The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus 3

by Michael Anderle

  “I’m protected for now.” James frowned. “And how long will that last? Those fuckers think I’m a dangerous nuke that needs to taken out. How long will they stay away from me just because Johnston threatened them?”

  Shay laughed. “You make him sound like he’s just some local mobster. The guy’s a senator, and you had a senator saying the country, and others, might toss nukes at the Alliance. You have to understand, James…it’s not that I think you should trust the government. That’d be stupid. But you do have to trust that the government is wetting their pants about the idea of the Alliance thinking they can show up and do whatever the fuck they want.”

  “Yeah, for now, but what if the government decides I’m more trouble than I’m worth?” James’ hands curled into fists. “I’m not gonna let anyone fuck with me, but it’s like we talked about before. I’m not gonna fight the Army.”

  “We’ll figure something out. Peyton and Heather are keeping an eye on things, so at the minimum, we won’t be surprised, but to be honest, I’m pretty sure the government knows not to screw with you.” Shay pointed to the amulet lying on his nightstand. “And as long as you have that, I think that’s gonna continue, whether or not they understand everything about it.”

  James leaned over and picked up the amulet. “There’s also some other shit I wonder about. I wasn’t thinking about it much until recently when Alison was talking about the portals class she has at school.”

  “What?”

  “I went to Oriceran from my home planet through a long-range portal.” James set the amulet back down. “Everything that the alien bitch said made it sound like my people use only portals, not ships.”

  Shay nodded. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  James glared at the amulet. “I’m supposed to call the others, right? The other Vax?”

  “Yeah, but you’re not going to.” Shay shrugged. “And obviously Whispy can’t do it himself, or he already would have.”

  “Think it through. The Nine Systems assholes are obsessed with me doing it, but there’s another way this could go down.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  James looked over at her. “What do you think the government would do if they lost a nuke tomorrow?”

  Shay winced. “Go look for it.”

  “Exactly.” James narrowed his eyes.

  “But you’ve been on Earth for over thirty years. If the Vax gave a shit, why not come already?”

  “Maybe they’re still looking. It’s a big damned galaxy. Even with those recovered memories, I don’t understand everything that happened when my parents sent me away. But if you could open a portal once, why couldn’t you do it again?”

  “That’s why you’re concerned about getting stronger?” Shay replied.

  “I know that little shit has the potential to call them, but I’ve got him under control. But what would happen if they showed up tomorrow?” James stared into the distance. “Extended advanced mode is pretty badass, but I don’t think it would be enough. If the Vax can conquer planets, they’ve got more firepower than what I’ve used so far, which means Whispy’s right. I need to find tougher guys; guys who’ll push me to my limit, until the point where I’m not sure I can win. I need to become a Forerunner.”

  Shay laid her head on her pillow. “They might never come, James. You can’t spend your whole life waiting for an alien invasion. And even if they do come, you’re just one man. Yes, one very badass man, but I’m sure the military could handle it.”

  “That Nine Systems douchebag was ready to drop an antimatter torpedo on me, he was so scared. I don’t think a few Marines in exoskeletons will cut it.”

  Shay snorted. “Then nukes, or strategic-level magic. It’s not your damned responsibility to protect the entire world. You’re a bounty hunter. Go after bounties, or help me out on tomb raids, but you’re not the Army. Let the guys in fancy uniforms worry about an alien invasion.”

  “I just want to make sure I clean up my own shit.” James rested his head in his linked hands on the pillow. “That’s the one thing I keep thinking about. How maybe I should be going around and taking down level fives or sixes wherever I can find them.”

  Shay scoffed. “We don’t know if that’d be helpful, and trust me, there’s not going to be a nice barbeque place everywhere you go. If you care so much, maybe you can come with me on my next tomb raid. I’m sure there will be something annoying and challenging. Smite-Williams contacted Peyton and wants to meet with me tomorrow to discuss it.”

