Learning to Breathe

by J. C. McClean

  Nevertheless, between studying for upcoming exams and training for the competition, I had very little time to myself. I even had to plead with Mr Deacon at the leisure centre to cut back on my hours. He, of course, was happy to oblige when he discovered that I would be taking part in the competition.

  So, today wasn’t any different but if I was being honest, I was starting to feel quite exhausted from my intensive training with Danny. When he told me that we were done for the day, I almost cried in relief.

  “So, same time tomorrow?” Danny asked, smiling slightly when he saw how tired I was.

  I nodded. “Sure, sounds good.” I swam over to the steps and pulled myself out of the pool with difficulty. I then made my way to the changing rooms and gratefully sat down on the little bench by the lockers. My right leg was pretty sore and I wondered if I was overdoing it slightly. I thought back to Dr Kennedy’s warning of not pushing myself too much as I massaged at the muscles. Shrugging off the thought, I quickly got changed and decided it was nothing that a long hot bath wouldn’t sort out.

  The next morning, I found that my leg was quite stiff but after painfully stretching it out for a few minutes, it eased a little. I made a mental note to take it a bit easier today and stumbled to the bathroom. I quickly showered and changed before leaving to meet Danny at the school pool – he had wanted to train for an hour before school started.

  I found Danny already in the pool when I arrived. He finished his lap and then took a rest as I limped towards the pool. He glanced at me in alarm.

  “Hey, you okay? Why are you limping?”

  I waved off his concerns. “I’m fine. My right leg’s just a little stiff today.”

  I jumped in and swam over to him just to prove that I was okay.

  Danny frowned. “Well take it easy today, okay?”

  “Yes Sir!” I saluted with a smirk.

  He rolled his eyes but grinned at me before starting up his laps again. I did a few warm up exercises and then joined Danny in his laps. It was going well until I took a sharp pain in my right leg. Blinded by the pain, I panicked and fought to stay above water.

  Danny quickly swam to my rescue when he realised something was wrong. He dragged me over to the side of the pool and lifted me to sit on the edge.

  “Darcie! Are you okay? What happened?”

  I rubbed at my leg. “I was fine but then I felt this sharp pain and I panicked.”

  Danny stretched out my leg and I winced. “I think you should get it checked out Darcie. Get Ms Mahon to look at it and see what she thinks.”

  I nodded. “Okay but I’m finishing my laps before I go, okay?”

  “I dunno Darcie,” Danny began. “Maybe you shouldn’t aggravate it.”

  I threw him a withering look. “I’ll stretch it out a bit more if it makes you feel better.”

  He nodded. “Fine but don’t push yourself too hard.”

  I nodded. “I won’t.”

  I finished my laps with difficulty but I was careful not to let Danny know that I was struggling. However, when we both left the pool, he noticed my grimace as pain shot through my leg again.

  “Darcie!” he chastised. “I told you to take it easy!”

  “I did!” I protested through gritted teeth.

  He sighed heavily. “Sure you did! Come on, we’re going to see Ms Mahon right now.”

  I rolled my eyes but let him lead me to her office; I was too tired to argue with him.

  He knocked on the door and two seconds later, Ms Mahon appeared.

  “Mr Fletcher, Ms Gilmore – shouldn’t you two be making your way to your first class?” she frowned.

  “Yes,” Danny replied, flashing her a charming grin. “But I’m worried about Darcie … I was wondering if you would take a look at her leg – it’s been giving her bother this morning.”

  Ms Mahon sighed and opened her door wider. “Well I suppose I could take a quick peek.”

  I limped into the room, took a seat and rested my leg while Ms Mahon prodded at my calf.

  “Has this leg ever bothered you before?” Ms Mahon enquired.

  I shook my head. “No, I did break it in a car accident a few months back but my doctor said if I took it easy, I’d be fine to continue training.”

  “Hmm,” she said thoughtfully. “Well, that explains it. Your muscles weakened when you had a cast on and haven’t strengthened properly.”

