Bears of Burden: STERLING
Page 19
Tanner glanced over at her, half dreading Heather’s response. Seeing his bear was one thing, knowing how he’d let himself be so dehumanized was another. On seeing her tears, he rushed to comfort her.
“Shit, Heather, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to get upset.” He placed his hand on her back, finding a comfort in her warm sun-heated skin.
“You’re sorry?!” Heather was half-hysterical at his apology, “What do you have to be sorry about? Oh God, Tanner, what happened to you is awful. Appalling. I’d like to rip that man apart with my bare hands. But I’m the one who should be sorry. I don’t mean to cry. I’m sorry, I am… it’s just…” She couldn’t finish. A fresh set of tears erupted from her, and she hastily wiped at her cheeks. Aware that Chloe wasn’t far away, and she didn’t want her to see her like this.
“You’re amazing.” Tanner’s voice was hoarse with unshed emotion. He hadn’t expected this kind of reaction, hadn’t expected her to care so deeply about him. He should have known better. He desperately wanted to pull her into his arms, take her upstairs and make love to her again. She was unbelievably beautiful to him in that moment, her eyes red-rimmed from crying, her rose bud lips swollen from bites as she anxiously tried to repress her emotions.
Tanner steeled himself. He needed to tell her about Chloe as well. It was important that she knew everything, but the worst of it was done.
“Are you okay to talk about Chloe?” Tanner asked, gently caressing her back.
“Of course,” Heather tried to smile, “Just ignore the crazy weeping woman over here.”
“You’re not crazy, Heather, I can’t tell you what it means to me that you’d have that kind of reaction.”
Heather nodded, trying to shake off the tears and return to normality. “Go on. About Chloe, what is it you need to tell me?”
“Chloe isn’t mine. Biologically speaking.” Heather raised her eyebrows at Tanner’s words. It was the last thing she’d expected him to say.
“I can’t have children. Chloe’s mom and I, well…” Tanner looked down again, he wasn’t sure what to say exactly. He knew that the situation surrounding Chloe’s birth wasn’t his finest hour. But, he took a breath and continued, “When she turned up pregnant, I was just getting the ranch up and running, and was kind of resentful towards her. She was in delicate health, and when she gave birth to Chloe, she died, as you know. She died in childbirth. I knew Chloe wasn’t mine from the start, but, when I looked into her tiny eyes… she was mine.”
Heather looked over at Chloe, now brushing down her horse, guided by Josiah. She felt sorry for the girl who had grown up without a mother, so like herself. She also knew absolutely that Tanner had raised her loving her as much or more than any biological father could. She also knew, without a doubt in her mind that she was absolutely, unconditionally in love with him.
She had questions—questions that she wasn’t about to ask. Tanner hadn’t explained how Chloe’s mother had become pregnant if he was unable to father a child. Had they used a donor? Had she been unfaithful? Maybe they’d met and fallen in love before she knew she was pregnant. Since Tanner hadn’t offered an explanation, Heather wasn’t going to pry. The man had dug deep enough into his painful past for one today.
“I can’t have children, either.” She smiled at him, and took his hand in hers. “But Chloe has brought so much love into my life, she’s all I would ever need or want.”
Tanner exhaled in relief. Her small hand over his made him smile. Chloe may have brought love to her life, but she had brought it to both of theirs. “I wanted you to know something else, too. Once a man like me, a bear shifter, finds his mate, it’s for life. They can have companions that they treasure if something separates them from their mate, but it’s never the same. The bond between a shifter and his true mate, it’s one that’s eternal.”
Heather nodded and tried to smile. She suddenly felt cold. She understood completely, and a few days ago being Tanner’s companion would have made her content and happy. Now, she wasn’t sure. It almost seemed like a gentler and kinder parallel to her and Bertram – a man who just couldn’t truly love her. But this would be worse, because what she felt for Tanner made her old feelings for Bertram pale to insignificant in comparison.
