Learning to Breathe

by J. C. McClean

  Danny sighed. “I dated her for a year before I moved here. It ended when I caught her cheating with my best friend.”

  “Who was your best friend?” I enquired quietly; I was fascinated by this new-found piece of information.

  “Lance Strafford.” Danny replied sullenly.

  “Wow.” I let out a low whistle. “That must’ve sucked – losing your best friend and girlfriend all in one day.”

  He shrugged. “It wasn’t the worse day of my life but it certainly wasn’t the best.”

  “I’ll say. So, do you really think I’ll be ready to enter this thing by June?” I asked, feeling less than optimistic.

  Danny flashed me that killer uneven smile. “Definitely. It just means a lot of hard work between now and then. So, are you up for it?”

  I glanced up at Danny and nodded. “Okay, let’s do it.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  The next few months flew by and before I knew it, December had arrived. I had been so busy over the past few months – with trying to juggle swimming lessons, working at the leisure centre, and catching up on schoolwork – I didn’t have time to realise what day it was, never mind what month.

  So, today I was on a mission to get my Christmas presents sorted. With one week until Christmas Day, I knew that it had to be now or never. However, the shopping centre was so crammed with crowds of people rushing about that I was beginning to regret not doing it earlier.

  I sucked in a deep breath and decided to search for my mother’s present first. It was surprisingly easy since I had heard her talking about a new perfume that she liked. I got that and added a new handbag to finish it off. Next was Harriet – I got her a new purse and a gift voucher for a clothes shop that I knew she liked.

  Then came the last present – Danny’s – and I had no idea what to get him. I wanted to get him something extra special since he had had to put up with a lot from me the last few months.

  With his help, I was now actually swimming lengths of the pool. I hadn’t thought it would be possible but I was now starting to learn different strokes that I needed to know before I started training for the competition. It hadn’t been easy but Danny had stuck by me and patiently helped me through any setbacks – he had even stopped trying to pry into my past.

  As for the flashbacks, I wasn’t lucky enough to escape from them completely but I found that they were becoming less frequent and I was happy enough with that for now. So, with all the effort and time Danny had put in to help me, I figured he deserved something nice for his months of hard work.

  I wandered around the shops, pondering my options for Danny’s present. Clothes were out since he seemed to have an array of shirts – I was judging this by the fact that I’d never seen him wear the same one twice – and he didn’t wear aftershave so that idea was nixed too.

  It was then that I noticed a poster offering activities for fun days out – perfect. I glanced at the pictures and read down the list – the ones that jumped out at me were go-karting, paint-balling and an assault course. I quickly vetoed the assault course because it looked too intense and I’d heard that paint-balling hurt – a lot – so that left go-karting.

  I jotted down the number and made a mental note to call later to find out if they had any spaces available for January. Happy with all of my purchases, I caught the bus home and was immensely relieved to find my mother cooking dinner – I was starved.

  “Hey honey, dinner will be another few minutes, okay?”

  I nodded and ran to stash my shopping bags in my room. My mother and I had been getting along better ever since that day I agreed to enter the competition with Danny. I hadn’t told my mother that I had entered as I wanted to wait and surprise her when the time was right.

  However, it was strange to think that only a few months ago, I had hated the way my mother had betrayed me. But ever since I’d started spending more time at the pool, I’d found that swimming actually calmed me down and cleared my head – I could let all of my frustrations out by pounding away in the water.

  It also seemed that I wasn’t the only one who noticed my change of attitude as my mother never mentioned Dr Kendrick again. I was finally starting to turn my life around for the better by overcoming my fear but I still had a long way to go yet.

  The nightmares still continued to haunt me no matter how hard I tried to block them out – it was as if they were a cruel reminder of the things I had yet to deal with. Danny still didn’t know about my past and I had no intention of telling him anything just yet – if at all. Heck, my own mother didn’t even know the full story and I wasn’t in the mood to share it anytime soon.

