How to Liv

by Megan Keith

  “Hey there, sleepyhead!” Joel smiled as he walked toward me.

  “Hey. You should have woken me up. I didn’t get to say goodbye to her.” I pouted. Joel got down on his knees in front of me.

  “I’m sorry, you looked so peaceful I didn’t want to wake you.”

  “Yeah, but now I feel rude.”

  “Chelsea flaked it not long after you actually. Adam carried her to the car, she didn’t even wake.” He ran his hands up the outsides of my thighs, and his fingers just under the edge of my shorts. Leaving his hands there he looked back up at me. “Does that make you feel any better?”

  “What? Your hands on me?” I smirked. “Or the fact that Adam and Raelene came here and saw me piked out on the couch?”

  He chuckled. “That Chelsea was asleep when she left.”

  “Yeah, I guess,” I said with a huff. “Some babysitter I am – I couldn’t even stay awake.”

  “Aww, it’s okay, I got your back.” Joel’s vision returned to his hands that had started moving on my thighs again. His fingers glided up and down and I felt my body heat. After a moment he looked back at my face. “I had fun today.”

  “Yeah, I could tell. I’m onto you, you know.”

  “How’s that?” He smirked at me.

  “You love to play with Barbies and watch kids shows - you only mind Chelsea so you have an excuse to do so.”

  “You’re right. I do love those kids’ shows.” Joel’s hands continued to roam the tops of my legs, inching closer and closer to my ever-dampening underwear. “Especially Play School. How does that song go again?” His hands moved to the insides of my thighs and he looked at me with a glint in his eye. “Oh, that’s right, ‘open wide,” he sang, his hands pushing my legs apart, “…come inside…” He slid a finger under the hem of my shorts and pushed it against my core, pushing my underwear inwards.

  “Mmm.” I grabbed hold of his cheeks and thread my hands through his facial hair, forcing my mouth on his so roughly that he stumbled backwards with a laugh.

  “So you wake up horny, huh?” he said against my lips with a smile. “Good to know.”

  “Shut up!”

  I laughed and pushed him further, until his back was on the floor. He took me with him and it didn’t take us long to start pulling off each other’s clothes. Or for Joel to ‘come inside’ right there on the lounge room floor.

  The front door slammed, making me jump.

  “Hi-hi!” Ally sang cheerily. She jumped up onto the kitchen counter where I was chopping vegies for dinner.

  “What’s got you so chipper?”

  “Well, I have some news!” She grabbed a carrot and took a bite. I waited patiently with my knife in the air while she chewed. “So Rachel and I have decided to move in together.”

  “Really?” I felt the huge smile on my face.

  “Gee, don’t hide your excitement.”

  “Sorry. I-”

  “It’s okay Libby, I know staying here was only meant to be temporary. I really appreciate you having me for as long as you have. I finally convinced Rach to move out of her parents’ place. We have an appointment to check out a couple of rentals tomorrow arvo.”

  “I’m happy for you Al.”

  She jumped back off the bench and gave me a quick hug. “Ermagherd, it’s gonna be so awesome! Party central!” she called out as she made her way to her room.

  I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. Not only was my sister finally moving out but I had Joel – I’d been smiling non-stop anyway. Unfortunately, I hadn’t seen him since he dropped me home late Sunday night though. His boss had him working until all hours still, in the coolest parts of the day. It was Wednesday, so it had been three whole days since I’d seen him. I missed him. Even though we had constantly texted and called each other all week.

  As if on cue, my phone rang. My smile widened when I saw his name on the screen.

  “Hi.”

  “Liv, good news!”

  “What? How did you know?” Does Ally have his number? What the fuck?

  “Know what?” he asked.

  “Huh? Sorry, what?”

  “Well, now I’m really confused…” He chuckled. “So, I was ringing to tell you I’ve just finished work.”

  “Oh.”

  “Don’t sound so thrilled.” He laughed. “I finally have a night off – let me take you to dinner.”

