The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus 3

by Michael Anderle

  “I’m sure they’ll be able to deal with you directly again soon, but they’ve sent me in the meantime to provide all the services you need,” Lyle lied. “I’m not a wizard, but I strive to be useful.”

  “Aren’t you going to ask?” Sarkazian stared at him as if judging him.

  Stop looking at me like that. You don’t understand who you’re dealing with.

  “Ask what?” Lyle’s smile finally dimmed as suspicion played across Sarkazian’s face.

  “Aren’t you going to ask what I need the crystals for?” Sarkazian pointed his cane at the open briefcase. “Most people would at least be curious why I needed an entire briefcase full of magical explosives.”

  “Not my problem, as long as you pay. I’m a businessman.” Lyle injected more energy into his smile. “If anything, knowing what you want to do with them is a disadvantage.”

  “I used to be like you,” Sarkazian replied quietly. “I used to think nothing mattered but money. I spent my life obsessed with gathering it, not paying attention to the moral or ethical considerations. But the other things do matter.”

  Lyle’s curiosity finally got the better of him. “The crystals aren’t to take down your local competitors?”

  “What sort of local competitors do you think I have who would require this sort of solution?”

  “You’re a guy who can pay millions for smuggled explosive crystals. I'm guessing your enemy would be some sort of organized crime group.” Lyle held up a hand. “Like I said before, I don’t really need to know the details, but since you asked, yes, I’m a little curious. Not judging, mind you. All I’m here to do is deliver them to you.”

  “What if I told you I intended to kill normal people with them?” Sarkazian’s cold, dark eyes fixed on Lyle. “Not criminals, just innocent people minding their own business.”

  Man, this guy has so much money, but he doesn’t know how to enjoy life. Too bad.

  “Normal people?” Lyle made a face. “Why do you need this sort of stuff for that? If you just want to kill people, why not just use guns or normal bombs? The great thing about Earth is that you don’t need magic to kill people.”

  Sarkazian shook his head. “I need to prove a point about how evil magic is, and to do that, I require magical items. Do you understand now?”

  Lyle groaned. “Oh, you’re New Veil.” He waved a hand and gave Mr. Sarkazian a sheepish smile. “I have to admit I actually feel kind of dumb here. Of course, a bunch of terrorists would want explosives. Duh. Blowing up Mafia guys with magical bombs would attract too much attention.” He shrugged. “For some reason, I just assumed you were normal criminals. Not weirdo hypocrites.”

  “Hypocrites?” Sarkazian narrowed his eyes.

  “Yes. Come on, killing people with magic to prove magic is evil is kind of weird to me. If anything, it just proves humans are the real evil or whatever.” Lyle shrugged.

  “We do what’s necessary to save this planet.”

  “I honestly don’t care. You can do whatever terrorist anti-magic shit you want. That’s your business. All I care about is getting paid. I’m not really a political type of guy, you know? So, can we just get on with the payment, already?”

  The guard from before stepped back into the room, flanked by three other men. They all had handguns out.

  “We’ll get on with something else.” Sarkazian glared at Lyle. “Who are you really? FBI? Hmm? PDA? CIA?”

  “That’s a lot of letters.” Lyle chuckled, his heart as calm as before. Sarkazian had made a mistake by not killing him instantly if this was how he wanted to play it. That had been the man’s only chance to win. “I’m a businessman, not a government guy. And I was honest earlier, I don’t care what you intend to do with the crystals. I just want to get paid. This doesn’t have to end poorly.”

  Sarkazian picked up his cane and smashed the top against the table so hard he left a web of cracks. “You think I don’t know this is a setup? You think I’m a complete fool?”

  Lyle sighed. “Are you going to pay me or not?”

  “If you tell me the truth, we might consider keeping you alive. If you don’t, we’re going to get the truth out of you, however long and however painful it may be.” Sarkazian stood, resting one palm atop another on his cane. “Traitors to reality must be punished, and those who refuse to join our side are traitors, whether or not they support magic.”