  “Can I still go through with the competition?” I asked, fearing the worst.

  She nodded. “I don’t see why not. Just as long as you do a few more exercises on strengthening the muscles, you should be fine.”

  I sighed in relief. “Okay, I will. Thanks.”

  “Just don’t push yourself too hard. You’ll do more damage than good if you do.” Ms Mahon warned me before eventually smiling.

  “Oh, and good luck for the competition.”

  I smiled and thanked her again before Danny and I left the room.

  Later that day, Danny and I were meant to continue training but after the conversation with Ms Mahon, Danny wasn’t so keen.

  “I dunno Darcie,” he protested. “You heard Ms Mahon – don’t overdo it!”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah but she didn’t say not to do anything, did she?”

  Danny nodded reluctantly. “I suppose we could train a little but you have to promise to stop if your leg hurts.”

  I heaved a sigh. “Fine. Can we go now?”

  He nodded and we made our way to the Sports Wing. After a quick change, we both entered the pool and warmed up before diving into the water.

  I didn’t intend on pushing myself too hard but inevitably, after half an hour, my leg began to hurt. I tried not to let it show on my face but Danny didn’t fall for my charade.

  He swam over to me. “That’s it – we’re done for the day.”

  I tried to protest but he glared at me and I reluctantly followed him out of the pool.

  He turned to me with a sombre look on his face. “Maybe this competition isn’t the best idea Darcie.”

  I stared at him. “What? After all the crap you and my mother gave me? No, I’m doing it and that’s that!”

  Danny threw me a funny look and then suddenly started laughing.

  “What’s so damn funny?” I asked rather crossly.

  Danny smirked. “It’s just strange – that’s all. I mean come on, eight months ago, I could barely convince you to step into a pool and now you don’t want to get out of it!”

  I frowned at him but let out a little chuckle. “I know. I didn’t think I’d ever want to be in a pool so much – believe me! – but I need to do this … I want to do this.”

  Danny nodded. “I know you do but we’re done for the day. As your friend, I want to give in and help you – I really do – but as your coach, I’ve got to do what’s best for you. So, we’re done for today – end of discussion. We’ll start afresh tomorrow, okay?”

  I reluctantly nodded. “Fine. I guess I’ll see you then.”

  Danny smiled. “Okay, now, do you need a lift home?”

  I shook my head. “Nah, my mum’s picking me up soon. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Danny threw me a questioning look but then nodded and waved goodbye as he headed off to the changing rooms.

  Twenty minutes later and I sneaked out of the changing rooms to see if Danny had left. I called out his name and when I didn’t hear a reply, I was pretty sure that he was gone. I smiled to myself and then warmed up before jumping back into the pool – I told myself that I’d train for just half an hour. After all, it wouldn’t hurt … would it?

  Chapter Thirty-One

  It turned out that I was wrong. Very wrong. I stayed in the pool just over an hour; pushing through the pain in my leg until eventually, I had to admit defeat. I couldn’t bear the agony any longer and after limping out of the pool, I phoned my mother and told her to come pick me up.

  When my mother arrived, I acted as if everything was normal and thankfully, she didn’t seem to suspect
that anything was wrong. So, after a quick dinner, I took a hot bath and hoped that my leg would be fine for training the following day.

  The hot water managed to ease the pain a little and I headed to bed, knowing that a good night’s sleep would help me feel better. However, I should have known that it wouldn’t be that simple.

  My lungs felt like they were on fire. I could taste the salty water but there was nothing I could do to stop it from rushing into my lungs. I was choking while I screamed out for help and I could feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness. Suddenly, I could feel strong arms around me and hear someone comforting me.

  “Darcie, you’re going to be okay. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise …”

  I woke up feeling extremely grumpy and tired. My mood didn’t improve any when I stood up and pain shot up through my right leg.

  So much for my bath curing me!

  I hobbled into the bathroom and wondered how I was going to get through my lesson with Danny.

