Girl in the Bearskin

by C. L. Stone

  Wilhelm had turned to me, looking puzzled. “Did you just ask the demon to go after a child?”

  I blinked rapidly. “I asked him to make sure he’d be okay…”

  Wilhelm seemed startled and took my arm, tugging at it to get my attention. “You should be more careful! What if he bribes the parents to make them make a bargain to save their son?”

  “He won’t do that.”

  “He’s a demon,” he said. “You don’t know what he’s capable of.”

  My tongue was ready to bark back that Shaytan wouldn’t do him any harm, but I didn’t really know this. He’d done nothing before to harm me. The bet was my own doing, after all; I agreed to it.

  Could he ever understand? “I think he’ll be okay.”

  Wilhelm blustered at my response and released me. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

  I wondered if my decision displeased him too much. As we continued along the main road toward the inner city, he seemed quieted, caught up in his own thoughts.

  I didn’t think we should bother to wait on Shaytan. He would catch up with us in his own time. Part of me wanted to get to an inn.

  Wilhelm had me questioning my own sanity. I should have known better, but I’d no ill intention.

  We passed homes on our way to the high walls and the gates that would let us inside. Most people hated the walls, as they represented something to us all of the wall that had been put up around our country to keep us inside. Still, with the war that had gone on, it remained up as a protection, our last hope against invaders who may one day overtake it. The gates were usually open, a symbol that we wouldn’t be caged in.

  Guards stood by the high iron-wrought gates, talking with each group and inspecting wagons as they approached. It slowed everyone trying to enter and there was a line. No one was allowed to pass without speaking to them first.

  I tried not to scratch at my hair so much as we waited. The waxing over the years had coupled with dirt and other things, and my head was constantly itchy.

  “Why is it taking so long to get into the city?” I asked Wilhelm. “Why are they inspecting everyone?”

  “I suppose it’s just security,” he said. He seemed to have forgotten about the incident prior, his curiosity getting the better of him. “They’re blocking contraband perhaps. Maybe there’s been an uptick of it recently.”

  At the gate, when it was our turn, I was stopped instantly by a guard’s hand blocking my way.

  “No beggars allowed in the walls,” he said.

  “She’s no beggar,” Wilhelm said. “Let us pass. We wish to enter.”

  “We’re not allowed to let rumpled vagabonds in the walls,” he said and turned to me. “You smell disgusting. And that cloak is full of sticks and dirt. Go wash yourself.”

  I lifted the hood, my heart so angry it felt as though it were on fire. Me? Deny me into the capital? I moved to unsheathe my sword, to show him the hilt.

  At the sound of my sword coming out, the guards grouped together, holding out blades in my direction.

  I halted my movements, realizing it was a brash move to unsheathe with such a look of anger on my face. “I’m not here to attack,” I said. “I just wanted to show you the hilt.”

  “Get your hand off of it,” one of them said. “Show us your hands.”

  I let go of my sword and brought my arms out to show them my empty palms. “I’m a soldier,” I said. “I fought for this country since I was able to hold a blade. I am no beggar.”

  “I don’t believe her,” one of the men said.

  “Check my sword!”

  “Do so,” Wilhelm said beside me. He stood by but didn’t dare do anything drastic as there were bare blades still pointed at us. “You’ll see she’s telling the truth.”

  One of the men came up to me, pulling away one side of my cloak to reveal the hilt.

  “It’s got the king’s seal.”

  “That doesn’t mean she’s telling the truth. She could have stolen it. She wouldn’t be the first to try such a trick.”

  “How dare you call me a thief!” I spat.

  “You got your proof, just like you asked,” Wilhelm said. “She’s no beggar. I swear it. She can pay for her stay at an inn.”

  “Then she can stay at the one on the east side of the city, outside of the gate.” They lowered their swords and waved me off. “If you’re as honorable as you say, you’ll go and not come back until you don’t smell of pigs. It’s not asking much for you to take a bath, is it?”

