I'm a Fool to Kill You

by Robert Randisi

‘Whatever you think, pal.’

  He grabbed my car keys. The Caddy had driven fine on the way home, betraying no damage other than some scratches to the back.

  As the front door closed I thought I heard Ava stirring in the bedroom. She had been asleep for about three hours. I got up and walked to the doorway. She was moving around, then suddenly the blanket spread open and she rose up into a seated position.

  ‘What the hell happened?’ she asked.

  I entered the room and approached the bed. She looked better, more color in her face and focus to her eyes.

  ‘You went into shock after the shooting,’ I said. ‘What do you remember?’

  ‘I remember Jerry shooting the shit out of those two bastards,’ she said. ‘Did you fire my gun?’

  ‘I didn’t have time,’ I said. ‘Jerry was too fast.’

  I had the distinct feeling that she was happy her gun hadn’t killed anybody.

  ‘Don’t look at me,’ she said, suddenly. ‘I must look like shit.’ She leaped from the bed, ran to the bathroom and slammed the door.

  I walked to the door and said, ‘Jerry went for some food.’

  ‘Good,’ her muffled voice said, ‘I’m starving.’

  That, at least, was a good sign.

  ‘I’ll see you in the kitchen.’

  No answer, so I left the room.

  When she came into the kitchen she had applied her make-up and combed her hair, was still wearing the sweater and jeans from that afternoon but was barefoot. I couldn’t help thinking, the Barefoot Contessa is barefoot in my kitchen.

  But I had to put aside all my feelings for Ava – lust, affection, awe – and be kind of tough with her, because I needed to know.

  ‘Ava, some coffee?’

  ‘Sure. Where’s Jerry with that food?’

  ‘Any minute.’ I poured a cup of coffee and she sat at the kitchen table.

  As I slid it over to her I said, ‘I have to ask you a question.’

  ‘Go ahead.’

  ‘You told me this morning you wanted to call your sister,’ I said. No comment. I went on. ‘I have a feeling you already called her.’

  She stared at me, then lifted her chin and asked haughtily, ‘What if I did?’

  ‘Then you may have almost got us killed today.’

  She tried to hold my eyes, but in the end she looked away and bit her lip. I gave her a minute. Yeah, I know. Real tough guy.

  ‘OK,’ she said, looking at me, ‘OK, I called her yesterday.’

  ‘Did you tell her where you were?’

  She hesitated, then said, ‘I didn’t tell her I was in your house.’

  ‘But you did mention Vegas.’

  ‘Yes.’

  I shook my head.

  ‘She wouldn’t have told anyone,’ she said. ‘I swear!’

  ‘She might not have to, Ava. If someone is lookin’ for you bad enough, they may have bugged her phone, or her house.’

  ‘Jesus,’ she said, as that realization set in. ‘So it might be my fault those two men are dead?’

  I was afraid she might get upset again. If she went into shock this time we might have to take her to the hospital.

  ‘Ava, those men got themselves killed,’ I said. ‘Anybody who pulls a gun on Jerry is an idiot.’

  ‘Eddie . . . I’m sorry,’ she said, sincerely.

  ‘I know, Ava.’

  ‘So now what?’ she asked.

  ‘Tomorrow we’ll find someplace else for you.’ At that moment I heard Jerry come in the front door. ‘Right now, we eat.’

  FIFTY-FOUR

  ‘Should we warn Bappie?’ Ava asked while we were eating.

  ‘I don’t think so, Ava,’ I said. ‘She’s probably not in any danger. If they bugged her, they know everything she knows, and they realize she doesn’t know much.’

  Ava looked at Jerry for reinforcement. He looked at me for permission. I nodded.

  ‘Mr G. is right,’ he said. ‘She’s OK. Just don’t call her again.’

  ‘I won’t,’ Ava said. ‘I just . . . I didn’t want her to worry.’

  ‘It’s OK,’ I said.

  Ava bit into her club sandwich and said to Jerry, ‘This is perfect, Jerry. Thanks for thinking of it.’

  Jerry gave me a self-satisfied look as I bit into my burger.

  I decided to stay in the house that night, so I got some blankets and a pillow and made myself a bed on the living room floor. Me and Jerry were roomies.

  ‘I think she’s unhappy,’ Jerry said, keeping his voice low.

  It was dark, but we each knew the other was still awake.

