Matters to Me: A Football Romance (The Hart Series Book 4)

by M. E. Carter

  I move my hips, arms above my head, which is just about all I can do. Spinning around or getting too crazy throws me off balance, but I can turn just enough to see Ellery.

  When I asked her to come along with Annika and I to celebrate my newfound freedom, I knew she would get along with my best friend. The more I get to know Ellery, the more I like her. I thought a night out would help us get to know each other better outside of our sport. It worked.

  And then Kevin showed up. I don’t know if she invited him or if he crashed our girls’ night, but they’ve been inseparable ever since. I’m not mad about him being here. It’s cute watching them. They’re terrible dancers, but Kevin looks at Ellery like she hung the moon. That’s all I want for my friend, so I have no resentment about dancing by myself.

  Now that I see she’s fine, I glance over where Annika is sitting. As always, she’d rather be at the bar watching some football game than shaking her groove thing. When she catches my eye and tips her bottled water at me, I smile. It’s our new signal that everyone we came with is okay. We use it often. No girl will ever be left behind again.

  Turning my attention back to the music, I let it take over me, flowing through me as my body sways to the beat. My mind begins to clear, my emotions calm, as every problem fades away. Every hurt and concern melts until I feel centered, a small smile tugging at my lips.

  That’s when I feel strong hands on my hips and a large body behind me. I don’t startle because I know without a doubt who it is. My assumption is only confirmed when I’m suddenly encased by his arms. I only fit this way with one person—Heath.

  I should push him away. I should demand an explanation. Tell him I won’t ever be treated that way again. But there’s time for a strongly worded conversation later. Right now, all I know is I’ve missed him, that I feel safe when I’m around him, and that he’s here. He sought me out.

  Intertwining our fingers, I allow myself to melt into him, getting as close as I can on a public dance floor with a boot in the way. He gently picks me up, placing my feet on top of his much larger ones, allowing him to lead us more gracefully now that my boot is out of the way.

  It also gets him a couple of inches closer allowing him to lean down and say, “I’m sorry,” in my ear.

  I respond by running my hands up to his biceps. I don’t question his apology because Heath’s never been anything except honest with me. Honest when he’s struggling. Honest when I’m driving him crazy. Honest when he’s screwed up. But I also don’t let it go just yet. We have some talking to do and some decisions to make.

  Later. Right now, I just want to dance.

  I lose track of time as we move, bodies fully aligned. My body and thoughts battle each other, wanting to fall back into old patterns and be with this man in every sense, but knowing I deserve to be more than just a vessel for stress relief. I want to trust that Heath would never use me like that, but the last few days have been brutal. For my own sense of well-being, I have to be careful. Yes, I love him. There is no doubt about it. But love isn’t enough for me. Six months ago, genuine affection was good enough. Not anymore.

  I could dance for hours, but just as Dr. Copperman predicted, my leg begins to ache. I tap Heath’s arm gesturing for him to lean down.

  “I have to stop. It’s starting to hurt,” I say in his ear.

  Heath immediately turns me around and picks me up so I’m off the floor. We’re face to face, arms around each other. It’s unexpected and makes my stomach flip.

  He presses his lips to mine, and I melt into his kiss, opening for him so his tongue can sweep into my mouth. The kiss is quick so he can get me off the dance floor. But he never puts me down, just whisks me across the room to the stool next to Annika’s.

  “Time to go?” she asks as soon as I sit. I just nod, my eyes still trained on him. “I’ll go get Ellery,” she says and leaves us to this moment.

  I can see his apology in his eyes. See how sorry he is. That look makes me realize how imperfect he is. He doesn’t do relationships so he’s going to make mistakes. But his intention was never to hurt or dismiss me. That realization makes a huge difference to my already healing broken heart.

  He kisses me again, this time a peck before pulling back and once again whispering, “I’m sorry.” I put a finger on his lips to stop him.

  “Not here. Let’s talk at home, okay?”

