The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus 3

by Michael Anderle

  “The whole thing is still weird,” Peyton stated. “But I’ll keep looking around for something that works. I’ll send you a message if I find something for you job-wise. I wouldn’t want to get throat-punched. I’ve grown accustomed to my trachea not hurting.”

  Shay snickered. “Remember, I was joking about that. Mostly. Talk to you later, and thanks, Peyton.”

  “No problem.”

  She ended the call.

  James glanced at her. “Everything okay? Lot of talk about throat-punching. Is he pissing you off?”

  “Not really. He’s just stating the obvious, and I don’t want to hear it.” Shay shrugged. “I’m changing my lifestyle again in a complete and huge way, but otherwise than that, it’s fine. Nothing to worry about.”

  “You sound freaked out.” James looked concerned.

  “I’m really not.” Shay smiled. “I’m just a little unsettled. I don’t know. Tomb raiding was always kind of a short-term plan. It wasn’t something I was planning to do for the rest of my life.” She slipped her phone into her pocket. “I was supposed to save up enough money to go hide on an island somewhere until I was old and gray, but now that plan’s gone. Switching from full-time tomb raider to part-time professor and part-time tomb raider isn’t as weird as it could be, all things considered.”

  “It’ll involve fewer throat-punches.” James grunted. “And bounty hunting can be annoying, but it’s got far fewer strange creatures.”

  “I go to out-of-the-way places that have been touched by magic. A weird creature or two is to be expected. As for the throat-punching, I’d hope I’ll need it less, but it depends on the class.” Shay chuckled. “I’m not going to give the raids up entirely. I’m just cutting down on them. Probably hit one decent one per season.”

  James nodded. “Is there anything that would make you give tomb raiding up entirely?”

  Huh. He's super-inquisitive today. I should probably encourage him to ask shit when he’s curious, so I don’t have to spoon-feed him so much other stuff.

  “Interesting question.” Shay gazed into the distance for a moment. “I honestly don’t know anymore. Sometimes I think I’ve made enough money, so why bother, but other times I know I’d miss the excitement. Once I’ve been off for a few months, I really get the urge. It’s not just the adrenaline rush, but being the first person to lay eyes on some ancient magical artifact in centuries. That makes it hard to give up. What about you?”

  James frowned. “What about me? I’m not a tomb raider. I help you out when you need it, but I don’t really give a shit about historical artifacts even if they are magical. If it’s useful, that’s different, but useful for a bounty hunter is not the same thing as useful for a lot of other people.”

  “Yeah, I know you’re not a tomb raider, but you’ve slowed down on your bounties, too.”

  James grunted. “Not a lot of high-level bounties are dumb enough to come near me these days, and the agency handles all the low-level shit, so it’s not like they need me either. That gives me free time.”

  “There’s an entire world full of shitbags out there.” Shay gestured grandly with her arms. “Or at least the rest of the country. I know you hate flying, but you’ve made road trips before, so I think you slowing down isn’t just about how you and your guys are cleaning up LA and Vegas. There’s something more here.”

  “Shit’s simpler when it’s close to home.” James glanced down at his now-sleeping dog. “And I’ve got other reasons to not go running around everywhere like a coked-up rabbit chasing a carrot that’s flying away.”

  “Okay, that was an interesting image.” Shay laughed. “What reasons?”

  “You and Alison. And barbeque. PFW’s becoming more than just some shit we do when we have time. A restaurant on the side isn’t a crazy idea anymore.”

  “Of course. Luckily I’m not a vegetarian.” She gave him a playful smile.

  James grimaced at the mere thought. “Some shit’s not funny. Fancy-ass restaurants are one thing, but I’m not eating some eggplant bullshit that someone is trying to pretend is the same as meat. They are not the same. That’s why people eat meat.”

  Shay couldn’t pass up the opportunity to tweak James a little.

  “Don’t tempt me,” she replied. “Maybe I should try a week with no meat. Bella’s trying it out. She says she’s a lot more relaxed.”

