Damned

by Bec Botefuhr

  He tilts his head. “What here?”

  “Here.”

  I press my body against his and he pushes his lips onto mine. Hot sizzling emotions tear through me; his kiss is desperate, hungry and he tastes so damn good I would have happily died right there. He groans and presses my body further into his, dragging his lips down over my jaw and neck. I take hold of his shirt, yanking at it in a poor attempt at getting it off. He lets me go, slides it off then pulls me back towards him. His skin is hot; I press my hands to his chest, feeling his muscles move beneath them.

  “God, you’re so gorgeous.” I moan, trailing kisses over his shoulders.

  He makes a feral sound, then yanks my shirt up and over my head. Slowly, he reaches around and unhooks my bra, tossing it on the ground. My skin touches his, and the contact makes me shiver. He lowers his hands to my shorts and yanks them down; I step out of them just as he runs his fingers along the inside of my panties. I press myself closer to him. Suddenly, he lifts me and slams me against the closest wall. Managing to hold me, he lowers himself so my legs are around his shoulders and his head is directly between my legs. Oh god.

  “Jax…please….” I whimper.

  I can feel his hot breath on my flesh. He taunts me with a long, slow lick and I moan, throwing my head back. I tangle my fingers into his hair, yanking him closer. Another lick, then another, until I am gasping and begging. Fire erupts through my veins, jolting my body back to life and causing an orgasm to tear through me. When he finally stops, and I am still dazed from his maddening mouth, he lowers me so I am now on his hips. He somehow manages to shuffle from his pants, then he thrusts inside me.

  I groan at the sting, but I know how incredible it will feel in mere seconds. He presses a kiss to my lips; his breathing is ragged and his muscles are tense with anticipation. He pulls me lower, until I feel the sensation of him being fully inside me. I whine, squirming and panting. He doesn’t move his hips; he just lets me sit there in desperation. I look into his green gaze; he is watching me, admiring me. I slide my tongue across his lips, and he groans.

  “Oh Jax, stop teasing me.”

  “It’s all part of the fun, baby girl.” He whispers into my mouth, then with one hard thrust, he is driving in and out of me. Finally.

  My screams echo across the water as he begins his intense pace. He holds onto my bottom, using it to drive each pump of his hips, to take him deeper. I grip his shoulders, my nails tearing at his skin. Having sex with someone else, could surely not be better than it was with him. He takes my nipple into his mouth, biting down on it hard enough to make me yelp.

  “Pain’s good.” He groans, sucking the hurt he just made. He does the same to my other nipple, until I am writhing against the wall.

  I can feel the heat rising inside me, my body preparing itself for a massive release. He feels it to because he quickens his pace, his moans mixing with mine to make a magical sound. I grasp his shoulders and yank him to me as my release tears through my body, causing a guttural scream to erupt from my throat. He yells out with his own release, then begins slowing his pace until he stops. I am panting heavily, and we are both drenched from the rain.

  “We are soaked.” I whisper. I don’t dare mention that he found his release without me hurting him.

  “Yeah.”

  He lets me down, then picks up my clothes and his own, before leading me into his room. Staring at him naked, would astound any woman. His backside is to die for, and that body. I could stare at it all day. He throws me a towel and I sit on the edge of his bed, wrapping it around myself. His eyes meet mine and stay connected with them for long, long moments. His phone ringing snaps him out of it. He picks it up, and his face seems to change.

  “Bella?”

  Bella? Who is Bella?

  “What the hell? Are you serious?” He hisses. “Fine, give me an hour.”

  He slams the phone closed, then stands. “We gotta go.”

  “Who was that?”

  “My wife.”

  The ride home is silent, so many emotions rip through me; jealousy, hurt, rage and confusion. I don’t know the story of Bella, but I can see in the way his face changed that there is more to the story than a simple divorce. We arrive back at the club and once inside, are greeted by a dazzling woman. She is tall, blonde and big breasted, with large brown eyes. She is gorgeous. I swallow and step back as she walks towards Jax and embraces him. I don’t know how to feel or even how to speak as they begin talking about something unfamiliar to me. Has he forgotten I am here? After a moment, Bella looks over at me.