  “I’m already cooking.” I glanced at the clock. It was just past six. “But you could come over if you like.”

  “Well, that depends…” he said cheekily.

  “On what?”

  “What you’re cooking.”

  “Oh, um, spaghetti bolognaise and salad.”

  “Oh Liv, you know you’re not supposed to cook the salad right?”

  “Har har, you’re funny!” I replied sarcastically.

  “I’ll be there soon.”

  He hung up before I could even say goodbye. I tossed the rest of the vegies into a bowl then went to the stove to stir my pasta sauce. This would be my first time cooking a meal for him, I thought with a wistful smile. The first of many, I hope.

  When Joel said he’d be there soon, he wasn’t kidding. He knocked on the door about twenty minutes later. His cologne hit me as soon as I opened it. He’d obviously just come from a shower. His hair was still damp and he was freshly shaven. Oh, I miss the facial hair. He was wearing a blue tank top and lightweight black shorts. I felt dirty and underprepared for him - I still had on the clothes I wore to work.

  “I’ve missed you.” His lips attached to mine before I could reply. He walked me backwards into the entryway, kicking the door shut behind him. His tongue found mine and my arms circled his neck. I kissed him back just as hungrily. We kept walking until we were near the couch in the lounge room.

  “Ahem.” Ally clearing her throat reminded me that we weren’t alone. I pulled from Joel’s lips and dropped my arms to my sides.

  “Oh, I bought you flowers,” he said, pulling a bouquet from behind his back.

  “Wow, thanks!” The flowers were a stunning arrangement of lilac and cream, roses and freesias. My eyes went wide with surprise and I felt them get wet with happiness. You know he’s too good to be true… I swallowed my emotions and tried to ignore my negative thoughts.

  “Smells delicious!” Joel pulled me back to reality. “Hey, Ally.”

  “Joel. Good to see you again.” Ally smiled up at him from where she was sitting on the armchair watching TV.

  “Do you need a hand?” he asked, following me to the kitchen.

  “Uh, yes actually.” I opened the corner cupboard and pointed to a vase on the top shelf. “Could you get that vase for me?”

  “Certainly.”

  I watched Joel effortlessly reach what would have taken me a step ladder to get. He handed the vase to me and then leant back against the counter top to watch me place the arrangement in the vase, fill it with water and then place it in the centre of the dining room table. I filled a saucepan with water and put it on the stove then turned to him.

  “Thank you so much Joel. I love them.”

  I took a couple of steps in his direction and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face in his chest and inhaling his scent. His arms circled my back, pulling me closer. He kissed the top of my head before pulling me back slightly. I looked up into his multi-coloured eyes that looked decidedly blue tonight. I could feel myself falling for him more with every second that past. But he remained quiet and it was beginning to worry me. I could tell there was something on his mind. His glorious smile from when I opened the door was no longer there.

  “Liv,” he started seriously, “I really need to tell you-”

  “Dinner nearly ready, or do I have time for a shower?” Ally poked her head into the kitchen.

  “Ah, time for a quick one,” I replied.

  “I’ll wait then, I need to wash my hair.” She went back to the lounge room and I looked back up to Joel.

  “You were saying?”
<
br />   “Have you told your sister you want her to move out yet?” he whispered.

  “No need. She told me tonight that she’s going to get a place with Rachel. They’re looking tomorrow.”

  “That’s good.” He didn’t look surprised, but then he didn’t really look like anything. His face was decidedly blank.

  “So, you were saying something?”

  That was the moment the water in the saucepan decided to boil. I reluctantly pulled myself from Joel’s embrace and tended to dinner while he remained where he was, watching me.

  “Joel?”

  “Hmm?” His expression returned to his ‘something on my mind’ look.

  “You were saying?”

  “Oh, nothing… I don’t remember.” I could tell he was lying. I was about to call him on it, remind him that he’d promised ‘no secrets’, but Ally came back to the kitchen to set the table and whatever was on his mind, it was apparent he wasn’t about to tell me when she was in the room.

