Bears of Burden: STERLING

by Candace Ayers

  “I was an ass, too. Dammit. I didn’t mean to. I wanted him. I want him. I was just so afraid of hurting my brother. Turns out that Kyle isn’t as protective towards me. I wasted all that time, time I could have used to learn from Sterling about what it meant to be his mate. Instead of denying him.”

  Veronica nodded. “Methinks you owe him some sexual favors for having to deal with Kyle.”

  I laughed. “Is that all you ever think about?”

  With a nod and a shrug, she stood up and grabbed my shoulders. “You’re smart. You’ll figure it out. Make it right. You both need each other.”

  “It’s all happening so fast. The feelings, the intensity. Did you never freak out?”

  “I don’t think so. After a year of being rejected, when Hutch finally starting paying attention to me, I was ready. It is fast and intense, though. That’s just the way it works. Mates are soulmates, Ophelia. It’s the whole thing. Love at first sight, lust at first sight, can’t breathe, can’t eat, can’t sleep, love. The faster you stop digging in your heels, the faster you’ll get to where you’re meant to be.”

  CHAPTER 22: Sterling

  Through my drunken stupor, I noticed a bear lumbering towards me. Hutch. I shifted back to human, knowing that he’d want to talk, and sighed. I was sitting on the grass outside of the track, wallowing in my misery.

  “You look like hell,” he said after shifting back.

  I sent Hutch an unamused expression. “Thanks. What are you doing here?”

  “Checking on you. Things got ugly tonight.” He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and tipped it over, letting the last drop fall out. “You did a number on yourself, huh?”

  “We’re bears. I’ll be sober in an hour.”

  “Yeah. But right now?”

  “Drunk as hell.” I chuckled and fell back in the grass, feeling the cool earth beneath my skin. “Did you see her leave?”

  “Yeah. She didn’t look like she was feeling too hot. There were tears.” He grunted. “She’s a handful.”

  I threw my arm over my face, hating the pain I felt at hearing that she’d been crying. “She chose him over me.”

  “Yeah, but we both know she didn’t mean to. She looked horrified and shocked at what was happening.”

  I sat up and just started talking, letting the liquor loosen my tongue. “Maybe she made the right choice. Maybe I don’t measure up. I’ve never been very good at anything in life, so why would this be any different?”

  Hutch remained quiet.

  “See. That’s what we both know. You got everything from Dad. All the good-guy genes. I’m a fucking joke.” I scrubbed my hands down my face. “Jesus, she could probably see it a mile away.”

  Hutch slapped the back of my head. Hard. “What the fuck are you talking like that for?”

  “Think about it, Hutch. I think there was a reason Dad never asked me to come along with ya’ll when you went up the mountain. Or when you went anywhere. I… I’m not like you. You were both hard workers, straight-arrows, and just…good men. You knew what to do when things hit the fan. He chose you for a reason.”

  Hutch jerked backwards like I’d hit him. “What?”

  “I don’t know. I have all this shit in me, man. I’m struggling. I’ve been struggling. I feel like a loser. I don’t know what I want, where I should go, what I should do. I’ve just gotten through life by making everything into a joke and trying to be someone I’m not. A grown man, a badass shifter, and sometimes I feel like I could cry. What the fuck is wrong with me?”

  Hutch frowned and then shook his head. “Nothing. You’re normal, Sterling. I get sad, too, brother. We all do. That’s life. Shit’s happened in our lives that hasn’t always been great. We all just survive the best way we can. You’ve always taken things to heart, though. Dad used to say that about you.”

  I jerked my eyes to his. “What’d he say?”

  “That you felt things deeper than most people. He thought you enjoyed being with Mom more, so he let you have your time with her. I promise you that he wasn’t choosing me, Sterling. You were just younger and operated differently than us.”