It was as if the universe had played a cruel trick on her, gifting Heather the one man she could be herself with and love completely, but then having that man forever bonded to a ghost, unable to love her the way she needed.
Tanner rose from his chair. He hated how awkward he could be with words, what had meant to sound romantic had probably come out too cheesy and ridiculous. The smile she’d given him in return hadn’t quite reached her eyes. Though, Tanner reflected, he had just dumped a lot of information on her. Maybe she just needed some time. It wouldn’t put a halt the afternoon plans he had hatched up. Whatever she felt, he knew he was doing the right thing.
“Chloe and I need to go into town this afternoon. Just for a couple of hours. Can I get you anything when I’m there?” Tanner asked her.
Heather tried to pull herself out of her mood, and smiled brightly back at him. Shaking her head in a ‘no’, not trusting herself to speak. She watched as he walked toward the main body of the ranch, and felt a knot of misery form in her stomach.
Chapter seventeen
Heather retreated to her bedroom after Tanner and Chloe left. For the first time since she’d arrived at the ranch, she felt lonely. It wasn’t a novel emotion. She’d spent years of her relationship with Bertram feeling like she was a stranger in her own home, and when she ventured out onto the streets of New York it was as if she got lost, a nobody that faded more and more every day.
Would the same thing happen if she stayed here? Heather knew that Tanner would care for her, and they got along well. That would only grow as they became more comfortable with one another. Last night had been amazing. She may not be his mate, his true love, but he certainly treated her that way in bed. And Chloe. She wanted to stay with her, watch her grow and help her along the way. She already loved her so much. It would be agony to leave her.
The doorbell of the front entrance rang. It surprised Heather. All the men used the back entrance. Maybe Tanner was expecting company and had forgotten to tell her. As she made her way down the stairs, the doorbell rang again. Whoever was on the other side was impatient.
Heather opened the door, and her senses were immediately assaulted by incredibly strong, sweet perfume.
“Oh.” Kellie Lane looked perplexed by Heather’s presence. “Tanner here?” she asked, looking Heather up and down.
“He just stepped out with Chloe. They won’t be long.” Heather replied, wondering who the woman was. She had a mane of platinum blonde hair, and large breasts barely concealed by a neon pink tank top.
“I’ll wait.” Kellie barged passed Heather, accidently-on-purpose hitting her with her handbag.
“Do you… know Tanner well?” Heather asked. She didn’t want to be rude and ask the woman who the hell she was, but it was certainly tempting.
“We have a thing. We’re supposed to be going out on a date this week. I’m here to see if I can tempt him out tonight. Who are you?” Kellie asked, flipping back her hair and taking a seat in the living room.
Heather felt sick. She paused for too long, and Kellie raised an eyebrow, clearly thinking Heather was some kind of slow idiot.
“I’m Heather. I’m staying with Tanner and Chloe.” She muttered, too embarrassed to tell her the truth. If this woman had been dating Tanner up until recently, then she’d know that a fiancée miraculously appearing out of the blue was suspect.
“Oh. Tanner didn’t mention that. Are you related?” Kellie asked.
“Um. No. I’m here to look after Chloe.” That was about the sum of it, thought Heather. She couldn’t believe that Tanner had arranged to go on a date with Kellie this week. He wasn’t that kind of man. He’d probably arranged it before he had any idea that he’d have a mail order bride delivered to his doorstep, but
the idea that she’d gotten in the way of a budding romance, a romance on Tanner’s own terms, rather than Chloe’s, made her feel awful.
“I’m Kellie, by the way. That’s so cute that Tanner’s hired help. Chloe’s great, isn’t she?” Kellie had never actually met Chloe, but Derek had spoken about her. Despite what she said, Kellie was not keen on Tanner having a live-in sitter, that meant competition.
“She is great.” Heather desperately wanted to end the conversation, but she was probably stuck here until Tanner returned.