  ‘You’re right about that,’ I said.

  ‘But why?’ he asked, ‘I mean . . . she’s freakin’ Ava Gardner. Everybody loves her.’

  ‘Not everybody, Jerry,’ I said. ‘And she doesn’t love herself. She keeps talkin’ about how she looks.’

  ‘She looks amazin’,’ Jerry said.

  ‘To you and me,’ I said, ‘and maybe to most men, but to herself she doesn’t look the way she did at twenty-five, or even thirty-five.’

  ‘Oooh,’ Jerry said, getting it, ‘she’s afraid of gettin’ old.’ He lowered his voice even more when he said it.

  ‘Like most movie stars, I guess.’

  ‘But . . . she can’t even be forty yet. She’s got lots of time.’

  ‘There maybe more to it than that, Jerry,’ I said. ‘There’s the break up with Frank, the drinkin’, she mentioned somethin’ about Papa dyin’.’

  ‘Her dad?’

  ‘No, I think she meant Ernest Hemingway,’ I said. I folded my arms, stared up at the ceiling. ‘They’ve been friends since she made The Killers. She must’ve taken it hard when he killed himself.’

  ‘So she’s got a lot goin’ on,’ he said.

  ‘Yup.’

  ‘And now a black out.’

  We remained silent for a while, and then he said. ‘Mr G., you ever black out? I mean, lose some time like that?’

  ‘No,’ I said, ‘never.’

  ‘Me neither. Must be pretty scary.’

  ‘Yeah,’ I said, ‘must be.’

  Ava was experiencing a lot of fear; fear of getting old, maybe fear of being alone, and now fear of what she might have done during those forty hours.

  ‘We have to find out for her, Jerry,’ I said. ‘We have to fix it so she at least doesn’t have to be afraid of that. She’s got enough to deal with.’

  ‘OK, Mr G.,’ he said. ‘I’m with ya.’

  FIFTY-FIVE

  It bothered me that the two gunmen Jerry had killed had come from Chicago. The next morning in the kitchen, before Ava awoke and while Jerry was making some eggs, I mentioned this to the big guy.

  ‘Yeah, I know, Mr G. It bugs me, too.’

  ‘Think you can make some calls? Maybe find out somethin’?’ I asked him.

  ‘I can sure try,’ he said.

  ‘Good. Now all we have to do is find someplace for you to do it from.’

  ‘Why not the Sands?’

  I had thought about putting Ava in the hotel, but there were too many ways that could go wrong.

  ‘No, we need someplace else and I can only ask somebody I trust implicitly.’

  ‘The Shamus?’

  ‘Danny’s about the only person I trust, without question. Other than you.’

  ‘Not Mr Entratter?’

  ‘Jack would do whatever he had to do for the Sands, Jerry,’ I said. ‘If that meant givin’ up you or me, he’d do it. His loyalties are very clear.’

  ‘Well, we can’t call Mr S. What about Mr Martin?’

  ‘I don’t want to put Dean into any more uncomfortable situations,’ I said. ‘If Frank doesn’t know where Ava is, Dino wouldn’t want to know, either.’

  We batted it around over coffee until Ava appeared, wearing my terry cloth robe, which was a shortie. It had been a gift.

  ‘You must have a lady friend who likes your legs, Eddie,’ she said. ‘I can’t see you buyin’ this for yourself.’
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  Both Jerry and I had to tear our eyes away from Ava’s thighs. It became easier when she sat down and the table hid her bottom half.

  ‘You got that right, Ava,’ I said. ‘Of course, it looks a lot better on you than it ever looked on me . . . not that I wear it that much.’

  ‘Really? You’ll have to show me some time so I can decide.’

  Jerry gave her a cup of coffee and then dished out scrambled eggs.

  ‘What’s the subject of conversation this morning?’ she asked. ‘I mean, besides me.’

  ‘We’re tryin’ to figure out where to put you and Jerry.’

  ‘Well, like I told you before, I could call Howard.’

  Jerry frowned at me.

  ‘Hughes,’ I said. He raised his eyebrows. ‘I still don’t think that’s a good idea, Ava.’

  ‘It’s up to you,’ she said. ‘You’re the boss.’

  She finished her eggs then excused herself to shower and get dressed.

  ‘And pack,’ I said. ‘Wherever we go, we’ll be leavin’ here.’