  I hung the tea towel up on the oven door handle and turned to face Joel. He’d very kindly helped me with the dishes which I really appreciated. Craig had never helped me with anything. Must stop comparing them, they’re nothing alike.

  “Spanks again for dinner.” Joel wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled my neck.

  “You must stop thanking me, you already know I used the pasta sauce you recommended to me when we first met.”

  “True. So you should be thanking me then?” His tongue darted out and licked a trail up my neck. “I’m sure I could think of some way for you to do that.” His sexual innuendo made me groan. I felt my insides clenching with desire. I pushed him away.

  “I need to have a shower.” I felt sticky and dirty, having worked all day.

  “I’ve already had one, but okay if you insist.” His lips moved back to my neck.

  “Alone, Joel.” I shoved him again with a giggle.

  “Come on, you know you want to.”

  “Not when my sister’s here.” I dodged his outstretched arm and walked to the lounge room.

  “She won’t care,” he groaned behind me.

  “But I will.”

  “Good thing she’s leaving soon then.”

  I glanced down the hallway and saw that the bathroom door was still closed. Hopefully Ally hadn’t heard that. A moment later the door opened signalling my turn.

  I gave Joel a peck on the cheek, “back soon,” and headed to my room.

  When I returned to the lounge room with freshly shaved legs and bits and washed hair (loved how quick my new do was) fifteen or so minutes later, Ally and Joel were sitting together on the couch laughing loudly. They stopped abruptly when I entered the room. It made me uneasy. Even Joel’s reassuring smile and heated stare at my short pj’s did nothing to ease the sense that I’d walked in on something.

  “Well, that’s my cue to leave,” Ally said, removing herself from the couch. “’Night guys.”

  I took her spot on the couch and watched her walk down the hall in her skimpy little nighty that showed more skin than my carefully chosen night attire. I really should buy sexier night wear. I caught Joel’s eye. He was watching me curiously. He opened his mouth to say something, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what. I jumped abruptly from the couch.

  “Dessert?” I stalked to the kitchen before he could answer. Grabbing the large pack of Tim Tams from the fridge, I wished that it wasn’t so damn hot. I would love a Tim Tam slammer about now, my guiltiest pleasure, but a hot chocolate drink on a blistering night would only make me feel ill, not better.

  I sat back on the couch and held the packet out for Joel to grab one, before dumping it on the coffee table.

  “I see you’ve made quite a dent already,” Joel observed.

  “Yep, what can I say? They’re my favourites.” I took a big bite to prove it.

  Joel took a bite of his own and nodded. After a moment of nothing but the down low TV and the sound of our chewing filling the silent room, Joel said my name.

  “Liv.”

  “Yeah?” I had a hard time looking at him, all I could think about was walking in on him with Ally, looking so happy and wondering what they were talking about.

  “Everything alright?”

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” I snapped, grabbing a second biscuit. I didn’t mean to sound so grumpy. What is wrong with me? Joel grabbed another biscuit, too. I continued to munch and unseeingly stare at the television.

  “Do you want me to leave?” Joel eventually broke the silence. I whipped my head around to him.

  “No. Why would you say that?” I asked. Though I knew the answer. I was stuck in my own head and being rude to him. “I’m sorry, I guess I’m just distracted.”

  Ally and Joel had been pleasant to one another at dinner. Ally even toned down her flirty nature, and I was grateful for that, but when I came out of the bathroom it seemed she was back to her old ways and even though I trusted Joel, at least I think I did, I also knew just how charming my sister was. For my own sanity, I needed to know.

  “What were you and Ally talking about?” I asked, my tone more accusatory than I had intended.

  Joel stared at me with an open mouth. (I was grateful that he had already swallowed his biscuit.)

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes, I want to know.”

  “Again, I do not have any interest in your sister!” Joel spoke loudly and angrily. I was glad that I could hear the TV on in Ally’s room so I knew she wouldn’t have heard him. I didn’t know how to respond. I wanted to believe that. In fact, I think I did, but I didn’t trust Ally and I knew that Joel was keeping something from me, I just wasn’t sure what. I hated not knowing. I also hated not knowing what was said between those two. I crossed my arms and huffed. What am I? Nine?

