Between Sinners And Saints

by Marie Sexton

  Levi finished his phone call, and they ate dinner, then settled on the couch together to watch a movie. Jaime started on the opposite end of the couch out of habit, but Levi moved closer, reaching for him, a question in his eyes.

  "Yes," Jaime said, and Levi smiled before pulling him into his arms.

  He was happy to relax against Levi, watching the movie. He might even have dozed off, if Levi had let him. But it soon became obvious Levi had other things in mind.

  It started with Levi kissing his neck, stroking his thigh, whispering in his ear. Jaime was surprised at how quickly his body reacted. He would have thought after having spent himself only an hour before, he would be slow to rise now, but that didn't seem to be the case. After so many years of denying his sexual urges, it was an incredible relief to be able to let them go.

  Levi's hand moved higher, stroking him through his pants, and Jaime arched his hips up without even thinking about it. Levi moaned and squeezed him again. Levi started to push him down on the couch, kissing his neck, stroking his erection, but Jaime felt a hint of panic at being pinned underneath his weight, so instead, he pushed Levi back and turned toward him, straddling his lap so they were face to face. He pulled off Levi's shirt, and Levi did the same to him, before pulling him down into a kiss.

  Jaime quickly discovered how much he liked the position. Sitting across Levi's lap, he could feel Levi's cock straining against his own groin. Levi's hands gripped his ass as they kissed. Levi's kisses were hesitant at first, and Jaime knew he was trying to be gentle, but Jaime found he didn't want gentle.

  Levi was already undoing Jaime's pants, and Jaime leaned back, pushing up onto his knees, giving Levi better access. Levi pulled his fly open and tugged his boxers out of the way, freeing his erection. His long fingers wrapped around his shaft, and Jaime arched his back, pushing his hips up toward Levi's hand. It brought his cock closer to Levi's face, and Levi moaned.

  "Oh God, Jaime, you have to let me."

  Levi grabbed him, turning them both at the same time, while pushing Jaime back on the couch. Levi's weight was on top of him, and he felt a moment of panic before Levi moved down and Jaime realized his intent. Jaime lifted his hips so Levi could slide off his pants, and Levi lay on his stomach on the couch between Jaime's legs. Levi didn't tease him. He didn't work his way there. He grabbed Jaime's ass with both hands, squeezing hard, lifting Jaime's hips a little, and before Jaime knew what was happening, his cock was enveloped in the warmest, wettest heaven he'd ever imagined.

  He cried out, wrapping his fingers in Levi's long hair. Levi sucked him in deep, then pulled out long enough to tease Jaime's frenulum with his tongue before swallowing his length again, and if Jaime hadn't come an hour earlier, he thought he probably would have done it right then. Levi's fingers dug into his ass cheeks, kneading and squeezing as he repeated the motion, teasing Jaime's tip before sucking him in deep again and again. It was amazing and a bit overwhelming. Jaime used his hands in Levi's hair to slow him down, to keep him a moment longer at his glans, relishing the way it felt when Levi's tongue circled his head. Then he pushed Levi down his length. Levi moaned, and although his hands still held Jaime's ass, his grip loosened. His movements seemed to slow, and Jaime realized what he was doing--he was giving Jaime control.

  Jaime thrust again into Levi's mouth and heard him moan in response. He felt the vibrations of it in his cock, and he did it again, harder this time, and Levi let him. Jaime could tell by the sounds Levi made and the way he moved that he liked it. He remembered how good it had felt the night before when he'd sucked Levi, how much he'd loved giving pleasure to Levi. He was surprised and thrilled to realize Levi felt the same way about doing it to him.

  He stopped Levi at the end of his cock and held him there, feeling his tongue circling around and around. When Levi stopped to tongue his slit, he thrust into Levi's warm mouth, reveling in the sensation as Levi swallowed his length. Something inside of him tore free. Some animal living in his mind and his groin and wearing his body--some animal that wanted this very much--took over. He gripped Levi's head and gave himself over to it. It was better than anything he'd ever dreamed, being able to give in to his desire. There was no shame. There was no fear. There was nothing but pleasure, and Jaime lost himself to it as he drove again and again into Levi's mouth

  Suddenly, Levi released him, quickly pulling away. The air felt surprisingly cool against his wet cock. It shocked him a bit. It brought him back from wherever he'd been. He was worried he'd done something wrong. "I'm sorry--" he started to say, but the heat in Levi's eyes stopped him.

