The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus 3

by Michael Anderle

  James grunted. “Yeah, anti-matter torpedoes.”

  “Very funny. But seriously, if we exposed you to enough radiation and explosions, would you be able to survive a nuke?” Shay eyed him as if she had one in a backroom she wanted to try out.

  She doesn’t have a nuke, does she?

  James made a face. “Yeah, well, some shit, I don’t want to test.”

  “Don’t tempt me.” Shay picked up a wavy jet-black dagger off the table, an Indonesian kris, and walked forward, weapon in hand. “This isn’t a nuke, but it might be fun to try. I picked this up as a bonus on a tomb raid. It’s magical, but since my gnome knives and the tachi no longer seem to hurt you, I wanted to see if something else magical might. If it doesn’t work, I’ve got another idea.”

  Engage in further exposure for maximum adaptation, Whispy demanded.

  You mean the knife or the nuke?

  Engage in further exposure to all adaptation potential that won’t result in unit termination.

  James snorted. So, what…the edge of a nuke explosion?

  Maximum adaptation necessary to achieve primary directive. Strategic-scale weaponry exposure necessary for maximum adaptation.

  Shay frowned. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Whispy’s just got delusions of grandeur.” James held out his arm. “Do it.”

  Shay slashed at the arm, but the blade bounced off as if she had tried to cut through solid metal. A thin scratch was the only thing he earned for her efforts.

  “Too similar to the other shit, even if it is magic,” James suggested. “I mean, even magic’s got to be kind of like regular forces, with some of it related, right? It can’t all be unique. If it was, the Oricerans wouldn’t be able to counter each other.”

  “True enough, and there is enough similarity that they can teach all sorts of different types of magicals at the School of Necessary Magic,” Shay suggested.

  James grunted. “What was your other idea?”

  Shay held out the kris handle-first. “If Whispy has adapted to power himself off magic but there’s not enough background magic in most places on Earth for it to work, why not just use a battery as a jumpstart?”

  “A battery?” James took the knife. “Like in a kemana?”

  “That’s a possibility, but it’s not like you can stop in the middle of a fight and say, ‘Excuse me, I need to go to a semi-hidden magic town and charge up. Be right back.’” Shay nodded at the knife. “But if you could somehow take the magic from an artifact, that might be useful. Sometimes you might want to be revved up before shit gets really bad, and if this works, you don’t have to be so pissed, and you could focus more on a fight.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a healing potion. “Before we try that though, let’s see if this works.” She held out the vial. “This would be more cost-effective, as expensive as these are.”

  James took the vial, offering Shay a confused look. “We already know healing potions work. We know Whispy can combine them with his power already. Shit, we already kind of talked about that earlier.”

  “You’re not understanding my point. It’s magical. He might be able to take the magic from it to fuel a transformation. If it works, it’ll end up being more practical than my other idea, because I have some theories on what’s going to happen if you try to take the magic from the knife. This is one of the potions that was specifically brewed to work for you.”

  James eyed the potion for a moment. “It’s worth a try.”

  “Exactly. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

  Try to take the magic from this for power.

  James downed the potion, and the harsh, unpleasant flavor coated his tongue. He wasn’t hurt, so there was no way to judge if the potion was doing anything, and he didn’t feel any different.

  Hey, let’s go to advanced mode, he thought.

  Power insufficient for advanced transformation, Whispy responded.

  Can’t you take it from the potion?

  Insufficient matrix capability for alternate power source usage.

  Can you adapt or some shit to make it possible?

  Necessary baseline matrix modifications would result in unacceptable reduction of tactical potential.

  James wasn’t surprised, but that didn’t keep him from being disappointed.

  Shay had been wrong to ask if James had limits. Whispy had already related that he did. There had been countless small trade-offs as the host and symbiont had adapted to each other, including the sacrifice of certain abilities. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t be a terrifying weapon, just that there would always be some small weakness that a clever enemy might potentially exploit.

  James shook his head. “It didn’t work. From what Whispy was saying, I don’t think it will work with potions without fucking up a bunch of other stuff.” He shrugged.

  “But between what you remembered and what the Alliance has said, you’re probably nowhere near your full potential,” Shay responded. “I don’t get it. If it only takes a small number of Vax to invade a planet, that means a full-powered Vax has got to be equivalent to thousands or tens of thousands of troops, and they have to be able to survive anything short of city-destroying attacks. You’re tough, James, but I don’t think you’re that tough…yet.”

  “And you want me to get that tough?”

  “I think it’d be nice to have it in our back pocket, yeah.” Shay furrowed her brow.

  “You’re thinking like a human,” James replied.

  Shay laughed. “Well, I am human as far as I know, but what do you mean?”