  “I’ve never been as good as you. With Dad, you did everything right. Then, you supported me and Mom. When Mom was heartbroken over losing her mate, wouldn’t come out of her room for days, you took care of us. You did everything you could for us. Shit, you became a man at fourteen and there are days when I still feel like I’m struggling to be a man. I feel so awkward sometimes that all I can do is say the dumbest shit or, before Ophelia, not say anything and just sleep with whatever woman would have me to try to feel like I was doing the normal thing.”

  “Sterling, you’re too hard on yourself. You’re normal. You’re doing everything in life that you’re supposed to be doing. What more do you think you should be doing?”

  I held up my hands and tipped my head back to look at the sky. “Fuck. I don’t know. I could be farther along in my career. I just haven’t taken any initiative. The only reason I agreed to talk to this new sponsor was because I was suffocating being in Burden when Ophelia wouldn’t talk to me.”

  “You haven’t been paying attention. I stopped working as much as I was. I was using it as a crutch to deal with issues that I had, too. Mom’s doing better. I’m fine. We’re all fine and don’t need anything from you, except for you. Brother, you’re okay. Better than that, you’re a good man. Everyone knows it. Veronica is somewhere, right now, lecturing your mate about what a great guy you are. She called you her adopted brother and swore that she was going to get Ophelia in line.”

  My heart thudded harder in my chest. “I’ve never felt like I was good enough, Hutch.”

  “And you’ve always been wrong. You’re awesome, man. The best brother I ever could’ve refused to look at for the first month of his life. You really killed my only child gig. Dad would be so fucking angry with himself if he knew that in trying to do the best for you all those years ago, he hurt you like this.”

  I shrugged and tried to hear what he was saying. “I have shit I have to work out, huh?”

  He threw his arm around my shoulders and grunted. “We all have our burdens. Things don’t just solve themselves because we find our mates. I still have shit I have to get through. Thorn does, Wyatt does, and lord knows Sam is a wreck. No one is expecting you to be perfect, man. We love you the way you are. Although, I’d like you better if you started being nicer to yourself.”

  I smiled. “So, Veronica is fighting for me, huh?”

  Hutch growled. “There are moments when I think she likes you more than me.”

  That got a laugh from me. Feeling lighter, I shook my head. “I might’ve overreacted about Ophelia. He is her brother, after all. Shit, it just feels fucking awful when she goes to him instead of me.”

  “Yeah, having a mate is equally parts the best and scariest thing in the world. Knowing that this pint-sized woman has so much power over you is frightening. Veronica could kill me by walking away, break my heart by saying she didn’t like me or want to be with me.”

  “Maybe I should go find her and talk to her.”

  Hutch stood up and shook his head. “Not what I said.”

  I frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “Your girl has had it easy. She needs to want to fight for you. Let her do it. You need it, too. Let her show you that she wants you. It could help with some of those things you need to work on.”

  “I’m supposed to be heading up to Dallas tomorrow for the race. I was going to ask her to come with me.”

  Hutch grinned. “Let her work for you, man. Trust me, let her show you that you deserve it.”

  I shook my head. “I’m the man. I’m supposed to work for her.”

  With a laugh and a headshake, he walked back towards my truck. “Veronica’s been reading to me about equality and shit. This is a new era, buddy. The women can work for us, too, sometimes.”

  I raised my eyebrows at my brother and watched as he shifted to bear and looked back at me, bec
koning me to play. Maybe he was right. It would be nice to know for sure if Ophelia really did want me.

  CHAPTER 23: Ophelia

  I tossed and turned all night. I kept hearing Veronica’s words over and over again, on repeat, in my head. Sterling was sensitive and I knew it. He was emotional and as surprising as it was, it was a beautiful thing. He wanted to talk to me and connect. He wanted me. Despite all the shit I’d done to push him away, he still wanted me.

  I had to show him that I chose him. He was my mate and I wanted him. More than anything else, I wanted him.

  I dressed in a cotton sundress and sandals and tried to contain my hair in a bun before going out to my car and heading towards Sterling’s house. It was early, but I was willing to wake him up for what I had to say.