  “Jax, isn’t that the princess?”

  “Yeah, she comes and hangs out with us.”

  She looks at me, up and down, then her eyes narrow. “She came in with you, where were you Jax?”

  “On the ship.”

  “What the hell for?”

  “I was showing it to her.”

  Realization clicks. “You’re fucking the princess?”

  Jax grunts. “God, as if.”

  My world stops and I feel as though I am going to throw up. As if? I back up; one step, then two, before turning and rushing out the door. I run into Jack, who grasps my arms and takes a good look at me. His face scrunches.

  “What’s the matter sweetheart?”

  In a babble, I tell him.

  “Oh…Bella is back. Darling girl, he didn’t mean that. His history with Bella is…complicated.”

  “He said as if, like I was nothing more than one of his ridiculous fans.”

  “It’s his wife, it makes it complicated if she knows what he is doing. He was likely protecting you; she would be one to take it to the media.”

  “No, it’s not him protecting me, it is him being exactly who he is. He made it clear what he was when I met him, and yet stupid me went and…”

  “And what?”

  I spin around; Jax is standing at the door. I can’t see Bella, but no doubt she is waiting for him inside.

  “Nothing, I am leaving.”

  He takes my arm. “And what?”

  “Jax, what do you want from me? Really? You take me to your ship; you touch me like I mean something, then you make out as though I am nothing.”

  “I told you what I am; I told you I will stroke you, kiss you and fuck you. I stayed true to my word. Bella is my wife, and it’s complicated. I didn’t need the extra drama.”

  “Drama? That’s all I am?”

  He growls. “No it’s not, you just need to understand your place in this.”

  “PLACE,” I scream. “I have no god damn place, I never have. The only place I have, is on your dick.”

  “Fuck it Jade. I never gave you false hope, NOT ONCE.”

  “Didn’t you? Because, I am sure you do not take all girls to your ship. In fact, I am sure you couldn’t give a shit if other girls cared about you being a pirate or not.”

  “You think I took you there, because I care?”

  “I don’t know what you feel.”

  “NOTHING. I told you I don’t fall in love. Where did you manage to miss that? I like you Jade, a lot, but I will NEVER love you. You’re getting married in a fucking week; that will be the end of this.”

  “Now you don’t want me to come back?”

  “What’s the point? I am not one for sharing what another man fucks each night.”

  I slap him, hard. “How dare you. You knew what I was; you knew it. So go ahead, brag that you fucked the princess, it is all this was ever about wasn’t it?”

  “Maybe it was.”

  His eyes are icy, his glare hard and once more his eyes twinkle red. I feel the tears streaming down my face. I take two steps back.

  “I…thought…”

  “You thought what? That I fucking cared about you? Well I DON’T.”

  I nod; my eyes are blurred now from the tears, I can’t see past them. I turn, stumbling towards the gate.

  “You fell in love with me, didn’t you?” He yells, as if finally realizing.

  I tur
n to stare at him, sobbing heavily. “Yeah pirate, I did. I fell in love with you, more fool me, right?” Then, I step through the gate and slam it behind me.

  CHAPTER 7

  I don’t see Jax for days, furious that he hasn’t tried to contact me; I attempt to ring him. His phone is disconnected. It should have hit me then, should have been a big slap in the face, but it wasn’t. I run outside and across to the pub. It is Saturday afternoon; I know it should be raring up for a big night, instead there is not a soul about. I rush to the front door, rattling it. Locked. I see a tradesman putting some bars on the windows; I rush over and ask what is going on.

  “The owner left. It is being locked up until it sells.”

  “What? He left?”

  “Are you Jade?”

  “I am…”

  “Jax told me to give this to you.”

