by Clancy Nacht
It was all he could do to keep their gazes locked. The sensations sweeping through him overwhelmed him to the point of delirium. On impulse, he reached between them, bypassing his own cock to touch Forrest’s and feel where his hole devoured it.
Forrest groaned and faltered in his steady rhythm. The restraint and precision vanished as the need for culmination took hold. Edwin wanted it to last forever, but he wasn’t sure how much more his body could take.
Before he had to beg for relief, Forrest gasped, and his body stilled but for the jerking of his cock as he pumped his seed into Edwin’s aching hole. Edwin felt it on his fingertips as it overflowed, the slippery wetness proof that this was real. Edwin grabbed his cock with slick fingers and pulled, barely ready for it when climax dragged him under in irresistible waves of feeling.
Pulse after pulse of cum splashed onto his chest as Forrest’s final thrusts drove against his prostate, forcing every drop from Edwin’s straining balls. His whole body convulsed with pleasure so sharp it verged on pain for long moments after his cock finished twitching.
Finally, the maddening bliss ebbed and allowed Edwin to breathe again. He felt a moment’s guilt that he’d never given himself this completely to Howard, but it passed. Though he’d been so in love with his careful, cerebral husband, they’d both known from the start that Edwin craved things Howard couldn’t give him. Something primal and raw within Forrest called to its counterpart in Edwin, and he’d been searching for a way to answer since the day they met. It felt nothing but right to discover the language of that need.
Wrung out and sore, Edwin unhooked his legs from Forrest’s shoulders and lowered them to the bed. The movement eased Forrest’s cock from him, but the ticklish warmth between Edwin’s cheeks eased the sense of loss. He wanted to say something, but no words could express what he felt. Instead, he gazed silently at Forrest, trying to communicate with his expression what the combined vocabulary of the ancient world could not.
Forrest, who wasn’t wordy to begin with, fell into the same silent stupor. Tenderly, he stroked Edwin’s hair.
Rustling noises intruded on the heavy silence. The cats must’ve been exploring their new territory.
Edwin had just begun to worry that Frannie wouldn’t be able to make it up the ladder when she poked her head above the top rung.
“Mrowr?”
“Thank you for waiting until the festivities concluded, Francesca. Your thoughtfulness is duly noted and appreciated.” Edwin gave her a droll smile, and she tilted her head as if attempting to decode his expression. Then she padded toward them, prompting Edwin to grab for the sheet.
Forrest’s weight pinned him, and he swatted that pert ass to get him moving just in time to drag the cover over them. Before they could get settled, Francesca leaped onto the bed and walked across Forrest’s stomach. She kneaded the fabric, and her claws sank into his skin judging by Forrest’s wince.
Nasty joined the fray, walking across Forrest’s body with the same lack of concern as his girlfriend, before curling up atop his chest. Seeming pleased, Frannie purred as she prissed her way into the nook of pillow between Forrest’s head and Edwin’s. She draped her fluffy tail over Edwin’s face like a scarf. When he tried to talk, she smacked his lips with it, giving him a mouthful of fur for his trouble.
There was nothing to say, anyway. Instead, Edwin reached across the mattress for Forrest’s hand and entwined their fingers. Looking over, he could just make out Forrest’s smile above Frannie’s ridiculously entitled preening.
It was kind of perfect.
Chapter Twenty
Monday morning began with the invasive ring of a cordless phone. They had spent most of the weekend in the bed, only getting up when necessary for cleaning up and food. Thanks to the Labor Day weekend, they were able to linger in their bliss until the real world broke in.
Beside Edwin, Forrest woke with a start. He flopped his hand around the nightstand until he found the phone.
“Yeah?”
Edwin eyed the clock. It was only six, far too early for a casual caller. For a moment, Edwin worried that it was Corey.
“What?” Forrest tensed. Grabbing the remote with his other hand, he flipped on local news.
Clouds of smoke bloomed on the horizon as the reporter explained that they were looking at a massive wildfire in Bastrop.
Forrest sat, watching with squinting eyes as he finished his conversation. “Yeah, come over. Edwin’s here. No, it’s okay. I love you too. See you in a few, Susie.”
