How to Liv

by Megan Keith

  “That’s what I want too, Liv.” He raised his hand to cup my cheek. “I want you to be mine. I want all of you. I’m not playing. The text? That’s something I wanted to say to your face a week ago, but I was worried you’d think I was too full on. I didn’t want to scare you off. Then I got worried you weren’t going to give me the chance and I- I thought…” He tucked my hair behind my ear and ran a finger down my cheek. “Liv, I’ve never felt like this before.”

  My heart skipped a beat at those words and my face almost split in two with the wide grin I was giving him. But it was his eyes, focusing on mine, that really had me done for. I can’t stuff this up.

  “I promise I’ll never do what Craig did to you. If you ever feel like that again please don’t push me away, just talk to me. Okay?”

  “Okay.” But I need more than that. I needed confirmation of what this was. “So… Exclusivity? Just us? And no secrets.”

  Joel swallowed. “That’s right,” he said with a nod. He glanced away for a moment and I caught it. As much as I wanted to trust him, that little look put a seed of doubt back in my mind. What is he not telling me?

  “Joel?”

  “Liv.”

  “Have you got any secrets you want to share?” I asked in a teasing tone.

  “No. Not that I can think of,” he replied, but again I saw a flicker in his eyes that made me wonder. He leant forward and gave me a quick kiss. “I was going to take Ruby for a walk, before it got too hot,” he said, standing up from the couch.

  I guess our conversation is over then. I watched him walk away and disappear into the laundry. He came back out with a red dog lead in his hand.

  “Do you want to come?”

  “Sure.” I stood up and watched Ruby jumping up and down excitedly beside him. He bobbed down and gave her a pat.

  “You wanna go for a walk? Do ya? Hey Ruby?” He spoke to her in that cute voice reserved just for kids and pets. It was so nice to watch. Damn sexy, too. It distracted me momentarily from my line of thought, but when his eyes flicked up in my direction then he looked away again, I couldn’t help the niggly feeling that he was hiding something from me.

  Stop it! You can trust him. You’ve just got to learn to trust him. He’s not Craig.

  We were making out on the couch like a couple of teenagers after our walk. I loved the feel of his facial hair against my skin. It was the longest it had been since I’d known him. It was soft and inviting. Our previous issues had been forgotten, the tension gone, we were making up for lost time, when someone knocked loudly on the front door.

  “Shit! They’re early!” Joel groaned and stood up. “I meant to tell you, I offered to mind Chelsea for a couple of hours so Adam and Raelene could go see a movie,” he explained, an apologetic tone in his voice. He opened the front door.

  “Unkoo Jojo!” Chelsea squealed excitedly from where she was being held in Raelene’s arms. I walked over to stand beside Joel. “Hi, Wiv!” Chelsea greeted me just as happily. I was thrilled that the little girl had remembered my name.

  “Liv, why am I not surprised to see you here?” Raelene said with a smirk and a wink at Joel.

  “Hi, Raelene.” It was obvious by the exchange that I had been the topic of some kind of conversation between those two.

  “Chels, loosen up baby girl,” Joel said with a chuckle, trying to unhook her little arms from around his neck. “You’re choking Uncle Joel.”

  She let him go and held her arms out to me.

  “Right. I know when I’m not wanted, she can’t wait to get away from me. Take her Liv,” Raelene said as Chelsea leant so far forward that Raelene was struggling to keep her grip. I put my arms around her, pulling her from her mother’s arms. Chelsea’s legs circled my waist and she smiled brightly at me. She really was the most adorable child and her happiness was totally infectious. I couldn’t hide my goofy smile brought on just by looking at her.

  “I’ve gotta go, the movie’s about to start. I got the sessions mixed up, I looked up the wrong day earlier when I told you what time we’d be here. Adam won’t stop rubbing it in either. He keeps calling me a technically challenged ditz. So if I come back husbandless you know why!” Raelene joked. “Thanks so much for offering to do this Joel. You’re a dead set legend.” She stood on her tippy toes to smack a kiss on his cheek. “Now you be a good girl for Uncle Joel and Aunty Liv, okay munchkin?” She gave Chelsea a kiss and then turned to me. “I gave her an early lunch so you don’t have to worry about that.”

