Face the Music

by Melody Carlson

  I still see them, of course, but it’s not the same—and we’re not doing music. It’s like my life is turned upside down or inside out or maybe just sideways. At first I thought I was having an identity crisis, like I’m so hooked into being a “celebrity” that I’m unable to adjust to normal life. However, I don’t think that’s really the case. And even though Laura and Allie are definitely missing from my daily experience, I still enjoy my other friends, and it’s been great hooking back up with them again.

  However, as much as I love the kids here at school, and I do have a lot of very good friends, I’m seriously worried that I may have outgrown the whole high school experience. Now this isn’t something I would go around and announce to the general public, and certainly not to my friends at Harrison High because I’m sure they wouldn’t get it at all. I don’t even quite get it myself. And it actually bothers me a lot since I’m sure it could appear snooty to some.

  But the idea of graduating early is becoming more and more appealing to me, and that’s why I met with Mrs. King to discuss this possibility today.

  “I hate to say it, Chloe, but it just makes sense for you to move on,” she told me. “As much as I’d love to see you around here, I can understand how you must feel after all the incredible life experiences you’ve had during the last year.”

  “At first I thought it was great being back here in school. And I was so glad to see my old friends. But after being on tour and, well, everything, I almost feel like I’m going backwards now.”

  “And you’re probably not being terribly challenged academically.”

  “Maybe in math.”

  She smiled.

  And so it’s settled. The paperwork is signed, and I’ll be taking some tests and whatnot and we’ll see how it goes. But according to Mrs. King, it should be a fairly simple and painless procedure and I’ll even be able to march with the graduating class in the spring if I want. Right now, I’m not even sure that I care, but I might by then so I guess I’ll keep my options open.

  Naturally, Allie was not overly thrilled when I told her my latest news on the phone tonight.

  “That’s not fair,” she said in typical Allie fashion, which in itself is encouraging because I can tell she really must be feeling better.

  “Why not?”

  “You and Laura are both leaving me behind.”

  “We’re not leaving you anywhere, silly. It just simplifies things for me to be done with high school so that—”

  “So that you can run off and marry Jeremy Baxter?” she said in a taunting voice.

  I laughed. “Oh yeah, Allie. Like I’m going to get married at seventeen. Give me a break. No, so that I can focus my attention on music and song—writing and maybe even take some college level correspondence courses while we’re on the road.”

  “You really think we’ll get to tour again?” she asked in a meek voice.

  “Of course. As soon as you’re well, that is. And don’t worry, there’s no hurry anyway. I’ll have a lot to get done in the next month or two, taking tests and stuff.”

  “And I guess I can keep doing my school work while we’re on the road.”

  “Yeah. And who knows, maybe you could graduate early too, if you worked a little harder.”

  “Really?”

  “You could talk to Mrs. King about it.”

  “Cool.”

  “You know it’s partly your fault that I decided to do this.”

  “How’s that, Chloe?”

  “Well, being at school without you and Laura around has been kind of weird.”

  “Ya miss me?”

  “What d’ya think?”

  “I think ya miss me.” I could hear the smile in her voice.

  “So, keep taking it easy, Al, so you can come back to school sooner.”

  After I hung up the phone I went out to the practice room and jammed loud and hard for a couple of hours. Man, did that ever feel good. Then I settled down and began to work on a new song that I’d written recently. And it might just be me, but I think it’s pretty good too. I think I might be evolving both as a musician and a songwriter—maybe as a person too. Somehow being back at school with high school-aged kids makes me realize that I have grown up some.

  GROWIN’ UP

  i used to dress in

  Mommy’s clothes

  high-heeled pumps

  and baggy hose

  bright red lips

  and beads that shone

  i would imagine

  i was grown

  all dressed up

  and nowhere to go

  why’s it take

  so long to grow?

  then i threw away

  my dresses

  turned to grunge

  and cut my tresses

  sporting my

  new attitude

  darkness was

  my new world view

  all dressed up

  and no place to go

  why’s it take

  so long to grow?

  then i tried a

  brand-new look

  began to live

  by God’s good book

  changin’ from

  the inside out

  seeing what life’s

  really about

  all dressed up

  with someplace to go

  thank You, God

  for making me grow

  cm

  Saturday, October 22

  Willy and Elise got married today. As planned, Allie was the maid of honor and Laura and I were bridesmaids. And although I’m sure some of the older people wondered about this, I was personally honored, especially since I’ve never been in a wedding before. Okay, once, for my second cousin, back when I was about four. I was a flower girl who managed to eat more rose petals than I actually dropped. Fortunately I didn’t consume my bridesmaid bouquet of chrysanthemums today.