  Sighing to myself, I pushed away those thoughts – I’d deal with it when the time was right. Instead, I rang the number about the go-karting day and was thrilled when the man told me there was an open spot for two people in the first week of January. I quickly booked it and then went downstairs to happily join my mother for dinner.

  The next day was the last day of school before Christmas break and we weren’t doing a lot of work so Danny and I had talked Ms Greenly into letting us use the pool for the last few hours of the day. Surprisingly, she was happy to comply so we both set off towards the Sports Wing.

  We both quickly changed and walked into the empty pool.

  “So,” I began as I made my way over to the iPod dock Danny had set up. “What’s the song of the day to start us off?”

  Danny grinned. “How about you pick one to start us off and I’ll pick the one to end the session?”

  I nodded at him, secretly thrilled that I could finally choose a song. “Okay – agreed, now what will I choose?”

  I scrolled through the massive list of songs on Danny’s iPod until I found the perfect song to give us a kick-start. I hit the play button and climbed into the pool just as Kasabian’s ‘Club Foot’ blared to life.

  “Good one!” Danny yelled, beaming broadly at me as he began to teach me the butterfly stroke.

  The lesson continued with Danny going over what I had learnt so far as well as teaching me a few new things that he thought I’d be able to grasp quite quickly. All in all, the lesson went well and by the time it neared home time, I was exhausted but happy.

  “Okay,” Danny began as he pulled himself out of the pool. “I get to choose the last song and since you’ve made such good progress, I have the perfect song to celebrate.”

  I watched him make his way over to the docking station, fiddle about with his iPod until he smiled to himself, and hit ‘play’. Suddenly, the aptly titled ‘Addicted to Progress’ by The Coronas boomed out from the speakers and I had to laugh.

  “How appropriate!” I yelled over the music as Danny laughed and jumped into the pool, splashing water at me.

  I splashed him back and pretty soon we were having a massive water fight.

  We were both laughing and joking around until Danny suddenly stopped and stared at me with a serious look on his face.

  “I’m really proud of you Darcie, you know that – right?” he told me quietly.

  I didn’t know what to say to that so I just stared at him. Danny seemed to accept my reaction though as he just nodded and smiled at me before getting out of the pool.

  “Come on.” he called to me. “Let’s go – I’ll give you a lift home.”

  I nodded and followed him while I tried to shake off the weird moment that had just happened between us – it had definitely felt different … I just wasn’t sure if it was good or bad.

  As soon as Danny pulled up at my house, I quickly rummaged in my bag for his Christmas card.

  He turned off the engine and smiled at me. “Well, I guess I’ll see you after Christmas – you deserve a break, so enjoy it while you can.”

  I nodded. “I’ll try. Um here, I got you something – it doesn’t look like much but it’s just to say thanks for helping me out.” I handed him the card and he threw me a dazzling smile.

  “Thanks, I have something for you too.” He reached into the backsea
t and pulled out a small gift bag.

  “I thought you deserved something for all of your hard work.”

  He handed me the bag and I grinned at him. “Thanks – you didn’t have to.”

  Danny shrugged. “Hey, you’ve worked hard – you should be proud of yourself.”

  “I know, well I guess I gotta go.” I said as I opened the car door.

  “Merry Christmas Danny.”

  He smiled and nodded. “Merry Christmas Darcie.”

  It was then that I turned back and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. I didn’t know what possessed me to do it but it was totally worth it when I noticed the look of surprise on Danny’s face.

  “What was that for?” he asked with a huge smile on his face.

  I shrugged. “Just for being a good friend.”

  Danny threw me a questioning look but didn’t say anything else. Instead, he merely smiled at me as I got out of the car and waved him off as snowflakes gently started to fall

  Now I was finally full of Christmas spirit!

  Chapter Twenty

  On Christmas morning, I woke up extremely eager to open my present from Danny. I glanced at the clock and found that it was still early – 6.38am – but I decided to get up anyway. However, just as I was rummaging around in my wardrobe for my dressing gown, my eyes fell upon something that caused my lungs to tighten, making it difficult to breathe.

