Damned

by Bec Botefuhr

  “I have seen it all, a pirate doing washing.”

  He chuckles and I feel it rumble through his back onto my cheek. Finally, he stops and turns, not breaking my hold until he is facing me. He puts a wicked kiss on my lips, which leaves me breathless.

  “I do have to do normal things, you know.”

  “Hey Jax, oh my god, is that a bike?” I cry, having lost my concentration when I see a bike leaning against the pub. It is just an old yellow and blue dirt bike, but my heart quickens. How I have longed to ride a bike all these years.

  He turns, glances at the bike and grins. “Wanna ride, baby girl?”

  “Really?” I shriek.

  “Come on.”

  He leads me over and then pulls the bike from the wall. I watch him climb on and start it up.

  “Get on.”

  “In this?” I ask, looking down at his oversized t-shirt and my small shorts.

  “I won’t kill you, come on.”

  “You have no shirt on.”

  He winks at me. “More excuse for you to have a feel, now jump on.”

  I do so, climbing on behind him and wrapping my arms around his waist.

  “Hold on.” He yells, before twisting his hand and gunning the bike forward.

  I scream at the power and the way my body thrusts forward onto his. He skids off; rocks flick out from behind us. He is quick and skilled as he zooms down the dirt road behind the pub. I laugh and grip him tighter as he speeds up. Nothing could make me feel better; I am free, like a bird. Nothing in this moment could ruin the magical relief that washes through me; not even fear for my life at the speed Jax is going. After an hour or so of zooming about, he pulls up at a small stream. I blink and leap off the bike, rushing over to the crystal clear water.

  “Oh. It’s beautiful, how did you find this?” I ask, dropping to my knees and running my hands through the stream.

  He kneels beside me and puts his fingers in the water.

  “I found it one afternoon when I went riding. I have never seen anyone here.”

  I can feel his eyes on me, and suddenly, I feel nervous. I know what he wants. I can feel the pressure. When he leans forward and edges my legs apart with his hand, I freeze.

  “Jax, no…”

  He makes an angry sound, somewhat like a growl, and pulls back.

  “Nobody is around.

  “I am not ready.”

  “Well, I am not waiting any longer. I am a man Jade, and I don’t wait for women, you know that.”

  Anger flares inside me. “So you’re just going to have sex with somebody else, because I am not ready this quickly?”

  He shrugs. “I am not going to force you, but I am not going to wait either.”

  “That’s all this is about to you, isn’t it? Sex? If that is all you want then fine, take it. Go and brag that you fucked the princess in the dirt like some whore and tell all your friends how enjoyable it was.”

  I shove him hard, and he falls backwards. I drop and let my body fall over his, my legs falling either side of him. I yank at his jeans. He shoves me angrily, and I land on my bottom beside him.

  “What the hell are you doin?”

  “You know I do not like the idea of you screwing half the bar, so you know your little threats will work. You are getting what you want. Don’t freaking worry about me and the fact that maybe I don’t want my first time in the god damned dirt.”

  “Jesus, if I know it would be such trouble…”

  I stand and kick rocks at him. “You are an ass Jax. I didn’t think trouble would be an issue, so long as you got your rocks off?”

  “Go home.” He roars, and I am almost sure I see his eyes glow red. I shake my head and focus back on the man lying on the ground, glaring up at me.

  “What? Now I am not good enough?”

  “You’re out of your league, so go the hell home.” He is grinding the words out through clenched teeth.

  I feel my face flush at the realization that he is sending me home, not bending me over and taking me like some crazed animal. He is rejecting me. Embarrassed and ashamed, I turn on my heel and jog down the path. I do not hear the bike rev up, nor does he offer to help me home. It takes me almost an hour to reach the pub. I walk right past it and slip through the gate, only to run into James. The look on his face is wild; he grips my arm and slams me again the wall.

  “You filthy little bitch. I knew you were sneaking off. You’re over there with that pirate all the girls talk about, aren’t you?”

  “So what if I am?” I snarl.

  “You whore,” He roars. “You are mine!”

  “No James, I am not yours. In fact, if you want to get technical, you are mine. I can call this wedding off in a split second, and you will get nothing. You have a lover, so do I. If you cannot deal with it, I will tell my parents I refuse to marry you, and you will get nothing. So shut your mouth and accept it, or your little dreams of being king will be over.”

  He opens his mouth to argue but shuts it again, knowing damn well I am right. His grip tightens on my arm, and in the distance; I hear the roar of a bike pull up at the pub.

  “I have to go, let me go now.”

  “I am warning you Jade, a lover is all he better be. If you have any little fantasies of falling in love and running away, I will tie you down and gag you. I will do everything in my power to ensure it never happens. Mark my words.”

  I hear footsteps by the wall, and somehow I know Jax is listening.

  “Don’t threaten me James; you have been off screwing Celeste for years. Don’t you dare dictate to me, I have the higher power here, and you know it.”

  “Did you fuck him?”

  “No, I did not.”

  “But you’re planning to.” He spits, shoving me hard against the wall. My head slams back, and I scream as it connects with the hard brick.