  "Good God, Jaime, don't apologize," he said, his voice thick with arousal. He pushed his own pants down, wiggling out of them as he moved up to kiss Jaime. "You're so fucking hot when you let go like that." He kissed him harder, sliding his naked body against Jaime's as he did. Their cocks rubbed against each other, trapped between their bodies. Levi wrapped one arm around him, kissing his neck as he ground into him. His other hand slid down to grip Jaime's ass. "Do it again," he whispered. "I want you to lose control like that again."

  But for Jaime, the eroticism of the moment was quickly being lost to panic. One of his arms was pinned between Levi and the back of the couch. Levi's body was on top of him, holding him down. Levi was heavy, and Jaime felt like he couldn't breathe.

  Relax, he told himself. You can breathe fine. But even though his lungs were satisfied, his brain was not. He tried to concentrate on Levi's touch. Levi's lips were against his neck and his hands were gentle. Roll with it, Jaime told himself. The panic will pass. But as Levi kissed him and pushed against him, Jaime found himself hoping it was over soon.

  It occurred to him that although he had climaxed very recently, Levi had not, and judging from the intensity of Levi's thrusts against his belly, it wouldn't take much. Jaime worked his free hand between them. Levi felt it and pulled up enough to give him room, which was good. It took some of his weight off him, making it easier to breathe.

  See? Jaime thought. It's going to be fine.

  Of course, wrapping his hand around Levi's hard cock made something in his mind revolt. The fear had already wormed its way through the pleasure, and now the shame surfaced as well. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to hear the grunts and feel the warm stickiness on his hand. And yet at the same time, he did. He wanted to give Levi pleasure. He liked the way Levi moaned as he stroked him. He liked the way he arched against him. He wanted to erase those times with his uncle from his mind. He wanted to drown out the voice in his head saying he shouldn't be holding Levi's cock, he shouldn't be stroking him, he shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't. But he wanted to. Or did he?

  Maybe his hand stopped. Maybe it hadn't. Jaime never knew. All he knew was suddenly, there was a hand on his. A hand around his, strong fingers gripping his fist tight, squeezing his hand as he stroked warm, hard flesh. In a heartbeat all of his defenses were gone. It was his uncle's hand, his uncle's cock, his uncle's weight pushing him down, and he had to get away. He had to run!

  He didn't even remember breaking free. He had no idea how he'd done it, if he'd pushed Levi or hit him or hurt him. He only knew he could finally breathe. He took great, gasping breaths of air. He was in the corner, his back against the smooth, cool wall of Levi's living room, and Levi was talking to him.

  "Jaime, I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? Did I hurt you? Oh God, Jaime, talk to me. What did I do? I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry!"

  Levi's voice was shaky and pleading, and Jaime had only to look at his face to see how much he meant what he said. Levi had never meant to hurt him. He'd never meant to scare him.

  "Oh God." Jaime moaned, putting his head in his hands. The images in his brain roared into life, his uncle in front of him, his uncle's strong, fat hand squeezing his own. It's our secret game.

  "Jaime?" Levi asked.

  "I'm going to be sick," Jaime told him. And he was surprisingly calm as he went down the hallway, closed himself in the bathroom, and lost all of
his dinner.

  Once his stomach was empty and his hands had quit shaking, Jaime sat back on the floor to think. It was no surprise they'd triggered this reaction. It was to be expected. It was exactly what Levi had meant when he'd said Jaime hadn't let his mind catch up to his body. They'd been rushing headlong through the wreckage of Jaime's past, and they'd finally tripped and fallen. It wasn't Levi's fault. It wasn't Jaime's either. It was simply a misstep.

  There was a knock on the door, and Levi's voice asked, "Jaime, are you okay?"

  "I'm fine," Jaime said, and he meant it. Somehow, the past had overtaken him for a moment there, but he was in control again now. Eventually he hoped he'd learn to keep it at bay, but until then, it looked like they'd have to deal with his occasional loss of composure. "I'm fine," he said again. "I'll be out in a minute."

