duchesses around the table were understandably shifting nervously; they were probably wishing they were at home with their families right now. To me, they seemed beyond uncomfortable or homesick, though. Puffy eyes indicated they had been crying or afraid the night before, and I tried not to notice the Duchess of Birch rubbing her temples like she had a headache.

  Standing, Father addressed the Council. "Nobles and Delegates, I thank you for coming to this emergency meeting of the Arborian Council. As you are all aware, we have recently lost all of three Noble families and all but one of another.” He nodded somberly to Peter. “I know this sudden tragedy has hit us hard in a variety of ways, but it is important to try to set aside our emotions so we can look ahead and decide on the next steps.”

  Delegate Maple was the first to speak. “Clearly, Your Majesty, new Nobility will need to be appointed for the Cedar, Willow, and Oak Provinces.” Because of the current circumstances, I had been hoping he would tone it down, but Delegate Maple brought out his fabulous color of condescension anyway. I always felt bad that my uncle had to work with him. “The Council cannot operate like this for long. I have taken the initiative to make a list of promising families I would like to pass around the table.”

  Everyone jumped in their seats when Delegate Oak slapped his hands flat on the table. “Delegate Maple, the Noble families are hardly cold and you have already made a list?! This is completely inappropriate!”

  Delegate Maple gave Delegate Oak a level glare. “While I understand you are going through quite a lot, Oak, the continuing function of the government needs to take some form of precedence in our discussion today.”