  He digs through his pockets and pulls out a small envelope. He smiles then and walks off, leaving me alone to process what he has just said. Sold. Maybe he is going to do something else, perhaps the information in the envelope is an address for me to find him. He wouldn’t just leave. He wouldn’t. I open the envelope, nearly tearing it in half. I pull out the small slip of paper and read the few lines on it. It is written in a neat scroll, and it is not an address.

  I told you not to fall in love with me. I told you what I would do if you did.

  This is goodbye, have a happy life with your prince. I am sure things will work out well for you.

  Just so you know, you changed me.

  Jax

  I don’t realize I am sobbing until the letter crumples in my hand. I fall to my knee’s raking my nails through the dirt and crying wildly. He left; like he said he would. Why in the world did I ever think I would be the one to change that? That I would be that one girl he fell for. I broke my own heart; I can’t blame him for it. I pick myself up and drag myself back to the castle. I know I have no choice now; I have to face the life I am given, alone.

  They say time heals everything; I doubted that anything would ever heal the pain I feel in this moment.

  TWO YEARS LATER.

  “We can’t continue to go on with this, your parents are going to find out eventually and order tests.”

  I stare up at James from the kitchen table; we have been married for a neat two years now and I hate him more than the day I met him. The feeling is mutual.

  “James they have already run tests, they were fine. They will just assume it is taking longer than usual.”

  “They are going to get sus.”

  “Let them.”

  He sighs, banging a fist against the table. We have been pretending to try for a baby for over a year now, and as yet nothing has happened. Of course, it’s our doing. I don’t want a child; I had agreed to marry James on the condition that we had no children until I was ready. He agreed, and we had been telling people we were struggling, and for some reason, I couldn’t get pregnant. It had a lot to do with the fact that I was on the pill, he used condoms, and we rarely slept together.

  “I can’t pretend forever Jade.”

  “Well I am not ready, I can divorce you as quickly as I married you James. It was our agreement that we didn’t have babies.”

  “You know you can’t divorce me so get off your high horse. You do nothing without your father’s permission, and you know it. You’re stuck with me for life, like it or not.”

  “That may be how you see it, I think very differently. Nothing a shot of poison in your tea wouldn’t fix.”

  I am smiling inside and can’t help but grin when he looks down at his cup of tea, then sets it on the table.

  “Don’t play with me Jade, you won’t win.” He warns.

  I laugh and stand. “Ditto husband. Now off you go, find your little fling.”

  He and Celeste were still at it, apparently they were madly in love. I ignored it, better he get his release with her than me. I was not interested in being with James if I did not have to. It isn’t that he is unattractive; many women would likely find James worthy of their beds. He is tall, lean and blonde. He has pale Russian skin and blue-grey eyes. I just cannot see past his attitude.

  “Mark my words Jade, you will do what I ask, when I ask. I have control here, perhaps you should watch your tea.”

  Then he storms out, leaving me laughing to myself. Gods he drives me crazy, how on earth I would ever spend the rest of my living days with him, is far beyond me. I walk out of the house and into the gardens to meet Keegan, a friend I had made in the last six months. Well, we were more than friends, but I had not been intimate with him. I guess he was like my Celeste. If that made sense. James had her, so I had somebody too. Though nobody…nobody compared to Jax. I chose not to think of him unless I absolutely had to.

  Keegan sits on the small concrete bench with a basket sitting on his lap. He is a sweet, gentle man who I know is probably a better choice for a lover. I smile as I approach; he stands and waves. He is also an attractive man. He has that professional look about him. His hair is long and light brown; his eyes are hazel. He is tall and lean.

  “Good morning Jade, how are you?”

  I sigh. “Ok, James is pushing the children thing again.”

  Keegan’s face tightens. “He is?”

  “Yes and I am over it. I don’t know how to deal with him right now.”

  “Talk to your parents, perhaps they can help.”

  I frown. “Keegan, they want me to have a child. They won’t help.”

  “Right.”

  I notice then; Keegan seems to be tense.

  “Keeg’s is everything ok?”