  Grimacing through the pain, I stretched out my leg and massaged at the muscles. Gradually, the pain eased and I was able to walk without limping too much. I stifled a yawn and glanced at myself in the mirror. There were bags under my eyes and I looked exhausted.

  Sighing, I showered and changed before packing my swim gear. After catching the bus, I made it to school just after 7.30am. I made my way slowly to the Sports Wing and found that Danny hadn’t arrived yet. Shrugging to myself, I quickly changed, stretched out and jumped into the pool.

  After ten minutes, I was already feeling a burning sensation in my leg. I decided to ignore it and pushed through the pain. However, just as I was half way across the pool, white-hot pain erupted up the back of my leg. I cried out in agony and glanced around the pool for help but Danny still hadn’t arrived.

  Blinded by tears, I panicked and frantically began trying to swim over to the edge of the pool. I was barely staying above the water when I felt the familiar burn in my lungs. I started choking and was slipping in and out of consciousness when I heard a splash. Strong arms then enveloped me, pulling me out of the pool.

  I heard Danny comforting me. “Darcie, you’re going be okay. Stay with me now. I need you to keep your eyes open. Darcie!”

  My eyes focused on his extraordinary hazel eyes and I could see the fear in them. I smiled weakly at him and then I blacked out.

  I woke up to myself in a hospital bed.

  Great, just great!

  I glanced around me and saw Danny dozing in a chair by my bed. Not wanting to disturb him, I attempted to sit up in order to reach the water jug to pour myself a drink. However, just as I was reaching for the plastic glass, it fell to the floor with a thud that echoed around the room and effectively woke Danny.

  “Darcie!” he cried in relief.

  I stared at him, perplexed by his reaction. “Why am I here Danny?”

  “You passed out from the pain in your leg. I had no choice but to take you to hospital.” He explained but I couldn’t help but think that he was holding something back.

  I frowned. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

  Danny heaved a sigh. “You’ve pulled a muscle in your leg. They gave you something for the pain but it means you’re gonna have to pull out of the competition.”

  “What?” I exclaimed rather loudly. “But I’ve been working too damn hard these past few months just to be told that I have to pull out now!”

  Danny looked at me pityingly. “I know but you’re in no condition to take part. It’ll do more damage than good if you compete.”

  I sighed heavily. “This sucks!”

  “I know.” Danny agreed. “But Dr Kennedy thinks it’d be best if you don’t take part.”

  I eyed him suspiciously. “And why would Dr Kennedy tell you all this before telling me?”

  Danny shifted in his seat nervously. “I kinda lied. I told him you were my girlfriend and that I felt I had a right to know what was going on.”

  “Oh did you now?” I replied with a smirk. “Quite the demanding fake boyfriend, aren’t you?”

  Danny looked uncomfortable and avoided my gaze so I changed the subject.

  “So, where’s my mother?” I asked curiously.

  Danny looked relieved at my change of topic and quickly answered. “She’s on her way. I think she had a hard time getting away from work.”

  I nodded. “When can I go home? Please tell me it’s soon.”

  “Why?” Danny smirked. “Are you not looking forward to your delicious hospital food lunch?”

  I pretended to gag. “I think I’d rather pull another muscle thanks.”

  Danny chuckled. “Dr Kennedy said he’d be back to check on you but you can go home later this afternoon.”

  “Good.” I replied. “I’ve seen enough of this hospital to last a life time.”

  Two hours later and I was home, resting my leg in the living room while my mother fussed over me. Earlier, she had arrived at the hospital in a flap and demanded to talk to Dr Kennedy. He had told her pretty much what he’d told Danny and that he advised me not to take part in the competition so that my leg had time to heal properly. My mother, of course, took Dr Kennedy’s advice to heart and had since been treating me like a helpless child.

  “Mum!” I yelled, finally reaching the end of my tether when she attempted to help me to the bathroom. “I’m not an invalid! I can do it myself, okay?”

  She quickly retreated and then left me alone for the rest of the day.