  “What was said?”

  “Honestly, I don’t even remember what we were talking about.”

  “Bullshit! I saw you both laughing not fifteen minutes ago. How can you say you don’t remember?”

  “You know what? I do! I know what we were talking about I just don’t care to give you a fucking play by play.”

  “I knew it!” I stood and grabbed the Tim Tams from the table, took them to the kitchen and threw them back in the fridge, slamming the door shut. I turned around and bumped into Joel’s hard chest.

  “You know nothing.”

  He stood with his chest against mine for a moment. I could feel the anger boiling in him and I realised that, just like Saturday, I was over-reacting and needed to calm the hell down. I opened my mouth to apologise but Joel beat me to it.

  Taking a hasty step back, he raised his voice, “I’m sick of your self-destructive bullshit!” I flinched at his harsh words and the fury in his eyes. “Stop trying to push me away. This jealousy you have for your sister is so not warranted. You need to know that she doesn’t hold a candle to you, in looks or personality. You are what I want. I am not interested in her or anybody else. Only you.”

  “Joel,” I whispered, placing my hand on his chest.

  “I’ll speak to you tomorrow.”

  He turned and hurried out the door, slamming it shut behind him. I raced after him and met him in the driveway just as he opened his car door.

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I clung to him desperately and eventually his arms came around me. “I’m sorry,” I whispered again, against his chest. He squeezed me tighter and held me for a moment.

  “It’s late. Time to call it a night.”

  He leant down and placed a sweet, lingering kiss on my lips before turning away and hopping in his car. Even though his window was wound down we didn’t say another word to each other. He gave me a half-hearted smile before driving away.

  I turned off all the lights and went straight to my room. I could still hear Ally’s TV on and I saw the blue light coming from under the door as I passed.

  I hated that blue light.

  I hated that she was still living here.

  But most of all I hat
ed myself for my stupid insecurities and I hoped like hell I could find a way to get over myself before I wrecked the one good thing in my life.

  It was a dreary day at work. I could hear the rain pounding on the tin roof of the factory nearly all day. It matched my mood. Luckily, we weren’t too busy, because I wasn’t really concentrating on the job. Marg had returned from her holiday on Monday so my workload was drastically lightened which I was glad about.

  Jess was still over the moon about her new relationship with Eric. I wanted to be in that same bubble, but I had well and truly burst it the night before, with my stupid lack of self-confidence and jealousy over my sister. Joel was better than that. He deserved better than that. He deserved better than me.

  “What’s got your knickers in a twist today?” Karen asked after I slumped down in the chair next to her desk. It was almost home time and it couldn’t come soon enough. “You’ve been quiet all day.”

  “I did something stupid. I basically accused Joel of wanting to sleep with my sister.” Karen opened her mouth to speak but I didn’t let her. “I know the error of my ways.” I sighed. “I don’t want to lose him Karen… I just don’t know how to fix it.”

  “Have you apologised?”

  I shot daggers at her with my eyes and she put her hands up in surrender.

  “Sorry I asked.”

  “I’m falling for him Karen, in a big, big way and I’m so scared of stuffing it up.” Admitting my feelings out loud made my heart swell - I never thought I’d find happiness again. How could I be feeling it so soon with Joel? “After Craig hurt me so badly I just… I don’t-”

  “You listen to me, Olivia. Don’t compare Joel to that jerk. You can’t do that, he is nothing like Craig.” Yeah, Karen was another one that saw through Craig way before I did. “Have you spoken to Joel about this?”

  “Yes, I told him my whole sordid history. He swore he wouldn’t do that. I believe him but sometimes I speak before I think and last night I saw red when he was talking to Ally.”

  “You know what I think? Your problem is with your sister. You don’t trust her and you can’t blame Joel for that.”