  “You know what the real problem is with you New Veil types? You’re fighting a losing battle. I mean, what’s the point? You think you’re going to somehow stop magic? You know what they say: you can’t stuff the genie back in the bottle.” Lyle laughed. “Probably a genie who came up with that. Wait, are genies real?”

  The four thugs advanced on Lyle, their guns trained on him.

  “Your arrogance is about to bring you a lot of pain,” Sarkazian stated. “I’d be lying if I said I won’t enjoy it.”

  Lyle clucked his tongue quickly twice. “You’re going to make things complicated for me, aren’t you? Oh, well. At least I already have everything I’ll need to clean up.” He pressed on the bone charm underneath his shirt. “The first guy in the room, point your gun at the head of the man who came in after you. The next two point your guns at each other’s heads. The last guy, point at the first guy’s head, and all of you wait for further instructions.”

  The bone charm warmed against Lyle’s chest.

  Sarkazian frowned. “What are you trying?”

  The four thugs complied, their guns now turned on each other and their expressions blank.

  “Not trying, doing,” Lyle explained. “Everyone with a gun, pull the trigger.” Three of the thugs’ heads exploded. “Last guy, kill yourself.”

  A loud gunshot followed, and the last man fell to the floor.

  Lyle smiled at Sarkazian. “I just wanted to test that. In movies, they’re always able to resist suicide commands. Huh. Guess that shows you the difference between movies and real life.”

  The older man’s eyes widened. “You are PDA, aren’t you?” He laughed. “Go ahead and try it on me, then, you wizard piece of trash. You’ll be disappointed” He sneered.

  “I’m not a wizard, and I don’t work for the government. I used to work for wizards. You know, the guys you were dealing with originally.” Lyle smirked. “Too bad they were such idiots that they were supplying dangerous gear to anti-magic terrorists. See, that’s why they’re dead now: because they were idiots who underestimated me. Just like you. Now hit yourself on the head with that cane.”

  Sarkazian didn’t move except to grin. “You’re not a wizard? Then you have some sort of toy?”

  Lyle frowned. He hadn’t run into anyone who could resist his power yet, magical or otherwise. His gaze dipped. The crystal on top of the cane was slightly cloudier.

  Shit. I didn’t know anti-magic deflectors came in different colors.

  Lyle frowned and walked toward the older man. “You think I can’t take down an old man?” An invisible force field stopped his forward movement. “What the hell?”

  “I’ve collected more than enough artifacts to beat wizards. That’s what it means to be a member of the New Veil. Hypocrisy, you might call it, but it’s really polluting ourselves to save Earth.” Sarkazian chuckled. “You should have never come here, but whatever artifact you’re using will be of great value to my group. Don’t worry, more of my friends are on the way.”

  “Hit yourself with the cane,” Lyle ordered. “Bow before me. Get up and try to dance.”

  Sarkazian’s smirk grew wider. “You’re stubborn, but that’s not admirable, only pathetic.”

  “Count to twenty. Count to thirty. Tell me what thirty-four times fifty-seven is. Call up your last contact and tell them to go fuck themselves.”

  The bone charm grew hotter. It was now uncomfortable against Lyle’s skin.

  Huh. Never had to try this hard before. This is interesting. Glad this guy proved a little harder. It’s better to know my limits before I run into someone who might ac
tually be trouble.

  Sarkazian burst out laughing.

  Lyle continued rattling off random orders, focusing on the darkening of the crystal on top of the cane. The other man didn’t seem to notice.

  “Don’t you get it?” Sarkazian shouted. “You can’t win against me. Run, little man. If you run right now, you might be able to escape before my reinforcements arrive, but we’ll still chase you down and make you pay for your arrogance.”

  Lyle ignored him and continued rattling off quick commands.

  Sarkazian stood up and glared at him. He lifted his cane. “You don’t have a shield, do you? Just because I have a bad knee doesn’t mean my arm doesn’t work.”

  “Bend over and kiss my ass,” Lyle replied. “Donate five hundred dollars to an Oriceran Resettlement Charity. Give your car away to the first bum you see. Go on television and challenge James Brownstone to a fight.”