  It was the box I had stowed away when I had first moved to Dover Springs. I hadn’t forgotten that it was there but coming across it so suddenly surprised me. I was tempted to open it but I knew that it would unleash a whole plethora of unwanted emotions and I wasn’t ready for that yet. Besides, it was Christmas Day and I didn’t want to spend it re-living the past.

  So, I quickly grabbed my dressing gown, closed the wardrobe door and made my way downstairs. After making some coffee, I sat eating a croissant, waiting for my mother to get up – I knew she wouldn’t be long. Sure enough, ten minutes later, my mother bounded into the kitchen, acting like an over-excited child.

  “Darcie! Why didn’t you wake me sooner?”

  Christmas was my mother’s favourite time of year as it allowed her to indulge her inner child. I laughed and shook my head at her. She tutted at my lack of enthusiasm and hurriedly made herself a cup of coffee before dragging me into the living room.

  Our elaborately decorated tree stood in the corner by the window with a moderate amount of presents settled underneath it. I watched as mother flicked on the CD player so that it played Christmas songs gently in the background and pulled me down on the sofa beside her.

  She grabbed two brightly wrapped presents and handed one to me. “This is from your grandmother – they arrived in the post last week.”

  I threw her a small smile – Grandma (my mother’s mother) lived in France with her new boyfriend Henri so we rarely heard from her – but she always did make sure that she sent us Christmas presents … and they were always oddly unique.

  I ripped off the paper to find … a pair of knitted knee high socks with the Eiffel Tower stitched onto them. My mother took a fit of the giggles when I held them up gingerly.

  “Very fetching.” my mother commented, stifling her laughter as I threw her a dirty look.

  I shook my head. “Where does Gran find this stuff?”

  My mother shrugged and ripped the paper off her own gift to find … a knitted beret stitched with the French flag.

  I roared with laughter when she pulled it on, struck a supermodel pose and said, “What do you think?”

  “I think Gran needs to spend less time with Henri – he’s a terrible influence on her!”

  My mother smirked. “I think you’re right, I’ll be sure to tell her that in the thank-you note.”

  I laughed and pulled on the socks which were surprisingly cosy while my mother grabbed another few presents from under the tree.

  She tossed me a rather large one. “Here – this one’s from me.”

  I quickly tore the paper to shreds to discover a new pair of Converse sneakers and a funky t-shirt.

  “Thanks Mum, I love them!” I told her as she opened her own gift – it was the one from me.

  “Oh honey, I love it!” she exclaimed as soon as she saw the handbag I had bought her.

  I smiled at her and lifted another present – this one was from Harriet. After much difficulty with tearing the paper, I unwrapped a funky photo frame and a voucher for the local bookshop.

  My mother then handed me the last present – it was the one from Danny. I drew in a deep breath and picked at the sellotape until I got the gift bag open. Inside was a small gift box which I looked at hesitantly – should I really open this in front of my mother? I hadn’t exactly told her about Danny because I knew she’d get the wrong idea about us.

  “Well, what is it honey?” my mother asked me suddenly.

  I carefully prised the lid off the box to find a beautiful charm bracelet. I examined it and noticed two charms already hanging off it – one was the letter ‘D’ and the other was a swimsuit.

  “Oh Darcie, it’s beautiful!” my mother exclaimed. “Who’s it from?”

  I looked at her sheepishly. “Yeah about that … it’s not how it looks.”

  She threw me a puzzled look. “What’s going on?”

  “Um, it’s from this guy – Danny – he’s the one who’s been teaching me how to swim.” I rushed out rather quickly.

  My mother raised her eyebrows in surprise. “I thought Ms Mahon was doing that. Who’s this Danny?”

  “Just a guy from school – he’s on the swim team – that’s why Ms Mahon let him teach me.” I mumbled while avoiding my mother’s gaze. “But it’s not a big deal, I promise.” I added quickly.

