Undeniably Yours

by Shannon Stacey

  “Then I’ll text you.”

  She should have told him she wasn’t interested in hearing from him at all. If she pushed hard enough, his pride would keep him from groveling and he’d walk away. But, even though she wouldn’t say it out loud, she was going to miss him, too. A text or two probably wouldn’t hurt.

  ***

  As she walked through the front door of Jasper’s Bar & Grille after a long lunch and dinner shift at the restaurant, Beth heaved a sigh of relief. She was home.

  It surprised her how, after just shy of six weeks, this was home in a way her former apartment would never have been, and if she wasn’t careful she might actually start liking the word. Besides the obvious lack of stale cat urine, there were the people. Paulie, who was fast becoming a very good friend. And Kevin. Despite the almost constant barrage of charm and sex appeal, she enjoyed their relationship a lot, too.

  The rest of Jasper’s staff were warm and welcoming. She wasn’t sure what they’d been told about her. With no obvious signs of pregnancy showing, they might just think of her as a new tenant. Or who knew what Kevin might have told them.

  Beth climbed onto her usual stool at the end of the bar and waited for Paulie to finish up with a customer. On her way over to say hello, Paulie grabbed one of the cans of cranberry-lime seltzer they’d started stocking for her.

  Beth cracked it open and took a long drink. “Thanks.”

  “No problem. You gonna eat something?”

  She was going to be good and have a salad. “A side salad, with light dressing and…oh, hell, a side of bacon cheeseburger, please.”

  Paulie laughed and went to give the order to the kitchen, leaving Beth with her seltzer and some kind of sports recap show on the television. Sports wasn’t really her thing, but her attention was caught when the show went to commercial—a blitz of Christmas sales.

  Her comfortable mood dimmed as she wondered—for the umpteenth time—what she was going to buy Kevin for Christmas. Business at the restaurant had picked up as promised, so she’d been able to set aside some Christmas money as well as putting away money for future prenatal check-ups, but it wasn’t a lot.

  She needed to find the perfect gift on a tight budget. Something special because he really did deserve it after stepping up to the parenting plate and being there for her in so many ways. But not so special he might mistake her intentions.

  A few minutes later, Paulie arrived with her food. “You look a little stressed out.”

  “Christmas is coming. Two weeks.”

  “Ah.” Paulie set her plate down and leaned against the counter. “Nothing makes you crave the Pepto Bismol and Xanax like decking the halls.”

  “Do you and Kevin exchange gifts?”

  “Sure. What are you getting him this year?”

  “I guess there’s no chance I can get out of this.” Paulie’s look pretty much confirmed it. “He’s going to go nuts, isn’t he?”

  “If, by nuts, you mean him using the occasion as an excuse to give you all the things you won’t let him buy you, then probably.”

  “And that’s why I’m stressed out.”

  “Better for your blood pressure to accept now you’re going to get smothered in presents and you’re not expected to smother back.”

  “I hate that.”

  “And they know that about you, so hopefully they’ll make some kind of attempt at self-control.”

  “They?” This conversation was not making her feel better.

  “All of them. The whole Kowalski clan.”

  She’d been so focused on Kevin, she hadn’t even thought about the rest of them. Why did there have to be so many? “Great.”

  Paulie laughed. “Don’t even try to get out of the Christmas Eve party. Even I have to go and I don’t have a Kowalski tadpole swimming in my pond.”

  When a guy at the other end of the bar bellowed for Paulie, Beth dove into her cheeseburger, letting the explosion of cheese, bacon and Jasper’s special seasoning blast at her anxiety. She’d find something for Kevin and Paulie and then worry about the rest of them. Or maybe just token gifts for the kids. She could only do what she could do.

  Paulie was gone a while, but eventually she wandered back and dumped Beth’s dishes into a buspan. “You want another seltzer?”

  “No thanks. I’ve still got some and I’m going to explode as it is.” She didn’t even want to think about buying new clothes as her waistline expanded. “So I haven’t seen that guy around lately.”

  Paulie’s cheeks turned pink. “What guy?”

  “You know what guy. Did you drive him off?”

