Damned

by Bec Botefuhr

  “You asked.”

  “Well…I am sure you have…put your mouth on women.”

  “Any woman I pick up at a bar is just sex, end of story. I do not play nice, or stroke, I just fuck. The few women I have done that to, were my girlfriends, and they did not have diseases.”

  “How do you know?” I ask. “And I thought you didn’t do girlfriends.”

  He growls but answers me. “They were virgins Jade, and I have had a few girlfriends before.”

  “So I am not good enough to be your girlfriend?” I hear the pain in my voice, and he obviously does too.

  “Baby, you are a princess. You cannot be any more than you are. I told you, I am done with relationships because I got burnt. They were all before I became the way I am now. I have not had a girlfriend since my wife, end of story.”

  I swallow and look down; his words hurt. “Ok.”

  “Don’t look like that, you are killing me.”

  “It doesn’t matter, let’s keep going.”

  He raises an eyebrow, then steps forward and takes my jaw in his hand and kisses me passionately. “If I was not screwed up the way I am and had not been burnt, you would undoubtedly be a girl…I would fall madly in love with.”

  I blink once, then twice. Did he just say that? Before I can answer, he says quickly. “But I am not normal, and I am screwed up, so I will not love you. Can you accept this how it is?”

  If I say no, I will lose him. “Yes.”

  “Good, because I need you.”

  He returns to removing his jeans until he stands nothing. I gasp and whimper. Good lord the man is a god. He is rippled everywhere it counts, and boy is he huge.

  “Are you sure we are going to fit?”

  “Positive.”

  I nod and grasp my shirt, undoing a button.

  “Ah ah, I do that. Hands by your side.”

  I put my hands down; my eyes refuse to move from his glorious body. He steps forward, undoing my shirt and letting it slide. Then, he undoes my bra. I blush furiously. I have never shown anybody my breasts. Well, he had touched them and all but never in the open like this.

  “Hands above your head.”

  “What?” I stammer.

  “Do it.”

  I lift my hands, and he growls. “There we go.”

  He leans down, drawing my nipple into his mouth. I gasp and squirm. His lips are soft, warm and sensual. He sucks, licks and probes until I am gasping and begging for more. He stands and takes hold of my jeans, lowering them slowly and going down with them. I blush again, as he is now level with my panties.

  “Slide these off.” He orders, in a husky voice.

  I slide my panties down and he hisses in satisfaction. I flick them off and straighten again; he leans forward and presses a kiss to my stomach. I am on fire. He trails his mouth lower, then wedges his hand between my thighs and forces them apart. His fingers slide up, stroking me gently, slowly. I cry out, grasping my own head and clenching. He shoves me lightly, and I fall onto the bed. He is over me in a second, plunging his tongue into my most sensitive flesh. I scream at the pleasure that shoots through me. I pant, squirm and wiggle. When I feel my body explode beneath him, he delves harder and deeper, making my climax that much more intense.

  “There we go, one down.” He murmurs, dragging kisses up my body until he meets my lips.

  He slides between me, wedging my legs apart with his hips. Slowly, he slides himself up and down my flesh, making me moan and whimper once more.

  “You ready, baby girl?”

  “No, yes, I don’t know.”

  He takes hold of himself and slowly pushes in; he is barely there when I cry out. He is too large, and it hurts.

  “It hurts.”

  “It’s going to.” He growls.

  He pushes further, pausing to weigh up his options, and then with one hard thrust, he sheaths himself. I scream; I feel a mixture of pleasure and pain. He slows and kisses me deeply until I am moaning once more. Then, he begins to move slowly.

  “Oh fuck, you are so tight and warm.” He moans into my ear.

  “Please.” I whimper. “More.”

  He quickens the pace until my bed is rocking against the wall and I am screaming. He clamps a hand over my mouth, knowing my maids will hear if I get any louder. I feel pleasure shooting though me in a way I could have never imagined. I reach out to grasp him, but he takes my hands in one of his, placing them above my head. The other remains over my mouth.

