The Wreckage of Us

by Cherry, Brittainy

  A pool of heat fell against my core as Ian spread my legs apart. He breathed against my sex as I lay back, anticipation making my inhalations and exhalations harder and harder to achieve. Then he took two of his fingers against my core and spread me open, creating a V with his fingers. And right between the V, he placed his tongue, licking me up and down, sucking against my clit as I cried out in pleasure.

  Oh my gosh . . .

  How did he do that with his tongue? How did he move it fast and slow, up and down, deep and deeper.

  Oh my gosh, Ian was burying himself in me as my juices released from his wants, his needs, and his desires. He slid two fingers inside of me and made a hook motion against my core, bringing me closer and closer to an orgasm. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold it in. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to control myself from fully letting go.

  “All of you,” he whispered, looking up to stare me in the eyes. He slid another finger in with the other two and worked them around like a magician, filling me with his mystical powers. “I want to taste all of you. Let go, Haze. Let go,” he ordered before he returned his tongue to my sex and once again began fucking me hard and deep with his tongue. My fingers tangled up in the sheets as my hips pushed up from the bed and toward his mouth. My legs began quivering as he quickened his pace. In and out, in and out, long wet strokes of his tongue.

  “Ian,” I cried, but no words came out as I unleashed every single drop of me into his mouth. He licked and licked, sucking me as if he were a starving animal, not wanting to leave a single drop. As he finished his course, he sat back on his legs and smirked at me. His face glistened with my juices all against him, and I blushed as I watched him lick his lips clean. Then my eyes fell to the hardness of his cock, which he was slowly stroking up and down. My eyes became fixated on watching his hand move up and down his massive rod, and a flood of want came shooting back to me.

  “Take me,” I whispered, sitting up on my forearms.

  He raised an eyebrow. “Haze . . .”

  “Take me,” I repeated, nodding. “Please, Ian. I want you so much right now, right here . . . please . . .”

  He stood up from the ground and moved over to me. His body hovered over mine, and he kissed me hard, allowing me to taste myself against his lips. Our tongues danced, and he kissed me as if he were trying to tell me a secret that I would someday unlock.

  “If we do this, we can’t pretend we aren’t a thing, Hazel,” he warned. “If I slide into you, you’re mine.”

  “And you’re mine,” I breathed against his lips, placing my hands on his chest. “You’re mine.” Truth was, he’d always been mine. I’d just been waiting for the day when I was his too.

  He steadied himself over me and rubbed his hardness against my sex. “If it hurts . . . stop me, okay?”

  “Okay,” I lied. I had no plans of stopping Ian from sliding into me. I had no plans of keeping him from filling me up inside.

  He reached to the nightstand and grabbed a condom from his wallet. As he slid it on, I watched in amazement. He pumped his hand up and down his shaft a few times before rubbing against me again. Then he slid into me.

  My mouth gasped open as he found his way so deep inside of me. It surprisingly didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. It took a few seconds for me to get used to the new feeling, but as I settled into it and allowed Ian to push himself deep into me, I began to moan because it felt . . . so . . .

  Good.

  I already felt as if I was on the verge of another orgasm as his hips rocked against mine. He took my wrists into his hands and pinned them above my head as he drove into me hard and pulled out slowly, teasing me, making my desire grow more and more.

  Each time he pulled out slowly and slammed back into me, my body trembled all over. Every muscle in Ian’s body was highlighted in a new way as he pinned me to the bed.

  “Ian . . . I’m going to . . . I’m going to . . .” Scream. I snatched my hand away from his and grabbed the closest pillow. I covered my mouth with it as I caught the moans from the best orgasm of my life. My whole body shook with nerves as Ian kept going. Harder, faster, deeper . . .

  “Fuck,” he groaned, “Haze, I’m going to . . . fuck, I’m gonna . . .”

  “Please,” I begged, wanting him to feel as good as I did. I wanted him to explode inside of me. I wanted him to lose himself. I wanted to be responsible for his eyes rolling to the back of his head from complete bliss.

