Entrelacen

by Morales, Dani

  I looked over at Agatha and saw her smile on her face, and her electric blue eyes were glowing again. Her demeanor shifted all of a sudden and sparked my interest.

  “You are wise Logan. There are many who have sat in the seat you’re in now and caved to the pressure. Maybe for once the darkness has met his match.”

  I wondered what she meant by this. Obviously it wasn’t the first time someone has had to choose, but maybe they weren’t successful. Whatever it was, I would just have to face it and hope for the best. I refused to run anymore.

  Chapter 13

  April I was stepping off the plane at LAS, and I felt relieved. It was the first time since moving to Las Vegas that I actually felt at home. I would always miss my friends, but friends are everywhere, right? Annoyed from all the traffic, I finally made it home. Have you ever driven in Las Vegas during rush hour? It’s not pleasant. At all. The first thing I did was check my Myspace, and I noticed there was a comment left by James. How was that possible? I thought he should still be in jail. I clicked on the comment to see what it said. My heart started racing.

  “They let the wrong motherfucker back out on the streets! Call me baby when youget this.”

  I was speechless. I had no idea what I wanted to do. Sigh. So I took the easy way out by telling him to call me. Not even an hour later my phone started ringing. Crap Crap Crap!

  “Hello?”

  “Hey baby, where’ve you been? I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for a few days now.”

  “Hey. I was in Texas for my birthday. Wow, I can’t believe you’re out. What are you doing?”

  “Did you have fun? Wait, did you get my birthday card? I’m hanging out at the house. You should come over.”

  “Had a lot of fun and got really drunk since I’m legal now.” A shaky laugh escaped before I continued, “I got the birthday card and loved it. Thank you so much! Where do you live?”

  We finished the conversation with him giving me his address. I told him that I was with some friends and that we would be there soon. Oh. My. God. I was freaking out so bad. Soon there were clothes all over my room. My friends were trying to calm me down without much success.

  In the car driving to his house, all I kept thinking was Do I hug him, shake his hands, do the “what’s up” head nod? Why was I overanalyzing everything? I was just going to go with the flow and follow his lead. We pulled up in front of his house. He was outside waiting. I parked the car and got out.

  It seemed like it was all in slow motion. He was walking down the steps toward me in some black converse shoes, black shorts, and a white beater. I could see his tattoos, and all I wanted to do was lick them. My eyes finally made it to his face. He had this ridiculous smile, and his blue eyes were shining with laughter. His brown hair was roughed up forming spikes on top. He was undeniably sexy. I realized that I was holding my breath when we were finally face to face because he leaned in and whispered into my ear, “Breathe.”

  I had never been one of those girls who got flustered, but this boy definitely had me rattled. I took a breath and looked up at him. I was blown away again. I was just about to say something when he grabbed me and pulled me into a hug. I guess that answered the question on the hug issue. While he was hugging me, I could feel his breath on my ear, “You’re just as beautiful as I remember.”

  I felt lost right there in that moment. All the common sense that I had went out the window. The only thing I could see was him. The world, my friends, and everything else all disappeared. I would have never believed it if anyone told me this, but when you’re so caught up in the moment, it feels like nothing exists except you and that person. It was a moment I would never forget. He walked us inside, and I met his little sister. I don’t think she liked me much at the time, but I didn’t blame her. He lived with his parents. My first impression was that the house exuberated love.

  We hung out for a little while, but he was being really quiet, so we ended up leaving. I got a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and an “I’ll call you later.” I was so blissed out that it was like I was floating while a million butterflies had taken flight in my stomach.

  His mischievous smile and exquisite eyes were taking turns dancing behind my eyelids every time I blinked. I made it back to my house in a daze.

  From that moment on, James and I had become sickening cute, so cute that I would be making fun of myself it wasn’t me. I would be at work, and he would call to leave me a message. Then I would run to the bathroom to check it. I can still remember the first time he called and left a message calling me baby.

  “Hey baby. I know you’re at work, and I know you’re going to run to the bathroom to check this message, so when you do laugh because I know you so well. Anyways call me when you get a break. I miss you babe.”

  I always thought it was stupid when I heard my friends talking that way, and I vowed I would never allow someone to call me that, until him. Any and all messages he left calling me baby were automatically saved. They might have been listened to from time to time as well. It’s like he had me hooked from that first time we met. This was just the beginning of our story.

  We had been together several months, and everything was perfect. I still got butterflies when he was around. When we kissed, the butterflies would intensify, all my worries would disappear, and everything felt right. I had never felt so safe in someone’s arms before. He became everything to me and, that scared me to no end.

  We decided to go bowling one night with one of his friends. I had so much fun, not because we got to bowl, but because I beat both of them. Best moment ever. Since we were at the casino already, they wanted to stop and play a few slot machines. I was standing behind James when he asked to use my phone. It was around 4am. I handed him the phone and let him know that I was going to run to the bathroom for a minute. I got back at the end of his conversation and couldn’t help but be surprised at what I was hearing.