  Raelene was entrusting me to look after her daughter, she was giving me instructions and calling me Aunty Liv. I cannot begin to describe how wonderful that felt. Adam tooted the horn of the car to hurry her up.

  “Impatient much?” Raelene said, rolling her eyes dramatically.

  “Go already! Have fun and don’t hurry back,” Joel said with a wave of his hands.

  “Oh, don’t worry, we won’t be coming back any time soon.” She winked again and then spun around to rush down the driveway. Joel and I moved to the doorway to wave them off.

  “Bye, Mumma!”

  “Bye, Chels! See ya, guys!” Raelene blew Chelsea a kiss before she hopped into the car. Once seated she turned to speak to Adam and then they both looked at us giving us waves and smiles, which we all returned, as they backed out of the driveway.

  It hit me then, what Joel and I must have looked like standing in that doorway together, me holding Chelsea in my arms. We would have looked like a family of three. I couldn’t help but wonder if that’s the future Joel sees us having. Pull your head in. It’s way too soon to think like this.

  “So, Chelsea,” Joel said in an excited voice while rubbing his hands together. “What are we going to do today?

  “Ugh!” Chelsea sucked in a big breath of air and I looked away from Joel in time to see the smile drop from her face. “Oh no! I weft Bunny in da car!” Her eyes instantly got wet.

  “It’s okay,” Joel said soothingly. He placed a hand on her back, giving it a light rub, and dipped his head until he was at her eye level. “Bunny wanted to go to the movies with Mum and Dad. I’m sure he’ll have a wonderful time. How about you go get your other toys?”

  “Okay.” She wriggled in my arms and I quickly placed her down before she jumped. She took off to Joel’s spare room.

  “Bunny likes to watch movies, huh?” I asked Joel.

  “It worked, didn’t it?” he said with a wink before taking off down the hall.

  They returned moments later, Chelsea with a Barbie doll in each of her hands and Joel with a heavy looking plastic tub in his. He dumped it in the centre of the lounge room and they both sat down on the floor beside it. Chelsea started pulling things out right away.

  “I wet you be da boy one dis time,” Chelsea said, thrusting a Ken doll in Joel’s face.

  “Thanks,” he said, taking it.

  I sat down on my knees beside them.

  “This time? Do you play with Barbie dolls often, Joel?” I teased.

  “Oh yeah, all the time. Usually when Chelsea’s not here though, she’s really bossy!”

  “Yes, I am da boss!” Chelsea said, putting her hands on her hips with a fake scowl that reminded me of her mum. “An don’t you fwarget it!” She laughed. This kid had a sense of humour! Joel and I both laughed along with her.

  As it turned out, she really wasn’t bossy at all. She remained on that floor, playing happily with us, for almost two hours before finally losing interest. When she started yawning and looking sleepy, Joel suggested we put on some ABC Kids. Plopping her on the couch and pointing the remote to the TV Joel stood in the middle of the room. He turned to watch me as I was packing up her toys.

  “What are you staring at?”

  “Nothin’,” he said after a moment of gazing at me, his eyes flicked to Chelsea before turning back to the TV.

  “Unkoo Jojo, can I hwave a joos pwease?”

  “Of course you can. I’ll get it for you. Aunty Liv, come give me a hand?”

  I l
ooked up to Joel from where I was still kneeling on the floor. Even from this angle, I could see the heat in his eyes before he turned and headed for the kitchen. I stood and backed out of the room. Chelsea was oblivious to our movements, her eyes glued to the TV screen. Joel’s arm grabbed me suddenly, pulling me further into the kitchen before flipping me to face him. He glanced in Chelsea’s direction before walking me backwards, his hands framing my face and his intense eyes focused on mine.

  Joel’s mouth caught my gasp when my back hit the refrigerator, his lips kissing mine gently, but hungrily. Desire for him hit me instantly as my mouth worked against his. My arms wrapped around his waist and he pinned me to the fridge, his hands against the sides of my face and his fingers weaving into my hair. Our tongues tangled and I felt my skin heat. I wanted him so badly.