  “He had to go home for the holidays, plus he had some business to do in Europe.” She shrugged. “He’s a bad penny. He’ll turn up again.”

  “Has he called?”

  “I hate phones. We’ve exchanged a few emails. Some text messages.”

  It wasn’t like Paulie to clam up and Beth wasn’t sure she knew her well enough to know how hard to push. “So he’ll be back, then?”

  “Probably not for a couple more months. There’s not much he can do on site here, so he’s trying to finish up a bunch of other stuff so once he’s needed back here, he can focus on the job.”

  Regardless of the lack of enthusiasm her words conveyed, her voice and the puppy-dog look gave away just how much she was missing him. “And focus on you.”

  Paulie snorted. “Lucky me. Now back to Christmas shopping—”

  “Ugh. I don’t even know where to start.”

  “I know this great artisan gallery with homemade gifts for a wicked great price. Because I like you, I’ll even give you my list. There was a scarf I thought Steph might like and a wooden pop gun for Bobby and…some other stuff. Oh, a hand-pressed journal for Danny because he wants to be a writer. You could get something small for each kid and maybe a hostess thing for Mr. and Mrs. Kowalski for about fifty bucks.”

  Fifty dollars was a lot, but she could do it. A little more scrimping would be worth it if it meant not feeling awkward about joining in the family’s holiday. “I have Wednesday off this week. I could get the directions from you if you’re sure you don’t mind giving up your ideas.”

  Paulie waved a hand at her. “I’ll get them all Nerf guns and call it good. And if you go in the morning, I can go with you. I’ll drive and treat you to lunch after as long as I’m back by two.”

  The warm glow Beth had felt walking through the door returned with a vengeance. “I’d like that.”

  “Nine o’clock, then.” She rolled her eyes as somebody bellowed for her again. “I swear I’m going to change my name. I’ll talk to you later.”

  After Paulie walked away, Beth stood up and dug in her pocket for a couple of ones, which she dropped on the counter to cover the tip. They refused to let her pay for her meals and she’d stopped arguing the point. Kevin was happy and she was able to save that money, but she wouldn’t let his employees wait on her for nothing. Feeling more optimistic about the impending holiday, she headed for the elevator.

  All she needed to do now was figure out the perfect gift for Kevin.

  Chapter Eleven

  If there was one thing about his parents, Kevin thought as he helped Beth and then Paulie out of the Jeep, they seriously knew how to deck the halls. And they didn’t go for boughs of holly, either. His parents’ house was ablaze in flashing, multicolored lights that illuminated every inflatable reindeer and snowman known to man.

  “Wow.”

  He looked down at Beth, her awestruck expression bathed in twinkling lights. “My mom’s favorite holiday.”

  “I can see that.”

  As they walked up a path lined with gigantic plastic candy canes, Kevin hummed a merry holiday tune under his breath. It had been a while since he felt so jolly about spending Christmas Eve at his parents’ house. Vicky had never really warmed up to his family and they’d usually argued about it on the drive up from Boston.

  After the divorce, he’d usually spent the evening in the corner tradi
ng barbs with Joe—the other single guy in the crowd—watching the family make merry. But this year Joe had Keri and he kind of had Beth and they had a baby on the way. A few trips to the enormous buffet table and it just might be the best Christmas ever.

  Once the hugs and kisses were over, Kevin made the multiple trips to the Jeep to carry in the gifts. The kids hovered as he added them to the mound already surrounding the nine-foot Fraser fir, trying to spot their names on the gift tags, and they protested loudly when Kevin placed them all upside down.

  He found Beth in the corner of the dining room, where she stood with a heaping plate of food. She laughed when she saw him, showing him the assortment of goodies.

  “Your mother made it pretty clear eating isn’t optional.”

  “I think it’s how she keeps us all under control. You don’t move fast when you’re in a food stupor.”

  “Paulie wasn’t kidding about the nutcrackers.”

  Kevin laughed, looking around the room and trying to see it from Beth’s point of view. His mother collected those wooden nutcracker soldiers and they covered pretty much every flat surface downstairs. If something didn’t have food set on it, there was a soldier there.

