Carry and Carrie - In the Twin’s Shadow

by Edina Davis

  Debbie and Philipp Harris followed her.

  Carolyn remained on the terrace and heaved a sigh of relief when the door had finally closed behind Carina and her father.

  Her mother disappeared into the master bedroom, sobbing loudly, and was not seen for the remainder of the day.

  When Carolyn knocked on the door around lunch time and asked whether she wanted to eat something, she didn’t even get a reply. Instead, she heard loud sniffling and then once more that pathetic whining, like a child’s.

  Carolyn turned away in disgust. Had she really expected her mother to be interested in the fact that she, Carolyn, would soon begin a new phase in life? Had she hoped, deep inside, that Debbie would sit down for a meal with her and that they would both have a nice conversation?

  No, she was a fool to hope that anything would change just because Carina wasn’t home for a while. Nothing would ever change between her and her mother and the sooner she came to terms with that, the better for her.

  “She can go to hell,” Carolyn hissed, full of bitterness. Then she turned around abruptly and left the house. In the solitude of her beloved Cradle Valley she fully gave into her pain and anger. It was already late when she returned home with her head held high. She felt better again and swore to herself that nothing and nobody would ever break her. She was strong and she would show this strength to everyone!

  One day her mother would regret having treated her like dirt.

  CHAPTER 37

  On a Monday morning at the beginning of October the time had finally come. Carolyn was quite excited and got up early even though she was well prepared for this first day at university. She had already packed her bag the previous night, had also laid out her clothes and therefore had enough time to take a bath and enjoy a long breakfast.

  Her father’s breakfast dishes were still on the table when Carolyn came down into the kitchen. Of course, her mother had returned to bed after her father had left the house. Carolyn hadn’t expected anything else of her. She would doubtlessly have stayed up to prepare Carina’s breakfast, but when it concerned her …

  Once more Carolyn was angry with herself. For God’s sake, how many years would she need to finally get used to her mother’s unfair and loveless treatment? Why did she always feel that piercing pain at such moments? This morning however she didn’t only feel this painful stinging in her heart but also something much stronger! For the first time she felt a strong aversion against her mother, something close to … No, she fought against this feeling streaming through her and suppressed it. After all, she was still her mother, the woman who gave her life!

  After she had finished breakfast, Carolyn cleared the table and quietly left the house. She slowly sauntered towards the station. Her train would depart in half an hour and so she had time to enjoy the fresh morning air. It was a marvellous day, almost windless, and a new phase in life lay ahead of her. She would meet new people and gain many interesting impressions. She looked forward to it with all her heart!

  She met Laura on the train, and the girls fell into each other’s arms, laughing.

  “You look so happy, Carry. What might be the reason for that?” Laura cheekily winked at her friend.

  “I’m not quite sure.” Carolyn adopted her friend’s jocular tone. “I’ve been in high spirits for weeks and can’t explain it!” She smiled from ear to ear. “How’s Johnny?”

  “He’s doing great. He already pictures himself as the successful top lawyer, winning every case,” Laura laughed.

  “I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what he’ll be one day,” Carolyn remarked seriously. “There’s more to Johnny than some people give him credit for, and ever since he’s been with you his self-confidence has increased steadily.”

  “Yes, Johnny really is very intelligent,” Laura replied proudly, “and he’s a treasure. I couldn’t have found anyone better than him. Oh, Carry … I wish the same for you. You’re so pretty and smart! I’m sure you’ll find the right man soon. He’s probably already waiting for you.”

  “Let it be, Laura. I’m in no hurry at all. First of all, I’m thinking about my studies and about putting as much money as possible aside in order to be independent very soon. I don’t even want to think about anything else.” Then she quickly changed the subject and asked: “How’s your Mum? You recently hinted that she met a man. Do you think it could turn into something serious?”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” Laura replied. “After all, she’s only known him for five weeks. Besides, I have the feeling he’s too convinced of himself. Kind of an I’m-coming-to-win-type, you know. Well, we’ll see. Maybe I’m wrong and he’s completely different. I’d really be delighted if my Mum could find some happiness. She didn’t have much of life since my father’s death.”

