by Clancy Nacht
“Then I met you, and you were the most improbably beautiful, sweet, charming man I’d ever seen. All those years, people were trying to get close, inviting me for dinner, offering comfort and sex and everything else, but I turned it all down. Always, I turned it down. Didn’t even think twice. But then with you…it was all my idea. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Think so.” Forrest kissed each of Edwin’s eyelids in turn. “Been there feeling desperate. Looking more for a way out than for reasons to stay. You did look like you needed someone to look after you that day. Always thought you looked sexy in that brainy kinda way, but tonight you look…I dunno. More together.”
One corner of Edwin’s mouth twitched up, but his tone held lingering bitterness. “I came here thinking you might tell me if I didn’t share you with Corey, we were over. Way he talked, it seemed possible. But I don’t want a boyfriend who’s with me because no one else would ever want me enough to steal me. I don’t want you to fuck me because, well, I’m not hideous, and we’re friends, and it’s too difficult to find someone who actually does it for you. You deserve better than that, and so do I. I wanted you to see what was under that absentminded-professor disguise before you made up your mind.”
Forrest cupped Edwin’s face. “I made up my mind when I first made love to you. Knew that even if you and I didn’t work, I wasn’t gonna go back to Corey. You woke me up. Thought for a bit that’s all I was gonna get. Now you’re here, and there’s no one else I’d rather be with.”
Edwin’s ears burned. He ducked his head and took a deep breath, then gave Forrest a quick kiss before standing. “Wait right here.”
Not waiting for Forrest’s reply, Edwin opened the door and shut it behind him, careful not to let out the cats. The evening air cooled on his sweat-damp skin as he walked to the car, retrieved his duffel, and then headed back into the house.
He closed the door behind him and looked over at Forrest, fingers white-knuckled where they clutched the bag.
Forrest rose, walked to the door, and locked it. Tenderly, he put his hand on Edwin’s bag and tugged.
“C’mon. Let me show you where you can put your things.”
Chapter Nineteen
Edwin’s chest felt tight, and his knees tried to wobble instead of walk, but he’d follow Forrest anywhere. To his surprise, Forrest led him not to the bedroom, but the kitchen.
Edwin looked around in confusion until Francesca and Nasty came running. Then he realized why they were there. He couldn’t think of another man he’d known besides Howard who would’ve thought of the cat instead of fast-tracking to the sex.
As Frannie wound around Forrest’s ankles and then Edwin’s, his heart swelled. He smiled so hard that his cheeks hurt, then set the duffel on the counter to open it and take out Frannie’s dishes. He passed them to Forrest, purposely lingering as their fingers brushed. Then he leaned in and pressed a soft, grateful kiss to Forrest’s mouth.
“You’re much too easy to fall in love with, Mr. James.”
Forrest held Edwin for a moment, then gave him a quick kiss and set the dishes down. “Just got some cat food from the store; it’s not special or nothing. She’s been nibbling on it at the garage, so figured she’d be good with it here.”
He took a bag of food from the pantry and poured it while Edwin filled the other dish with water. Forrest had already placed a litter box in the connected utility room. Apparently, Forrest was a little excited about having Edwin and Frannie in his home.
Once they’d cared for the cats, Forrest dawdled a little, as if he wanted to make sure Edwin was ready for the next step. That thoughtfulness banished whatever anxiety he might’ve felt about the speed with which things were moving. They were hardly strangers, but Edwin hadn’t been looking for something like this when they met. Still, Forrest’s transparent attempt to let Edwin take the initiative was too endearing to allow second thoughts.
Stepping in front of Forrest to halt his fidgeting, Edwin looked into his eyes, tucked a finger through one of Forrest’s belt loops, and tugged. “Show me where I’m gonna sleep tonight?”
Forrest smiled. “I have one down here for guests; it’s through the door over there.” He pointed to a door off the living room. Then he gestured to the ladder leading to the loft. “Up there’s usually where I sleep. There’s a skylight. I like to look up at the stars as much as I can, y’know?”
“Please tell me you did not invite me here to show me your guest room.” Edwin gave Forrest a skeptical look, the kind that made his students flinch, and started for the ladder, leaving Forrest to carry the duffel. “I didn’t trim my eyebrows and nether regions to not wake up with your naked body in bed next to me.”