  “Bella doesn’t have to tomb raid,” James rumbled. “And the best pizza has meat. You gonna stick to vegetarian pizza?”

  Shay considered that for a few seconds and laughed. “And thus ends my brief flirtation with the dark side.”

  “Good.” James shuddered.

  Shay snickered. She remembered James telling her how someone had once cornered him at a barbeque competition and tried to convince him that their grilled cauliflower “steaks” were better than anything else there. He had complained that he didn’t know how to deal with that level of delusion.

  Some things have changed, but in all the main ways, you’re the same man as when I met you.

  Shay leaned forward, honest curiosity in her eyes. “To be clear, I’m not asking you to stop bounty hunting, James, especially since I’m not stopping tomb raiding. I want that to be clear. But we’re planning our future together, and I want to just pick your brain about what you’ve been thinking about, so we’re both going in the same direction.”

  “I don’t know. I’m doing more with the barbeque competitions since I have more time. I’m glad I didn’t do much extra shit this summer so I could spend time with Alison.” James shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop, not completely. There will always be some level five or six out there who needs his ass kicked, and Whispy and I might be the only ones who can do it.”

  Shay’s smile slowly faded. “I’ve been meaning to ask you. Have you heard from Johnston lately?”

  “The senator?” James shook his head. “Why?”

  Shay scoffed. “I don’t know. I’m just surprised by how all that shit went down. Between all the weird alien-related government black projects and assholes like Durand, I half-figured some fuckers from the CIA or something would be busting down your door and trying to drag you to some black site for alien captives in the Bermuda Triangle or wherever the government stashes that kind of person.”

  “They’re welcome to try,” James replied, his grinding voice even lower than usual. “And I’m welcome to beat their asses. If I’ve taken down this many bounties and nanoforms, there’s no reason to be worried about the government, but I don’t want them to be put in a bad position either.”

  “’Bad position?’”

  James nodded. “I’m not gonna fight the military or the cops.”

  Shay frowned. “If the government ever realizes that, they could use it against you. Keep that in mind.”

  “The government’s got to realize it’d be a dumb move. It’s too risky, and could backfire on them.”

  “They’re the government, James.” Shay shrugged. “You can’t trust them.”

  “I don’t trust them. I just figure that by this point, they know not to fuck with me. If they throw soldiers at me, I’ll escape and find the fuckers who’d risk those men’s lives and make them pay for it,” James growled.

  Shay thought that over before giving a slight nod. The local AET had come around before seriously going after James, but she could still easily imagine some corrupt government bureaucrat deciding that James Brownstone was a problem to be “solved.”

  What would he do if they gave him no choice? If the soldiers had been lied to?

  Shay kept her face calm even as her stomach knotted at the scenario. Whispy Doom was powered by anger and rage. James had learned to control and harness that rage at a slow drip, but if anyone ever pushed him too far, they might face the true wrath of a Vax.

  I need to protect him and make sure that never happens.

  Shay furrowed her brow. “I wonder if we should have Peyton and Heather using their tracking shit more. I don’t th
ink the government realizes just how much we know about their surveillance. I’ve got more of those anti-tracking spell artifacts coming, too.”

  “I think we’re fine. What the government is doing isn’t worth stopping. They want to waste taxpayer money on that shit, fine by me. We should save our surprises for when we need them the most. Besides, Senator Johnston saved our asses from the Nine Systems Alliance.” James shrugged. “I don’t mind letting him and his buddies provide a little free backup if we need it in the future.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about Aiyn’s buddies. I doubt they’re coming after you again, not when the choices are basically risking war with Earth and Oriceran or leaving you alone.”

  “If they do return, they’ll back the fuck off, or I’ll make them back off.” James narrowed his eyes. “I’ll fight every fucking asshole from every planet in the galaxy if I have to. I’m not letting anyone push me around.”

  “Let’s try and keep the galactic warfare off the table, at least until after the wedding.”