  James pointed at the amulet. “The Vax don’t care if the host is full of rage and out of control. The symbiont encourages it because the host is just supposed to supply the energy while the symbiont controls everything else. They probably never worried about sending a Forerunner who was calm to fuck shit up, so they never needed to work out alternate power sources.” He shrugged again. “They’re supposed to show up and kill everybody in sight, and being bloodthirsty and full of anger only would just make that easier.”

  “That makes sense. It’s like complaining that your truck doesn’t work if I pour sugar in the gas tank instead of gas, even if it is an energy source. It’s just not something that was part of the original design.” Shay frowned. “The potion thing was worth a shot.” She pointed to the kris. “Let’s try that now.”

  “How exactly? I can’t stab myself with it.” James eyed the dagger. Can you take the magic from this, Whispy?

  Potential matrix capability for alternate power source. Insufficient contact.

  Insufficient contact? James placed the blade against the amulet at the center of his chest. How about now?

  Matrix capability established, initiating use of alternate power source. Adaptation in progress.

  “Is it working?” Shay asked, her eyes narrowed in concentration.

  James nodded slowly “Not sure, but I think so.”

  The kris glowed brightly for a few seconds.

  Initiating advanced transformation.

  Silver-green metallic tendrils shot from the amulet and coalesced into armor around James’ arms, legs, and chest. The transformation shredded his pants. He dropped the kris as the transformation began. A large, sharp blade extended from the top of his right arm.

  Shay clapped and whistled. “Perfect. Fucking perfect. How do you feel? Pissed or normal, which is just slightly less pissed?”

  “I’m not always pissed,” James rumbled. “People are just fucking annoying. That’s their fault, not mine.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  He stared down at the armor covering his limbs. Although he’d managed to achieve advanced transformation in situations without all-consuming rage before, this was the first time he’d ever done so while completely calm. It allowed him to take in the small details such as the whorls covering the mottled armor.

  “I feel fine.” James shrugged. “Don’t feel angry at all. Wait one second; let me check on something.”

>   If I’m not pissed, does that mean I’m going to run out of power if I have to fight?

  Advanced transformation allows more efficient harvesting of background alternative energy for power, Whispy responded. Warning: enhanced emotional state necessary for maximum efficiency.

  “If I’m understanding him right,” James rumbled, “once I transform I’ll be able to maintain it, but I’ll be tougher if I get more pissed.”

  Shay slowly circled him, eyeing the armor. “This is a good start, then.” She picked up the knife and handed it to him. “See if you can get anything else out of it.”

  James placed the dagger against his chest again.

  Object no longer possesses alternate power potential, Whispy sent.

  James shook his head. “I think it’s permanently drained.”

  “Good to know. Too bad we can’t get the potions to work, but I can at least collect a lot of minor artifacts to jumpstart you.” Shay laughed. “The problem is that you’re getting less and less pissed at shit as the months pass, even when you’re on jobs.”

  James shrugged. “Got fewer reasons to be pissed, and even a lot of bounty assholes are getting smarter about fucking with me.”

  “Not saying it’s a bad thing. It’s just, sometimes we might need more than basic-level ass-kicking from you when you’re not pissed off.” Shay ran her hand over the armor. “Huh. It’s not as smooth as it looks.” She headed over to another table and pointed at a nearby wall. “Now that you’ve got that on, let’s test something else.” She continued walking and picked up a curled horn. “Ready?”

  “I don’t even know what the fuck that does.”

  Shay laughed. “Nothing you haven’t been exposed to before, just a higher power level. I got this a few jobs back and forgot to mention it to you. Have Whispy try to take power from it as I blast you.”

  “Fine.” James squared his shoulders. “Do it.”

  Shay pointed the horn at his chest and intoned an incantation in Old Persian.

  The entire room shook.

  Moderate potential for adaptation, Whispy announced, a hint of excitement leaking from the symbiont. Achieve maximum adaptation for primary directive.

  A massive bolt of lightning blasted from the horn and struck James, blinding him. He stumbled back a few feet, but he didn’t feel anything other than mild tingles as electricity arced over his body.

  Near maximum adaptation previously achieved, Whispy griped. Human female’s actions are inefficient. Exposure to new sources necessary for maximum adaptation.

  The horn crumbled into dust that floated to the ground.

  Shay dusted her hands. “Okay, that was an expensive-ass test, and you’re barely scorched. Did he take anything from it?” She looked hopeful.

  Did you? James sent.

  Immediate defensive reaction not compatible with energy harvesting from alternate power source.

  “Nope. He can’t protect me and harvest shit at the same time.”

  Shay frowned. “Damn. Well, it was worth a shot. Probably should call it for today. At least we figured out something that might help.”

  4

  James changed lanes on his way to the pet store, in a good mood as he thought about what they’d accomplished at the warehouse the day before. Shay’s experiments had provided the potential for more tactical flexibility. He might not be using Whispy as much in recent months, but when he did need the symbiont, his enemies were a little tougher than average.