  "Do you need anything?"

  "No." He had everything he needed at Levi's already, including a toothbrush. He washed his face and hands in achingly cold water, brushed his teeth, then decided it wasn't enough, so he stepped into Levi's shower. He let cool water run over him, washing away the dark things wanting to linger in his mind.

  Levi would not hurt him. Logically, he knew that, but logic was a poor weapon against the panic. Using logic against his fear was like trying to keep a dragon in its cave by brandishing a butter knife. But now the dragon was back in the cave, and all Jaime could do was work to slowly block the door.

  He turned off the shower and dried himself off before wrapping the towel around his waist and going to face Levi.

  Levi had put his shorts back on. He was on the couch with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, undoubtedly beating himself up for what had happened. Jaime brushed his fingers through Levi's long hair, and Levi's head jerked up. He didn't stand, but looked up at Jaime with worried eyes.

  "Are you okay?"

  "I'm fine. I'm sorry I freaked out."

  "Don't be sorry, Jaime." Levi tugged his hand, and Jaime let himself be pulled onto the couch, straddling Levi's lap. "Tell me what I did."

  "It wasn't your fault," Jaime said, because it wasn't. It was his uncle's fault.

  "Honey, this isn't about assigning blame. It's about me learning what I need to be careful of."

  Jaime sighed, feeling frustrated. "I don't want to make rules. I don't want things to be off-limit. That's like letting him win." He was glad Levi didn't have to ask whom he meant.

  "That's your call to make," Levi said. "But I'd still like to know where the thin ice is."

  His insistence made sense to some degree. It didn't mean Levi would avoid the ice altogether. It simply meant he'd tread lightly. "Having your weight on top of me scares me." He felt himself starting to blush and he had to look at some point above Levi's head to say the rest. "I have a hard time with hand jobs. Even on myself. And that part I want to get over. But you really, really can't put your hand on top of mine."

  "Ahh," Levi said with dawning understanding.

  "Is that what set me off?" Jaime asked because he couldn't say for sure if Levi had really put his hand over Jaime's, or if he'd only imagined it.

  "Yes," Levi said. "I'm sorry."

  "Stop. I feel like we're both saying those two words way too much."

  "I think you're right," Levi said. "What else?"

  Now they'd come this far, he figured he may as well say it all. "I'm not sure right now how I feel about anal sex."

  "Bottom or top or both?"

  "Both." Bottom would remind him of what his uncle had done, but top would mean somehow becoming his uncle. Both frightened him. "I know you'll want to, though--"

  "No! Jaime, I don't want anything that scares you. Or hurts you. There are plenty of couples who don't do it at all, and if we're one of those couples, it's absolutely fine with me."

  That was good to know, but Jaime didn't want to make any decisions just yet. "I'm not ruling it out," he said, "but it may not happen for a while."

  "I understand."

  The best part was, Jaime believed him. He believed Levi wasn't in this for a quick thrill. Levi would abide by whatever rules Jaime needed to give him. And that knowledge by itself was a strong weapon against the dragon.

  He leaned closer and kissed Levi. This he loved--being on top of Levi, feeling his strong, beautiful body underneath him, tasting him, feeling Levi's hands gripping his ass. Jaime kissed him again, deeper this time. Levi's hands were everywhere, and Jaime wanted to lose himself again. He wanted to erase the whole terrible incident.

  "Do you have a blanket?" he asked. "I brought some massage oils."

  The eagerness he saw in Levi's eyes made him laugh. Levi brought a blanket from his hall closet and spread it on the floor. Jaime lost his towel, and Levi stripped out of his shorts before joining him on the blanket.

  "How do you want me?" Levi asked in a teasing tone. "Face up or face down?"

  "Face up," Jaime told him.

  He did as he'd done the night before, sitting across Levi's hips, their groins pressed together. He opened the bottle of massage oil he'd brought and drizzled some down Levi's chest and stomach. Levi's skin jumped as the oil hit, and Jaime laughed.

  "Sadist," Levi said, and Jaime laughed more.

  He took Levi's hand and poured a generous amount into his palm, then poured more into his own hand, before tossing the bottle aside.

  "You're going to need another shower after this," Levi said.