  It was the first time in a long while I’d felt the defeat and humiliation I’d experienced since my brother and his vile talk of me when I was younger. Unwanted.

  Only this time, it was hard not to think that they were justified.

  And perhaps that’s why Shaytan told me to hurry on my journey. I’d gotten too comfortable staying in one place, and it became harder and harder for me to pass as little better than a beggar now. I needed to realize I couldn’t force myself on people.

  I bit my tongue to keep myself together, to not attack them all and land myself in a dungeon, or at the executioner’s block.

  Wilhelm tugged at my elbow, pulling me away from the guards. I shook him off, not daring to look frail. I kept my head high and my shoulders back and stood tall.

  I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of seeing me distraught over this. I stomped away, cursing. I loudly complained of the treatment of soldiers after the war was over.

  My cries fell on deaf ears. No one else came to our aid. Many turned their backs.

  They agreed with the guard.

  I did too, but my anger was more for show and what little pride I had left.

  I walked off, not looking to where I was going, not caring. I wanted to get away. I didn’t even want to stay at an inn. After this, I realized, for six more years I’d have to endure, and for the first time in this ordeal, I was starting to doubt in myself.

  Lightning struck across the sky, and rain started to come down. It surprised me. In the mess, I hadn’t realized the cloud cover had gotten darker.

  Wilhelm took the lead, pointing the way. “He said that inn was to the east?”

  I nodded and we dashed toward it. The front door was closed, unusual for an inn at this hour, but I considered it might be to keep out the rain.

  We knocked on it and it was answered shortly by a man with a thick beard and a burly body. He started to open the door for Wilhelm but then spotted me and promptly closed it.

  “Wait,” Wilhelm knocked at the door again and shouted at him. “Open up! We wish to stay!”

  “We’ve no room,” the man said behind the door. “Go somewhere else.”

  We tried again at another inn, only to face the same problem: a closed door and being told it was full.

  “I don’t believe them,” Wilhelm said. “It’s not yet sundown. And there isn’t a festival or other reason for the inns to be full this early.”

  “It’s me,” I said. “You know it is.”

  Wilhelm said nothing, not wanting to agree with me. “The wax no longer works. It isn’t good enough. Not when your face is covered in dirt.”

  It wasn’t just the dirt. The smell was no longer contained. I itched all over, at every crevice in my body. It was all I could do not to scratch at everything. I swallowed thickly. “Maybe I should wear the hood?”

  “I don’t think it’d be any better.”

  Perhaps we could cover my face by adding another cloak on top, and I could put on a mask of some sort.

  I wondered if it would help at all. Everything we tried so far, it worked for a while and then it became worse.

  Often just like Shaytan said.

  We tried at one more inn. It was just outside of town, on the main road. It was huge, though, with a big barn just outside.

  At the door, Wilhelm knocked. He had gold ready in his hand. This time, we didn’t want to get turned away. With the rain coming down like it was, it’d be impossible to get dry and a long walk to find a place
to camp for the night where we wouldn’t be fined by the guards. We needed to get dry and warm before we got sick.

  Wilhelm stood ready as the innkeeper looked out at him. “We need a room. Do you have one?”

  “Ye—“ He turned from him and looked at me, his face contorting his features. “Oh, uh, I mean…No. Not really.”

  “You were just about to say yes,” Wilhelm said. “Please. Don’t leave us out in the rain.” He shook the coins at the man. “Please let me and my wife in. Just one room for the night.”

  I was surprised that he’d say such a thing. He said it for sympathy, I realized.

  But there was more to it for me as well. The fact that Wilhelm would dare say such a thing when I was looking like I was, I marveled at his thoughtfulness in the matter but also the willingness to be the husband to such a hideous creature.

  It seemed the innkeeper might have thought the same thing. The man looked at the stack of coins, perhaps more than anyone had ever offered to him before for a single night. He sighed and opened his palm to take the coins. “Fine,” he said. “Only one night. And don’t bother the other customers.”