  Laura, Allie, and I wore vintage-style dresses designed by none other than the soon-to-be-famous Beanie Jacobs. The dresses were a combination of lace and beads and were really fun to wear. Allie’s was this beautiful golden color that looked great with her blond hair. Mine was sort of a pumpkin color, and Laura’s was a deep russet. Elise was quite pleased and said we looked like three beautiful autumn leaves. We liked the dresses so well that we plan to use them in a concert sometime.

  Speaking of concerts, Allie is much better now, back in school, and we are once again practicing regularly. We even played a few of our more mellow songs for the wedding reception today. Let me tell you, it felt totally awesome to be together again. I think we sounded pretty good too.

  After the wedding, Willy and Elise left Davie with Allie’s grandmother so they could go on their honeymoon to the Bahamas. And Allie is staying with me, but only after Elise gave me strict orders to make sure she eats right and goes to bed on time. Believe me, I will comply. I want Allie to recover completely so we can go back on the road soon. Hopefully in time for the holiday tour that Omega is planning for Iron Cross and us.

  Willy said that we’ll only be doing six concerts for this tour, and Allie’s doctor is pretty sure that Allie should be ready. It’s reassuring to know that we’ll be flying to the concert locations this time, instead of going by bus. I’m sure this will be much less exhausting for Allie—and everyone else, for that matter. Also, now that Elise and Willy are officially hitched, Elise can come along as our chaperone again. Of course, we’ll miss Caitlin a lot, but we understand that she needs to continue her education. And we’re already discussing the possibility of her coming with us again next summer.

  After we played for the wedding reception today, Laura told me that she’s ready to pick up and go tour whenever.

  “I really miss it,” she said. “My classes at the community college are okay and everything, but I wouldn’t care if I had to just drop them, if that meant we could hit the road again.”

  “Yeah, I know what you mean,” I said. “I’m itching to get out there too.” I glanced
over to where Allie was getting her picture taken with Elise and Willy and Davie. “But we’ve got to make sure Allie is completely well first.”

  Laura nodded. “I know. And I know how she feels too. I remember how I felt so bad, like it was totally my fault when our tour was jeopardized because of my problems last year. So, believe me, I’m not putting any pressure on the girl.”

  “Good. I guess this is just another one of those things where we have to trust God’s perfect timing again.” I waved over to where my brother was standing and visiting with some of his old friends, including Caitlin, who’d made a special trip home to come to the wedding.

  “How does Josh like his new job?” asked Laura.

  “He seems to love it. And the kids seem to love him too.”

  “Is it weird for you, I mean having your brother leading the youth group in your own church?”

  “I think it’s pretty cool.”

  And I really do. I was more excited than anyone when I heard that Pastor Tony had offered Josh the position after Greg took a job as the head pastor in a small church in a nearby town. The agreement is that Josh will work for a year, and then he may return to college for his master’s degree. But as he keeps reminding everyone, his heart is really in the mission field. “It’s not that I don’t love you guys,” he assured the youth group recently. “But there are so many needs out there in the rest of the world. I mean, compared to most countries, we Americans are a little spoiled.”

  So already the youth group is starting to plan another Mexico trip for next summer. And Redemption is planning to show up for another benefit concert too, hopefully when it’s not so hot down there, although Josh said not to count on it.

  “Did you know that Caitlin was one of the people who first got this whole Mexico thing going?” Josh said to me the other day.

  “Huh?”

  “Well, Clay Berringer had originally planned the first trip, but then he was killed in the shooting. After that Caitlin helped with some fund-raising and got people interested in Mexico, and partly because of her early involvement, it’s just continued over the years.” He smiled. “Isn’t it amazing how one single life can make that much difference?”

  And I have to agree with him there. It is amazing. It’s like God has given each one of us something special and unique. Something we alone can contribute to the planet and the human condition. Something that can make a difference, maybe even change the world. And yet that something may seem small and insignificant to us, but if we trust God and use what He’s given us, it might grow into something totally beyond our wildest imaginings.

  SEEDS

  looks like nothing

  seems so small

  cannot change

  a thing at all

  who would miss it

  even care

  if it wasn’t

  even there

  but when planted

  carefully

  watered, tended

  prayerfully

  this small seed

  will start to grow

  it’s not long

  until you know

  something real

  is taking place

  full of life

  and love and grace

  growing up

  and growing tall

  and casting seeds

  to one and all

  and once again

  the cycle starts

  seeds are planted

  inside hearts

  cm

  Twenty-Eight

  Sunday, October 23

  Attention, everyone! Breaking News Report! Josh Miller has asked Caitlin O’Conner to marry him, and she said YES.

  Well, of course I knew it would happen someday, but I have to admit that it even caught me off-guard. This is how it happened. And I think the story is pretty right on since I got to hear it from both Josh and Caitlin during lunch today. Josh invited both families to join them for lunch while the two of them made their big announcement.