  “I’m going to that musical with Alison tomorrow.” James grunted. “I promised her, and it’s the last big thing I’m doing with her before she goes back to school.”

  “It’s fine.” Shay turned to smile at him. “It’s not like I need you there for the briefing. If it’s something Whispy can have a little fun on, I’ll bring you along. If I don’t need you, I won’t.”

  “What about Lily?”

  Shay narrowed her eyes. “She’s still looking into that thing in Trinidad.”

  James glanced at Shay. “You sure she’s not just taking a little vacation?”

  Shay grinned. “Maybe, but she’s earned it. And Alison’s not the only one running out of summer. I do want to get in one last job. If it’s a good job, you can come along, kill some evil wizard or some shit, and get closer to growing a super-cannon or whatever when you’re pissed. Maybe by the time we get back to LA, there will be a rampaging army of Drow for you to cut through.”

  “That might be fun.”

  “That might be fun?” Shay snickered. “Enjoy your show with Alison tomorrow.”

  James made a face. “I enjoy spending time with her. Not gonna enjoy the show.”

  Shay stared at him. “So you’re a man who looks forward to fighting an entire warehouse filled with criminals, but you worry about a musical?”

  James sighed. “The fucking criminals didn’t sing at me.”

  9

  Shay frowned as she sat down across from the Professor at the Leanan Sidhe. His reddened face suggested that Father O’Banion had already come out to play, which didn’t speak well for having a decent meeting about tomb raiding opportunities. Even Smite-Williams had his limits.

  Come on. You were the one who told me to come, and you end up drunk off your ass before I even show up? That’s bullshit.

  The Professor held up a half-empty frosted mug. “A very good afternoon to you, Miz Carson. I haven’t seen you in a couple of months. I miss the light your beauty shines on my day.”

  “Damn, you really are drunk.” Shay realized a few seconds later her back was to the door.

  Shit. Does it even matter? If I’m gonna get taken out, it probably won’t be in this place. I don’t know all the tricks Smite-Williams has set up here, but I get the feeling it’d be a sad fucking day if anyone ever went after the Leanan Sidhe, and that’s not even taking into account what James might do.

  “Your assistant was overly eager,” the Professor explained. “Which suggests that you’re overly eager. I’m not one to tell you your business, but desperation doesn’t make for a good position in a negotiation. Something to keep in mind.”

  Shay snorted. “You’re not gonna start fucking me over now after working together for years, especially when I’m marrying James. You’re not the kind of guy who likes to screw over people in negotiations anyway.”

  The Professor chuckled. “Aye, that’s true. But why the sudden interest in a high-end job? I’ve not heard anything to suggest either you or James would need an infusion of cash.” He eyed her. “Unless you’re trying to get him to buy you a large island or something for the wedding. You don’t seem the type, I must admit.”

  “It’s nothing like that.” Shay shrugged. “Just wanted to go out on a good job before I take a few months off is all. I wanted a job that would actually challenge me and keep me satisfied for a few months until the next big job.”

  “I see. That makes perfect sense. In that case…” The Professor gulped d
own some beer. “Cursed cobza.”

  “Huh?” Shay blinked. “How drunk are you? You’re just stringing words together now. This is a serious request, Smite-Williams. I’m not here to play around with Father O’Banion. You told Peyton you had something, which was why I bothered to come.”

  The older man laughed and shook his head. “No, no. A cobza. It’s a stringed instrument used in folk music, particularly Hungarian and Romanian folk music. It’s kind of like a lute.”

  Shay blinked. “Okay, so you weren’t just stringing words together. You’re talking about an instrument?

  “Aye.”

  “You want me to find a cursed instrument?”

  The Professor set his mug down. “I supposed ‘cursed’ is a bit misleading, since it’s not cursed in the traditional sense that it creates a negative situation for the user. It works completely as intended, which makes it more an incredibly dangerous magical instrument rather than a cursed artifact.”

