I'm a Fool to Kill You

by Robert Randisi

  He started to slide out of the booth but Ava put her hand on his arm to stop him.

  ‘Thank you so much, Danny.’

  He smiled and patted her hand.

  ‘You do everything Eddie tells you to do, Ava, and we’ll figure this out. OK?’

  ‘OK.’

  Danny stood up and headed for the door, pausing only to slap Jerry on the back. The waitress came by and refilled our coffee cups.

  ‘Is Danny done?’ she asked, pointing to Danny’s plate.

  ‘Yeah, you can take it away.’

  She grabbed the plate and carried it away. I saw her sneaking glances at Ava, but she’d been working in Vegas too long to make a fuss.

  ‘He’s very good-looking,’ she said.

  ‘And he knows it.’

  ‘Is he good at his job?’

  ‘Very good. I’ve known him since we were kids. We can trust him.’

  ‘I trust you,’ she said. ‘If you trust him, that’s fine with me.’

  She toyed with her omelet. Something was obviously on her mind.

  ‘Ava?’

  She looked at me.

  ‘I want to call my sister, Bappie.’

  ‘Bappie?’

  ‘Her name’s Beatrice, but I call her Bappie. She needs to know where I am.’

  ‘I don’t think so.’

  ‘Eddie—’ For a moment she worried, or was she feeling guilty? Or just upset that I wouldn’t let her call her sister.

  ‘You can call her,’ I said, ‘tell her how you are, but don’t tell her where you are, Ava. We need to keep that to ourselves.’

  She bit her lower lip.

  ‘All right,’ she said, ‘but can’t we find someplace else to stay?’

  ‘You don’t like my house?’

  ‘It’s a nice house, Eddie, but it’s your house. It’s too small. Where did you sleep last night?’

  ‘At the Sands.’

  ‘You need to be able to sleep in your own bed.’

  I hesitated, then said, ‘I guess I could find another place – but give me a day or two.’

  ‘Sure.’

  I looked over at Jerry. He was working on another stack of pancakes, but keeping his eyes on us, and all over the room at the same time.

  I had wondered briefly if Ava’s voracious appetite for sex would end up consuming Jerry, but he never would have been able to look me in the eye if that had happened. In fact, I’m not even sure he would have gone for it. Jerry’s got his own code that he lives by, and it’s based on the word ‘loyalty.’ I say this because it occurred to me at that moment to ask Ava about it, but I quickly decided not to bring it up.

  ‘What are we going to do now?’ she asked.

  ‘We can’t interrupt Jerry during his meal,’ I warned. ‘When he’s done we’ll go back to the house. I’m going to pack a few things to take to the hotel with me, just for a day or two, until I find you a new place.’

  ‘OK.’

  ‘Ava,’ I said, ‘you know the Cal-Neva wouldn’t be a bad place for you to go, but . . .’

  ‘. . . we’d have to tell Frank, and I don’t want to do that. But you know, I think Howard owns some homes in Tahoe, and here.’

  ‘Howard?’

  ‘Hughes,’ she said. ‘I know you don’t want to tell anyone where I am, but I mean, who knows more about privacy than him?’

  ‘Why don’t we put that idea on the back burner, ‘I suggested. ‘Let me look around first.’

  ‘OK, Eddie,’ she said. ‘Whatever you say.’

  I doubted she would be this cooperative all the time, but for the moment I appreciated it.

  ‘You know,’ she said, ‘you could come home, spend the night in your own bed . . . with me.’

  ‘Not with Jerry on the couch,’ I said.

  ‘You don’t think he’d actually tell anyone, do you?’

  ‘I wouldn’t want to test Jerry’s loyalties,’ I said. ‘I wouldn’t want him to have to make that decision.’

  ‘No,’ she said, thoughtfully, ‘no, neither would I. That would kill him.’

  I was impressed that she already knew that much about him.

  Jerry came over at that point, carrying a cup of coffee. He sat across from us. He was right about him and booths. Ava and I had to move our legs closer together for him to fit. She also rested her hand in my lap.

  ‘Everythin’ OK?’ he asked.

  ‘You done?’ I asked.

  ‘Yup.’