  The crystal was now black.

  Almost there. Now who’s the arrogant asshole?

  The terrorist hobbled forward. “You should have run when you had the chance.”

  “Give me the cane. Hit yourself with the cane. Throw the cane away.”

  Sarkazian raised the cane.

  “Hit yourself in your bad knee with the cane,” Lyle suggested.

  Cracks shot through the now-jet-black crystal and it shattered, the pieces raining down on the carpet. Sarkazian gasped and stumbled back, shock on his face.

  “This mind-control stuff is pretty hefty magic,” Lyle explained. “You shouldn’t have assumed your little crystal would hold. Now let’s test if it was also responsible for the shield.” He walked forward until he was right in front of the other man. “Looks like the answer is a big yes.”

  Sarkazian tried to bring down the cane, but Lyle’s hand shot up and grabbed the other man’s arm. He curled his free hand into a fist and slammed it into the terrorist’s stomach.

  The older man gasped for breath and fell to his knees. Lyle smashed his fist across his face and Sarkazian dropped to the ground, his face bloodied.

  Messing with their minds is fun, but beating someone up is fun, too.

  Lyle sighed and scratched his eyebrow. “I should take the crystals, but it’s more trouble than it’s worth. I really just want the money.” He knelt in front of the other man with a bright smile. “Here’s what we’re going to do. You’re going to transfer all the money you can to me, and then you’re going to sit here for seven minutes after that. When those seven minutes are up, you’re going to activate one of these crystals. That’ll probably set the rest off, but do you understand?”

  Sarkazian’s eyes grew glassy, and he nodded slowly. He pulled out his phone. “Is TrollCoin okay?”

  “Yes. That’d be peachy.” Lyle grinned. “It’s a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Sarkazian.”

  Lyle glanced down at his watch, then into his rearview mirror. He wasn’t sure if he’d be able to see anything from so many blocks away.

  A massive orange-red explosion erupted behind the car. The ground rumbled, and the car rocked.

  “Damn!” Lyle shouted. “That probably took out half the block.” He laughed. “So much for being subtle, but that was so damned cool.”

  Lyle threw back his head and laughed. He had let fear rule him too much. Yes, he had to be careful that someone didn’t surprise him, but as long as they didn’t, he would always win—just like Sarkazian had found out.

  He grimaced. “That was a nice house. Maybe I shouldn’t have had him blow it up.”

  Lyle started whistling, If I Only Had a Brain and let his mind wander. A king or emperor could order a man to do something, and they might do it, but only out of loyalty or fear. Lyle could order a man to kill himself, and the man would comply because he had no choice.

  That made Lyle more than a king or emperor.

  You know what? I’m a god, and it’s time to start collecting worshippers.

  James frowned at his phone. He lifted his head to look over at Maria, who was sitting across from him at the conference table. “You sure? Not even a single level three. It’s organizational, but that’s not gonna make much of a difference if they’ve got a wizard hiding there or something.”

  Maria nodded. “Remember? That’s the point. If we keep it low-level, the guys don’t have to concentrate on guarding their asses, so they can watch you do your thing. You’re right, it’s a level-two organizational bounty with a lot of level ones mixed in—mostly dust dealers and petty muscle. This group’s independent, so it’s not like we’ll create any waves when you take them out.”

  “Don’t give a shit about creating waves. If there’s a bounty, that’s enough. What did Trey say?”

  “I just got done talking to him on the phone right before you showed up, and he agrees this is good.” Maria chuckled. “He said, and I quote, ‘Sounds like a good motherfucking curb-stomp for the big man.’”

  James picked up the phone again to stare down at the bounty notice. When he’d first started bounty hunting years ago, he’d concentrated on low-level bounties. Even without using his amulet, he hadn’t had much trouble, and he’d quickly graduated to focusing almost exclusively on higher-level bounties. By the time he’d met Alison, it wasn’t worth it to even go after level twos. In recent months, he’d stuck to level fours or higher.