  Apparently, after the wedding yesterday, Josh invited Caitlin to take a walk in the park with him (smart move on Josh’s part to ensure that his “intended” was feeling romantic). Anyway, Caitlin said she thought this was a little odd since it was almost dark out and looked as if it could rain, but still she agreed. She said Josh was acting kind of strange and pretty quiet as he drove them across town, and she was actually starting to get worried, thinking maybe something was seriously wrong, like he was going to tell her he had six months to live or something. Now, I can understand her concern since Josh is usually pretty talkative.

  Of course, Josh said that his silence was mainly due to fear and nerves. He didn’t know if he could handle being rejected by Caitlin again. They have quite a history, you know. He said he almost decided to turn around halfway there and just forget the whole thing. But as it turned out, he had others involved, and it would’ve been awkward. So he drove on over to the park by the lake.

  “We got out and just started to walk,” said Caitlin. “The sun had gone down, and it was kind of dusky and a little on the chilly side.”

  “Yeah, talk about getting cold feet,” said Josh. “Poor Caitlin had on these pretty shoes that were getting totally soaked from the damp grass.”

  She smiled at him. “Those shoes are goners now.”

  “But as usual, she was being a good sport,” said Josh.

  “Although I was wondering,” continued Caitlin. “I thought something must really be wrong. I’d never seen Josh act so weird. So serious and glum. But I was afraid to ask.”

  “I walked her over by the docks,” said Josh, eager to get this part of the story out. “You see, I’d had a couple of guys from youth group help me set this up. We had a table with a tablecloth and everything, and chairs, all set up right by the lake.”

  Caitlin nodded. “He even had candles and music and flowers.”

  “Yeah, you should’ve heard Caitlin,” said Josh. “At first she thought we were intruding on something someone else had set up.”

  “Well, it just looked so strange,” admitted Caitlin. “I mean, it was really pretty and everything, but it was kind of surreal. I really thought that someone else was having some sort of party and that we should walk around another way and not disturb them.”

  “Then I told her it was our party, and she was pretty stunned.”

  “Speechless.” She shook her head as if she was still amazed.

  “I pulled out a chair and invited her to sit,” said Josh. “Then the guys, dressed like waiters, brought us our dinner that had been cooked by Alex DeBorge’s mom—”

  “And man, can she cook,” said Caitlin. “It was amazing.”

  “I’ve heard she’s quite the gourmet,” my mom said, the first word anyone else had been able to get in.

  “She is,” said Caitlin. “I almost forgot how weird the whole thing was once I started eating her homemade linguini with pesto sauce.”

  “I knew that was Caitlin’s favorite,” said Josh.

  “Well, we were almost done with the meal—”

  “But we hadn’t had dessert,” added Josh.

  “When it started to rain.”

  We all made compassionate sounds of empathy.

  “Yeah,” said Caitlin. “The candles were sputtering out, and everything was getting totally soaked.”

  “I didn’t know what to do,” said Josh. “I felt bad Caitlin was getting wet.”

  “So, he got out of his chair and put his coat over me,” said Caitlin. “And then he got down on one knee, right there in the mud…” She looked dreamily at my brother.

  “And I popped the big question,” he finished.

  “Let’s see that ring again,” said Caitlin’s mom.

  Caitlin held out her left hand, showing everyone the solitaire diamond that Josh had picked out the previous week—with the help of Beanie Jacobs, who had been sworn to secrecy, which she’d apparently managed to keep.

  “It’s exquisite,” my mom said for the second
time. And I know she’s got good taste in jewelry so I’m guessing it’s a pretty nice ring.

  And so there you have it. Josh and Caitlin are engaged. They’re talking about a spring wedding but haven’t set an official date yet. Naturally, both sets of parents are excited and looking forward to being involved in the wedding, although I couldn’t help but cringe when Mrs. O’Conner and my mom began to politely disagree over the best location for the reception. Mrs. O’Conner, who’s pretty down to earth and practical, felt the church fellowship hall would be perfectly fine, but my mom, still a little stuck in her old ways, insisted the country club would be better. So it should be interesting.

  I think if I ever get married (and believe me, I try not to think about this too much), I’ll just elope or something. Of course, I would never tell my parents this (especially my mom), since I’m sure it would hurt their feelings. Also it probably wouldn’t help Caitlin and Josh’s case since then my well-meaning mom would think this is going to be her one and only big wedding.

  Anyway, however it works out for Josh and Caitlin, I’m just glad they’ve finally figured it all out and are actually going to be married. And naturally, I offered the services of our band to perform at their reception—whether it’s in the fellowship hall or the Taj Mahal!

  LOVE

  love that’s real

  between two hearts

  will never end

  once it starts

  persevering

  through the night

  love will shine

  in morning’s light

  love hangs in there

  come whatever

  through the storms

  and rainy weather

  love will bind

  their hearts as one

  love’s good work

  is never done

  love knows how

  to hope and wait

  it defeats

  both lies and hate

  love endures

  it runs the race

  forgives, forgets