  “I wanted to ask you if you would be okay with me marrying your daughter.”

  Obviously I couldn’t hear what my mother is saying, so I stood behind him with a look that must have been comical because his friend turned around and laughed at me.

  “Okay, I understand. Good night.”

  That didn’t sound like the answer he was hoping for so I played along.

  “Hey babe. Did you just call my mom to ask her for my hand in marriage?”

  “I did.”

  “I take it she said no?”

  “No. She said yes, just not tonight.”

  Oh my gosh. He wanted to marry me! Then I was confused because he had not even told me those three words yet, and just as that thought was crossing my mind, he said them.

  “Baby, I love you. You’re the only one I have ever said those words to. You’re the only one I want to be with for the rest of my life. We’re going to get married, if not tonight, then soon.”

  I did the most girly thing possible; I cried. Next thing I knew his friend issued a dare, and we were accepting the challenge. We drove around looking for a tattoo shop. Vegas may be the city that never sleeps, but it was so hard to find a place that was open. We finally found one and went inside.

  “Ok baby. Let’s get a tattoo together.”

  I loved tattoos, so I immediately agreed. Then his friend had to open his mouth and dare us to get each other’s name tattooed on our ring finger. Though I said I would never do that, I wasn’t about to back down from a dare. About an hour later, James had April tattooed on his ring finger, and I had James tattooed above my heart. I got played big time. Apparently my finger was too small to put his name on it, so it got placed on my chest. I knew it was a mistake when I was doing it, but I hoped for the best.

  I wish I could say that things stayed perfect andthat our love was epic, but it wasn’t. Life isn’t a fairy-tale, and things don’t always go the way we want. It had been several months since we got the tattoos, and everything had changed. James used to call me every day, usually multiple times a day. He didn’t call at all anymor
e. We never talked unless I called him. He said it was because he was working a lot, which I understood because I worked and went to school full time, yet I still found time for him. He didn’t see the problem in this. According to him, I was making problems when there weren’t any. You see the problem, right? I felt that familiar sense of dread that I always got when I was about to hurt myself. I didn’t want to go back to that, so I remembered what I did in therapy. I wrote…

  Dear Universe,

  For once I thought I could actually be happy. I found (well he found me) this amazing guy that I thought was going to be my forever. He turned out to be just like everyone else, not the knight I hoped he was going to be. Maybe that’s why It’s all falling apart? Is it possible that I sabotage everything before I give it a chance to be something more? Sounds like me. I’ve been really emotional lately. I can’t keep any food down, and it’s been a few months since I’ve had my…. Wait can that mean that I’m … there’s no way…

  It had been a few days since James and I talked. I decided to give him some space, but I kept getting this overwhelming feeling that something was going on behind my back, a feeling that’s usually right. I had to know what was going on, so I typed out a message on Myspace.

  Hey James. I keep getting this feeling that something is going on behind my back. Maybe we rushed into this relationship too quickly. I love you and want things to work out, but there’s something going on that you’re not telling me. Remember when we first got together? I asked you to tell me if you ever got tired of being with me instead of cheating. I think you need space away from me to figure out if I’m what you want. I need to know that when you say you love me, you actually mean it. We’ve gone from talking every day to not at all. That’s a big indicator to me that you’re seeing someone else. I don’t play games, so just be real with me. If you are, then say you are and be done. Don’t string me along. I won’t call you until you call me and let me know what you decide.

  Sent.

  I could have possibly made the biggest mistake ever. Maybe it was all in my head. Maybe I was overreacting, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t being totally honest with me. Maybe he wasn’t cheating, but I knew he was on his way there. I could feel it. I didn’t get a call from him, but I did get a reply to my message a few days later.

  April, you are overreacting like always, and I’m tired of you always tripping on me. It sounds like you’re the one that needs the space. You know I work a lot, and I don’t get home until late and crash out as soon as I get there. I can’t do this anymore. I know it makes me look like a little bitch to do this over the computer, but if I hear your voice, I would change my mind. It’s over.

  How pathetic! Was he really breaking up with me over the internet? Whatever.

  Dear Diary,

  I wish I could say I have some good news for a change, but I don’t. James broke up with me on Myspace. Lame, right? The crazy thing is I’m not even sad about it, I mean I should be, right?! We’ve known each other for over 2 years, were actually together for months, and planned to get married... I didn’t cry... I think for some reason I always knew we weren’t the forever kind. I hoped, but I knew it wasn’t right. I wrote a new poem for the first time in a really long time. I don’t even know who it’s about, maybe a little bit of James and some of Brian.