  The girls spent the remaining journey chatting about trivialities.

  The first day was filled with new impressions. The lecturer, Professor Herold Forester, was an attractive middle-aged man with unusually dark eyes and full dark hair that was gradually turning grey at the temples. Some female students put their heads together and whispered to each other when he introduced himself. This however didn’t seem to disconcert the professor, as his amused glance showed.

  By now he was used to the stir his appearance caused and it didn’t interest him much. He was happily married more than twenty years and his wild years were long over. He treated the flirtatious attempts of some of his female students with humour. He was likeable and held his lecture in such an interesting manner that all the students hung to his every word.

  Like all the other students, Carolyn and Laura were absolutely delighted with their terrific professor and still raved about him on their way home. They both thought him “incredibly nice” and were impressed by his amazing talent to impart his knowledge to others.

  “Besides, he really looks good for his age,” Laura remarked.

  “Yes, that’s right. He really held up well,” Carolyn agreed with her friend.

  The girls spent the remaining journey home by talking about the many diverse new impressions of the first day. There were incredibly many new things they needed to discuss. But they both agreed that this first day of their new life had been a full success.

  Carolyn immensely enjoyed studying at university. She never missed a lecture, spent much of her time in the university library and sat over her books every free minute at home. She spent the few free hours she had at the weekends with Laura, who often brought her Johnny along. They then played pool or just chatted in a pub. Often, Carolyn spent some hours alone in her Cradle Valley.

  The months flew by. Soon, the colourful autumn had passed, the days became continuously shorter and Christmas was just around the corner. Carolyn’s mood worsened from day to day. She absolutely didn’t feel like spending the holidays with her sister, but there was no way to avoid it.

  Mother Debbie, however, had been over the moon for weeks. Not a single day passed without her sharing her great joy about her Carrie’s impending arrival.

  Carolyn dreaded the ten days with Carina, and she brooded how she could manage to spend as little time as possible at home.

  She mentioned it to Laura, who invited her over for Christmas Day. “My Mum will be pleased to have you with us for lunch,” she commented enthusiastically. “We’ll have mince pies for tea in the afternoon and later we’ll cosy up in my room. Well, how does that sound?”

  “I’m in!” Carolyn beamed. She could hardly contain her delight and embraced Laura stormily.

  Her mother was of course not at all pleased about the invitation.

  “Well, it’s your decision,” she warbled, peeved. “If your sister means so little to you that you’d rather spend Christmas Day with the Carson girl …” She didn’t finish her sentence and instead sighed heavily.

  “The Carson girl is called Laura, is my friend and means a lot to me!” Carolyn flared up.


  “Apparently more than your own sister,” Debbie whined.

  “If you really want to know, yes!” Carolyn countered impulsively.

  Her mother’s eyes nearly popped out of her head while she stared at Carolyn in shock. Her mouth opened and closed a few times because she gasped: “You dare to say that to my face? You should really be ashamed of yourself!”

  Carolyn turned around and wanted to leave.

  “Stop, where are you going?” Debbie called out with indignation.

  “I’m going to be ashamed of myself,” Carolyn replied cynically.

  “You insolent thing! I demand an immediate apology that a stranger means more to you than your own flesh and blood!”

  “First, Laura isn’t a stranger to me and second, she treats me with affection and respect. I hope that answers your question!”

  With these words she left the room, accompanied by her mother’s indignant gasping.

  Carolyn was pleased with herself. She had finally found the courage to stand up to her mother.

  CHAPTER 38

  Some days before Christmas Carolyn was flabbergasted when she looked out of the window into her parents’ garden. It had snowed heavily that night and the snow laid almost a metre high. The sun was shining and The yearning bride, as Carolyn called the apple tree with the strangely shaped branches, now wore a glittering white dress, and even more strongly resembled a bride running towards her groom with her arms spread out.