  “No, this is mine tonight.” He pants, between ragged breaths.

  He drives harder and faster until I could not care less if he asked me to burn him alive while having sex with him. I would do anything he wanted in this moment.

  “Hurt me Jade.”

  “How?” I breathe.

  “Just hurt me.” He roars slamming me so hard my voice comes out jagged.

  I cannot think; I take my mouth and put it on his shoulder, biting down on it.

  “HARDER!”

  I clamp my teeth harder, feeling my body respond. I couldn’t possibly like this, could I? I feel myself tightening around him as pleasure shoots through me once more. I hear his groans as I bite and suck on his shoulders. I feel my body explode beneath his and seconds later; he roars his own release. When it is over, he rolls off. We lie side by side, panting.

  “I take it back.” I murmur.

  “Not so bad, eh?”

  “No.”

  “Sorry about the force, I thought it was better than inching in slowly. Are you hurt?”

  “A little.” I admit.

  “I will leave you a few days.”

  “Oh.”

  He rolls, facing me. “You don’t want me to?”

  I shake my head. “I want more of that.”

  “And there is plenty more to give, you didn’t mind the hurting?”

  “I thought I would, but no. It was a little sexy.” I flush and he laughs, stoking my cheek.

  “You blush often, you know that?”

  “Yeah, don’t tease me.”

  “Never.”

  “When do I get to touch you?”

  “Touch me.” He says, and I blink.

  “What now?”

  He shrugs, rolling onto his back. “Go on.”

  “But I don’t…I can’t.” I am stammering. Nice.

  He grins, taking my hand. “Come on, you can do it. You did the other night.”

  “I don’t think I can do it on my own, you showed me the other night.”

  “If it interests you, touch it. And you can do it on your own, if I recall.”

  I reach my hand out and place it on his chest; he lays his head back and closes his eyes.

  “Go on.”

  I run it over his chest, then down over his abdomen. His muscles bunch beneath my palms. His skin is smooth, hot and tempting. I could be naughty. Right? I trace all the tattoos on his chest.

  “Do these mean anything?”

  “Nah,” He rasps. “Keep touching.”

  I splay my hand out over his shoulders and knead them gently, pinching his muscles between my fingers. He groans. I slide my fingers down over his nipples and squeeze them gently, another moan. I lean down, dragging my tongue over his skin and then settle on his hardened nipples. This felt enjoyable for me, does it for him too? I draw one into my mouth, his body clenches, and he lets out a guttural moan.

  “Fuck it; I will come again if you do not stop.”

  So it does feel nice. I smile and kiss a small trail down his stomach. When I met the small patch of black hair, I hesitate. I can see he is excited once more, and I know I want to see what I can do. I reach out and take him into my hand, moving slowly. Jax hisses and his hands clench into the bed sheets. I move my hand repeatedly. He growls and moans as the pace quickens, then suddenly his hand snaps out and stops me.

  “Enough. Roll over.”

  I feel my eyes widen. “What?”

  “Roll over.” His voice is husky and ragged.

  I turn my b
ody over and he grasps my hips, yanking me to him. He lifts me so I am on my knees, nerves rack me, and I feel panicked.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Fucking you again, it won’t hurt.”

  I feel exposed with my bottom in the air, and I wiggle uncomfortably as he slides his fingers into my heat once more. I groan as he drags them slowly in and out.

  “You’re so god damned beautiful.” He whispers, just loud enough that I can hear.

  He slides in a little slower this time, giving me a chance to adjust. I feel uncomfortable, as though somebody is probing me deep in my center. Then, he begins to work his hips so he is slowly thrusting in and out. I feel a different sensation now, one of fullness. After a moment, it is replaced with intense pleasure, much more than before. I moan, tangling my fingers in my bedspread as he drives harder and faster until our cries muddle together.

  “Jax…I can’t hurt you like this.” I cry as his pace becomes desperate.

