Legacy: Letters from eminent parents to their daughters

by Menon, Sudha

  I have also discovered that it is very important for any person not to live life being distracted or pushed by other people’s opinions, influences, or expectations. In doing so, we land up doing things that don’t really give us any lasting sense of joy, and because the passion is missing, we can’t make any meaningful contribution to what we are doing. As children grow up, parents want them to be something that they themselves dreamt of becoming, or what they believe will be appreciated by others. For you, we don’t want anything of that sort. Our dream for you is to seek the counsel of well-wishers, but follow your own dream, whatever that is, without the restrictions of parental or societal expectations.

  When I was growing up, career choices were dictated by necessity. If anybody wanted to make a middle-class living they had to become an engineer, a doctor, or a chartered accountant. The relative good fortune that we’ve had, and the evolution of our country, will give you some flexibility to do what you want to do. Whatever it is you choose to do, remember that you don’t have to be rich or famous or successful, you just need to enjoy the journey and be happy. As you grow up, your mom and I are hoping that we are able to give you the full breadth of experiences in life so that you can discover what you really want to do.

  I was very lucky that, by God’s grace, I landed up doing things that have really given me enjoyment, but at various points over the years, I could have actually got pushed into something because it was the right thing to do from a society or family point of view and I would have been miserable if I had actually gone down that path. Life sometimes presents you with these small left or right turns and you land up on a completely different road. I got very lucky in landing up doing something I wanted to do. But in your case, I want to make sure it’s not serendipity but a more thoughtful process that arises from within you, so that you know what will give you joy. While we will counsel and debate with you, we are always going to be okay with any well-thought through choices that you might make. Yes, we will be as happy if you want to sing, or become a dancer, or serve a cause fulltime, as we will be if you want to become a chef and start a restaurant!

  Darling Anna, I now want to share with you two other big lessons that I have learnt along the way, the first of which is that often people grossly overestimate the value of Intelligence Quotient and grossly underestimate the value of Emotional Quotient (terms that you will learn to appreciate as you grow). I have learnt that every parent pushes their child on the Intelligence Quotient aspect. Mostly this is marked by a desire for their child to be a topper. What I really want is to raise you in such a way that your emotional quotient and ability to think flourishes over simple academic excellence. I am convinced that in the long run, as a thinker, and a more emotionally balanced person, you will get a lot more out of life, than someone purely aspiring for straight ‘A’s!

  The other learning that I want to share with you is that if there is one other thing that will truly distinguish you, it will be compassion. As you grow, you will begin to appreciate how important a quality this is, given the opportunity to spread happiness to those you know and the many others you do not, in this very unequal world we live in. Instead of lecturing you about being a good human being, we have and will continue to do our best to demonstrate to you through leading by example. From working with children, we know how incredibly observant kids are, and how much they absorb from simple observation. And so, my dear Anna, we hope you will learn compassion from the way we conduct ourselves at home, with each other, and with the domestic help who works with us.

  We believe that compassion will also be kindled by the exposure that you will get to observe how to positively impact those less privileged, and then have the opportunity to practice this as you keep growing. This is why, when you were still a very little child, you celebrated some of your birthdays at the Asha Sadan orphanage. I don’t know if you still remember but last year you actually participated for the first time by serving the kids at the orphanage the goodies that we had taken along. You happily played with them and seemed to have a great time at the party. I know that you also enjoy giving biscuits to urchins at traffic lights, and have got to understand why that is a good idea and giving them money is not. Do you remember the time we went to the Sobo Central Mall for a little outing, and I bought you a giant lollipop that had totally bedazzled you? If you do, you will also remember how when we came out of the mall, a poor boy at entrance asked you for the lollipop. Initially, you were confused, but then when I nodded and smiled, you happily gave it away, and we trooped back in to buy you a new one. When we came back out, the little boy had come back with a friend, whose look begged you for the same generosity! It warmed my heart when you looked at me for approval and once again gave away your treat. I can still see how excited you were to see the boys so happy with their unexpected treat, and we went back in for you to receive a reward of two giant lollipops.

  My dear Anna, I now want to tell you about a subject that deeply engrosses me and one that I know you will also reflect on as you grow older—the purpose of wealth. I want you to know my views on this because it will also help you understand some of my own actions, which are somewhat counter to established practices of our times. I believe that wealth is an incredible tool and a godsend blessing. When used productively, it can bring long-lasting joy and true happiness, but when misused, or accumulated without purpose, it can become a disease that destroys families and relationships.