  Shay frowned. “And what does this cobza do, exactly? Blow shit up? Turn people into stone or weird statues?”

  “If only it were so straightforward.” The Professor’s smile dimmed but didn’t disappear. “It drives listeners insane when played the appropriate way and fed the necessary magical energy to sustain the inherent spell, and with the help of a little amplification, it could easily drive tens of thousands into madness, if not more.”

  “Does this shit work if you hear the music over the radio or on a recording?”

  “I’m not entirely sure.” The Professor offered her a sheepish smile. “Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, the last time it was used was in a village that lacked any such technology in the early 20th century. At that time, though, it resulted in a lethal riot that killed over half the people in the village, and it’s been associated with several other dangerous incidents in Romanian history. It’s usually only limited location that has prevented it from creating worse disasters.”

  Huh. I did ask for a major job, and this sounds like one.

  Shay shook her head. “I don’t get it. Who makes an instrument that drives people nuts? What good is that? They’re just doing something for evil shits and giggles?”

  “It’s less evil for amusement’s sake and more for revenge if the stories are to be believed. I’m not a hundred percent certain, but my research suggests its origins lie in a musician wizard whose wife caught the eye of a corrupt nobleman.” The Professor took another drink. “The woman was dragged off to be the nobleman’s plaything, and when the musician tried to recover her, he was beaten within an inch of his life, and he found out shortly after that his wife had committed suicide.”

  Shay grimaced. “Shit, that’s depressing, but I suppose I shouldn’t have expected that a legend about a cobza of madness was going to be full of sweetness and light.”

  “Indeed. The legend states that upon learning what happened, the musician flew into a rage and sold his soul to the Devil in exchange for vengeance. He crafted the instrument and imbued it with its strange and deadly power before inciting madness in the castle of the nobleman who’d taken his wife. The musician blamed everyone inside for failing to save her.”

  “Is it true?”

  The Professor shrugged. “There was an unexplained historical episode of deadly mass insanity in the Banat region that might be related. Historians previously attributed it to ergot poisoning, but it’s like many incidents of the past, in that it needs to be re-examined in the context of Oriceran.” He sighed. “It’s hard to ignore that there might be a deeper truth. I’m dubious it’s the result of an infernal pact as opposed to basic applied magic, but we’ve both seen many odd and bizarrely evil things in our careers so I won’t say it’s impossible.”

  Every lecture Shay gave at UCLA reinforced that concept. She was the last person to ever question if magic might have been involved in an incident, and if not magic, perhaps non-Oriceran aliens. The truth of Oriceran’s existence didn’t clear up every single mystery for humanity. In many cases, it had created new ones.

  “That shit sounds like bad news,” Shay observed. “Any random terrorist or dictator could play his way to a slaughter, and if it works over the radio or internet?” She shuddered.

  The Professor shook his head. “This is one time where at least the world has smiled at us, at least in a small way. As I noted, it requires that magic be fed into it, which means a magical of some sort needs to be the one using it. Now, this wouldn’t preclude a wizard or Oriceran helping some random terrorist or dictator, as you point out, but at least it’s not something any random person can use. That said, dark wizard factions have been increasing their activities in recent years, so it’s best to be careful—which is why I’m so keen on its quick recovery. We don’t want to give them any opportunities.”

  “Yeah, not exactly the kind of thing anyone wants lying around.” Shay paused as a waitress came by to pick up the Professor’s mug and hand him a new one. She looked at Shay expectantly, and Shay waved her off. “I’m good, thanks.”

  The waitress departed, carefully weaving through the dense crowd that filled the pub.

  Shay turned back to the Professor. “You said it hasn’t been used since the beginning of the last century?”

  “Around there, yes.” The Professor furrowed his brow and nodded a second later.

  “So it’s been lost since then?”

  The Professor nodded. “Aye. It was in fact completely lost until last week, when I became aware through my sources that an unscrupulous sort had recovered it in Romania and was intending to smuggle it from there to the UK, and then who knows where?”