  “You fucking touch her like that again; I will break your neck.” Jax growls, stepping through the gate. I forgot to lock it, oops. He lifts his gun and aims it at James.

  I have never seen James let me go so fast in the entire time we have known each other; he steps back, putting his hands up.

  “I didn’t mean to.”

  “You do as she says or I will find you, hunt you down and kill you. I have no intentions of running off with her, don’t worry your pretty head about it.”

  “I get it, I will not say anything,” James stammers. “I swear.”

  “Very good, now run along. Oh, and if you ever touch her again, I will blow your fucking brains out.”

  James turns and hurries off, not looking back. I keep my stance against the wall; I can feel blood easing down the back of my neck. The damn man has split my head open. Jax shoves the gun into his pants and grasps me, spinning me around to reveal my bloody head.

  “Fucking hell.”

  “It will heal, I have to go.” I mutter, pulling away from him.

  “What was that stunt you pulled back there?” He snaps, glaring at me. His glare frightens me, but I am not backing down.

  “Leave me alone, you will not be seeing me again. I know what you want now. You pretended to be my friend, but you are not. I see you with all the other girls; I will not be one of them. I know your rules, so I am cutting it off. Leave me alone pirate, I am not interested in being a mouse in your trap.”

  He runs his hands through his hair and leans against the wall. “I never lied about what I was; I also never lied when I said I enjoy hanging out with you. I told you to go home, because if I didn’t, I would have slammed you so hard you would have torn in two. You are a virgin, which means it is a gentle process the first time you fuck. You were also right; I was not going to take you on the damned dirt.”

  “How noble of you, so a bed is ok then? I am not interested in involving myself in that painful act.” I say defiantly, folding my arms.

  “It isn’t painful when done right.”

  “I don’t care. Go away and leave me be.”

  “Jade, stop being so difficu
lt.”

  “LEAVE.” I scream, shoving him out the gate. I slam and lock it before he can open it.

  “Open the fuckin gate.”

  I turn and walk off. He can sweat it out. When I get into the house, the maid comes rushing over.

  “The king and queen called, they said they have further meetings. They won’t be home for another night.”

  “Thanks.” I smile, not so warmly.

  “Can I get you anything? Perhaps some breakfast?” She offers, pretending not to notice what I am wearing. Her eyes widen at some blood splatters on my shirt. “Are you hurt, princess?”

  “No, my horse grazed himself, and I ended up covered in his blood.”

  “Right, so breakfast?”

  “Just toast and juice please, maybe some coffee.”

  “I will bring it right up.”

  “Thank you.” I force a smile and stand there until she reluctantly turns and walks out, then I make my way upstairs.

  I ignore the constant ringing sound, coming from my pocket. I throw the phone into a nearby paper bin, knowing I will fish it out later. I nibble on the toast that the maid brings up, but my stomach is in knots. I shove the tray aside and try hard not to think about Jax. My heart aches and I know I should get out, but I just cannot seem to distance myself from him. The little bedside phone rings, I know only my parents have that number so I answer it.

  “Hello?”

  “Jade? Where have you been?” My mother’s voice growls across the phone.

  “I have been with my horses.”

  “For an entire night? I have been trying to contact you for hours on end, and your phone is off.”

  “I went to bed early. I don’t have to be at your beck and call mother.”

  “You selfish little witch, I am at my wit’s end with your obnoxious attitude. You know what, do not bother, I am not even going to discuss this with you. For once in your life, I am putting my foot down. You will be told the news when I return tomorrow.”

  Then, she hangs up. My mother actually hung up on me. My mouth falls open in shock and surprisingly, I feel a little hurt. The stress from the past few days finally releases and tears cascade down my face, I slide down my door and begin sobbing like a small child. I hiccup and sob, continuing this little pattern until I cannot find any more tears to shed.

  I hear a rattling noise outside my window, is someone trying to get in? The noise grows louder and louder. My window slides open and I scream. Jax climbs in; his hair is all disheveled, and his shirt is dirty. How did he get in here? I am still screaming, so he puts his hands up and steps forward.

  “It’s just me.”

  “What the hell.” I screech.

  “Jade? Is everything ok?” A voice carries through my door; it is the maid.

  “I am fine, I just…slipped.”

  “Are you hurt?”

  “No, thank you.”

  I wait until I hear footsteps and then turn back to Jax, who is staring intently at me.

  “Are you crying?”

  I do not answer. He walks over and kneels before me, taking my face in his hands. He runs a finger over my no doubt puffy, red eyes and winces.

  “Aw shit, don’t cry darlin.”

  “Go away.” I mutter.

  “Don’t be like that; I came to talk to you.”

  “There is nothing to talk about. You don’t want me, end of story. You made that clear when you sent me away.”

  “I didn’t send you off because I didn’t want you.” He mutters, impatiently.

  “I don’t care because I don’t want you. Go and find your kicks elsewhere. I do not want this, nor do I need it. I am a princess; seriously, get it through your head.”

  “I know what you are, you do want this, and I am not leaving.”

  I pull my head out of his grips and stand, stalking to my bed. “You shouldn’t be here, so why are you?”

  He stares at me then, with a green intensity in his eyes that makes my breathing deepen.