  He nods and kisses my finger, then turns to look around the room like he always does when we’ve been out together. It’s another reminder that old habits die hard with this man.

  I try hard to make sure my nerves don’t take over as we wait for Annika. I have no reason to be worried. Heath isn’t like the others. He’s honest and kind and good. Still, the question of how he disappeared so easily starts to fester the longer we sit, and it gets harder to control. Like a tiny ripple in the ocean that picks up speed as it gathers other ripples, trying to turn into a giant wave that will roll over and over until it crashes into me, drowning me.

  Somehow, Heath must recognize my internal battle because he grabs my hand, pulling it to his mouth to kiss my knuckles. “You okay?” I nod and smile, but it’s a little too reactionary. We both know it. “I know I screwed up, babe. I’m here to make it right.”

  With those words my anxiety relaxes, the wave slowing down until it’s nothing more than a ripple again.

  “Ellery’s staying here,” Annika announces as she saunters toward us, looking at her phone. “Kevin’s going to take her home.”

  “I figured that would happen. They’ve been stuck to each other like glue all week.”

  “They’re kind of cute together.” Annika and I both look back over at them doing some weird cha-cha move on the dance floor. “In an odd kind of way.”

  I stifle my giggle because the last thing I want to sound is condescending. “Let’s go. I need to get my leg up.”

  We wave at Paul who nods his goodbye and Heath scoops me up in his arms, carrying me to Annika’s car first, making sure she gets inside safely. Not that he can do much about a potential attacker while he’s holding another human being, but it’s still a welcome gesture.

  Once she’s gone and he finally has both of us settled in his truck, he shoots out a quick text and tosses his phone in the cupholder.

  “Sorry,” he says as he fumbles around in the center console. “Just wanted to give Jax a heads up that Annika’s on the way. I’m going to follow her home if that’s okay with you.”

  “Of course, it is. Although you may have to catch up to her.”

  “I’m not worried. Worst case, we catch up to her when she’s walking through the parking lot. Good enough for me. Besides, it gives us more time to talk. But first, take these.” He pulls out a bottle of ibuprofen and shakes out a couple, handing them to me along with a water bottle.

  I smile at his thoughtfulness and do as instructed. When he’s satisfied I’m settled, he cranks the engine and heads out of the parking lot. Placing his giant paw on my thigh, he squeezes lightly.

  I turn to look at him, taking in his features. He’s got bags under his eyes and his skin is a bit on the sallow side. He looks drained. I can only imagine how exhausted he must feel. And yet he still came for me. Despite his need for sleep and probably to catch up on work, he made it a priority to make this right.

  I’m still not sure what that means, exactly, but it makes it easy to forgive him. Now, I just need him to forgive himself.

  “How is your dad, anyway?”

  To my surprise, Heath smiles broadly. “Feisty. Driving my mother crazy with all his bitching about his diet changes.”

  “That’s good, right?”

  “Really good. His doctor doesn’t see any reason he’ll have any more trouble if he just gets his cholesterol and eating under control. Yes, it was a heart attack, but comparatively speaking, it was the best outcome we could have asked for.”

  “That is such good news,” I say and squeeze his hand. I can’t imagine how much of a relief it is for him. For th
e entire family. “And how are you?”

  The smile fades as he answers me with brutal honesty. “Shook.”

  He pulls my hand to his lips again and kisses gently several times. “I’m so sorry, babe. I was so scared he was going to die that I lost track of everything else until I got there. And then I was so relieved he was going to be fine, that I shifted into this weird, I don’t know, like… planning mode or something. I kept thinking, ‘But what if it happens again? How can I make sure this doesn’t happen again?’. All I could think about was the combine, and how I needed to focus everything on football again.”

  My heart sinks. These are the same reasons he had originally for not dating. I thought his thought process had changed. That he felt differently—like maybe I helped him keep his focus and reach his goals. It turns out, I was wrong.

  Pulling my hand from his, I push my hair behind my ear and fidget with my shorts. “I understand.”