  ‘Will that hold you?’ Ava asked.

  He grinned at her and said, ‘For a while.’ Then he looked at me. ‘Where to, Boss?’

  ‘Back to the house,’ I said. ‘Then I’m going to the Sands.’

  ‘You takin’ the Caddy again?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘You and Ava aren’t goin’ out, remember?’

  He looked at Ava.

  ‘We better buy some more cards,’ he told her. ‘The ones we’re usin’ are soggy.’

  ‘Well,’ she said, with a smile, ‘this is the town for cards, right?’

  Jerry laughed. I tried not to jump when she gave me a not so gentle squeeze through my trousers. Having sex with Ava had been a mistake – and I knew I’d do it again in a second.

  FIFTY

  ‘We got a tail,’ Jerry said.

  He was driving, and if he said we had a tail we did. But I still said, ‘We can’t.’

  ‘We do.’

  ‘What now?’ Ava asked.

  ‘This time,’ I said, ‘I think we’ll find out who they are.’

  ‘They musta picked us up at the Horseshoe,’ Jerry said. ‘There was nobody following our cab on the way there.’

  ‘Maybe they picked me up at the Sands,’ I said. ‘I’m not as good at spotting a tail as you are.’

  ‘I doubt it,’ Jerry said. ‘I think you woulda noticed.’

  I smiled. ‘It’s nice that you have all that faith in me, Jerry.’

  ‘Why wouldn’t I?’

  ‘You guys are something,’ Ava said, with a smile.

  Jerry and I exchanged a glance, and shrugged.

  ‘Where to, Mr G.?’ he asked.

  ‘Remember that time we found the body in the dumpster?’

  ‘Yep.’

  ‘Remember how to get there?’

  ‘Industrial Road, right?’

  ‘That’s right.’

  ‘Hold on,’ he said, pressing down on the gas petal.

  ‘Don’t lose ’em.’

  ‘I’ll just scare ’em a little.’

  I would have preferred to do this without Ava in the car, but we didn’t have a choice. If we wanted answers we’d have to get them now.

  ‘Jerry, you got your .45, right?’

  ‘Mr G.,’ he said, as if I’d just asked him if he had both arms.

  ‘Ava, you got that little popgun of yours?’

  ‘I don’t think I’ll go anywhere without it for a while.’

  ‘Pass it to me, will you?’

  ‘Why can’t I hold it?’ she asked.

  ‘You’re gonna stay in the car when Jerry and I get out.’

  ‘But . . . wasn’t I good at that junkyard?’

  ‘You saved my ass at that junkyard,’ I said, ‘but the point of this whole exercise is for me to save your magnificent ass, right?’

  She sighed and said, ‘Right.’

  As she handed the gun over the back of my seat I noticed Jerry giving me an odd look. I was going to have to remember not to be so informal with Ava in the future. I didn’t want him getting any ideas. They might be right.

  FIFTY-ONE

  Jerry drove us to the warehouse building where we had found a body in the dumpster during the Ocean’s 11 – what should I call it? Caper? Case? How about . . . adventure?

  He pulled into the abandoned parking lot, and I wondered if the other car would be so obvious as to follow us. They did. Apparently they didn’t care if we knew they were following.

  ‘What now?’ Ava asked. ‘We drive around the parking lot?’

 
‘No,’ I said, ‘just around the building.’

  ‘Gotcha, Mr G.’

  Jerry accelerated around the side of the building, the other car following. Jerry kept going, turned around the back wall, then braked and put the car into reverse. The tires had squealed as we drove around the building. When they came around the back wall we were coming at them, backwards.

  I watched through the back windshield as Ava covered her head. The other car’s driver’s eye went wide and he slammed on his brakes. Jerry did the same, but he tapped ours. He wanted there to be contact, and there was . . . just enough to jar the two men in the other car.

  The three of us had braced ourselves, so damage from the impact was negligible.

  ‘Stay in the car!’ I shouted to Ava.

  Jerry was out, and I got out a split second later. The men in the other car threw a monkey wrench into our plans by recovering more quickly than they should have. They weren’t out of the car but had guns in their hands – big ones.

  ‘Get down, Mr G.!’ Jerry yelled.