  “When we were kids, Terry got it in her head they should all be lined up in order of height. Ma likes them random. The battle went on forever until Terry superglued them down. That was an interesting Christmas.”

  Beth was laughing at his story when Bobby ran up to her. She lifted her plate out of harm’s way and smiled at Kevin over his nephew’s head as the boy put a hand on either side of her waist.

  “Hey, cuz!” Bobby yelled at her stomach. “What does a snowman eat for breakfast? Snowflakes!”

  Then he laughed like a loon and ran off in another direction. Kevin chuckled as he reached for a plate. “Sorry about that.”

  “Don’t be. It’s sweet and I like being here with your family, knowing that the baby’s going to be a part of all this.”

  As if the constant aching need for her wasn’t enough, Kevin lost another chunk of his heart. While he wouldn’t call himself a mama’s boy, his family was everything to him and he’d struggled with being torn in two before. He wouldn’t do it again.

  Even before his captain started banging Kevin’s wife, putting the final nail in the coffins of his relationship and his career, his marriage had been shaky. Vicky had never really warmed up to the Kowalskis. Not that she strongly disliked them, but she was always trying to maneuver Kevin in a different direction. She wanted to go to Cancun over Thanksgiving or stay in Boston for the Fourth of July.

  He’d tried to compromise. She was his wife, after all, and that meant something to him. But rather than appreciating his meeting her halfway, she’d pushed for a skiing trip to Colorado over Christmas. His flat-out refusal had caused drama that would have put Shakespeare to shame.

  “Presents!” The joyous shout from the living room echoed through the house.

  “Brace yourself,” he warned Beth. “Picture a tornado tearing through a wrapping-paper factory.”

  The chaos lasted nearly an hour, even with the men passing out the gifts while the women shoved paper into garbage bags as fast as the kids could strip it. He noted the thoughtful gifts she’d brought for the kids and the hand-carved nutcracker she gave his parents, as well as the fact his family had respected his request they not make Beth uncomfortable by spoiling her with presents. A gift card to the bookstore, a stuffed bear for the baby. A few things like that, and she was glowing with happiness.

  The chaos came to an abrupt halt as everybody held their breath when Brian pulled the trigger on one of the Nerf guns Paulie had brought and accidentally shot Beth in the forehead.

  “Brian,” Lisa shouted at her third son.

  Beth blinked in surprise, then carefully set her gifts to one side and rose from her chair. Kevin stood, too, in case she was going to try to lock herself in the bathroom or make a break for the front door.

  She did neither. Grabbing a gun from under the tree, she very calmly started loading darts into the clip and then she smiled at Brian and cocked it. “You are so gonna get it.”

  Brian screamed and took off toward the dining room, Beth on his heels. Bobby grabbed his gun with a whoop and took after them as the sounds of running headed toward the kitchen. Joey and Danny, being older and wiser, headed in the other direction with stealth, readying to cut the others off.

  “Epic Nerf Gun Battle of Doom!” Keri shouted and all the adults laughed. Joe’s new bride had already suffered through the Tandem Cannonballs of Doom and the Annual Kowalski Volleyball Death Match Tournament of Doom over the summer, but she wrestled Stephanie’s gun away from her and took after the crowd.

  A minute later they heard Brian’s screech and Beth’s triumphant shout. Then Bobby yelped and all the footsteps started pounding in a new direction.

  Kevin felt his mother’s arm slide around his waist and he kissed the top of her head. “I like this girl, Kevin.”

  “I do, too, Ma.” A lot.

  ***

  Her cellphone chirping out a rather tinny and way-too-cheerful-for-the-hour Christmas song woke Beth the next morning. She fumbled for it and managed to answer it before it went to voicemail. “Hello?”

  “Merry Christmas!”

  Kevin’s voice was as cheerful as the ringtone and she winced. “What time is it?”

  “Nine o’clock, which is way too late to be in bed on Christmas morning. I’ve been crossing the hall and listening at your door since seven, but you won’t get up.”

  She stretched and looked at the clock. Nine o’clock. “That’s kinda creepy, you know.”

  “Maybe a little.”