  ‘I’ll need to either do some laundry or some shopping,’ she said. ‘I think you know which one I’d prefer.’

  ‘OK,’ I said. ‘We’ll see.’

  Jerry did the dishes while I had another cup of coffee at the table and continued to think about where to put Ava that would be safe.

  Tahoe and one of the cabins there would have been good, but we couldn’t do that without Frank. And Jerry could probably keep her safe at the Sands, but then I remembered that on two separate occasions I’d had to face a gun at the Sands, being bailed out by Jerry and Dino.

  I had plenty of friends in town, but none that I wanted to trust Ava Gardner’s safety to.

  ‘Gonna make a call,’ I told Jerry, and he nodded.

  I had a phone in the living room and made the call from there so I wouldn’t disturb Ava.

  I dialed Danny’s office, wondering if he’d even be there – or even in town.

  ‘Bardini Investigations,’ Penny said, professionally.

  ‘I’ll bet the boss is away,’ I said. ‘Does the muse wanna come out and play?’

  ‘If you only meant it, but you’re a big tease, as always, Eddie G. How’re you doin’?’

  ‘I’m OK, what about you?’

  ‘A little bored. As far as I know Danny’s got one case, which he’s working for you, but he won’t tell me what it’s about. I can only assume it involves one of your high-profile clients.’

  ‘Well, if the boss can’t tell you it’s not my place to. Is he there?’

  ‘Nope,’ she said, ‘outta town. Can I help?’

  ‘No, just thought I might catch him before he left and ask a question.’

  ‘Well, if you really decide you wanna play while he’s away, I’m here,’ she said. ‘Just come and get me.’

  ‘Don’t tempt me.’

  ‘If I only could,’ she said, and hung up.

  Penny was about as cute as a young gal could be, but there was something going on between her and her boss that even they didn’t know about, and I wasn’t about to get in the middle of that.

  ‘Anythin’?’ Jerry asked. He was standing in the kitchen doorway, drying his hands on a towel.

  ‘No,’ I said.

  Jerry turned and tossed the towel toward the sink, then folded his arms and leaned against the door jamb.

  ‘So whatta we do? Leave town?’

  Earlier that year, when we had needed to put Marilyn Monroe somewhere safe, we’d taken her to Frank’s home in Palm Springs. That was out of the question with Ava.

  ‘To tell you the truth, Jerry, I’m not sure what our next move should be,’ I said. ‘Danny’s out there doin’ the grunt work, the detective work. We only need to keep Ava safe until he finds out what happened during those hours she lost. I thought that would be easy here, but now we’ve got two stiffs to worry about.’

  ‘We don’t got ’em to worry about no more,’ Jerry reminded me.

  ‘But where’d they come from? When will they be found? And will someone be sent in their place?’

  ‘I listened to the radio this mornin’,’ Jerry said. ‘There ain’t nothin’ there. Should I go out and steal a paper from one of your neighbors?’

  ‘Naw,’ I said. ‘We’ll buy one when we go out.’

  ‘I guess I better pack my stuff, then,’ he said.

  ‘I have to pack a bag, too,’ I said. ‘Then we’ll load the car.’

  FIFTY-SIX

  We got the car packed. I was impressed by the fact that Ava only had two bags, but she said they were both almost filled with dirty clothes, so she was reduced to wearing a t-shirt that fit tight across her full breasts, and a pair of tight fitting jeans. She laid off the high heels and wore flats again. Ava Gardner in high heels was an eye catching sight from any distance, and we didn’t want to attract attention. The t-shirt was bad enough. As for her beautiful face she tried to cover that with her big oversized sunglasses.

  Jerry wore a sports jacket to cover his .45, and I wore jeans and a windbreaker so I could keep Ava’s little gun in a jacket pocket.

  We went out to the car and Ava surprised me by shouting, ‘Shotgun!’

  I looked at her and she stuck her tongue out at me.

  ‘Wherever we’re going,’ she said, ‘I want to have a good seat.’

  I was happy to sit in the back, my arms crossed over my chest, deep in thought. In the front seat Jerry and Ava were chattering about nothing. I think she was nervous and he was just going along with her, trying to keep her occupied.

  I had a phone number in my pocket that I had only used once before. It kept me out of jail, but was this situation important enough to use it again?