  Heath looks over at me once, and then a second time, as he tries to keep the truck in between the lines. “I don’t think you do, Tiny.”

  Pulling into the dorm parking lot, he drives to the front in time for us to see Annika being let in by Jax. He waves when he sees us, and I know I probably won’t see my roommate again for the night.

  In true Heath Germaine fashion, he watches until the door closes behind them before throwing the truck into park. Then he turns to face me full-on, his stare intense. Maybe more intense than I’ve ever seen him before.

  “Lauren, I’ve spent years singularly focused on my goals so I can provide for my family. My parents work so hard, and I don’t want them to have to do that anymore. But I’ve been so fixated on reaching the pros, I’ve pushed anything and anyone away that I can’t use to my benefit.”

  “Ouch.”

  “What?”

  “It sounds an awful lot like you just said the only reason any of us are your friend is because you can use us.”

  He huffs and turns his head, eyebrows furrowed. “I am fucking this all up. You have to know that’s not what I meant.”

  “No, actually. I don’t.”

  Licking his lips, he nods. Whether it’s in understanding, agreement, or to pacify me, I’m not sure. “Let me try this again. With the exception of a very few people, I’ve pushed everyone away. But I started to relax a little. Let my guard down. Fall for you.”

  My head whips over so fast, I almost give myself whiplash. “What?”

  A small smile tugs at his lips. “This isn’t the most romantic way to tell you I love you, but I think you need to hear it right now.”

  “I need to hear it now because you’re breaking up with me so you can shift your priorities around?”

  He reaches for a lock of my hair and gently plays with it. It feels so good but doesn’t distract me from my confusion. “I’m not breaking up with you. I’m trying to tell you that I got scared.”

  “Why?” My voice is nothing but a whisper as he shares his fears with me.

  “Because I’ve never felt so deeply about anyone. When Jaxon told me where you guys were tonight, I almost lost my shit, thinking about you being at a club without us there.”

  I roll my eyes and laugh. “I know that’s been our routine for the last few months, but we’re not totally incapable of going out without an escort.”

  His bright white smile practically lights up his face with my poking fun. “I know that. But it still didn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel right when we’re not together. Whether it’s walking home from practice or being in the same room while we’re studying, I just want to be with you.” He takes a deep breath and I let him take a moment to finish whatever he’s going to say. “I’m sorry it took me distancing myself to figure that out. I guess I just needed a kick in the ass to get my head on straight.”

  “I’m curious who did the ass-kicking.”

  “Jaxon and my mother.”

  “Ooh, that’s rough,” I say with a laugh, the mood in his truck lighter than it was before.

  “Hell yeah, it was!” His tone turns serious. “But I needed it. And Lauren, I can’t promise I won’t screw up again, but I’ll never push you aside like this again.”

  “It’s not that I expected you to call me constantly. I just want to be there for you when things happen. Good and bad. To help you through them. To help you stay focused. I understand your dreams. I want to help you reach them. Because I love you, too.”

  Immediately, it looks like a boulder has been lifted from his shoulders. His whole body relaxes in one breath. Satisfied that our first real problem is sorted out, he leans over and kisses me again.

  “Would it be okay if I stayed with you tonight?” he asks against my lips. “As much as I love Jaxon and Annika, it’s just weird sleeping in the bed across the room when they have a sleepover.”

  Smiling against his lips, I nod. “I think I want a sleepover of our own tonight.”

  He gives me one more quick peck before pushing away and yelling, “Let’s go!”

  I laugh as he pretends to peel out of the parking lot, anxious to get me home.

  THIRTY

  Heath

  “You know the doctor said I can walk right?” Lauren teases, as I carry her down the hall to her dorm room. “He gave me a walking cast for a reason.”

  “And did he also say when it starts to hurt you need to get off of it?” She says nothing. “That’s what I thought. Besides,” I give her a quick peck, “I like carrying you around. It’s like an extra bicep workout.”

  She smacks me lightly on the shoulder, grinning as she does. I gently lower her to the floor when we get to her door, allowing her to let us in.