After a moment of frozen silence, Forrest set aside the phone and looked at Edwin. He was pale as a ghost, face devoid of expression.
“Parents live in Bastrop. Stepdad refused to leave the property.”
The clear inference from that data made Edwin’s heart hurt for Susie’s loss. He wasn’t sure what it meant for Forrest. Their previous conversations about his stepfather implied the man had been abusive. During their unguarded weekend together, it had been impossible to miss the extent of Forrest’s scarring or the way he shied from certain touches.
This was even more wrong a time to ask the questions tormenting Edwin than their first night together.
Instead, Edwin reached out to rest his hand over Forrest’s. “I’m sorry. Did your mother make it?”
Forrest looked away and shook his head. “The police came to clear everyone out. He wouldn’t go, so they arrested him. He somehow got away from ’em, and she followed him. Fire was moving too fast. Police can’t stay there all night or go chasing after crazy people.”
Edwin tried to imagine how he’d feel getting such a call, but he couldn’t. His mother was somewhere out there; if she’d died, Thoreau would’ve called. He’d never known his father, but the man who’d raised him still traveled the world with his mother, happy and in love, as far as Edwin knew.
But he did remember the phone call that Howard was gone. He’d never forget that.
Edwin shifted close enough for Forrest to hold and squeezed his hand. “Do you want me to stay, or do you need to be alone with Susie?”
Forrest winced. When he glanced up at Edwin, he looked like a lost little boy.
“I don’t want you to go. She may not want you here, but I need you.” He took Edwin’s hand and kissed his knuckles, then rubbed a cheek against them. “She’s gonna wanna cry and feel terrible about things, and I’m not—I don’t know how to feel.”
“I won’t go until you’re ready.” Edwin pulled Forrest closer and kissed the corner of his mouth. “But your sister’s coming over, so let’s clean up, get dressed, and I’ll put on a pot of coffee while you feed the cats. I’m here. I’ll get you through this.”
Edwin hesitated, then added, “And I know things were…complicated for you at home, so if you want to talk, please know I’ll listen as long as you need.”
“Not sure how long we have.” Forrest rose and pulled clothes from the dresser like an automaton, not seeming aware of what he did. As he dressed, his lost expression changed to one of confused grief. “Almost can’t believe he’s gone. Bastard seems too hateful to die.”
Edwin joined Forrest at the dresser. He’d stowed his clothes in one drawer, but he borrowed a faded Ford Mustang T-shirt and pair of Forrest’s underwear for the hell of it. He hoped seeing Edwin in his clothes would make Forrest feel more connected.
“How did Susie feel about him?”
“She hates how he was to me, but he’s her daddy. Never got as ugly with her.” Forrest took a deep breath. “I didn’t tell her everything.”
Edwin’s lips twitched despite his efforts to keep his face impassive. He loved Forrest too much to control his hatred toward the man who’d hurt him. “Have you told anyone?”
“No.” Forrest turned his back to Edwin and made for the ladder. “Just made sure he knew if he touched Susie like that, I’d take his balls.”
Edwin watched Forrest climb down and then followed slowly. He took the time to compose himself. As much as he’d expected to have his worst
worries confirmed, it still filled him with helplessness that he hadn’t been there to stop the abuse.
Adhering to the plan he’d set forth, Edwin went to the kitchen and started the coffee.
Frannie and Nasty ran in at his heels and waited for Forrest to feed them. The cats didn’t care that it was just after six in the morning; if daddies were having coffee, kittens were having kibble.
Edwin’s thoughts raced as he tried to determine the best approach. Forrest needed him. He’d said so. He’d just lost his mother, even if he wasn’t saying much about it yet. Once Susie got there and started crying over the man who’d so wounded Forrest, things would only get more difficult.
There was no clear right course, so Edwin reached out to touch Forrest’s shoulder, silently urging him to meet Edwin’s gaze.