  “Okay, that sounds promising. You don’t mind if I take it from this other asshole then, right?” Shay gave him a questioning look. “Not saying I’m going to kill the guy, but not gonna go out of my way to let him kill me when I grab the cobza.”

  “That won’t be necessary.” The Professor offered her a bright smile. “Romania has already done that for you. You have no direct competition, or at least not yet.”

  “He was executed by the government? Convenient.” Shay leaned back. “I don’t mind doing the whole ‘woman versus environment’ thing rather than ‘woman versus man.’”

  “No, no. Not that government. The smuggler involved decided he was going to evade certain authorities by hiding in the Hoia Baciu Forest. Have you heard of it?”

  Shay scratched her cheek. “It sounds familiar, but I can’t quite place it.”

  “It’s a forest in Transylvania,” the Professor explained. “It’s had a haunted reputation for quite some time, but before the gates opened, there was just the occasional sighting and that sort of thing. There was nothing particularly sinister.”

  “And now that the gates are open? I’m guessing it’s a lot more sinister?”

  It wouldn’t be the first place she’d traveled to with that problem. While most people treated the opening of the gates as just having a few witches, elves, and gnomes running around in public, it’d already resulted in many changes on Earth.

  The Professor nodded gravely. “The level of magic in the forest ended up being far higher than many other places; even most kemanas. It’s my understanding that in the distant past, it was an area where certain dangerous experiments with portal and gate magic were performed. Several sources blame the Atlanteans, but they might have been painted as the culprits out of convenience. The truth is that the place is permanently damaged, in a sense, with fluctuating levels of magic, and even random portals opening on occasion.”

  “I see,” Shay replied, taking in all the information. The more she could learn about the job, the less trouble she’d have completing it.

  He gave a slight shrug. “Previously, the Silver Griffins and certain wizards associated with the Romanian government did their best to keep an eye on it without drawing more attention to it by trying to keep people out. It’s gotten steadily worse since the gates opened, and now it’s completely out of hand. Although the Griffins we
re destroyed, no one has a problem simply informing people that the place is too dangerous for most to travel to. That’s helped keep people safe, even though the underlying problem hasn’t been dealt with.”

  Shay leaned forward. “Break down what you mean by ‘it’s completely out of hand.’ I don’t know if I like the sound of that.”

  “Many different things. Strange portals open at random. The place is also infested with dangerous magical creatures that don’t seem to care or even know what century it is. Electromagnetic interference makes most technology people try to use in it fail. It’s so bad that the Romanian government has closed off the entire area, and they have the military patrolling the perimeter to keep people out and the creatures in. They’re looking into ways to stabilize it because it’s feared that any attacks on the area might result in an even worse situation. The Veil is thin in many places in the world, but usually only on particular days, not all the time.”

  Shay chuckled. “Damn, when I wanted a big job, I wasn’t thinking you were going to send me into hell. I have to admit it sounds fun!”

  “Oh, it’s not hell. Or, none of the creatures are demons, anyway.” The Professor waggled his eyebrows. “But, aye, Miz Carson, it’s extremely dangerous. As such, I’d suggest James accompany you on this job. You might be able to handle all the threats, but it wouldn’t hurt to have a strong backup.”

  “I was planning to ask him anyway. He’s been looking for a major ass-kicking opportunity.” Shay smiled. “And this sounds right up his alley. My only question is, how the hell do I find some instrument in the middle of a whacked-out forest filled with dangerous monsters.”

  The Professor laughed. “The Fixer gave me an artifact that will help on this particular job.”

  “What’s so funny about that?”

  “It’s ridiculous-looking. You’ll see. It’s a little chicken figurine with a rotating base. He’s attuned it to track the cobza.”

  Shay blinked. “Not to be a bitch… Who am I kidding, I am just being a bitch. Why isn’t he going and grabbing it himself?”