  I said nothing, keeping my head down, my eyes lowered. Perhaps I was appearing humble, but I honestly couldn’t look at him.

  Something Thorne had said to me, about me not being ugly, I reconsidered my position on it. Perhaps the only reason I had been allowed in such places before was I had looks enough to carry me through the first year. People didn’t mind me if my face, even if dirty, was reasonably attractive.

  That seemed no longer the case. I couldn’t pay my way into an inn on my own. Not without Wilhelm. And perhaps for a while, it was because of Wilhelm being with me that I was able to get away with it for so long.

  Looks never mattered to me before. And it was one of the reasons why I thought the bet to be easier than it was turning out.

  And maybe being ugly would be more acceptable to others than a filthy girl in a bearskin cloak.

  RUMORS FOR THE WORST

  For the night, we did as we were asked. Although we did go into the main dining room to eat, we kept to our own little table in as dark a corner as I could to be less noticeable.

  The wife of the innkeeper refused to serve us, not until Wilhelm went to her and agreed to serve us himself instead if she’d bring him the food and drink.

  I kept my head down, saying nothing.

  I should be grateful for a place to stay at all.

  I was barely fit enough for sleeping in a barn.

  It was hard not to blame Thorne for my troubles. If he hadn’t ran off, if he hadn’t been a coward and faced me head on and not scampered off into the world without a word, none of this would have happened.

  I would have given him my purse.

  I would have given him all my things, if he needed them.

  After everything we’d been through, he couldn’t tell me why he left.

  I was also upset with Shaytan. After being sent away from the gate, he hadn’t yet returned. Somehow in his promises to protect me, he didn’t.

  Yet, still, I reconsidered what had happened.

  This was the bet all along.

  If he’d stepped in, I wouldn’t have had to face it. And he was trying to win.

  This was the bet in itself, and I only hadn’t realized it until now. And perhaps that was why the bet had to be for so long.

  I hadn’t thought to negotiate for fewer years, because it seemed so unimportant.

  We ate supper and drank, but when my belly was full, I didn’t feel like staying any longer.

  “I can’t stand the way they look at me,” I said to Wilhelm. I looked over his shoulder at the people, only I couldn’t look them in the eye. Some were curious, whispering among themselves as they peered at us.

  Wilhelm ignored them completely, or perhaps with his wandering eye, he couldn’t see them. “Should I stay down here tonight?” he asked.

  I considered how I looked and smelled. The room we’d been given was small, with barely anything but a few rags on the floor for a bed. I’d had the bearskin, which was thick enough to act as a bed itself. “You might be more comfortable,” I said. “It’s one thing to pretend to be the husband for pity...”

  He suddenly took my arm, at my wrist, and held it, looking into my face.

  “You know, I’m not afraid.”

  The intensity in his wide eyes gave me pause. “Would you be if you didn’t know of the bet?” I asked. The gloom in my heart was thick, and I had been miserable in my thoughts most of the evening as we dried up and ate.

  His eyebrow cocked. “I don’t know. Once I got to know you, it’s like it didn’t matter at all. I’d always wonder why you wore the bearskin. But you didn’t mind me when I wore thin clothes and you don’t mind my wandering eye. Why would I have ever cared? I think your personality speaks for itself.” He lowered is voice. “How long do I need to follow you, for you to trust in me?”

  I didn’t have an answer for him, but the way he spoke, it made me feel better. “I’m sorry I’m so down.”

  “I don’t blame you, but a good night’s sleep might do us both some good. And if you’d like, I’ll ask around about the dwarves.”

  I agreed with this idea. We’d have to develop a new strategy after this. We couldn’t risk staying in inns again and getting turned away for the next six years.

  Or perhaps I’d have to learn to live in tents after all. It slowed down our traveling to set up and break camp, but what was the point of going into town, only go get turned away?

  It was the first time I seriously included Wilhelm in my future plans and felt I needed him. Before, he was just going along with me, earning the gold he used by assisting me. Now it felt more like we were doing this together.