Forrest gave Edwin a haunted look. His mouth worked before words came out. “Didn’t tell Mom, but she knew. Said all men come with some kinda bad in ’em. My real dad drank. She said he whored around too, but I never saw it. Said she couldn’t find a better man what with me being like I am and all. She said Jesus forgave sins and I should learn to too ’cause she forgave me. Don’t think she felt that way after I left, but she never brought it up except to say if I told Jesse, he’d probably shoot Dale and go to jail.”
Edwin glanced over as he poured the coffee into mugs, studying Forrest’s body language. He wondered whether Forrest thought himself damaged—whether that made Forrest hide at the garage with his cat and his car instead of living the high life that was his due as a godlike gay stud.
Corey acted as if it was okay to treat Forrest like meat, and Forrest had seemed to expect it. The root of that attitude and Forrest’s acceptance of the disrespect turned Edwin’s stomach.
Forrest had a beautiful soul, a warm heart, and such tenderness to his every action that Edwin couldn’t see him as anything but pure. Looking at Forrest’s hunched posture, the defensive way he braced against the counter, Edwin knew Forrest didn’t see himself the way Edwin saw him. Forrest had grown up believing that homosexuality was a sin, that he was dirty and wrong, that…
What? That he deserved what had happened? That a so-called deviant child should be punished in such a way?
Anger built inside Edwin, unfamiliar and strange, at odds with his gentle nature. He wanted to do something, but he didn’t know where to begin. Edwin’s anger was immaterial to what Forrest must feel. Anything he did would be both too much and not enough because not only was it not his place to act, nothing he did could change anything anyway.
He remembered Forrest’s reaction when Edwin told him he believed Forrest could be his true love. The realization that Forrest honestly thought no one could ever see him that way made something inside Edwin come unmoored. Desperation to make Forrest understand his worth supplanted the anger.
This was what Edwin could do. He could make Forrest understand that someone could know everything and still see him as whole, desirable, and worthy.
“I’m sorry you were put in such a fucked-up situation, and even sorrier you felt like you couldn’t share that hurt.” Edwin gave Forrest a sad smile as he held out the steaming mug and then pressed his hands over Forrest’s when he accepted it. “Nothing you’ve done and nothing that has been done to you will ever change that you’re my agapetos, Forrest, but I will neither act on nor share what you tell me without your consent.”
Edwin released Forrest’s hands, hoping he hadn’t put his foot in his mouth. Forrest didn’t seem angry, so Edwin leaned against the counter, body language as open as he could make it.
It seemed like Forrest wanted to talk but didn’t know where to start. His reserve was legendary even when talking about ordinary topics, and Edwin had the feeling that if he pushed too hard, Forrest would clam up. As it was, Susie’s impending arrival put enough pressure on the conversation.
Edwin exhaled softly and lobbed Forrest an opening. “So Jesse never noticed your scars?”
Forrest peered at Edwin from over the rim of the mug. “Nah. He didn’t see me naked. Saw my back scars. Said he believed you spare the rod and spoil the child, but I wasn’t the kinda kid who needed that much discipline. It’s part of why he took me in. Apparently, he waited until after church on a Sunday and laid my stepdad out flat.”
“If he knocked the guy’s block off for too much discipline, I can only imagine what he’d have done knowing the whole story. I can see why you felt the need to keep it quiet from him.”
Edwin frowned, knowing he’d have been tempted to resort to violence also. Still, in this case like every other, the violence just served to isolate people from each other.
“What about Corey? Did he notice the scars? The way you flinch?” Edwin sipped from his mug, trying to treat this like an ordinary conversation and give Forrest a sense of normalcy.
“I flinch?” Forrest frowned. “Don’t mean to.” He sighed. “Corey never said nothing. Was kinda relieved when he didn’t. Some of his friends asked, but it’s not really a subject I wanna get into with strangers.”
That was what Edwin had expected. He thought back to Corey’s surprising shrewdness and had the feeling he’d guessed but hadn’t wanted to untangle that knot of emotional razor wire. It infuriated him with Corey all over again.
With a sigh, Edwin stepped into Forrest’s space and slid his arms around him. He pillowed his head on Forrest’s chest and held him close, trying to give comfort instead of take it.