  “I’m weely bery firsty,” a little voice spoke from beside us, forcing our lips to instantly part. Joel chuckled as he looked at me with dark and desirous eyes and I couldn’t help but smile back.

  “I’m sorry munchkin,” Joel said moving backwards and grabbing the refrigerator handle. I took a step to the side so he could open the door. I watched him bend forward, ducking into the fridge. My eyes wandered over his body hungrily. “Here you go,” he said, opening a juice box and passing it to her.

  “Tank ooh.”

  We both watched Chelsea walk back to the lounge and sit down. It helped to douse my desire a little, reminding me that I couldn’t take Joel off to the bedroom as much as I’d like to.

  “Do you mind her often?” I asked him. I figured that because, he not only had a bucket full of toys but, he had a supply of drinks for her - this child minding thing must be a regular occurrence. I turned back to see Joel opening a second juice box. Or maybe they’re his drinks, I thought with a wry smile. “You’re so good with her.”

  “Yeah, I love her like my own,” he said with a shrug. The words rolled off his tongue so easily. The casual way that he spoke warmed my heart because I could see it was true. He loved her unconditionally. I turned back to look at the sweet, little, dark-haired girl on the couch. “Raelene and Adam kinda had this whirlwind romance. They’d only known each other for about three weeks when they ran off and got hitched. A couple of months later they were pregnant. Not that they have any regrets, and I wouldn’t either, I mean look at her.” He sighed and moved in closer, behind my back, until his chest was against me. “But they didn’t really have the time to just be a couple, you know? So I like to help out.”

  “That’s really thoughtful of you Joel. You’re a natural with her.”

  “So are you,” he said, resting his chin on my shoulder from behind, he sighed. “You do want kids don’t ya, Liv?”

  I flinched at his words before responding with a soft, “yes.” God, yes! Never more than right at this moment. It’s like turning thirty made me hit a hormonal button or something. Or maybe it was just spending time with Chelsea that did it. Or, the most likely reason, was the man leaning against my back.

  He kissed my shoulder and I felt his stubble through the thin material of my t-shirt. He dragged his chin sideways, scraping gently up my neck, all the way to my ear. My body hummed with the contact, my insides clenched and my skin broke out in goose bumps.

  “You looked especially sexy before, when you were packing up those toys,” he whispered, his lips brushing my ear.

  “What?” I murmured in confusion and a sexually charged fog.

  “I could just imagine it… you know…”

  “Huh?” I pulled away from him so that I could turn and see his face properly. “What could you imagine?”

  “Us. Our future.” My heart began to race and my face must have gone pale because Joel was quick to pass me his juice box. “Have a drink,” he said with a chuckle.

  “Spanks,” I replied on a whisper, then sucked on the straw.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you the hell out, but you can’t tell me that it hasn’t crossed your mind today.” He looked at me with sincerity, ducking his head so he was at my eye level and adding a hopeful sounding, “At least once?”

  I was stunned into silence. More than once. I continued sucking on my straw and nodded at him, my eyes roaming his handsome face. God, you’re just too good, to be true.

  “How can you be real Joel?” slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

  He gently tugged me forward until his lips met my forehead. I felt them curve into a smile against my skin before he pulled back to look at me.

  “I was going to ask you the same question.”

  His beautiful eyes focused on mine and held me in place. I just want to crawl inside you and live there.

  My eyes fluttered closed for a moment, before I blinked out of my stupor when Chelsea started loudly singing the Play School theme song. Joel grabbed hold of my hand and tugged me to the couch. He sat at the end and I sunk down next to him, sucking on my juice box. Chelsea was hanging off the other end of the couch. I put my legs up and got comfy. Joel settled in behind me and absentmindedly ran his fingers up and down my back as we all watched Play School in silence.

  Sometime during the show, Chelsea moved in closer to me and nestled between my legs. My arms had automatically reached around to hug her. She was resting her back against my front. It felt comfortable, the three of us together on the couch, watching TV. I felt like I belonged; it was natural and right. We felt like family.

  You only met Joel a little over a fortnight ago. Pull your head in.

  Hey, he brought it up!