  Carolyn looked at the white splendour with delight and felt childlike joy. How indescribably beautiful life was! In moments like these she felt a silent awe of the Creator, who had made everything so perfect and wonderful! She stood with delight at the window for a long time, not able to break away from the view of the snow-covered garden.

  Then her expression suddenly darkened. Carina would be here in just three days.

  But as chance would have it, everything took a different turn than expected. The family received a call from New York the next day. Debbie took the call and shortly afterwards started sobbing loudly.

  Carolyn could quickly discern that Carina had the flu and could not travel. The doctor had ordered a strict bed rest of at least two weeks.

  Debbie was inconsolable and Philipp seemed very downcast, though mainly because his Debbie was so sad. After the phone call ended, she lay in his arms, a picture of misery, while he helplessly stroked her back.

  Carolyn, on the other hand, was elated and could hardly believe her luck. She sat there with a pleased expression and watched the scene gleefully.

  Suddenly Debbie started up, pointed her finger at her daughter and glared at her, full of hatred. “Are you happy now, yes? That’s just what you wanted, isn’t it?”

  Carolyn winced and helplessly looked at her father, who also sat there with eyes that were widened by shock. Still, he regained his composure first and asked confused: “But Debbie-Dearie, whatever is the matter with you? You can’t blame Carolyn for Carina having the flu! You can’t be serious?”

  But there was no holding Debbie back. “Oh yes, I can!” she screamed, beside herself. “Have you never heard that bad thoughts can make a person ill? Right from the beginning she didn’t want our Carrie to be with us! And now Carrie really is ill, and she is jolly glad about it! Haven’t you seen her smug grin?”

  “Debbie, calm down. You don’t know what you’re saying!”

  Debbie didn’t reply but hid her face in her hands and cried.

  “Debbie, you need to apologize to Carolyn, do you hear? She didn’t do anything!” Philipp urged before he turned to Carolyn: “Mum didn’t mean it like that, child. She’s just a bundle of nerves because your sister is ill and can’t come.” He took Carolyn into his arms and awkwardly stroked her back. She rested her head on her father’s shoulder, sighed and sadly said: “It’s fine, Daddy. It’s what I’m used to.” Then she freed herself from his embrace and with her head down she left the room.

  Her father frowned after her. He felt incredibly sorry for Carolyn and for the first time in his marriage was furious with his wife. He grimly looked down at her. She was still crying softly to herself, but this time her behaviour got on his nerves.

  “Debbie, I expect you to apologize to our daughter,” he said harshly. “You definitely went too far this time and as her father I can’t tolerate that. When you’re in your right mind again, you’ll realize how irrational your behaviour is!” He turned on his heels and left the room.

  Debbie, who was not used to her husband talking to her in this tone, stared after him, her mouth open.

  When Carolyn came downstairs for breakfast the next morning, a surprise awaited her. Her mother approached her with open arms, embraced her and kept her close for several seconds. Then she looked at Carolyn with tears in her eyes.

  “I need to apologize to you, child,” she said quietly. “I wasn’t myself yesterday. Can you forgive me?”

  From the corner of her eye Carolyn saw her father watching the scene, touched. He seemed to steadfastly believe in his Debbie’s remorse and furtively wiped his eyes. Carolyn made an effort for his sake.

  “Of course, Mother,” she said with a quivering voice, “it’s okay.” She smiled encouragingly at Debbie, but a hellish pain burned in her heart.

  The next day, Christmas Eve, was torture for Carolyn. Both parents behaved as if nothing had happened, while Carolyn’s heart was filled with bitterness. Yes, her mother had apologized to her, but Carolyn was convinced that she had only done so because her father had demanded it of her with unusual vehemence and she wanted to present herself to him in the proper light. Carolyn had never before witnessed her father being so strict with her mother. He had finally taken a stand and put his foot down, as he should have done much earlier and especially more often.