  If I got down that would have left Jerry to face the two armed men alone. I remained on my feet.

  The man in the driver’s seat aimed at Jerry without even opening his door. He was going to fire through the windshield. Same with the second man, only he was aiming at me. We weren’t going to get a chance to ask these assholes anything.

  I raised my little gun to fire, but Jerry was much quicker on the trigger.

  Jerry fired four times. There was no point in doing less, not when two men were intent on killing you. I’d learned that much from him.

  The windshield starred, the cracks traveled to both ends, but it remained in place.

  Jerry ran to the driver’s door, yanked it open and pointed his gun. I did the same on the passenger side. Both men were dead.

  ‘Sorry, Mr G.,’ Jerry said.

  ‘For what?’ We looked at each other through the car.

  ‘Killin’ ’em before we could talk to them,’ he said. ‘But they were pros . . . sort of. They had their guns out already.’

  ‘Sort of pros?’

  He straightened and we looked at each other over the car.

  ‘If they were real good they wouldn’t have followed us into the parking lot,’ he said. ‘They woulda known somethin’ was up by then.’

  I leaned on the car. Jerry reached in and took out their guns, just in case. He set them on top of the car. .45’s, like his.

  ‘We gotta go through their pockets,’ he said.

  ‘I know.’

  ‘I’ll do it if—’

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘I’ve got mine.’

  We both leaned back into the car and relieved the bodies of their wallets and whatever else was in their pockets. We left the change. We’d look the stuff over later. I was about to withdraw from the car when I noticed the right hand of the passenger. He wore a silver ring with a snake on it.

  ‘Jerry.’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘His hand. The ring.’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘These are the two guys who put the cab driver in the hospital.’

  ‘That’s not good,’ he said.

  He walked away from the car. I started to, but at the last minute took the ring from the dead guy’s hand and put it in my pocket.

  ‘What about the trunk?’ I asked.

  ‘It’s a rental, but there’s no harm,’ he said.

  He pushed the driver’s wallet and things across the top of the car toward me, then grabbed the keys from the ignition and we opened the trunk. It was empty as a rental car’s trunk should be. No luggage, no nothing, just a spare and a jack.

  Jerry slammed the trunk.

  ‘I’ll check the back and then we gotta get out of here,’ he said.

  ‘Right.’

  He opened the back door and searched the back seat, sliding his hands into the cushions. Nothing.

  ‘That’s it,’ he said.

  We turned back to the Caddy, and Jerry looked down at where it had come in contact with the other car.

  ‘Sorry, Mr G.’

  ‘We can get it fixed.’

  ‘Then let’s get out of here.’

  As we walked back to the car Ava opened the back window and asked, ‘Can I get out now?’

  ‘No!’ we both shouted.

  FIFTY-TWO

  We didn’t talk on the way back to the house. Jerry pulled into the driveway and turned the engine off.

  ‘Still think you oughtta build a garage, Mr G.,’ he said. ‘You got a driveway, but no garage. What’s that about?’

  ‘I’ll give it some thought.’

  At that point Jerry looked in his rear view mirror and said, ‘Mr G.’

  ‘What?’

  He was still looking in the mirror so I turned in my seat and looked. Ava was sitting there, just staring straight ahead. I wasn’t even sure she was breathing.

  ‘Ava.’

  No answer.

  ‘Ava!’

  Still no answer. Her face was white as a sheet, her eyes slightly unfocused.

  ‘She’s in shock, Jerry.’

  ‘Whatta we do?’ Jerry asked. ‘Take her to the hospital?’

  ‘There would be publicity.’

  ‘We could give a phony name.’

  ‘She’s Ava Gardner, Jerry,’ I said. ‘Somebody’s gonna recognize her.’

  ‘So then what?’ he asked.

  ‘Let’s get her inside.’

  ‘Should I carry her?’

  ‘I think she’ll walk.’

  We got her out of the car and walked her inside; Jerry really impressed me. He spoke to her the whole way. ‘Don’t worry, Miss Ava, everythin’s gonna be OK. You’re gonna be fine.’