  “You wanted something today, and with all your fire, you went at it all wrong. I am here to put it all right.”

  I swallow, does he mean what I think he means?

  “I am not interested.”

  “Quit it, I am not listening to you banter on all night. You want this, and I am here, willing to give it to you. Now I ask once more, because if you say no again, I will leave and your chance will be gone. Do you want me to have sex with you or not?”

  Well, when you put it like that…

  “Really? You think it is that simple. I know you only want me for that; then it will be all over, and all this will have been a waste of time.”

  “No, it won’t. I am not going to ditch you Jade, I am not a pig.”

  “I am not so sure about that.”

  “I have waited about for you, and if you do not want this, I will not push. Tonight I am yours, what is it going to be? Do you want me to fuck you or not? If you say no, I will leave and this will end. I do not play games.” His voice is heated and deadly serious. I know somewhere deep inside that I want this, with him.

  “Yes.” I whisper.

  His eyes widen. “There are conditions.”

  I snort. “Conditions?”

  “One, don’t fall in love with me. Two, you do as I ask the whole time. Three, I want it every night.”

  I laugh nervously. “You can’t be serious?”

  “Deadly.”

  “Fine, I have my own conditions then.”

  He grins wickedly. “Shoot.”

  “I can’t make it every night, so every second night. And if I am coming to you that often, I don’t want you having sex with others.”

  He raises an eyebrow. “You don’t want me having sex with anyone else?”

  “No, not if you want me often. If you do not agree, then we do it tonight and it ends. You can go back to your whoring.”

  “Fine, I won’t touch another woman, IF, you keep up my conditions.”

  “Do you swear?”

  “I swear.”

  “What do you mean I have to do as you say throughout? You are not going to whip me or something, are you? I have read that book you know, the dirty one.”

  Amusement flicks across his expression. “I won’t whip you baby girl, but I have certain things I like.”

  “Like what?”

  “Just things.”

  “You better tell me pirate, or it won’t happen.”

  “I like to be hurt.”

  “Pardon?”

  “Hurt.”

  “You want me to hurt you, while we…”

  “Yeah, I want you to hurt me as much as you can.”

  “Ok…that’s not normal, you do know that?” I say, in a shaky voice. It is scary and yet…something inside me flares to life at the thought of kinky sex.

  “I know mate, it’s just a thing. All the women I fuck have no issue with it, do you?”

  “If I do, then what?”

  “I won’t come.”

  I blink. “Excuse me; I touched you with my hands the other night.”

  “Yeah, that is not sex.”

  “So, it’s only for sex?”

  He growls. “Sex is a powerful act. I need the extra kick.”

  I look down at my fingers; do I want to do this?

  “If you can’t handle it, say no, and we will end this.”

  “H-how do you want me to hurt you?”

  “I am not going to ask horrid things of you Jade. If you bite, scratch or pinch me, it will be sufficient.”

  “Um, ok.”

  “Are you sure you can handle it? I won’t hurt you; I do not do that unless women consent to it.”

  “Wait, it goes both ways?”

  “If they want it, yeah.”

  I gasp. “Do you like hurting them?”

  He looks sheepish. “I don’t mind it.”

  “You like hurting women?”

  “Not harshly.”

  “You have problems Jax, really.”

  “I
said you don’t have to.”

  “Ok, can I have a second, please?”

  He rolls his eyes and plonks down onto the bed, staring at me.

  “I can deal with hurting you, but I don’t want you to hurt me.”

  “I can deal with that.”

  “Ok, well can we do this?”

  I blush at my next thought. “I felt the size of that thing. We won’t fit.”

  “We will fit.”

  “What if I don’t like it?”

  “You will.”

  “What if I don’t?”

  “God but you are a stubborn shit. If you don’t like it, the deals off.” He yells, throwing his hands up.

  “Good.”

  “Are you finished now, because I’d like to fuck you?”

  “Do you have to put it so rudely?”

  “I am not going to say making love, I don’t make love. I am not going to say I am going to sex you, because that just sounds childish. I am going to fuck you, can you deal with me or not princess? I swear, I fuck, and I am a pirate. The choice is yours; say no now because once I start, you are not leaving.”

  I blush and nod. It is the best I can do. He steps forward then, grasping his shirt and tossing it off. Then he pauses and glances at me, as if he wants to ask something.

  “What?” I whisper.

  “Are you on birth control?”

  “Pardon?”

  “Are you? I don’t fuck anybody bareback, but I want to with you.”

  “Y-yes I am.”

  “No babies?”

  “No.”

  “Magic.”

  “Wait,” I say, putting my hand on his chest. “What is bareback?”

  He laughs. “You’re going to be fun. It means no protection.”

  I blush. “Oh. What about diseases?”

  He cocks an eyebrow. “I said I haven’t fucked anyone bareback…which means I have none.”

  “What about oral sex?”

  He sighs and rolls his eyes. “What about it?”

  “I am sure women have put their mouths on you, bareback.”

  He looks impressed by my new words. “I don’t let women suck me bareback. I always put a condom on.”

  I scrunch up my nose. “That’s just disgusting.”