“That first night, I noticed the scars. I kissed every one I found, and you tensed up, but you didn’t stop me from loving you exactly the way I needed to.” Edwin hesitated, then lifted his head and took a half step back to gaze into Forrest’s eyes. His arms hung in a loose loop around Forrest’s waist.
“You aren’t damaged, Forrest. I’m just very attuned to your comfort level. We were friends, and I wanted you to feel safe with me. Sometimes you flinch. So what?
“Your history has been so painful, but your sexuality is beautiful and complex, and you are so full of love that I can only feel grateful we’re in this together. And we are in this together. Whatever you need to do to be there for your sister, you won’t bleed out unnoticed anymore. I will take care of you, just like you take care of me and everyone else.”
Forrest squeezed him so tightly that Edwin started to worry he’d pop. The ferocity of the embrace waned eventually, as did the tension.
“You think keeping it secret from Susie is wrong? Kinda think the time to tell her has passed. Should I let her mourn her daddy the way she thought of him?”
“I don’t know, agapetos, but you’re all the family Susie has now, and she’s yours. If you keep this secret, it’ll be a wall between you all your lives. This may or may not be the day to tell her, but please don’t let the right moment pass you by when the time comes.”
Edwin thought of his own estranged family and frowned. He kissed Forrest’s jaw to buy a few moments.
The words rising to Edwin’s tongue hurt, but they carried the ring of truth. “Sometimes when we hold back, we rob others of the opportunity to surprise us with their love and understanding.”
Before Forrest could respond, there was a brief knock and then keys in the door.
Of course Forrest would have given his sister keys.
Susie walked in with her eyes closed. “Is it safe?”
“We ain’t naked, if that’s what you’re asking.”
She opened her eyes with a sad smile. “I tried to give you some extra time. Got doughnuts and… Oh, you made coffee.”
When she came around the corner, she set the box on the counter and opened it. Her eyes were still swollen from crying, and she stared at the doughnuts as if she wasn’t sure what to do with them.
Forrest drew her into an enormous hug. That contact opened the floodgates, and she sobbed against his chest.
As Forrest and Susie embraced, Edwin took three plates and a mug for Susie from the cabinet. He glanced at the siblings sidelong, watching Forrest for any sign he neede
d Edwin to step in.
Forrest didn’t seem to be floundering, so Edwin poured coffee into Susie’s mug and found napkins. The box of doughnuts had been a thoughtful touch, the kind of thing that spoke volumes about Susie’s instinct to take care of her brother. Even in her turmoil, she didn’t want to show up empty-handed.
The sound of her brokenhearted sniffles brought tears to his eyes. It also brought Francesca over, obviously distressed at seeing one of her humans in pain. Frannie meowed plaintively and butted her head against Susie’s ankle before winding around her legs.
Without giving Susie a chance to respond, Frannie rose onto her back legs and batted Susie’s thigh with one paw almost like a dog. It reminded Edwin of the months following Howard’s death, when Frannie had been his only comfort.
She was very good at it.
“Why don’t you take a seat in the living room?” Edwin placed a gentle hand on Susie’s shoulder. “I’ll bring breakfast, and Frannie can give you cuddles. She’s an expert.”
Susie sniffled and wiped her eyes. Some of her hair stuck to the side of her face. She brushed it away and headed for the couch. Frannie followed with tail up and head high with purpose. Nasty trotted after like a small parade to the living room.
Forrest swooped in to give Edwin a quick kiss before following the rest.
Once the siblings settled on the futon, the cats made dutiful use of the available laps. Though Edwin couldn’t make out the words Susie spoke to Frannie, he noted with pride that his cat seemed to be providing comfort, if not answers. They rubbed cheeks, and that brought a smile to Susie’s face.
Edwin gave the cats a few more moments to work their therapeutic magic as he put doughnuts on the plates and gathered packets of sweetener for the coffee. He put their breakfast on the tray and carried it into the living room, feeling disconcertingly like the lady of the house. He smiled faintly at everyone as he set the tray on the coffee table, then took a seat at Forrest’s side opposite Susie.