  I want your pursuit for your passions to be driven more by your desire to excel and be happy, than the desire to simply earn wealth. True wealth is happiness, and in my own experience, true wealth will chase you if you do the right things. Don’t be mistaken, my love, we certainly do not want you to be lazy. We certainly want you to explore your full potential, but with a sense of balance and not a mindless pursuit of wealth. Growing up in very affluent surroundings, my mother would never push us to study, but instead, she would explain to us that if we wanted to be successful, it would solely be on the basis of the values she sought to instil in us and our own effort to build our careers. It is up to you to make your destiny, she would say and your aunts and I took it to heart and never gave our parents any cause for complaint on this count. I can see that at a young age, you are already so conscientious with your work for the sake of learning.

  Sometimes your mother and I worry that the level of affluence that you are born into, is very different from what we had, and could end up being a handicap for you instead of being your strength. That worry shapes a lot of decisions that your mother and I keep making, including the way we seek to live our lives a few notches below our monetary capability. It also shapes, among other factors, how we think about the concept of inheritance. We are very clear, Anna, that while ensuring your education and basic comfort, we will use most of the wealth that god blesses us with, to drive various causes impacting the less privileged. This is why we have a very active program for making sure that we keep doing a lot with the wealth that’s created, on an on-going basis though wonderful organizations like the Akanksha Foundation schools in Mumbai and Pune, The Research Society for the Care, Treatment and Training of Children in Need of Special Care, the Jai Vakeel School for the Mentally Challenged, GiveIndia, the YMCA Boys’ Home and Vocational Training Centre in Andheri, and the Tata Medical Centre and Cancer Patients Aid Association in Kolkata.

  Giving as a way of life and a path to happiness is something we would wish for you to eventually adopt. I have seen too much conflict arising out of money. There is a sense of entitlement that arises among inheritors that often distorts their relationships with their parents and siblings and wrecks families. That wealth also creates the illusion that there is no need to push yourself since you know your parents have made enough for you. I’ve seen this in large business families, and even with friends.

  The reason we want you to be a giving person is not because you will see it publicly acknowledged, but because you will feel that it’s the right thing for you.

  My dear Ann
a, I have said a lot, but I realize how small we all are in front of God’s bigger picture and how little is really within our control. So, let me end by first thanking God for blessing me with you. I love you very dearly and everything I have said is because of that love which makes me want everything for you. I would like to bless you from the bottom of my heart with all my prayers, hope that you find true and lasting happiness in your life, and bring great joy to everyone around you.

  With lots of love and best wishes,

  Your Dada

  Capt. Gopinath

  t is hard not to be touched by Capt. Gopinath’s restless, infectious energy, his seemingly endless optimism, and his sheer positivity.

  Over my years as a business journalist, I have followed his life through the pages of newspapers, admired his courage and determination to tread where most men with an eye on the balance sheet would never dare step, and blessed him for making air travel less of a luxury for us, mere mortals. But for Air Deccan, air travel would have continued to be out of bounds for the bulk of India’s population.

  I met Capt. Gopinath in the chic lounge of a five-star hotel at a stone’s throw away from Mumbai’s international airport, one late evening last year. It was one of those sweltering evenings in the city and while I, anxious that I would be late, arrived before time, he was caught in traffic in south Mumbai. In the forty-five minutes that I waited, I realized what it is that has made him a much-respected and admired figure in India and, indeed, elsewhere in the world.

  Capt. Gopinath is a man of remarkable humility, a man who does not hesitate to say sorry if he has goofed up or inconvenienced anyone. There are few men of his stature and achievements who would even think of apologizing for keeping somebody waiting. He kept up a steady update via text messages, telling me about his whereabouts and expected time of arrival. It is not difficult to imagine where the airline that he started, got its work and service ethic from!

  Despite the fact that he set up an airline business whose market capital touched US$1.1 billion in just four years of its launch, Capt. Gopinath is a remarkably grounded man, very much connected to the way the masses in India live. As I listened aptly, fascinated by the story of the humble village school teacher’s son from Karnataka who joined the army, reinvented himself as farmer, and then a serial entrepreneur, we gorged on a plateful of samosas and a sumptuous Indian spread of fiery, spirited Indian curries. Capt. is as feisty and spirited as the Indian curries that he has a fondness for.

  Capt. is also a self-made man with a piercing intelligence, greatly interested in the lives of those who touch him. He is also startlingly well-read. To be in his company is to be exposed to the thoughts and quotes of some of the world’s greatest minds. He reads voraciously, a habit whose seeds were sown in his childhood when his father home-schooled him and read to him about the lives of great leaders.

  When I met him that evening, he was in the midst of hectic negotiations to restart Air Deccan, the airline that he had sold to another private airline. That deal had disappointed him because he felt the buyer had not done justice to his brand and kept up the spirit of the enterprise that he has started.

  I asked him if it did not scare him to take on such a humungous responsibility when, in fact, he had burnt his hands a couple of time in business, wiping away a bulk of the wealth he had created.