  Carolyn found it difficult to bear her parents’ false cheerfulness. Once more she became clearly aware of her family’s hypocrisy and she yearned for the next day, which she would spend with Laura and her mother.

  CHAPTER 39

  Over the next weeks and months, Carolyn solely spent her spare time with Laura and Johnny. During the week she sat in her room every night, studying. She greatly enjoyed her studies and devoted her whole energy to them. She worked at the Seaford pharmacy every second weekend and therefore usually saw her father and mother only at mealtimes. However, neither she nor her parents minded.

  Since that ill-fated day before Christmas Eve, the relationship between her and her mother had become even more strained. Carolyn found it difficult to hide her dislike for her mother and Debbie couldn’t get over the humiliation of her husband having reproached her so sternly in front of their daughter. It had been the first time she had seen her husband so annoyed with her and she blamed Carolyn for it. However, she also let her husband feel that she had been deeply hurt about him having sided with his daughter. She had been sleeping in the guest room for weeks and Carolyn could well imagine how unbearable that must be for her father. After all, she had involuntarily witnessed her parents’ active sex life often enough in the past. She clearly saw how her father suffered under his wife’s forbidding behaviour and tried his best to propitiate her. It hurt Carolyn to have to see how her father humiliated himself, whereas Debbie seemed to enjoy her husband’s sycophantic behaviour.

  Finally, after almost three months, her father’s undeserving ordeal was over. When Carolyn came home late on a Saturday evening in March, she heard her father’s wild moaning as soon as she entered the hall, accompanied by her mother’s familiar high squeaking. The bedroom door was slightly ajar, and the up-and-down movement of the mattresses was also clearly audible. As had often been the case before, they had been in such a hurry to get into bed that they had completely forgotten that they weren’t alone in the house.

  Carolyn quickly ran towards the stairs to avoid being witness to this unwanted performance longer than necessary. The image of her paren
ts’ sweaty bodies, wildly rolling around, had been imprinted in her mind since early childhood, so she always saw it in front of her as soon as she heard those feral sounds …

  Little seven-year-old Carolyn stood frozen in shock in front of the door to her parents’ bedroom, which was slightly ajar. What was going on there? Why were her parents naked and wrestling with each other? They both seemed to be in great pain, as her Daddy kept groaning continuously louder while Mummy uttered short, pointed sounds. Then they suddenly stopped fighting, embraced, and kissed. Tears ran over the little girl’s face and when she turned around, she looked into the strangely smiling face of her twin sister.

  “So, were Mummy and Daddy nice to each other again?” the little sister asked with glistening eyes.

  The little girl didn’t reply but ran upstairs to the girls’ room, crying. That night, she lay in bed without being able to sleep, feeling distraught.

  When Carolyn got older and knew what was happening in her parents’ bedroom, she felt ashamed of her parents, despised them for their carelessness, felt disgust. She always ran away when she heard those repulsive sounds, unlike her sister, whom she often caught standing in front of the door, peeping through the gap with fascination …

  Carolyn wasn’t even halfway up the stairs when her parents’ passion audibly approached its climax. Carolyn covered her ears, quickly ran up the last few steps, hurried into her room and slammed the door behind her. Breathing heavily, she stood motionless for a few seconds, leaning her back against the door, with a disgusted look on her face.

  Oh, my God! How long could she bear being under this roof?

  Carolyn could hardly control herself the next morning, when she had to witness her mother’s syrupy chirps and her father’s submissive behaviour.

  Philipp’s eyes gleamed and Debbie uttered a silly giggle when his hand moved over her thigh under the table.

  Carolyn ate her breakfast in a hurry to escape this undignified scene as quickly as possible. After ten minutes she threw her napkin onto the plate, smiled ironically and said: “I better leave you two alone now. It’s obvious you’re planning to prolong your reconciliation, aren’t you? I don’t want to be in your way! I’ll be back late tonight. I don’t think I’ll be home before eleven. Hopefully, you’ll have reconciled sufficiently by then.” Without deigning to look at her parents, she got up.