  He shoves his body over mine; still thrusting harshly as he slides his hand in my mouth, his finger rests on my tongue.

  “Bite me darlin. God now.”

  I clamp down onto his finger and he explodes instantly, shooting hot warmth inside of me. His chest is warm against my back, as he leans over to kiss my neck.

  “Feel good?”

  “Yes.” I whimper as he slowly licks my earlobe.

  “That’s enough for tonight.”

  I let out a disappointed sound and he laughs, turning me around. “It will hurt you pretty girl, I assure you.”

  “Do you really think I am beautiful?” I ask.

  He looks confused. “You don’t think you are beautiful?”

  “It’s not that, it is just…well nobody ever told me that.”

  “Not even your parents?”

  “Princess’s aren’t beautiful. They are elegant and stunning, but not beautiful.”

  He kisses my nose. “Then yeah, I think you are beautiful.”

  I smile. “Are you this nice to all your girls?”

  He grins, that stupid half grin that makes my heart flutter. “No, I’m not.”

  “Why with me then?”

  “I told you, I enjoy you. I am not interested in just sex; I am interested in friendship too.”

  “And nothing else?”

  He hardens. “No. Do not try and make me love you little girl, I will crush you.”

  “Why do you think that?”

  He lets me go and sits back. “I know that.”

  “How? What’s so awful about you?”

  “It’s not that I am awful, but I trust no one. Women…they are snakes.”

  I gasp shocked and hurt. “What?”

  “They lie, cheat and leave people behind. No woman truly ever just wants one man.”

  “That’s not true, it is called love.”

  “Love is bullshit. If love were real, people would not get hurt.”

  “That’s not true!”

  “It is fucking true. Explain to me then; if love is so god damned incredible, why people cheat?”

  “It’s because they are pigs. Love is incredible, and when you love somebody, you don’t think of doing those things.”

  “Well, I beg to differ.”

  “Women aren’t snakes either. Not all of us are horrid.” I pout, wide-eyed.

  “I don’t believe that. You are not horrible, and some women are beautiful, they can also be beautiful devils. They can crush a man in a split second. I will not risk that in my life, so I refuse to fall in love. I told you this and if you are thinking it will change you are wrong. I said I would treat you nice, fuck you, stroke you and be your friend but if you want more, leave.”

  “You’re in my house.” I snarl, hurt by his words.

  He stands and pulls on his jeans. I panic.

  “I don’t want more, don’t go.”

  He stares at me intently for a long, painful moment. “Why don’t I believe that?”

  “I like you, a lot. You make me feel different. I like to feel different. I do not want to be a princess, I just want to be normal, and you give me that. Please…I won’t fall in love.”

  “You can’t choose if you fall in love, nobody can.”

  “Please Jax; I don’t want to be stuck in this world with nothing. You give me something else; I need that.”

  His eyes meet mine. “Fine but if I think you are falling, I am gone Jade.”

  “Don’t go.”

  He sighs. “You’re dangerous, I know I should run but…I can’t keep away from you.”

  Our eyes meet and I step forward, putting my hands on his chest. “I feel the same, pirate.”

  “I am lethal Jade, what you see in that bar is not what I am.”

  “I am not stupid; I know you have killed people.”

  “I have tortured, beaten, decapitated…”

  I put my hand up. “Stop.”

  “You need to know these things.”

  “You’re a pirate, I get it.”

  “It’s a deadly world out there, and I am a very different man. It is why I don’t keep many women on my ship.”

  “Have you ever…”

  “If you are going to say raped, then no. I would never rape a woman.”

  “Have you beaten one?”

  His eyes meet mine. “Yes.”

  “Killed?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you abusive Jax?”

  He looks away. “I don’t mean to hurt women unless they are doing something against my crew, those women are the enemy, but to answer your question…I can be rough. You just witnessed that. Sometimes women like to take it when we are having sex, and so I give it to them.”

  I swallow. “Punching?”

  “I have punched women who wanted it, yes.”

  “Shoving?”

  He nods.