Forrest laughed. “Guest bed is big enough for two. Didn’t know if you’d want to indulge my childish tree-house replacement.”
Beaming, he followed Edwin into the loft. There was a decent-sized futon, a nightstand, and a little desk with a laptop on it. It looked far less sophisticated than the downstairs. Instead, boyishness prevailed from the plaid linens to the pile of car magazines next to the bed. Even here, though, everything had its place.
Forrest paused behind Edwin, one hand resting on Edwin’s shoulder as he set the duffel to the side. “So. Here it is. The spot where I sleep.”
Edwin toed off his shoes, climbed onto the bed, and crawled up its length to lie facedown with his nose in the pillows. He inhaled deeply, finding Forrest’s scent mixed with the fresh smell of laundry soap. This was something he’d ached for without realizing it; being here, experiencing this, answered some secret heart’s need.
Smiling, Edwin rolled over, sprawled out, and gazed at Forrest. He looked too handsome standing there in his snug green tee with those jeans hugging the curves of his muscular legs and tight ass. Statues of Roman heroes were less impressive.
The way Forrest devoured Edwin with his bright blue stare didn’t seem real after so many years spent alone, but Edwin couldn’t help responding to it. The desire he felt was his hope for the future, and that hope made him bold.
“Did you ever lay here and jerk off over me?” Edwin asked, his voice pitched low. Before Forrest could answer, Edwin started unbuttoning his shirt. Then he held Forrest’s gaze and reached down to rub his cock through his jeans. “I thought about being in your bed so many times. After you took me, I was ruined. I don’t own a dildo big enough to compete, and you fuck like a god. I’d never come as hard in my life as I did with you inside me. Can’t even fantasize about anyone else anymore.”
Forrest blushed and pulled off his shirt. It mussed his hair, but he didn’t seem to notice. “Jerked off over you here and in the shower a lot. Thought about being inside you, about how you looked, how you touched me.”
Edwin groaned and redoubled his efforts to strip. He got his shirt off and cast it aside, barely able to tear his gaze from Forrest’s bare chest. As Edwin stared, Forrest unbuttoned his jeans and slid his hand down the front to force open the zip.
“Don’t let people touch me way you did. Trust you like I don’t trust people.” Forrest’s words sounded pained. His expression was pinched, but he shimmied out of his jeans anyway.
The abrupt mood swing made Edwin think of the scars marring Forrest’s skin in places no parental figure should have been looking, let alone touching. He remembered how that first night, when Edwin had wanted to admire his ass, Forrest had seemed so lost. The second time they were together, Forrest had seemed dumbstruck at being rimmed, like he’d never associated that part of his body with anything good before.
Until Forrest opened up on his own, Edwin wouldn’t pry. Instead, he gave up on undressing himself and held out both arms, wanting to hold Forrest and protect him from all the hurts other hands had dealt him.
“It’s different with me, isn’t it? I just want to worship you.” Edwin bit the inside of his cheek, struggling to carry the conversation safely over thin ice. “I won’t ever ask you to do anything that feels
wrong to you. I’m yours, Forrest. I’m safe.”
Forrest made quick work of Edwin’s fastenings and pushed down his pants, leaving only Edwin’s boxers. Then Forrest rolled Edwin on top of him, gazing at him with mingled guardedness and sincerity. “Figured you’re so gentle with your cat, you wouldn’t be the sort to hurt no one.”
“I was raised by hippies.” Edwin shrugged, shifted back on Forrest’s lap, and doodled flowers over his chest with a fingertip.
Forrest looked like a perfect slice of beefcake, but there was so much more to him. Edwin didn’t understand how anyone could hurt him. Then again, Edwin couldn’t think of a time when he’d ever used violence rather than words. He rarely understood why people hurt anyone. That confusion drove many of his studies into conquerors and ancient wars.
Craving a deeper connection, Edwin rolled his hips, rubbing against Forrest through the thin fabric of their underwear. “You know, as a boy, I devoured books about these ancient Roman warriors in leather kilts and plumed helmets. I couldn’t get enough of the histories—Tacitus, Livy—and I must have watched Spartacus a dozen times. I wanted to be strong and brave, heroic, for men like that to approve of me.”