  This is what he had to say to me: ‘For dreaming, he (Capt.’s father) read to me about Tagore and Gandhi, Nehru and Tilak, and he showed me the less fortunate people around me so that I always counted my blessings. He never gave me the opportunity to be envious of those more privileged. It was because of this that when I found myself living hand-to-mouth in a tent, I never felt poor. I had the arrogance of the wealth of nature around me. I never felt poor because I was so drunk with the possibilities of my life and never noticed what I did not have in my life.’

  The village schoolmaster would have been proud of his son, if he had been around to see what he has made out of his life. Among other things, the Founder, Chairman, and Managing Director of Deccan 360, has been knighted with ‘Chevalier de la Legion d’Honneur’, the highest civilian award conferred by the French government.

  To me, it is very fitting that a man who attributes his entire being to what his father taught him as a child, should write this charming, very candid letter to his two daughters.

  Dear Krithika, Pallavi,

  None of the stuff that I write in this letter will be new to you or surprise you because this is the stuff that I have always based my life on. You have grown up with me, have gone through the ups and downs of my life, and have seen that at every stage, I have done whatever it is on hand at that point with complete sincerity. We have had great wealth and enjoyed a life of plenty and we have also lived a spartan life in our farm when I decided to become a farmer and grow coconuts, areca nuts, and silkworms. And I know that every time I decided to do something new, your lives were disturbed by it, but you did it willingly and have enjoyed every step of the adventure and learnt along the way.

  My dear daughters, as two young, talented women, I want you to know that the most important thing is for you to be intensely passionate about everything that you do. Don’t be like a passenger on a train but be its driver. Be completely committed to pursuing your dreams but at the same time, let that not be an exercise in self-indulgence. Understand that everything that you have today is the product of your ancestors’ labour. The comfortable life that you are able to lead has been made possible by their hard work and perseverance. So, while you are passionate about your own interests, let it be in consonance with the society. While it furthers your own fulfilment, it should also further the society’s well-being.

  I believe that passion and work are inseparable; they can’t exist in isolation from each other. From knowing to doing is a journey in itself and if you lack the latter, any amount of talent is worth nothing. Make your life a journey of adventure. But if you are too much a person of society, you can’t create since to be able to create, you need reflection and isolation. On the other hand, if you are completely isolated, you become a sponge on society, living off it instead of giving back to it. So you must know how to strive a perfect balance between the two.

  Dear children, my father used to say that everything is rooted in action and that it is always better to lose yourself in action than in despair. The action in your life itself will then be the reward. The Scottish writer Robert Louis Stevenson once famously said: ‘I travel not to go anywhere, but to go. I travel for travel’s sake. The great affair is to move.’ My children, every moment, everything that you do—small, big, significant—must be enjoyed. Happiness and wealth is a consequence of your actions, your ventures.

  You should never be idle. Whatever you want to be in life, even if it were to become a cobbler, be the best one. Be obsessed with whatever it is that you want to do.

  Nobody owes you a free lunch. Inculcate an entrepreneurial spirit and learn to stand on your own feet. In a marriage today, you are more likely to survive if you have your own passions, hobbies and interests. Mutually respect each other. Keep yourself both interested and interesting. Find salvation in your work. We all have to work for a living, but regardless of what else you do, engage in physical labour every day. When I left the army, I soiled my hands every day in my farm, did hard physical work, milked cows, and mixed manure. Though over a period of time I took a divorce from that lifestyle, I know that the bricklayer, the welder, the mason, the waiter—these are the true sons of the soil.

  It is important to find good, meaningful work because it is integral to our happiness. Regardless of love, family, friendship, and other things in life, you will never be happy if you don’t have work. Make sure that the work must be one that enlarges the well-being of the community around you. Remember that your love for work should not be in conflict with the love for the community in which you have been raised.

  When you both were in college, I gave you the freedom to choose the subjects of your choice.
I’m sure you remember what I had told you then: ‘While you are free to discover your passions, I won’t appreciate idleness of the mind and body.’

  Dear Pallavi, you went to the UK to do your masters in literature and while you were there, you were true to your word, working as a waitress in a restaurant to supplement the limited money I gave you. And you continued to do so for three years before leaving for Birmingham for a Masters in Media degree. Do you remember the day we were dining with the Chief Commercial Officer of Airbus, John Leahy and he offered you a one year global internship? You were confused and taken aback because your thesis was yet to be finished. I vividly remember telling you how it’s not important to have a degree but get the maximum experiences you can in your lifetime. And so you went and lived in France for a year, learning about another culture, another way of life. That internship enchanted you enough to make you want to do an MBA in Aerospace management. When I asked you to come back to India at that point, it was because I was starting my company, Deccan Air Cargo and Express Logistics, and I knew it would be a great way for you to learn about doing business in India—you saw the challenges, the joys and the frustrations of trying to float a start-up enterprise in this country.