  A Summer Day

  Eyes transparent, no feeling there A steady gaze that goes nowhere

  A wandering mind that drifts away Lost in the innocence of a summer day. Motionless clouds, no windblown trees

  Lifeless grass, unbearable heat Playground equipment old and unused

  Tattered and beaten all abused. Children’s laughter has disappeared Loneliness is all that settles here A wandering mind that drifts away Lost in the innocence of a summer day. No birds chirping, no glorious sounds Dusk is coming, the sun goes down Orange and red fills the skies

  Mimics the fire in her eyes. Night has fallen, darkness descends Street lights lighten all around Shadows are playing with her mind Silence befalls her, she’s all alone. Hatred resides in her soul For he has made this so

  A wondering mind drifts away Lost in the innocence of a summer day

  It’s a little depre ssing, but it speaks the truth on how I feel. I’ve missed writing. I think it’s time to start some new hobbies. Leona Lewis has a song titled “Better in Time”. It’s become my mantra with this break up. It finally started sinking in after the poem was written down. Maybe it’s about James. A few tears fall, but I won’t let it consume me. He made the choice. It’s time I moved on.

  My friends tried to bring me out of the funk I had settled in. They didn’t realize that it was just because I was questioning myself. They thought it was about him. I made it a point to smile more and talk like normal, but nothing was the same. I had a secret that no one knew. It’s the reason why I was standing off to the side, alone in a crowd. My mom didn’t even know that I was pregnant. I know she had her suspicions, but I never confirmed nor denied it. No one ever knew. No one ever would. About a month after we broke up, I had some intense cramping. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had a miscarriage. James never knew he was going to be a father. My mom never knew she was going to be a grandma. I never got the chance to tell them. Everything that James and I talked about could have happened. Did I blame him for the miscarriage? Sometimes I did. I think the added stress wasn’t good for me or the baby, but I also know everything happens for a reason.

  Chapter 14

  Logan I was lying on my bed fighting the urge to fall asleep. My body was so

  exhausted, and my mind was playing tricks on me. My dreams had progressed a little. They had gotten even creepier, if that's possible. Coffee was my new best friend. I practically lived on the stuff. If I could inject the caffeine straight into my blood stream, I probably would have. A coffee IV would have been awesome.

  Mom was starting to hover. She saw that I was not sleeping well, but she couldn't do anything to help me. I knew it was killing her to see me go through this. She had talked to Agatha many times, even going as far as having her come over to try to cleanse the house. Nothing made a difference, hence the lack of sleep. I was so glad I had decided to graduate early. There’s no way I would have been able to function at school with the lack of sleep.

  “Logan, the time is drawing near. Have you changed your mind yet?” “I have told you every time you ask

  that my decision isstillthe same. What

  don’t you understand?”

  “I understand that you are a fool.” “Well that’s just rude. You don’t see

  me calling you names.”

  I’mstandingon the street lookingat

  him from acrossthe road. Then the vision

  shifts. Usually we’reat that field whereI

  see my mother’s bloody body, but this

  time it’s different. Now I’m standing in

  front of the cemetery.

  “Why did you bring me to the

  cemetery?”

  “Go see for yourself Logan. I told

  you sidingagainst uswould bringmisery

  and pain.”

  Iwalk throughthe gatesof the

  cemetery, andmy sensesare on overdrive.

  The fog is so thick that it’s hard to make

  out anything, letalone see if anythingis

  comingat me. I notice the Angelstatuein

  the middle of afewdozenplotsfirst. It’s

  absolutely beautiful.The contrast of the

  white marble withitsdullsurroundingsis

  astounding. The grassisadeathly brown,

  andthe gravestonesare adepressinggrey.

  Noflowersadorn anyburialsite. Love is

  absent; only deathremains. My feet take

  me tothe angel, whoisbeckoningme

  forward. Once Imake it, the foglifts, and

  the moon isshiningon the angelproviding

  aspotlight.

  Renee Mathews

  Born April2,
1958 Died February 16, 2012 Beloved Mother andFriend “You brought me here to see my

  mother’s grave?”

  “Not just your mother’s. There are

  plenty of others if you keep looking.” “No. I’llnotjoin you whether my

  mother diesor lives, whether my father

  diesor lives, whether my best friend dies

  or lives. It’smy choice, and thoughit

  would hurt me tosee them go, withthe

  exception of my father, they would want

  me to do what’s right.”

  “You are an idiot Logan. This all

  could beavoided and their livesspared.

  How can you say that is the wrong

  choice?”

  “I’m done with this illusion. Come

  formeif you must. I’mready.”

  “Four days.”

  Those words echoed inside my head

  even after I woke up. I had four days to... I

  didn't even know. It was possible that I

  would die on my 18th birthday, and my

  mom would die with me. The ironic thing

  is that the only regret I would have is

  never knowing love. It’s funny when you

  prepare yourself to die. You think about all

  the things you are going to miss out on. I got up and got ready. I started out

  with my normal 5 mile run. When I made

  it back to the house, I headed down to the

  basement. One of the days I was staying

  inside to avoid my issues with anger, I

  ventured down to the basement. It was