Edwin placed one palm over each of Forrest’s pecs and squeezed, biting his lip at how good the solid muscle felt in his hands. He teased Forrest’s nipples to watch them pebble under his touch. “But I was born a scribe, and every fantasy I ever had of grappling a gladiator ended with me on the bottom. I’m a lover, not a fighter. I have nothing to prove.”
Forrest gave Edwin a sad smile as his thick fingers traced Edwin’s chest. “Got tired of having the shit kicked outta me. Got big enough to kick back. You wanna get bigger, we can work out together.”
“Only to spend more time with my boyfriend. I’m happy with who I am.” Edwin leaned down to kiss Forrest and slid his arms beneath that broad back. Their chests pressed together, and Edwin inched his hips back until their cocks nestled against each other.
“I’m happy with who you are too.” Forrest placed his hands on Edwin’s hips, locking him in place as they frotted. He caught Edwin in a slow, deep kiss so sensuous Edwin’s head spun.
There was something enormous about even Forrest’s smallest signs of affection, as if his passion didn’t come only from his head or his heart. Corey had shamed Forrest by calling it making love, but wasn’t love exactly what Forrest had created in Edwin’s life? Every touch came from Forrest’s soul, and it humbled Edwin as nothing else could.
This time, when Edwin kissed back, he withheld nothing. If Howard could see how tender Forrest was, he’d approve. Forrest had been right weeks ago; that lonely life wasn’t what Howard would’ve wanted for Edwin. It was okay to want this.
Edwin pulled his hands from behind Forrest’s back to cradle that sculpted face. He rested their foreheads together as they caught their breath. His throat ached to bestow an endearment on Forrest, but nothing fit.
Baby, darling, honey, sweetheart… Those were for ordinary men, and Forrest was so much more.
Edwin lifted his head to look into Forrest’s eyes. “Do you remember when you turned down the reward money for rescuing Frannie?”
Forrest blinked, looking confused by the sudden change. “Oh. Um. Yeah. I couldn’t take money from you ’cause you lost a loved one. Besides, she just showed up. Think I owe her a finder’s fee for bringing you to me.”
“I didn’t know how else to reward you. I told you that if you ever needed anything translated to or from ancient Greek, you should let me know.” Edwin stroked the side of Forrest’s face from temple to jaw. “Do you know the word agapetos?”
Forrest raised his brows and then furrowed them in thought. After a few seconds, he frowned and shook his head. “No. Sorry.”
“Good. Then I can finally pay up.” Edwin ran his fingers through Forrest’s hair, combing it out across the pillow. “The ancient Greeks had different words for specific types of love: eros, storge, philia, agape… In modern Greek, some of the meaning has been lost, but to the ancients, agape was true love, unconditional and eternal. It was a concept that existed beyond eros, or passionate love. So I name you my agapetos: my beloved, favorite, most worthy companion.”
Edwin kissed Forrest’s brow in benediction. “You’re so much more than a boyfriend or a fuck, Forrest. You’ve brought me back to life.”
“That word’s for me? That’s your name for me?” Without giving Edwin a chance to answer, Forrest rolled atop him, crushing Edwin in his embrace. He kissed Edwin’s neck and trailed his tongue over his collarbone. “Think you could love me that much?”
Edwin basked in the warmth of Forrest’s mouth, arching into each touch. “I do love you, Forrest. I thought I said that.” He stroked along Forrest’s spine and writhed under his comforting weight. “My agapetos.”
“Yeah, but true love? Unconditional and eternal?” Forrest froze and gazed into Edwin’s eyes. The look on his face was so innocent and open it made Edwin want to cry.
Edwin’s skin felt hot and cold in alternating waves, suddenly too tight as he worried he’d crossed some kind of line. He stilled and met Forrest’s stare, conscious of how strange his hands felt resting unmoving against Forrest’s back. He swallowed around the lump in his throat as his mouth went dry.
“Is that too much? You said—” Edwin sucked in a deep breath that still didn’t feel like enough. “I thought you were in love too.”
“Always wanted to be loved like that. Didn’t think anyone ever would.”