  OK, maybe I was making this harder than it should have been. I needed a place to put Ava; one which nobody could trace to her and nobody could trace to me. Putting it in Jerry’s name wouldn’t have helped that much either because he could be connected back to me.

  We could have gone to a no-name hotel off the strip and registered under an assumed name, but the three of us would attract attention together, or Jerry would attract attention, or Ava would. I was the only one who wouldn’t be noticed checking into a hotel alone, but I was pretty well known in town. There was a chance somebody would see me and recognize me.

  There had to be a way around all of this that didn’t involve leaving town, which was the only other thing I could think of.

  That is, until something occurred to me.

  ‘Jerry,’ I said, ‘pull over by a phone.’

  ‘Anywhere special?’ he asked.

  ‘Just a pay phone,’ I said, ‘I’ve got an idea.’

  Nobody who was looking for Eddie Gianelli was going to look through Tony LaBella. That was the logic I was operating on.

  Frank Sinatra, yeah.

  Dean Martin, definitely.

  Jack Entratter, logically.

  But not Tony.

  In the back seat of my Caddy I remembered Tony talking about his cabin on Lake Mead.

  ‘It’s usually empty when I’m doing shows,’ I remembered him telling me.

  Well, Tony was booked into the Sands lounge for the week. That meant his cabin was empty.

  When I called Tony and asked him about using his place he immediately said, ‘Anything for you, Eddie.’

  ‘You talked to Frank?’ I asked, judging from his tone.

  ‘Yep, he gave me the go ahead. I owe it to you. I might never have asked him.’

  ‘I’m glad it worked out.’

  He had a key on him and told me to come and get it; he’d be rehearsing in the lounge.

  I instructed Jerry to drive to the Sands and park behind the building, in the lot.

  ‘Stay here,’ I told both of them. ‘I’ll be right back.’

  I went in through a back door, made my way to the casino floor, and then along to the lounge. Tony was up at the piano with his arranger, going over a song. If I just walked up to him and got the key the whole room would see.
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  A little redheaded waitress came within arm’s length, so I reached.

  ‘Sweetie, excuse me.’

  She turned, saw me and smiled instantly. What a sweet looking kid, I thought.

  ‘Hello, Mr G.,’ she said.

  ‘Oh, you know me?’

  ‘Well, of course,’ she said. ‘I’m new, but the other girls have pointed you out.’

  ‘What’s your name?’

  ‘Didi.’

  ‘Well, Didi, can you do me a favor?’

  She took a deep breath which caused her cleavage to swell and said, ‘Sure.’

  ‘Would you go up to Mr LaBella, up there on stage, and tell him I sent you for his key?’

  ‘His key?’

  ‘That’s right,’ I said. ‘I’ll give you ten bucks—’

  ‘Oh, that’s OK, Mr Gianelli,’ she said. ‘You don’t have to tip me. The girls have all told me what a right guy you are.’

  ‘Is that so?’

  ‘Oh, yes,’ she said. ‘You’re very popular with the girls.’

  ‘That’s good to know,’ I said. ‘Thanks.’

  ‘Oh, sure, don’t mention it.’

  She stood there staring at me with wide, green eyes and a big smile.

  ‘Honey? Could you go and do it? Like now?’

  ‘Huh? Oh, sure. Sorry.’

  She turned and walked right up to the stage. I saw Tony turn as she called his name, then listen, then look around the room. When he spotted me I just nodded, hoping he wouldn’t wave. He nodded back, and handed the girl his key. She said something else to him, then turned and came back to me.

  ‘Geez, that’s the first time I ever talked to Mr LaBella. He’s sweet.’

  ‘Yeah, he’s great.’

  ‘And so famous!’

  ‘Didi?’

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘The key?’

  ‘Oh.’ She smiled, reached between her breasts and came out with the key. ‘For safe keepin’.’

  She dropped it into my palm with a saucy wink. I closed my hand. The metal hadn’t had time to get warm.

  ‘Thanks a lot, Didi.’

  ‘Any time, Mr Gianelli.’

  ‘Just call me Eddie.’

  ‘OK,’ she said, ‘and you can just call me . . . any time.’

  I left the lounge and started back through the casino when I saw somebody I didn’t want to see. Detective Hargrove, who disliked me even more than Jack Entratter’s girl did. Every chance he got he tried to throw me in jail – and Jerry, too, if he happened to be around.