  "So will you." Jaime spread the oil over Levi's arms, chest and stomach. He leaned down to kiss Levi, savoring the way their chests slid together, the way their cocks felt trapped between their oiled bodies, the way it felt when Levi's oily hands gripped his ass, the way it felt to ravage Levi's mouth with his tongue.

  It was easy to lose himself this time. There was so much pleasure to be had, so many places to touch and taste. When he started to move down, Levi stopped him. Jaime was confused at first, but Levi nudged him off, and while Jaime lay on his side, Levi turned so their heads were at opposite ends. Jaime groaned with pleasure at the thought of what was to come. He'd never even thought of 69, but now he realized how unbelievably perfect it would be.

  He knew from the night before how much he loved sucking Levi, but the pleasure of having Levi suck him at the same time was overwhelming. He felt as if their bodies were a circuit, and an electric charge circled through them, Levi's mouth to Jaime's cock, Jaime's mouth to Levi's cock. Around and around it went as they moved together, moaning and panting. Jaime's nose was deep between Levi's legs, and he couldn't believe how much he loved it. He loved the way Levi smelled. It fed the electricity racing through them both, faster and stronger with each passing moment until the circuit could not support the charge.

  His orgasm tore out of him, and Levi sucked harder, pulling it free. Levi's hands gripped his ass as Jaime pushed himself in deeper. He felt Levi tense. He knew Levi was going to come half a second before the first shot filled his mouth. It was shocking--salty and slick--and as Levi pumped again, it became more than he could swallow. He didn't let go. He took what he could, and knew the rest was running down his cheek onto his neck, but he didn't care. He only knew he liked sucking Levi as much as he liked having it done to him. Maybe more.

  When they were both spent, still except for the gentle shudders that followed, Levi let him go, and they collapsed side by side on the blanket, breathing hard. Jaime wiped his mouth as well as he could, but he could still feel Levi's cum on his cheek and neck. Levi suddenly loomed over him, smiling down at him.

  "Goddamn, you're hot," he said.

  Jaime started to laugh, but Levi cut him off with a kiss. For a fraction of a second, Levi's weight was on him, but then Levi grabbed him and rolled, so Jaime was on top, although Levi never stopped kissing him.

  Jaime pulled away enough to look down at him. He knew he was grinning like an idiot and was glad to see Levi couldn't seem to stop smiling either.

  "I like that," Jaime said.

  Levi laughed. "I really, really like that you l
ike it."

  Jaime kissed him again, and when he pulled back, Levi's smile was different. It was somehow softer and incredibly sweet. He put his hand on the back of Jaime's neck and pulled him down for another kiss, this one gentle and slow. He held Jaime there and whispered against his lips, as if the words were too big to say out loud, "I love you, Jaime. God, I love you so much."

  At that moment, Jaime knew it was the truth. He'd heard Levi say the words before, but this time he felt them to the very depth of his soul. They fell into a peaceful place inside of him where he'd known it all along.

  He kissed Levi again and whispered back, "I love you, too."

  Chapter 33

  They packed the car the night before they left for Georgetown so they could leave early in the morning. Jaime didn't even bat an eye when Levi told him they'd be sleeping in separate rooms.

  "Aren't you worried about the nightmares?" Levi asked him.

  Jaime smiled at him. "Not so much anymore." He leaned in close and kissed Levi. "I'll miss this, though."

  "You and me, both."

  Ruth practically tackled them when they walked in the door. "I'm so happy for you," she said into Levi's ear as she hugged him. Before he could answer, she released him. She grabbed Jaime and hugged him before Levi could intervene. Jaime looked startled by her affection, but otherwise, he didn't seem to mind. She whispered something in his ear as he hugged her back. Jaime blushed, his eyes glancing Levi's way.

  "What did she say?" Levi asked him, once Ruth had moved on.

  "She said I was the best thing that ever happened to you."

  Jaime's blue eyes were shy, begging the question, and Levi wished right then he could kiss him. He smiled instead and vowed to himself to make up for it later. "She was right."

  Levi noticed his mother and Jacob were a bit standoffish with Jaime at first, but it didn't take them long to warm back up to him. His father, however, was another matter. He managed not to speak to Jaime at all, and he pulled Levi aside the first chance he had. "I don't approve of this, son. You may think you love him--"