“How long you thinking of staying then?” Kellie asked.
“I’m not sure.” Heather hesitated, “Can I get you a lemonade or anything?”
“Sure,” Kellie replied, snuggling back into the couch. Heather nodded and made her way to the kitchen.
As she was adding ice to the pitcher, Josiah came through the back entrance. Heather had never been so happy to see anyone in her life.
“Hi Josiah. Can I get you some lemonade?” Heather asked the man a little too brightly.
Josiah’s eyes narrowed. Something wasn’t right. He noticed the slight tremble of Heather’s hand as she held the glass. “Be lovely, thanks Heather. Tanner still in town?”
“Yes. They are, but… err… Kellie’s in the living room. Do you know her?” Heather turned back to the lemonade so the old man wouldn’t see her expression. She’d tried to make her question breezy, but it had come out a little too high-pitched.
“What? Yeah, I know her. Works at Jake’s Place. Excuse me a second Heather.” Josiah stormed off through to the living room.
“Kellie Lane, what in God’s name you doing coming over to Tanner’s uninvited?” Josiah kept his voice down so that Heather wouldn’t overhear him. Kellie turned around in surprise at the man’s tone.
“He did invite me you old coot!” She stared daggers at Josiah, pursing her lips tightly.
“No, he didn’t, Kellie. Trust me, whatever he said, you clearly misunderstood. That woman through there is with Tanner now, so you can get back to whatever it was you was doin’ before you came here.” Josiah folded his arms across his chest. He’d known Kellie for a long time, and she wasn’t Tanner’s sort by a long shot. God only knows what garbage she’d been filling Heather’s head with. No wonder the woman looked so shaky.
“I’ll do no such thing. Tanner don’t want a woman like her.” Kellie spat out.
“Kellie Lane, if you don’t get out this minute I will call your momma and she’ll come drag you out.” Josiah threatened. He played cards with Kellie’s mother every Friday night. She was a good, honest woman. He had no idea how Kellie had come out such a bad apple.
“Fine. But I’m telling Tanner how badly you treated a guest, and he will not be happy.” Kellie stood up, huffing and puffing as she flung her bag over her shoulder.
“Girlie, you’re delusional.” Josiah opened the front door, and as Kellie marched through, cheeks aflame, he shut it firmly behind her. That was enough of that, he thought.
Heather walked in carrying the pitcher with three glasses. She looked around for Kellie, but all she could see was Josiah standing smugly by the front door.
“Kellie had to leave.” The man winked at her, smiling. Heather couldn’t return the smile. She placed the drinks down on the nearest table.
“Thanks for getting rid of her. I wasn’t prepared to deal with that.” Heather replied.
“Don’t you worry. You know she’s full of hot air, right?” Josiah clarified, “Tanner’s been trying to avoid her since forever.”
“Oh, well, I didn’t think he would date anyone while I was around. He’s not that kind of man. Would you mind if I went upstairs, Josiah? I’m feeling a bit tired, must be the sun.”
“No, he wouldn’t date anyone else.” Josiah emphasized the point before continuing, “Sure, go on. Is there anything I can get for you?”
“No, really. I’m fine. Thanks Josiah. It’s been a pleasure getting to know you.” Heather turned toward the staircase leading up to the bedrooms.
“Well, you too, Heather. Long may it continue.” The man watched her go, puzzled by the finality of her comment.
Chapter eighteen
As soon as Heather was out of Josiah’s sight, she hurried to her room. There, she quickly packed her belongings, what little there was, into her suitcase. She needed to get out now, while she still had the courage.
She knew that Kellie was most likely inventing stories about her and Tanner, but it didn’t matter. She couldn’t stomach being forced onto him, not when his heart would always belong to a dead woman and the best she could hope for was a companionship. With any other man, she would have been happy. But knowing what an incredible man Tanner was, all that he’d been through, all that he’d become, well, she wanted that man’s heart in the same way she’d given hers to him. Anything less would be painful and humiliating.