  Obviously, Ava had never seen a shooting before. I knew how she felt. After my first I shook for days. We got her inside and wrapped her in a blanket to keep her warm. Then I got a bottle of bourbon out, poured her a small drink and both me and Jerry a big one. Jerry fed her the booze like she was a child, and immediately the color began to come back into her face.

  ‘Ava? Sweetie?’ I said. I slapped her face lightly and her eyes fluttered. ‘Ava!’ I snapped.

  ‘What the hell—’ she said, and pulled the blanket tighter around herself. ‘I need another drink.’

  I poured her another but this time I let her hold it and drink it herself.

  ‘What the hell happened?’ she demanded. ‘What the fuck happened back there? All I know is there was a lot of shooting.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it, Ava,’ I said. ‘It’s over.’

  ‘Did you kill them?’ she asked. ‘Did you actually fucking kill them?’

  ‘Yeah, Miss Ava, I killed ’em,’ Jerry told her. ‘They went for their guns. I had no choice.’

  ‘This is crazy,’ she said. ‘What if they weren’t really following us? What if they were fucking innocent?’

  ‘Ava,’ I said, getting right in her face, ‘they followed us to an abandoned parking lot and pulled their guns. Believe me, they weren’t innocent.’

  ‘Oh God . . . this is my fault.’

  ‘I think you need some sleep,’ I said.

  ‘Sleep? It’s early. It’s fucking day time, for Chrissake.’

  ‘You need a nap,’ I said. ‘Have some more.’ She finished the drink she held in her hand and I took the glass away. Then I walked her into the bedroom, laid her down on the bed, still wrapped in the blanket. In minutes she was asleep.

  I walked back to the living room, where Jerry was having another drink.

  ‘This sucks, Mr G.,’ he said.

  ‘I know it, Jerry.’

  ‘How the hell did they get on to us so fast?’ he asked. ‘Somebody’s talkin’.’

  ‘Who?’ I asked. ‘Not you, not me. Not Ava. Not Jack Entratter.’

  ‘Not Mr S.’

  ‘Not Dean.’

  We stared at each other.

  ‘Too many damn people already know what’s goin’ on,’ I said. ‘What if one of them just . . . slipped?
’

  ‘But . . . who?’

  I thought for a moment, had another drink, then closed my eyes and said, ‘Shit.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Ava asked me if she could call her sister.’

  ‘You said no, right?’

  ‘Right, but the look on her face . . .’

  ‘What about it?’

  ‘Damn it, Jerry,’ I said, ‘what if she already did call her?’

  FIFTY-THREE

  ‘We need to get out of here,’ I said.

  Jerry and I were sitting in the kitchen. We had the items we had taken from the dead guys spread out on the table in front of us, and we had coffee cups.

  We went through the wallets, found Chicago driver’s licenses for each man – Aldo Camanitti and Tony Del Grosso – but there was no guarantee that these were their real names. They each had over two hundred dollars and several books of matches in their pockets from local strip clubs. One of them had a hotel key, but there was no telling which hotel. But since only one of them had a key they must have been sharing a room.

  They each had plane tickets from Chicago to Las Vegas. They arrived the night before on a red-eye. Somebody had sent those two jokers to Vegas in a hurry.

  ‘Two guns from Chicago on a red-eye,’ I said. ‘We gotta get out of here, Jerry, before somebody comes lookin’ for these guys, or sends replacements.’

  ‘Hold up, Mr G.,’ he said. ‘Nobody’s gonna replace ’em until they’re found. We’re OK for now, but I agree we gotta get Miss Ava outta here soon.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘soon, like tomorrow. But first we gotta find out if she did call her sister.’

  ‘She was still asleep last time I checked.’

  It was later in the afternoon, and I could hear Jerry’s stomach growling.

  ‘That diner down the block still open?’ he asked.

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘How about I go grab us some food?’ he asked. ‘I think better on a full stomach.’

  ‘Fine.’ I gave him some of the money Ava had given me. ‘Get whatever you want, bring me and Ava some burgers and fries.’

  ‘High class lady like her must be useta eatin’ better than we been givin’ her,’ he said.

  ‘She hasn’t complained about the food yet, Jerry.’

  ‘Maybe I’ll bring her a club sandwich,’ he said. ‘Classy people like club sandwiches.’