  “Fine. I’ll do it, but I want everyone ready. You never know when some easy job will involve some fucker with an experimental CIA grenade.”

  Maria smirked. “Ah, yes, the infamous naked Brownstone incident.”

  James grunted. “Don’t call it that.”

  “That’s how Shay always refers to it when it comes up.”

  James scoffed. “You two talk about that shit?”

  “Sometimes.” Maria grinned, too much excitement in her eyes for his comfort.

  “Whatever.” James stood. “Just get everything set up. Let’s get this bounty crap taken care of. If we wait too long, some asshole level-five will probably roll into town and cause trouble.”

  6

  James slammed the door of his F-350 closed and frowned at the rundown warehouse. The problem with scumbags was that they always hung out in crappy places. Assholes never had any pride.

  Engage stronger enemies for maximum adaptation, Whispy whined. Projected adaptation minimal. Achieve maximum adaptation to achieve primary directive.

  The amulet had been bitching the entire trip over. Apparently, Whispy didn’t understand the concept of inspiring the men. The only thing important was making James stronger.

  Achieve primary directive? Which one? The one where I sell out the planet, or the one where I waste every other Vax symbiont who shows up?

  The amulet radiated irritation. Continuing adaptation in progress.

  That some sort of status report?

  From what James understood, Whispy had spent the last few months modifying him. It wasn’t totally clear what had been involved, but he was regenerating a lot faster, and his blade and energy blasts were both stronger.

  Maximum strength necessary for all possible primary directives, the amulet noted.

  So you don’t care as long as I fulfill one of them?

  Primary directive conflicts noted.

  James chuckled. The slamming of car and SUV doors echoed as the men and women from the Brownstone Agency finished stepping out of their vehicles. Every single bounty hunter wore a tailored black suit and an anti-magic deflector over a concealed bulletproof vest that added only the barest amount of visible bulk underneath their shirts. Everyone carried a stun rifle in their hands and a stun rod clipped to their belts, along with a holstered conventional sidearm.

  Someone moved in the second-floor windows of the warehouse. The enemy knew they were there

  Good. If they get all set up, this will make for a better show for everyone.

  Rapidly eliminate all enemies, Whispy demanded.

  Sure, I can do that shit. Then we can both be happy.

  Maria checked the power cell status
of her weapon before turning to face the others. “Remember the general plan. We’re going to follow James and pick up any of the stragglers, but let him be the tip of the spear.” She pointed toward the fence behind the warehouse. “The OGs have set up on the opposite side. If anyone tries to run, they will pick them off, so you get the fun of going through the front entrance and watching the master at work. Also, remember that this is not a dead-or-alive bounty either for the organization or any of the individual bounties.” She gave James a long, meaningful look. “Clear?”

  James shrugged.

  “So stun them,” Maria continued. “Or knock their asses out. Don’t kill anyone unless your own life is at risk. Are we ready to clean up a dust ring and make a lot of money?”

  “Yes, ma’am!” the bounty hunters shouted.

  Maria walked over and leaned forward to whisper to James. “We need a good show, but will you be able to take out all these guys and not kill them without using your full armor?”

  James grunted. “Don’t worry. This shit’s gonna be easy.”

  “Okay. Lead on, then.”

  James didn’t bother to draw his gun as he marched toward the gate in the center of the fence. The bounty hunters fell in behind him, their guns at the ready.

  Heavy chains connected to thick locks secured the gate.

  “Should I go get some bolt cutters?” asked a man.

  “No,” James rumbled. He backed up and charged the gate. His shoulder slammed into it, and the chains jangled. After another two tries, the left side of the gate flew off its hinges and hit the ground with a resounding crash. “See, we didn’t need any bolt cutters.” He looked down at the chains still connected to the lock. “Good chains and good locks, but they need a better fence.”

  The bounty hunters laughed.

  Ethan jogged forward. “Mr. Brownstone, I’ve got a question.”

  James glanced his way. “What?”

  “Aren’t you concerned about the lack of surprise? Even if they somehow hadn’t tagged us before, they definitely know we’re coming now.”