Once packed, she made her way to the study, in search of a pen and paper. She couldn’t face seeing Chloe or Tanner before she left. Facing them again would make it too difficult to go through with her plan. But, she owed them a goodbye in some form, and an explanation for her behavior.
Hunting around in the desk, her eyes caught a piece of paper resting behind the computer. She recognized the handwriting as Chloe’s. At the top, she’d written, “my new mom” and below was a list of all the attributes Chloe had dreamed Heather would have.
Must cook well.
Must have nice eyes.
Must smell nice, like sunshine and warm.
Must like to hug.
Needs to be nice to dad.
Let’s me stay up sometimes to watch shows, if it’s an important episode.
Must like to play games.
Needs to know about women things, like periods and hair. Really important.
Must love me.
Heather thought she heard the sound of her own heart breaking. She felt the hot burn of tears escaping her eyes for the second time that morning. She couldn’t leave, she couldn’t turn her back on Chloe. She didn’t want her growing up without a mother, and missing out on all the love and care that Heather herself had been deprived of.
She was about to put the papers away when she glanced up and saw a photograph of a woman, smiling down at her from a plain gold frame. She could see the echoes of Chloe in that face, and knew immediately that it was Chloe’s mother. Tanner’s one true love, the woman who he’d formed a bond with that couldn’t be broken.
No, it had to be done. Tanner was a good man, and an incredibly handsome one. He would find a replacement for Heather, and Chloe would get her mother. It just couldn’t be Heather. She scribbled them both letters, taking care to keep her tears from staining the paper, then sealed them. She took the letters and her luggage downstairs, relieved to see that Josiah had left. She would have a lot of explaining to do if he were still here.
Heather realized she had absolutely no idea how to get out of Jackson Hole, and frantically searched around the kitchen for a local taxi number. Finding nothing, she decided that she would make her way down to the main road. She recalled seeing a bus station somewhere, and if she could get herself to the town center it would be easier to find someone to take her to the airport.
With a heavy heart, she took one more look around the kitchen, a place that had already started to feel like home, and made her way through the back door.
Chapter nineteen
Chloe couldn’t keep still the entirety of the ride back. Her stomach was churning with excitement, and she regretted demanding the ice cream at Moo’s Parlor.
Her hands were clutched together tightly. Her dad had let her keep the ring safe. It was a beautiful, sparkling diamond and sapphire design, bought from the best boutique jeweler in Jackson Hole. Dad had said, after they exited the shop, that he’d need to import one from the city as this wasn’t quite special enough for Heather, but this would do in the meantime. That baffled Chloe, she couldn’t imagine anything more spectacular than the creation she held.
The house felt quite though, and after yelling from downstairs Chloe raced up to the bedrooms. She froze as she came to Heather’s room. It was empty. Thinking that maybe she’d moved her stuff into Tanner’s bedroom, Chloe barged in there too. But it didn’t look like her things were there. Opening the closet, she just saw her father’s work gear hanging like always. Chloe started to panic. She was frightened something had happened to her. They shouldn’t have left her alone for so long, what if she’d let in a stranger?
Chloe raced back downstairs, her heart hammering in her chest.
“Dad! She’s not here… Her room’s empty! We need to call the cops… urgently. I think something’s happened.” The words came out a bit jumbled, and Chloe felt that this time the ice cream really was going to come out.
“She’s probably in the back yard, Chloe. Calm down, you’re making yourself sick.” Tanner came in carrying the bags, and dumped them on the kitchen table. Right next to two envelopes, one with his name on, and as he moved it over, another addressed to Chloe.
Chloe saw them at the same time. She dived forward and grabbed hers, tearing it open. She quickly scanned the letter, coming to rest on Heather’s signature. Going back to the top, she slowly read the letter in its entirety.
Dear Chloe,