  Lauren limps through the door and I know she needs a break. Scooting around her, I situate the pillows on her bed so she can prop her leg up.

  “You certainly didn’t waste any time taking our love nest apart. Is this going to happen every time we fight?” I ask it playfully, but knowing the makeshift double bed was pulled apart in my absence stings a bit.

  Lauren peeks up at me through her lashes, giving me a knowing look. “Annika doesn’t always stay with Jaxon. As much as I love her, it would be weird to wake up as her little spoon.”

  “It would be weirder if you woke up as her big spoon, but hey,” I hold my hands up in mock defense, “no judgment from me.” Sitting down on her bed, I plump up the pillows a little more. “How are you feeling? Does it hurt a lot?”

  She rubs just above her knee, probably trying to relieve some of the tension. “It just aches. Dr. Copperman said it would be like that for a while until my body gets used to being fully upright again.”

  “When can you start back at the gym?” I move her hand out of the way so I can take over rubbing her leg and loosen the straps on her cast a bit. She moans and drops her head back, clearly enjoying my touch. It makes my libido stir but I have to keep it under control. She’s in pain and I just apologized. Tonight, isn’t about sex. It’s about taking care of her needs, physical and emotional.

  “Tomorrow.”

  I can feel my eyes light up. This is what she’s been hoping for. “Really?”

  A huge smile crosses her face. “Yep. I mean, with restrictions. No tumbling, no dismounts, no vault, basically nothing that will put unnecessary force on the bone. But I can go back to bar work and some basic beam stuff.”

  “Hey, that’s better than nothing.”

  “Tell me about it.” Suddenly, she sits up straight. “Oh! I forgot to show you. I got a new brace for the gym. It’s even smaller than the boot.”

  I can’t help but laugh. “You are really excited about this.”

  “I am. And only another athlete can understand why. Wanna see?”

  “Sure,” I say with amusement and move out of her way so she can carefully stand up. “Let me see this sexy new cast.” I smack her on the ass, making her squeal.

  “Ow, you asshole.” She rubs her ass as she hobbles into the bathroom. “I have to pee, too. I’ll be right back,” she announces and shuts th
e door.

  Leaning back on her bed, I close my eyes and lay my clasped hands on my chest. It feels so good to be back with the one person who loves me for me, not what I can provide them in the future.

  Okay, I guess that’s not fair. I never gave anyone else a chance to get to know me, but it’s too late now. I can’t believe a fake dating relationship turned into something more. Into something real. But it did. Lauren matters to me, more than I ever thought possible. And I’m oddly grateful to my roommate for threatening to kick my ass for her.

  I hear a door click and I slowly open my eyes only to see a vision standing in front of me. Lauren is sporting her new brace, but that’s not the part I’m concentrating on. All I can see is the black lace thong and matching sports bra. I didn’t know they made lace sports bras but I’m not complaining. The outfit, or lack of outfit, accentuates the muscles she’s worked for so many years to build, and somehow makes her body look softer. Curvier.

  And suddenly, I’m harder.

  I lick my lips because damn. My girlfriend is fucking hot and I am currently visualizing about four million different ways I can strip her of that lace.

  “What, um…” I clear my throat because suddenly my mouth has gone dry. “What are you doing, there, Tiny?”

  “What does it look like I’m doing?”

  “It looks like you’re about to reinjure yourself.”

  Her immediate frown makes me want to laugh. My feisty girl is back. “I want to try out my new brace before practice tomorrow. See what it can do.”

  I can’t help it. I throw my head back, a belly laugh bursting out of me. My reaction makes her smile even more. “Are you sure, baby? This is not what I came here for. Lord knows I don’t deserve it today.”

  With no hesitation, she limps over to me and climbs on my lap, carefully straddling me so she can take my face in her hands. “Heath, stop. I understand.”

  “Doesn’t excuse what I did.”

  “No, it doesn’t. But you explained it. You apologized. Now you have to let it go.”