  And when it happened, when his body began trembling on top of me, I lost myself too. He shut his eyes as he came hard inside of me, and my heart raced with pride, with wonderment, with . . . love.

  Oh my gosh, I loved him.

  He collapsed on top of me, sweaty and out of breath. He didn’t say a word for a moment, and then he slid himself out of me and rolled to the left side of the bed.

  “Holy . . . ,” he muttered.

  “Shit,” I finished, giggling a bit.

  “You don’t understand. That was . . . that right there . . . that was . . . shit . . .” He sighed again, rubbing his hand against his face. “I’ve never had it like that, Haze. It’s never felt so fucking good.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “That felt like more than sex. That felt deeper. That felt like making . . .” His words trailed off, and he caught himself before he said any more. Though I knew what he was thinking.

  It felt like making love.

  He gave me a lazy smile. “I liked when you screamed my name into your pillow.”

  “I liked when you did . . .” I paused and scrunched up my nose. “Everything.”

  He sat up and removed the soiled condom from his shaft and tossed it into the garbage can. Then he sat there naked on the edge of my bed, still trying to catch his breath. He took my hand to his chest and placed it over his heart. “You see what you do to me, Haze? You make my heart go wild.”

  I loved that feeling. I loved how he let me control him, and I loved how he controlled me in the same exact way.

  We lay down beside one another, still naked and exposed, both our bodies and our hearts.

  “I miss you already,” he said, resting his lips against my forehead.

  “I miss you more.” I bit my bottom lip. “When you come back, can we do that again?”

  He chuckled to himself. “And again. And again. You are, after all, mine.”

  And you are mine, Ian Parker.

  All mine.

  23

  IAN

  I’d gotten a total of three hours of sleep the night before due to how things had unfolded between Hazel and me. I wasn’t bothered at all about that. I would’ve surrendered the three hours I had gotten if it weren’t for the fact that she’d fallen asleep first.

  My grandparents and Hazel helped me load my suitcases into the bed of Big Paw’s pickup truck. When it was all said and done, I couldn’t help but feel a knot forming in my gut. I didn’t know how I was with goodbyes, mainly because I’d never had to deal with them before. I’d never had a chance to say goodbye to my parents before they’d run off, and ever since then, everyone I knew had a way of sticking around.

  That was one thing about being in a small town your whole life—you never had to really say goodbye to the ones who meant the most to you, till death did us part.

  But now, I had to do it. I had to say farewell to my family, and as it turned out, I wasn’t ready. It felt like hands were wrapped around my neck, forcing my breaths to become harder.

  “Well, I’ll go first,” Grams said. Her eyes were already heavy with tears. She walked over and wrapped me in a hug. “Don’t forget to take your contacts out at night, all right? Otherwise you might go blind.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “And floss. I know you probably don’t even though I’ve told you to your whole life, but if you want to keep that smile of yours, you better floss daily. If not daily, every other day.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “And for the love of the Lord, please separate your whites from your colors
when you do laundry. And please, please, please, do your laundry. Don’t let it pile up in the corner until you’re down to your last pair of boxers,” she ordered.

  I snickered. “Yes, ma’am.”

  “And one last thing.” She placed her hands against my face. “When you need us, you call. Day or night, you call home. Okay?”

  “Okay, I promise.”

  She leaned in and kissed my cheek before patting her hand gently against it. It was how she “locked the kisses in place.” “Okay, good.”

  I turned to Haze, who was standing back a little.

  I rubbed my left shoulder blade. “You sure you don’t want to ride with us to the airport, Haze? Or even come to LA?” I semijoked. I couldn’t get the thoughts of our night together out of my head. All I wanted was more nights like the previous one. In the perfect world, I’d come home from a day in the studio, pull her into the shower with me, and make love with her under the steaming hot water. I’d make love to her in the kitchen too. In the living room. Dining room. In every single place possible, I’d make love to her.