  To be honest, I wasn’t annoyed at my mother, I was more pissed off at the fact that I wasn’t allowed to do the competition anymore. Every time I thought about it, a flicker of anger would well up inside of me; I had worked so hard and now I couldn’t help but think that it had been just a total waste of time.

  Annoyed, I barricaded myself in my room and blasted my iPod in a bid to make myself feel better. As The Foo Fighters’ ‘All My Life’ blared to life, I stared at my swimsuit that was currently hanging in my wardrobe. It was as if it was taunting me so, in a fit of rage, I tore it off the hanger and threw it across the room. It felt good to release my anger that way so I kept going. Every item of clothing that was hanging up, I ripped them all of the hangers and threw them to join my swimsuit.

  When there was nothing left hanging, I walked into the wardrobe, flopped down onto the floor and cried. I felt that it was rather silly of me to get so upset but I really wanted to swim in the competition. Sniffing and wiping my eyes, it was then my gaze fell on the box I hadn’t touched since Christmas morning when I’d been to chicken to open it.

  Closing my eyes, I sucked in a deep breath and listened to the faint strains of The Calling’s ‘Wherever You Will Go’. Eventually, I couldn’t delay the inevitable any longer…

  I opened the cardboard flaps of the box and lifted out a framed picture of my father. He had a cheesy smile plastered on his face and I couldn’t help but chuckle a little. I moved it to one side and shoved my hand into the box again.

  This time I lifted out a photo album of a camping trip we took together when I was twelve. I flipped through the photos and smiled to myself at how happy we both looked despite the fact that it had rained heavily the whole trip.

  It joined the frame and I delved into the box again. I pulled out a few more loose photographs; these were the last pictures I had of my father. They were taken on the day of the accident and were mostly of the both of us pulling funny faces. It was a miracle that I had these photos at all since I lost my camera on that day but for some unknown reason, I had taken out the memory card and stowed it away in my pocket.

  I placed them on top of the photo album and stuck my hand in to find that I was coming to the last few items now. There were only three things left – another frame, a watch that he had bought me for my 16th birthday and his wedding ring. I wiped away the few tears that had fallen and fastened the watch onto my wrist.

  I stared at his ring. My mother had given it to me when we had visited his flat to
sort out his belongings and I hadn’t looked at it since. However, today I found myself wanting to keep it near me. I stood up and rummaged around in my jewellery box until I came across an old necklace of mine that had lost its pendant so that all that remained was the chain. I threaded the chain through the ring and then fastened it around my neck.

  Glancing around my room, I regretted my purging of my wardrobe. Sighing heavily, I hung everything up again and then lifted the mementos of my father. Placing the frames on my dressing table, I then tucked the loose photos into the album and put it on my bedside locker.

  I flopped down on the bed and wondered, if he had been here, what my father would have said about the whole competition debacle. Deep down, I knew that he would have encouraged me to go through with it. However, with my leg significantly weakened, the chances of me swimming even one lap were slim.

  Sighing, I argued with myself about whether I should compete anyway. I figured that I could still train if I focused on strengthening my leg a lot more. However, I knew that both my mother and Danny would probably talk me out of it, so that meant that I was going to have to carry it out in secret.

  Satisfied with my plan, I made the decision not to tell either of them – that way, if it turned out that I still couldn’t compete, they wouldn’t know any different. However, I couldn’t help but feel strangely optimistic. I had a funny feeling that I was going to be able to do it – and not just for myself – but for my father. I just knew it was what he would’ve expected me to do and I wanted to do him proud.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  The whole of the following week, I carried on with my training, with my mother and Danny apparently oblivious to what I was doing. It was quite tricky to make sure they didn’t find out. First of all, I had to pretend to contact the ‘A Thousand Leagues’ people to tell them that I was pulling out. I then had to make sure that I practised in the pool when Danny wasn’t there. And to top it all off, I had to come up with various excuses about where I was when my mother or Danny asked me of my whereabouts (I usually cited that I was with Harriet).