  “That’s up to them, not me.”

  James phone buzzed and he pulled it out.

  Shay eyed his phone. “That’s not some NSA warning where they’re all, ‘Don’t talk shit about the government, we’re listening,’ is it?”

  James shook his head. “Just Maria scheduling an ass-kicking. Supposed to be inspirational and shit for the men. Did you need me for anything tomorrow?”

  “Nope. Feel free to run wild.”

  James’ thumbs flew across the touchscreen.

  Shay snickered.

  James looked at her. “What?”

  “I just like how we went from talking about you basically threatening the entire galaxy to casually arranging with one of your employees to probably go violently empty a warehouse full of mobsters.” Shay smiled. “Don’t ever change. I’ll admit, for all my bitching at times, I like the man you are.”

  James shrugged. “I can’t be anybody else.”

  5

  Lyle leaned back, enjoying how the leather of the Porsche’s seats molded to his body. He half-wondered if some sort of magic was involved in production.

  I should have gotten one of these a long time ago. I always tried to tell myself expensive cars weren’t that much nicer, but damn, do I love this car. Too bad I can’t keep it.

  He assumed that someone would eventually find the body of the car’s previous owner and immediately start looking for the vehicle, but he’d planned to switch vehicles soon anyway.

  Even ignoring the security issues, for some reason, the red color wasn’t doing it for him. He had been in a gunmetal-gray mood the last few weeks. A quick trip to the dealer might be in order.

  No. Too many cameras there, and new cars are too easy to trace, but there might be someone around here with a car I want. This is a nice neighborhood.

  Lyle’s car moved slowly down the street as he surveyed the houses in the area. They were all large, with large fenced-in yards. They’d be considered expensive homes by any normal standard, but they lacked the grand presence he desired to match his new status in life. The proper man needed the proper car and the proper home to show off who and what he was.

  He frowned. The only reason he was in that neighborhood was to make a multi-million dollar delivery, which immediately brought other questions to mind.

  Given how much money this guy’s going to pay for my package, I’m surprised he’s not living somewhere more impressive. This looks like upscale-office-drone country, not ridiculously-rich-asshole country.

  Lyle sighed. A mansion might be more appropriate for his current tastes, but anyone who lived in a mansion probably had enough connections that simple mental domination or disposal wouldn’t work out well. Especially since he still wasn’t certain of the limits of the bone charm’s power.

  I need to experiment with more subtle conditioning. I wonder if I could get someone to do something long-term without me being around? That could be handy. Or I can just get enough money that I can pay people to not give a shit no matter what I do around them. That might be easier.

  Lyle chuckled as he parked the Porsche on the street near a huge gate. He wasn’t there to get a new house. He was there to make a delivery. The money would help kickstart his new life. Hiding in hotels with his powers or grabbing free dinners had been fun, but it was a waste of his potential now that he had access to true power.

  I wonder if this is how some of the guys did it back in the day.

  Lyle reached into the backseat to grab the briefcase and exited the car, then walked over to the huge wrought iron gate and glanced at the keypad on the panel beside it. He pressed the call button and waited.

  I hope this guy’s home. I’ve got better shit to do than wait around all day. Maybe I should just rob a bank? No, that won’t work. Too many cameras. Go to some brokerage and get them to transfer me a bunch of money?

  “Can I help you?” came a gruff male voice over the intercom, breaking Lyle out of his thoughts.

  “I’m here to see Mr. Sarkazian. I have his delivery.” Lyle held up the briefcase. There would be a camera somewhere watching him. “This is the address I was told. I was also told to make sure I mentioned Travis sent me.”

  There was no response for ten seconds. Finally, a loud buzz sounded, and the gate unlocked.

  “Come to the front door,” the voice commanded. “Don’t make any sudden movements.”

  The same could be said for you.