  “Jade, I have to leave.”

  I gasp. “What? Keegan, no.”

  “I don’t have a choice, your father needs me to go and sort out some issues in America. I will be gone for a few years at least. It’s good money; I honestly need the opportunity.”

  “Keegan, please. You’re all I have left.” I cry, feeling that old pain of loss rising up again.

  He strokes my cheek. “Then come with me.”

  “W-w-what?”

  “Come, run away with me and let’s make a life. Together.”

  “They will find me, pull me back…”

  “Not if we are careful.”

  “God’s Keegan, I can’t, you know that.”

  He slams his fist against the picnic basket. “Jade, I don’t want to leave you but…I do not get much choice.”

  “I wish it were different too, do you think I want to be alone with James again?”

  “Oh baby.”

  He pulls me into his arms and holds me tightly. I know my life as I know it is over, once again and it rips my heart into a thousand shreds. I am falling for Keegan; I doubt I would ever fall madly in love again but he makes me smile, and that is something. My tears slide down his shirt, god in heaven how could I lose somebody else I cared about?

  CHAPTER 8

  Keegan leaves a week later, and I cry for a good twenty four hours. He swears to visit often and ring me all the time, but I know as well as anybody that long distance just never works. I spend two days arguing with James about the baby issue, to which he refuses to budge. A week or so after Keegan left, I am wandering through the gardens when I hear voices. I recognize them as James and Celeste, so I sneak over, my curiosity burning.

  “James, it’s risky.”

  “I know, but it could work. If we planned it right, nobody would suspect a thing. It would be all tragic; I would fall into the throne and name you as my bride. They can’t outcast me now; it’s been done, and Jades parents adore me. They want me to lead, her father speaks about it often with me. If it looked like a tragic accident, they would never suspect it. Think about it, we could live together, be together all the time.”

  “Oh James, I wish for that each day.”

  “Then help me Celeste, she rides her horses each day. If we spooked one and she fell off, hitting her head so hard she died, nobody would ever question it.”

  “What if she di
dn’t hit her head James?”

  “We would hit it for her Celeste, nobody would ever know. Are you in, will you help me?”

  “We are killing your wife, if it goes wrong…”

  “It won’t, I swear to you. She is a thorn in our sides; it’s about time we got rid of that thorn.”

  I turn and hurry off, sweat pours down my cheeks. They are plotting to kill me? My god, they are plotting to kill me. I rush into the castle and into the meeting room where my mother and father are talking.

  “Jade, what is the problem?”

  “J-J-James is plotting to kill me.” I scream.

  “Oh nonsense love, you’re being dramatic.” My mother laughs, waving her hand around.

  “I just heard him, he is plotting to kill me and marry that gardener.”

  “Jade calm down, you heard no such thing. You’re emotional about Keegans leaving; you are stressed. Perhaps you need to see somebody.” My father snaps.

  “WHAT?” I shriek. “You can’t be serious? I heard them.”

  “Macy, call the doctor.” My father says to the maid in a very gentle voice.

  “I am not losing my mind.”

  My father nods and says, “Of course honey.” As though he is speaking to somebody about to shoot themself.

  “Oh my god, you think I am going crazy?”

  “Sweetheart…James loves you. He would never plot such a thing.”

  “I hate you.” I scream, running out.

  I run into James on my way through the front door. He grasps me and actually has the nerve to look concerned.

  “What is the matter love?”

  “You are trying to kill me, you freak. I just told them, told my parents what you are doing.”

  He goes pale. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “You, will go down for this.” I hiss.

  I run once more, flying past him before he can answer and rush to my room. Oh god, I have to get out of here. They will lock me up like some sort of crazy, which is what James wants. I throw some clothes into a suitcase before dressing and grasping the old gardeners key I still had. I pick up my phone and dial.

  “Hey Jade?”

  “Keegan, I need your help.”

  “Whoa, love slow down.”

  I tell him in a hurry what has happened and what my plans are.