  Perhaps after being poor in the street with people threatening to kick him out, he was the only one who could understand what I was going through.

  I got up from my seat, intending to cross the dining hall quietly to make my way out. I thought we could leave in the morning, if the rain stopped.

  If the rain didn’t stop, I wasn’t sure the innkeeper would allow us to stay another day.

  A boisterous uproar sounded from near the fire, garnering my attention.

  I was surprised to recognize Ivan so instantly. His broad face and body shaking with laughter. There was a woman on his lap, and he held her close, looking into her face.

  I couldn’t believe it. I got up quickly, lowering the hood of my cloak, I went to talk to him.

  I was stopped shortly by a hand. Shaytan had materialized behind me and reached around to block my path.

  “Don’t do it,” he said. “Don’t talk to him.”

  He wore the same ragged clothing as he had when I met him, thin and tattered. I realized then that before, he’d switched to something more elegant. What did it matter to him what his clothing looked liked if no one saw him except me?

  “Where have you been?” I asked.

  “I thought you would be angry with me,” he said. “But I hope you know why I disappeared. Also, I couldn’t bear to hear what those sons of men said about you.” He nodded toward Ivan. “But I’m warning you, don’t go to him.”

  “He’s my old friend,” I said. “From the war.”

  “I know who he is,” he said. He looked to Ivan and then to me. “But…I know you like to defy me but please, don’t do it. This one time.” He put a palm to his heart. “Don’t talk to him. Don’t tell him why you’re here or about me.”

  Before I could answer him, a voice boomed out. “Adelina Yousef? Is that you?”

  I glanced back. “I won’t tell him about you.”

  “Get away from him quickly.”

  Ivan had put the girl down on the bench and rose, coming to me to shake my hand. “Girl,” he said. “It’s been so long.” He looked over what I wore and then at my face. His nose wrinkled. “Looks like you’ve had some adventures.”

  I nodded and before I could excuse myself, he clamped a hand onto
my shoulder, turning, and then presenting me to his people at the table. “Friends, this is Adelina Yousef. One of the greatest warriors among our army brethren.” He laughed again, loud and booming. I knew him to get like this when he was roaring drunk. “The stories I could tell about her!”

  I recognized none at the table. They all took a look at me and recoiled, giving Ivan a strange, questioning look. None of them wanted me there. I wondered if they doubted my service, and if he’d mistaken me for someone else. Ivan was too drunk to realize how dirty I really was.

  I readied an excuse to leave them promptly. “I’d join you, but I’m actually exhausted.”

  “You won’t stay for a drink?”

  “Not tonight,” I said. I hesitated to lie to him. I did want to catch up with what he was doing, but since Shaytan had suggested I didn’t, and he seemed so stressed about it, I considered doing as he asked the one time. Besides, once he sobered, I wasn’t sure he wouldn’t ask about what was going on with me, and I was afraid I would tell him. “Will you be here tomorrow?”

  “I should be here every night,” he said, and he puffed out his chest. “I did my job for this country, and this is my reward. A beautiful woman, friends and…” He stopped, hiccupped once, and swayed on his feet.

  It scared me that he might topple, so I grasped at him, holding him up. The men laughed. The woman who had been sitting in his lap went to him, helping me on the other side.

  “Sit down, Ivan,” she said. “Don’t fall…”

  “I’m fine,” he said, pushing us both off of him and standing up tall. “Don’t talk to me like I can’t hold my…” He stopped and didn’t continue but he moved to sit down. “Daughter of Yousef, join us or I’ll be very upset.”

  “Let me buy your drinks instead,” I said. I pulled out a handful of coins, way more than was needed for the drinks or food they could consume for a month. I placed it on the table. “I’ve had good fortune recently and there’s nothing I’d like better than to pay for an old friend’s dinner and mead.”

  The men and the woman at the table appeared surprised, but pleased at this. “No,” one of them say. “Please, you’re a generous soul, do stay.”