  I was done with all the overthinking and bullshit. I just wanted to be with my mate. My bear wanted to go back to the cave and hide away with him for as long as we could. I wanted the same.

  It hadn’t been very long, but I missed his touch. I missed everything about him. I wanted to breathe him in and calm the constant panic that’d been there since seeing him turn and walk out of the bar.

  I parked outside of his house and frowned when I didn’t see his truck. Where was he? Thinking maybe he’d parked it somewhere else for the night, I went to his door and knocked anyway. When he didn’t answer, my stomach twisted. Had he not come home?

  It was too early to visit Hutch’s garage and I had nowhere else to go, so I went back to Veronica’s and made myself drink a cup of coffee on her back porch. I didn’t have any story deadlines for the Gazette and I didn’t want to bother anyone else so early, so I just sat there, counting the seconds until I could go see Hutch and find out where my mate was.

  In the stillness of the backyard, I couldn’t distract myself from thoughts of my brother. I’d have to figure out a way to fix things with him, too. My mate came first from now on, but Kyle was still on the list. Even if he’d proven to be a giant ass, he was my only brother. He would have to come around to Sterling and deal with what we were to one another. It made no sense that he would continue to hold onto so much hate.

  I grabbed my phone and dialed his number, also okay with bothering him that early in the morning.

  After a few rings, he answered, sounding groggy. “Ophelia?”

  I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “We’re going to talk in a few days after this settles down and we’re going to fix this. I’m going to be with Sterling, if he still wants me, and you—you’re going to deal with it. You’re going to stop being a jerk and go back to being the brother that I love so much. Got it?”

  He sighed. “That’s a tall order, O.”

  “Do you love me?”

  “Of course, I do.”

  “Then it won’t be that tall of an order. I love you, Kyle, but yesterday was awful. I need you to be better than that.” I shook my head and grunted. “I also need you to not get yourself killed by insulting a bar full of bear shifters like that. I’ll call you in a few days.”

  I hung up and sat back in my chair. Feeling restless, I decided to walk over to the garage. I’d just sit around and wait if I had to.

  I walked slowly and when I arrived, I found that it was still locked up tight. I plopped myself on a bench outside of the garage. Looking at the time on my phone, I groaned. I still had half an hour to wait. I was going to be insane by the time anyone arrived.

  I sat there, thinking of the words I was going to say to Sterling when I found him. I went over a speech in my head until I thought I’d perfected it.

  The next time I looked at my phone, it was past time for the shop to open. Frustrated, I dialed Veronica’s number, telling myself that she wouldn’t mind if I woke her up because I was making things right with Sterling and that’s what she’d strongly encouraged me to do.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey! Did I wake you?”

  “No, I was forced from my warm bed before the sun even came up this morning. Everything okay?”

  I sighed. “No. I can’t find Sterling. I want to talk to him, but he’s not at home and the garage isn’t open today, apparently.”

  “Shucky-darns! We forgot to put a sign up at the garage.” She said something to Hutch in the background and then grumbled. “Not my fault. Your fault. Yours and your roaming hands.”

  I cleared my throat. “Sterling? Do you know where he is?”

  She laughed. “Yes.”

  “Are you going to tell me?”

  “No.”

  I growled. “Veronica. I’m trying to do what you wanted me to do. Now, tell me where he is or I’m going to take scissors to your expensive lingerie drawer.”

  She gasped. “You wouldn’t!”

  “I really would. Now, fess up.”

  “Fine. He’s got a big race today outside of Dallas.”

  I bit my lip. How had I not known that? He was my mate. I should’ve been paying better attention. Feeling like a heel, I silently vowed to do better. I would be the mate he deserved. “I’m coming.”

  “That’s what I was hoping you’d say. I like that you’re fighting for your man.”

  I groaned. “Veronica. Details. I need them.”

  She laughed. “Be ready by noon. The girls will pick you up.”