Forrest scaled Edwin’s body and kissed him with a fury of teeth and tongue. Edwin swallowed Forrest’s sounds as he shoved frantically at his underwear. He got them halfway down his thighs, then thrashed and kicked until they were off. His lungs burned, but he couldn’t make himself stop kissing Forrest long enough to breathe.
As he wrapped his legs around Forrest’s waist, he whispered, “I need you inside me. Don’t get me ready. Don’t touch my cock. Just be part of me.”
Forrest reached for the nightstand, but Edwin caught his wrist and looked into Forrest’s eyes. He longed for that connection, but then only Forrest knew how risky his behavior with Corey had been. Edwin wouldn’t push; he knew he was being stupid, but he wanted what he wanted.
Instead of a condom, Forrest grabbed the lube and slicked on the barest amount before pressing the thick head of his cock against Edwin’s opening. He gave no further warning, just thrust in with force that sunk him deep.
Edwin gasped at the sudden, world-obliterating stretch. Nothing existed but Forrest and that undeniable link. Grimacing, Edwin shut his eyes and breathed through it, then wrapped both arms around Forrest and clung. He’d never gotten to do this before, never been in an exclusive relationship, even with Howard. Maybe he’d lost his mind, but he was done putting barriers between himself and Forrest.
With a ragged groan, Edwin pressed his forehead to Forrest’s shoulder and pushed farther onto him. Each small rocking of his hips took all his focus. His legs trembled from the strain to relax and let Forrest inside. He clamped them around Forrest’s back, keeping him close. He’d never felt anything so intense.
When he opened his eyes, he half expected the fantasy to dissolve, but Forrest was right there, so close that Edwin could only lift his head to kiss him. Even Forrest appeared pained; his hair matted at his temples, and his face gleamed with sweat. His massive arms tightened around Edwin, holding him up as Forrest thrust deeper.
Forrest’s gaze never left Edwin’s face, and beyond the hooded lids and physical exertion, a new radiance emanated from Forrest. That shared energy warmed Edwin until he felt pliant and open. His walls had been decimated, leaving only blissful togetherness.
Defenseless as he was now, Edwin felt safe; Forrest was his human shield. Edwin’s skin tingled as he realized Forrest meant every word he’d said. This could’ve been quick and dirty, but Forrest’s reverence proved the impossible truth: Forrest was in love with him.
Heat pooled in Edwin’s belly as his cock th
robbed where their bodies trapped it. He kissed Forrest with languid swipes of tongue and teasing teeth, rubbing against him not for the friction but to feel from head to toe that there was nothing separating them now. He let his head fall back onto the pillow and stared into Forrest’s eyes, their clear blue deepened with need.
With a wry grin, Edwin tucked a stray lock of damp blond hair behind Forrest’s ear. “I never believed anyone like you existed outside my dreams. Can’t fault me for wanting everything now I have you.”
Forrest answered with a shy smile and shifted their hips until he found the perfect angle. He wrapped one meaty hand around Edwin’s cock as he picked up a steady rhythm that hollowed Edwin out as much as filled him. This new, frightening closeness amplified each movement. It was too significant to be just sex; they were truly touching skin to skin inside, no barriers and no protection, vulnerable to one another.
Edwin opened his mouth to speak, but his words died as Forrest claimed his lips. Their tongues danced from mouth to mouth, the balance shifting moment to moment. Through it all, Forrest’s thick cock breached Edwin’s body, invading over and over with increasing urgency.
As Edwin imagined Forrest coming inside him, his cock jerked and dribbled precum over Forrest’s fist. His balls tightened, and he gasped with the need to take Forrest even deeper. Edwin pushed Forrest back enough to hook his calves over Forrest’s shoulders and then grabbed him by the biceps to pull him close again. Forrest couldn’t stroke him from that position, but Edwin didn’t care.
Edwin choked back a sob of relief when Forrest drove inside him again. The sharper angle allowed Forrest’s cock to slam into his prostate with enough force to bring tears to Edwin’s eyes. His hoarse moans punctuated Forrest’s every move. He was too split open to move and so full that there wasn’t room in his body for breath. He struggled at first to meet Forrest’s thrusts, but Forrest’s solid weight pinned him, rendering him helpless.