  “Don’t tempt me,” she said. “If I went to LA with you, I doubt I’d want to come back.”

  “All right, well, I guess we just say good—”

  “Don’t, Ian,” she cut in, closing her eyes. “Don’t say goodbye, okay? Just hug me, and get it over with.”

  I did as she said, and she held me tighter than she ever had before.

  “Last night was perfect,” I whispered into her ear.

  “Perfect, perfect,” she replied. She pulled slightly away from me. “You’re going to call me,” she ordered. “Whenever you get a chance.”

  “Will do. And you can use my truck while I’m gone to get around if you want.”

  I chuckled a little as I heard Big Paw ask Grams, “When did they get so close?”

  “You’re always sleeping through things, Harry. Missing the things right in your face,” she said.

  Big Paw grumbled a bit and scratched his beard. “We better get a move on if we’re going to make it to the airport in a few hours.”

  It was a long, long drive to the closest airport, which meant we had to leave earlier than I would’ve liked.

  A little more time with Hazel and Grams wouldn’t have been awful.

  How was I already getting homesick when I hadn’t even left?

  I nodded once toward Big Paw and then gave Grams and Hazel one last embrace.

  I opened the passenger door of the truck and began to climb into my seat.

  “Ian, wait!”

  I looked to my left and saw Hazel come rushing toward me.

  She leaped into my arms and pressed her lips against mine. I kissed her hard and deep, wishing I’d never have to let her go.

  “I’m gonna miss you, Ian. When you make it big, don’t forget about us small-town folks, okay?”

  “I couldn’t forget you if I tried. Besides, I’m going to be calling you each morning and every night,” I swore.

  She bit her bottom lip. “I don’t know how that would even work, Ian. You’re going to be so busy with your life and—”

  “We make time for the things that matter,” I said, cutting her off. “You’re a thing that matters.”

  Her head lowered for a split second, and when she looked back up, she was wearing that smile I loved. I kissed her again. For the first time in my life, the music wasn’t the only thing I truly cared about.

  “Thanks, Haze.”

  “For what?”

  “Teaching me how to feel again.”

  “What in the damn hell was that?” Big Paw barked.

  Grams waved off his annoyed tones. “Oh, hush, you old fart. Let kids be kids. I remember a certain boy who used to kiss me like that too.”

  “Who was it?” Big Paw sneered. “I’ll kick his ass.”

  Grams chuckled and shook her head. “Shh. Now, get a move on before you miss his flight and he’ll have to come back and kiss Hazel again.”

  That lit a spark under Big Paw’s butt, and he hurried over to the driver’s seat.

  I waved goodbye one last time before Big Paw put the truck into drive.

  I watched the two ladies wave to me through the sideview mirror until they were out of sight.

  The ride to the airport was pretty quiet. Big Paw and I weren’t big on talking, and the silence didn’t bother me at all. My mind was too busy thinking about the future and the past. When we pulled up to the airport, he helped me toss my suitcases out of the back. I grabbed my guitar case and sat it down on the curbside so I could say my final goodbye.

  Big Paw kept scratching his beard. “Ian, look, I know I ain’t good with words like your grandmother. She is much more emotional than most people, and well, she always says the right thing. That’s not me, so I’m going to say what I need to say and get it out of the way.”

  He shifted around the baseball cap on his head before stuffing his hands into his pockets. He cleared his throat. “You’ve been a pain in my ass since you were a kid.”

  Not the goodbye speech I was hoping for.

  “It’s true.” He nodded. “You’ve been a fucking pain in my goddamn ass. Throughout your whole childhood, you pushed my buttons. You acted out and gave me every gray hair on my head.”

  “Is this supposed to be an inspirational goodbye, because—”

  “Just shut your hole and let me finish, all right?” he barked.

  “Yes, sir.”