  “I should get to sleep late after the Epic Nerf Gun Battle of Doom.”

  “Ma gave me a batch of homemade cinnamon rolls. All I have to do is pop them in the microwave for a few seconds.”

  Throwing back the covers, Beth sat up straight. “Your place or mine?”

  “I’ve got coffee made.”

  “Yours. I need a few minutes to get dressed.”

  She heard him snort over the line. “You don’t get dressed on Christmas morning. Everybody knows that. I’m putting the sugar in your coffee cup as we speak.”

  “Two minutes,” she said and snapped the phone closed.

  She brushed her teeth and hair and washed her face in record time, then grabbed Kevin’s gifts and went across the hall. His door was standing open and he grinned when she walked in. “Merry Christmas!”

  The pajama rule obviously applied to him, as well, since he was wearing nothing but a well-worn pair of drawstring flannel sleep pants, riding low on his hips.

  Merry Christmas, indeed. She repeated it back to him and eyed his table, where two steaming mugs of coffee and a plate of Mary’s cinnamon buns were waiting. But first she went to the small, artificial Christmas tree in the corner of the living room and set her gifts down next to a gigantic box with her name on it. While the size of the box intrigued her, she was thankful it appeared he’d held himself in check rather than burying her in an avalanche of presents she couldn’t reciprocate.

  “Presents first?” he called and she laughed. Christmas mornings at the Kowalski house must have been insane when Kevin and the others were kids.

  “Coffee first. Always.”

  “It’s decaf, because—”

  “Shhh! Don’t say the d-word out loud. It destroys the pretense.”

  They sat at his table and drank coffee and plowed through the warm, sticky cinnamon buns while Beth tried hard not to stare at Kevin’s naked chest. It was impossible to avoid it entirely, but she tried not to let her gaze linger. They were in a good place, relationship-wise, and she didn’t want to give him any ideas.

  The second she’d licked the last crumbs from her fingers, Kevin jumped out of his chair. “Presents!”

  Their baby was going to have the best Christmases.

  The thought blindsided her and her eyes teared up as she imagined Kevin and a sma
ll child shouting and laughing as they rushed to the tree and tore into wrapping paper. She blinked away the unshed tears and joined Kevin in sitting cross-legged in front of the tree. In a few months she wouldn’t be able to sit like that anymore.

  “You first.” Kevin picked up the big box and set it in her lap.

  She took a few seconds to savor the moment and look at the present. Either Kevin had unexpected skills or he’d paid somebody—or coerced a friend or family member—to wrap it for him.

  “Come on,” Kevin urged. “Rip it open.”

  Usually she took her time unwrapping a gift, picking at the tape and carefully unfolding the paper, but Kevin’s enthusiasm was contagious. She tore into the paper and lifted the lid off the box.

  Folded up under a layer of tissue paper was a beautiful, warm—and expensive-looking—winter coat. She pulled it out of the box, already in love with the weight of it and the sumptuous feel of the dark green fabric. And it was plenty roomy enough for a growing belly. It was the kind of coat that went right past winter necessity to luxury item. The kind of coat she’d probably never buy for herself, which he knew.

  “It’s beautiful,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

  “Are you sure? There’s a gift receipt if you want to change it.”

  “I love it.” She buried her face in it, as much to hide the few tears threatening to escape as feel the warm fabric against her cheeks.

  “Okay, I get to open one of mine now, and then you have another.”

  She didn’t argue that it was too much. That the coat was so much more than enough she couldn’t possibly accept another gift. He got too much joy out of the giving and she wasn’t going to put a damper on it. “The smaller one first.”

  He ripped apart the paper with the same gusto the kids had the night before and groaned when he found a white shirt box underneath. “Uh-oh. Clothes.”

  “You got me clothes.”

  “A coat’s not clothes. And you’re not a little boy on the inside.”

  She laughed as he struggled with the tape holding the box closed and then held her breath as he rummaged through the tissue paper. His grin broadened to full dimple phase as he held up first one T-shirt and then another. One was big and man-sized, the other a miniature version. Both were emblazoned with the Jasper’s Bar & Grille logo.