  Lyle pushed through the gate with a smile. He used to be so unhappy. Every day, he’d wake up and think about how the world had screwed him over and pushed him into a life he’d never wanted, but now he understood that had just been a test. Since he’d proven himself, he’d been given the bone charm and the chance to make his life whatever he wanted as long as he worked hard.

  How could a man not be happy in that situation?

  Lyle meandered up the red-brick path that wound through the vast well-maintained lawn. A few orange trees broke up the monotony, but the landscaping wasn’t very interesting.

  At my future mansion, I want something cool. Maybe a hedge maze, but a killer one like in The Shining. Some Oriceran should be able to make that if I pay them enough. Or it can be an attraction. I could charge people.

  He chuckled as he arrived at the front porch. He took a moment to smooth the lapels of the new suit he’d taken from the same man he’d taken the car from. The suit fit looser than he would have liked, but he couldn’t argue with the price. After his payday, he could go buy himself an expensive hand-tailored suit.

  The door swung open and a huge, muscular man jerked his head toward the inside. “Hurry up.”

  Lyle entered and smiled at the man. “Great sunshine today, am I right? Such nice weather you’ve got here in LA.”

  The guard grunted, and his nostrils flared. “Who gives a fuck about the weather?”

  Lyle clucked his tongue. “If you can’t appreciate the world around you, what’s the point of living? What separates you from a machine? Ever think about that?”

  “Just get in the fucking living room.” The guard glared at him.

  “Fine, fine.” Lyle continued out of the foyer, slowing for a moment to appreciate the intricate weave of the carpet.

  Need to get me a bunch of fancy carpets. And tapestries? Are tapestries still a thing rich people have? If not, maybe I can revitalize the trend.

  Lyle followed the guard into a huge living room filled with leather couches and paintings. A massive curved table of frosted glass sat in the center of the room.

  A few nice tables, too. Definitely need those.

  He had no idea if the various landscapes and portraits were worth anything, but they did seem like something a rich asshole would keep in his house.

  What am I thinking? After this deal, I’ll be the rich asshole.

  A silver-haired man stood near the wall, staring up at a painting of sunflowers, his hands behind his back and resting on a cane topped with a blue crystal.

  Wonder how
expensive that was?

  Lyle cleared his throat. “Good afternoon to you, sir. I’ve come a long way to deliver your package. You’re Mr. Sarkazian, I presume?”

  The other man turned. The decades had lined his face, but he retained much of the handsome visage of his youth. “Yes, I am.” He nodded toward the table. “Enough pleasantries. Show me.”

  “Of course, Mr. Sarkazian.” Lyle walked over to the table and set down the briefcase. He placed his thumb on the DNA scanner and grimaced. For all his new-found power, he couldn’t do anything about the burn. Fortunately, this would be one of the few times he’d need to deal with a DNA lock.

  Soon it’ll be people coming to me and saying, “Yes, sir. Here’s your delivery, sir.”

  The lock clicked, and Lyle opened the briefcase. Dozens of small plastic bags filled with multi-colored crystals were piled inside.

  Suspicion on his face, Sarkazian looked Lyle up and down and walked toward him, leaning heavily on his cane. His unsteady gait made it clear he had some sort of knee problem.

  Wonder why a rich guy like him doesn’t get it fixed?

  “There you go, sir. Premium stuff,” Lyle explained. “It’s not easy to smuggle these crystals off Oriceran. Of course, the extra difficulty and inherent danger have to be reflected in the price.”

  At least that’s what those wizard assholes said.

  “A reasonable stance.” Sarkazian nodded to his guard, and the other man walked into a nearby hallway and disappeared around the corner. The older man sat on a couch and laid his cane across his thighs. “Such destructive power, yet so stable. How very useful.”

  Lyle pulled out his phone. “I’ve got a QR code with the number of the relevant account. When we last talked about this, you said TrollCoin would be fine. If you want to pay another way, we can discuss that, but I would prefer TrollCoin.”

  “I was surprised when you contacted me. I’ve been dealing with those wizards for a while. They’ve been useful for getting me things I need.”