  Joel leant forward and reached around me to grab the juice box that I had nestled between my hip and the couch. He shook it.

  “Empty? You drank all my juice,” he said with mock annoyance. I couldn’t help but chuckle.

  “Sorry,” I murmured, my eyes still on the TV.

  “You’ll pay for that,” he whispered in my ear. The warmth of his breath tickled me, giving me goose bumps, and the intent in his voice caused my body to again flood with desire. That was until Chelsea spoke up to douse that feeling.

  “Unkoo Jojo, you cwan have da west of mine,” she said, flinging her arm back toward him. Her chewed up straw almost poking me in the eye.

  “No, that’s okay Chels you have it. I’ll get another one.”

  Chelsea shrugged and then turned back to the TV. Joel leapt off the couch and disappeared into the kitchen. By the time he returned Play School was over and some other kids program I didn’t recognise was on. Whatever it was, it didn’t hold Chelsea’s interest either. She became restless.

  “All gone!” Chelsea, again, thrust her juice box in my face. This time the straw did connect with my eye.

  “Ow,” I said, covering my eye and trying not to laugh as it stung. I have this silly habit of laughing when I’m in pain sometimes.

  “Can you please put that in the bin munchkin?” Joel asked and Chelsea hopped off the couch. Joel sat in her place. I hunched over rubbing my eye, my legs drawn up on the couch. He took hold of my wrists and pried my hands away. The concern on his face quickly morphed into a smile when he saw me trying to reign in my laughter. “Let me see.” His eyes locked onto my weepy one. “Are you right?”

  “Yep.” I giggle-snorted.

  “Why are you laughing?” he asked, trying not to laugh himself.

  “Defence mechanism.”

  He didn’t reply, just shook his head and stared at me intently. He leant forward and kissed my forehead. His lips stayed in place against my skin for a moment longer than necessary. He inhaled and I closed my eyes at the sweet feeling that came over me.

  “I’m swawwy Aunty Wiv.” My heart skipped a beat at those words. I loved that she called me that. I turned to see Chelsea standing beside us. She looked so sad.

  “It’s okay, sweetheart.” I swiped at my eye and tried to stop it from watering. I smiled at her but she still looked worried. “Come here.” I repositioned my body so that I could pull her into my lap. “I’m fine. Really.”

  “Did U
nkoo Jojo kiss it all better?” she asked, her small hand stroking my cheek.

  “Yes he did.” I could feel Joel watching us and my eyes flicked in his direction. He smiled brightly at me and then winked. So damn sexy when he does that.

  “Nicky-nosey,” Chelsea said, pushing her face towards mine. “Nicky-nosey,” she repeated.

  “Ah?” I looked over her head questioning Joel silently with raised eyebrows.

  “She means Eskimo kiss,” he explained.

  “Oh.” I leant forward and rubbed my nose against Chelsea’s. She giggled and rubbed hers against mine a second time before wrapping her arms around my neck and giving me a tight squeeze. She was practically choking me but I didn’t care. I squeezed my eyes shut and savoured her affection. Is it wrong that I’m falling in love with this child?

  When I opened my eyes I saw Joel watching me. His eyes were filled with such warmth, such fondness, that I could practically see the thoughts whirring through his head. He was thinking what I was. Of us. Of our future. I wanted kids even more in that moment, holding Chelsea in my arms, looking at Joel and imagining our lives together.

  This is crazy! It’s too soon for this.

  Chelsea eventually let go. We all went to the kitchen and fixed some sandwiches for a mid-afternoon snack, or in my case a very late lunch, before settling back on the couch to watch some more ABC Kids. It was stinking hot out and the aircon was on full force. I was tired, not only from the heat, but also from the emotional roller coaster I felt like I’d been on this weekend. I watched Joel and Chelsea chatting and watching kids shows through heavy lids.

  I must have dozed off at some point because the next thing I knew I woke up to a silent and empty room. I sat up, planted my feet on the floor and rubbed my eyes. The TV was off.

  “Bye!”

  I looked to the front door and saw Joel closing it having just called out a goodbye, to Chelsea, Raelene and Adam, I presumed, when I heard a car pulling out of the driveway.