  “Well then why didn’t you tell me if it’s not a big deal? Are you two dating?” My mother asked me with an excited gleam in her eyes.

  I shook my head. “You see – this is why I didn’t tell you – I knew you’d just make a big deal out of it when there’s nothing going on. We’re friends and nothing more.” I told her firmly.

  “Uh huh” my mother said, looking at me sceptically. “That’s an awfully expensive gift from someone who’s just a friend.”

  I rolled my eyes,. “It’s not like that – I swear. Can you just drop it please?”

  My mother nodded. “Fine but am I allowed to ask how your lessons are going? I know I haven’t asked you in a while but I’ve noticed a change in you lately … you seem happier.”

  “They’re going well and I’m starting to feel like myself again.” I admitted. “But there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

  I watched as my mother threw me a wary glance before asking “Is it good or bad?”

  I grinned at her. “It’s a good thing but I just don’t want you to make a big deal out of it.”

  She nodded. “Okay, I promise not to freak out or anything.”

  “Well, I was waiting for the right time to tell you … Danny’s persuaded me to enter a competition with him – a swimming competition.” I glanced at my mother and I could see that she was struggling to hold back her excitement.

  “Oh honey, that’s wonderful! When is it?” she asked, trying her best not to sound too eager.

  “It’s not until June and I’m still nowhere near ready for it but Danny thinks I can do it.”

  She nodded. “I know you can do it. Now, will I ever get to meet this Danny?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I’m sure I’ll introduce you to him sometime … as long as you don’t do anything embarrassing.”

  “Embarrass you? Who me?” My mother feigned a look of outrage. “I’d never do that!”

  “Yeah right!” I exclaimed. “Well as long as you don’t wear the hat Gran got you, I’ll consider it.”

  “Damn!” my mother smirked. “And there was me thinking that it’d go well with the jumper she got me last year!”

  I threw my head back in laughter. “Oh yeah, the reindeer jumper would look well with it! But he
y, in all seriousness, I’ll let you meet him soon … I promise.”

  She beamed at me excitedly but merely said, “Good … I’d like that.”

  After a massive turkey and ham dinner, I was just lazing in front of the TV, watching a cheesy Christmas film when my phone buzzed. It was a message from Harriet:

  ‘Thanx 4 pressie <3 it!’

  I smiled and hit ‘reply’:

  ‘No prob. Thanx 4 urs 2.’

  A few seconds passed and my phone buzzed again:

  ‘Danny get u sumthin? ;)’

  I shook my head and replied:

  ‘Nosey much?’

  Another buzz:

  ‘Yeah!’

  I sighed and decided to give in:

  ‘Charm bracelet :)’

  A few seconds passed and then my phone rang, Harriet’s name flashing on the screen.

  “Oh my God, Darcie!” she gasped as I answered the phone. “He so likes you! Have you talked to him yet?”

  “No, I was actually gonna phone him later –”

  “Darcie!” Harriet cut in, “phone him now and then phone me back when you’re done! Bye!” And with that, she hung up.

  I stared at the screen for several minutes before I plucked up the courage to phone Danny.

  He answered after the third ring. “Hello?”

  “H-hey Danny.” I managed to stutter out. “I just wanted to thank you for the present – it was beautiful.”

  I heard him chuckle softly. “Ah, it was nothing. Thanks for yours – I can’t wait to do it. I’m so gonna kick your butt!”

  “Yeah, sure you are!” I replied sarcastically. “You haven’t seen my killer driving skills yet so you’d better watch out.”

  Danny chuckled. “Yeah, killer being the word – I’ll have to watch you don’t run me off the circuit!”

  “Damn straight Danny-boy – you have been warned!” I joked while he laughed down the phone.

  “Okay,” he began when he managed to stop laughing. “Well I gotta go – my dad’s yelling at me to help him set up his new laptop. I swear, the man can barely work a toaster but now he decides he wants to set up a Facebook account! Anyway, before I go, I was just wondering what you’re doing for New Year’s Eve?”