  He shifted his feet side to side before pinching the bridge of his nose. When he locked eyes with mine, his stare was filled with tears, and I swore I hadn’t ever seen my grandfather cry. “I just want you to know that you got all those characteristics from me. The good, the bad, and the messed-up parts. You’re a mirror of your old man, Ian, and I wouldn’t want you to be anything other than who you are. So you go out to Los Angeles, and you give them fucking hell, okay? You be a pain in their ass like the damn devil you are. Push their buttons. Push the whole world’s buttons until you get that dream of yours. You get that success, and you hold on tight to it. Don’t you dare look back to this place until you truly need to, but when you need to look back, we’ll be here waiting.”

  Damn . . .

  Now I was crying.

  I sniffled a bit and nodded. “Yes, sir. I promise.”

  “Good. Now come on. Let’s get this mopey crap over with.” He held his arms out toward me and pulled me into a hug. I held on to him, and I missed him before I even let go. “I’m proud of you, son,” he softly said before letting me go. “Now go. Go be a rock star.”

  I picked up my guitar case and grabbed the handles of my suitcases. As I walked into the airport, a small part of me wanted to turn around and look back, but I didn’t.

  Looking back wasn’t an option. From here on out, I only looked forward.

  24

  HAZEL

  The colors of fall painted the leaves of Eres, and it wasn’t long before summer moved out and autumn came crashing onto the scene. I spent the next few weeks trying hard to keep busy on the ranch.

  When Big Paw called me to his office, I was just as nervous as the first day I’d met him. Even though over the past few months, we’d grown closer—in a Big Paw kind of way, which still felt not close at all—he still scared me a little.

  “Sit down, Hazel,” he told me with his gruff voice, chewed cigar hanging from his mouth.

  I did as he said and cleared my voice. “If this has anything to do with the chickens getting out of the coop, I’ll take full responsibility for that. The new guy left the gate open, but that was because I didn’t tell him to shut it,” I said, my words flipping off my tongue as the palms of my hands began to sweat.

  “This ain’t about no damn chicken coops,” he uttered.

  “Oh.” I shifted my weight in the chair and wiped my hands against my legs. “Then what did you call me in for?”

  “I saw your mother the other day.”

  “I’m sorry, what?”

  He leaned back in hi
s chair and rubbed his hand across his jawline. “I drove up to the prison to talk to her. To make sure she was doing all right. She said she’s been getting your letters but felt bad answering them after her last talk with you. She was still detoxing her system, and I believe she said some things she didn’t mean.”

  “How . . . wait . . . what? How do you even know my mother?”

  His brows knitted as his hands clasped together. “Holly and I fostered kids in this town for as long as we can remember. Jean was nothing but a kid when she came through these parts. She was pregnant and scared—pretty much how she is right now. We took her in, and I did my best to care for her. Holly and I both did. She was a great kid. Quiet, but strong. She had dreams too. She talked about how she was going to go to college and get a degree. How she was going to make your life better than hers had been. How she loved you. She had dreams for herself and for you—but she came from a broken family. She had a lot of emotional bruises.” The somber look that fell against his lips made me want to cry. “She, um . . . she grew close with my daughter—Ian’s mother—which was the worst thing that could’ve ever happened to her, I believe. To this day, I blame myself.”

  “Blame yourself for what?”

  “I didn’t know,” he whispered, lowering his head and removing the cigar from his lips. “Everything. I didn’t know my daughter and her boyfriend were already getting into trouble. They had a three-year-old, and I figured they were just finding their way as parents. After you were born, you spent a few months at my house with your mother until your mother decided she wanted to move in with my daughter in the ranch house. That was when my Sarah introduced her to Charlie.”

  The air was knocked out of me as I sat back in my chair, completely taken aback by this revelation. I’d lived in that ranch house before with my mother? My mother had met Charlie because of Ian’s parents?

  My mind was moving a million miles per minute. I had so many questions, but I didn’t even know where to begin. Big Paw must’ve seen the confusion on my face, because he sat up straighter in his chair, and for a moment, I thought I saw a flash of emotion hit his stare. A flash of guilt.