  “Slapping?”

  He nods.

  “Should I be worried?”

  He looks into my eyes. “I am easily angered Jade, but I fight to never hurt girls. Sometimes though, women push and I have shoved and slapped them for it. As for the sexual thing, I would never make a woman participate if she did not want to.”

  “But you wouldn’t enjoy it if they didn’t?”

  “I just enjoyed it then.”

  “But I hurt you, what if I refused? Could you enjoy it?”

  “I could, yeah. It would take a while though.”

  “Tell me why you are like that Jax.”

  “It’s just part of something I am; part of being a true blood. It is the best way I can explain it. I am cursed to like it I suppose. Tell me something about yourself now, because I keep answering your questions, but you have not answered mine. So go on, tell me something.”

  “My real name is not Jade.” I say and he blinks. There, that one stumped him.

  “It’s not? What is it?”

  “I truly hate it Jax.”

  “Come on, I told you some of my stuff.”

  I groan and mumble, “Its Lilyahna.”

  “Lilyahna?” He smiles.

  “Lilyahna Jade.”

  “It’s real pretty kid.”

  “No, it’s awful. I have been going with Jade since I was a child, my parents accepted it and have always called me that but it is not my real name.”

  “I like it, so I think I am going to call you LJ.”

  I glare at him. “I hate you sometimes.”

  He kisses me. “I know. I gotta go kid.”

  “Oh.” I say, looking away.

  “I got work to do.”

  “I understand.”

  He grasps my face in his hands and presses a kiss to my head.

  “Shower and sleep. I will see you tomorrow.”

  “Ok.”

  “Sleep tight, LJ.”

  He kisses me quickly, then grasps his shirt and is out the window before I can say or do anymore. I sit staring at the pub for half an hour, before deciding I should shower. I am quite sore, but I feel incredible. He makes me feel ama
zing. I step into the shower and glance down; I can see blood, a lot of it. I text Jax hoping he can explain. My mother refused to give me the birds and the bees talk when I was growing up.

  I am bleeding, why?

  You were a virgin; it happens. It’s fine mate.

  But…there is a lot.

  It’s fine!!

  I put my phone down and step back into the shower. Why was he so snappy in that text message, have I offended him somehow? With an exaggerated sigh, I slowly pour some soap into my hands and begin cleaning myself. When I am done, I dry, dress and wiggle into my bed. I can smell him on it, and it only makes me want him that much more. I feel my eyelids become heavy, and I am beginning to drift, when my phone buzzes again.

  Are you still bleeding?

  No.

  Are you angry?

  No.

  I was working mate.

  No problem.

  Jade…

  Goodnight Jax, I am going to sleep now.

  Night mate.

  I feel a little immature, but I am hurting and confused. I want answers and I hate that he is so against love. I know hurt is in my future, so why am I not running? It wouldn’t be hard, but I cannot force myself away from him. I want him and so help me god, I cannot walk away. I know my text was abrupt so I make a rash decision.

  I climb from my bed, change and make my way next door to the pub. There are a few people lingering around the outside when I arrive. I know it is not safe for me to be wandering around alone out here. I knock on the locked front door, no answer. I wait a moment, and then knock again. I am feeling nervous now. People are watching me. I pull out my phone and text Jax.

  Let me in.

  I wait a moment and Jax answers wearing only a pair of jeans. He looks shocked to see me and then his face pales slightly.

  “Err Jade, what are you doing here?”

  “I wanted to see you; I don’t get many nights alone so I wanted to spend it with you.”

  His eyes widen. “Can you give me a minute?”

  I feel my chest seize. He has another woman with him. I gasp and lift my hand to my mouth.

  “You promised.” I screech. I turn and begin running back towards the gate.

  “Wait, Jade.”

  He catches me just outside the gate and spins me around. “I am not sleeping with anyone.”

  I crumble into him, and he holds me tight. “I don’t have another woman with me, god darlin, no.”

  “I thought…you said wait, and you looked shocked to see me.”