  I wanted to argue but she hung up on me. With nothing left to do, I walked back to her house and set out to find something super sexy to wear. I was definitely going to fight for my man. And if it meant pulling out all the stops to get him back, so be it.

  CHAPTER 24: Sterling

  “Thanks. I’ll see you after the race.” I shook the hand of Gerald Fillian, the man who was here to observe me on behalf of a big-named sponsor. He’d sought me out before the race to introduce himself.

  I waited until he’d gotten to his seat in the stands to turn to Hutch with a grin on my face. “He seems interested.”

  Hutch laughed. “Of course, he is. You’re the best here. And you’ll prove that in a few minutes. Are you ready?”

  I looked back towards the stands and spotted Veronica waving. I waved back and turned to my brother. “I guess. I wish Ophelia was here. I get what you said last night, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t suck to be here without her. I want to start building a life with her, not play games.”

  “You’re not playing games. You’re giving her space—room to show you that she wants you. Trust me, it’s what you both need.”

  I groaned and turned to the track where a group of smaller cars were racing. “I’m just hoping she does want me, man.”

  He looked towards the stands and grinned. “I think you’re going to get your answer sooner than you thought.”

  My stomach squeezed as I turned to where he was looking and spotted our friends and their mates, with a singular Sam. Then, before I saw her, I caught my mate’s scent coming closer. My breath caught as I realized how much it meant to me that she’d shown up.

  A group of guys parted with a few catcalls and then I spotted her. She was strolling towards me with purpose. While I didn’t appreciate the catcalls, I got it. She was wearing a little white tank top that left a few inches of her stomach showing and a tight black leather miniskirt. In high-heeled shoes, with her hair curling wildly around her pretty face, she was all curves and sex appeal.

  My mouth watered as I watched her approach. She put extra sway in her hips and didn’t take her eyes off mine as she came at me. Not stopping until she was mere inches in front of me, she reached up and wrapped her arms around my neck before pulling me down and kissing me.

  Ophelia’s mouth was soft and tasted like cupcakes and whiskey as she slipped her tongue into my mouth. With a moan, she pressed her body against mine and tugged on my hair. When she came up for air, her eyes were heavy-lidded and I could smell her arousal. “After you win this race, I want to talk. I owe you an apology and would like to give it to you.”

  My dick hardened to a point of pain and I grunted as I tried to adjust myself it in the flame-ret
ardant suit. “You came.”

  She nodded and winked. “And so will you.”

  Groaning, I grasped her ass and pulled her tighter against my body so she could feel what she was doing to me. “Killing me here.”

  Her eyes softened and she cupped my face. “I’m sorry. I’ve been messing up. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.”

  I grinned down at her. “You’re not going to leave here and try to hide me again?”

  She shook her head, sending her curls flying. “Not a chance. I want everyone to know. No more hiding.”

  “Everyone, huh?”

  She tilted her head to the side and bared her neck to me. “Everyone.”

  My bear growled and I couldn’t help spinning her around and pinning her against my car. I buried my face in her neck and ran my tongue over the spot I wanted to mark so badly. “Do you know what you’re getting yourself into?”

  “Yes. Tonight. After you win.”

  I threw back my head and let out a ridiculous shout as I spun her around. “I expect you in the winner’s circle as soon as the car stops, baby.”

  She nodded. “Wherever you want me.”

  Shit. Right there. I wanted her bent over the hood of my car with everyone watching as I sank my teeth into her neck and claimed her. She was mine. “Tell me, little mate, how much do you want me?”

  Ophelia stretched up and rested her mouth against my ear as she lowered her voice and spoke. “More than I’ve ever wanted anyone or anything. In every way. I’m all yours, Sterling.”

  Hutch called over that I needed to get ready for my race, but I wasn’t ready to let her go. I pulled her against me again and kissed her. Hard and promising, I wanted to leave her with something to last until we could get out of there.