  Even I can’t be pissed all the time, so whatever works.

  “The real challenge,” explained a podcast host, “is getting used to the meat temperatures.”

  The barbeque podcast he was listening to was focusing on an unusual and underserved topic: traditional barbeque techniques applied to meat from Oriceran animals. The heavy restrictions on legally bringing animals over from the other planet had limited any real alternative meat scene from arising, but that didn’t make James less curious. He might have to take a trip over to the other planet for a research mission.

  The only time I’ve gone was to kick ass. There’s a lot of potential there.

  James chuckled.

  I spent all that time listening to relationship and wedding podcasts, but I haven’t listened to one in months since it’s all in Shay’s hands now. I wonder if she’s listening to podcasts now about wedding planning while I’m enjoying thinking about all the delicious Oriceran animals I might eat in the future.

  James’ phone rang with a call from an unknown number. He answered it on speakerphone. “Yeah?”

  “This is James Brownstone, correct?” came a deep male voice over the line. It had a slight accent James couldn’t place. Maybe central European?

  Shit. This better not be someone who is going to ruin my fucking mood.

  “What about it?” James rumbled. “Who the fuck is this?”

  “I was…a friend of Erin North, I suppose you could say,” the man replied. “It’s a shame she disappeared. Even more of a shame what she became.”

  Yeah, Shay. Don’t need any extra power now.

  James growled. “Is this line secure?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “Because I need to make sure about some shit before I get pissed off.”

  The man chuckled. “Oh? I didn’t realize you were so easy to irritate.”

  “Being friends with a woman who tried to kill me and hurt my friends is one way to set me off,” James replied.

  The man sighed. “Understandable.”

  “Yeah.” James waited for his chance and performed a hard U-turn, his truck shaking. He couldn’t take the chance of a showdown at the pet store again. He liked that pet store, and Thomas loved the groomers there.

  Fucking aliens. Don’t mess with me on the way to the damned pet store. Make a goddamn appointment or whatever.

  “What is it that you needed to be sure of?” the man asked.

  James checked his mirrors for drones. There were a few delivery drones flying nearby and a traffic drone in the distance, but nothing that appeared to be following him. There were also no odd light patterns to suggest a hidden alien ship.

  “I wanted to make sure you’re with the Nine Systems Alliance,” James explained.

  “Ah. Yes, I am. I understand your concern about secure lines now. I should have made that clear from the outset.”

  James grunted. “I’m not in the mood for bullshit or games. What’s this about, alien boy? Looking for vengeance?”

  “I just want to talk, Mr. Brownstone. I assure you of that. I understand that due to your experiences in the past with the Alliance, you might be ill-inclined to trust me. However, we both know that if I wanted to attack you, I have many means available, and there’s no reason for me to warn you ahead of time.”

  “That supposed to be a threat?” James’ hands tightened on the wheel.

  “No, more of an explanation.” The man sighed. “So, what will it be? Aren’t you the least bit curious?”

  James gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to deal with anything annoying and alien that wasn’t Whispy Doom, but he needed to find out what the man wanted. If aliens were going to start coming after him and his people again, he had to be prepared.

  “I’m assuming you know where I live?” James asked.

  “Yes. Why?”

  “Come there, and we’ll talk,” James replied.

  “You’re inviting me to your house?” The man sounded incredulous.

  “What can I say? I’ve got some leftover brisket.”

  “Very well, then.” A slight chuckle followed. “How about I come in two hours?”

  “Fine by me.”

  I just invited the enemy to my house. If that fucker blows it up, I’m personally declaring war on the Nine Systems Alliance.

  James waited, his arms folded, on his front porch, wearing one of his ugly gray coats. He’d armed up and already bonded Whispy, but he hadn’t contacted Shay. He didn’t want her rushing across town. If it turned into a fight against the
alien, he’d need to go all-out to win, and if it didn’t, coming home would be a waste of Shay’s time.

  A black electric Lexus pulled into the driveway, and a handsome brown-haired man in a dark suit stepped out. He offered James a polite nod before he walked to the porch.

  He looks just like anyone else. At least I have the fucking decency to have a messed-up face and shit.

  James stepped inside and waited for the visitor to follow. The man entered and closed the door behind him. He lowered his hand toward a silver bracelet.

  The bounty hunter whipped out a .45 and pointed it at his head. “You try anything and I put a bullet in your head, asshole.”

  High adaptation potential, Whispy announced. Engage and kill enemy for maximum adaptation.

  That’s on him.

  Engage and kill enemy.

  The man arched an eyebrow. “Touchy, aren’t we?”

  “You don’t know the half of it.” James snorted. “The last two Alliance people I dealt with either kept trying to kill me or threatened to kill me, so I’ve got no fucking reason at all to trust any of you people.”

  The man nodded slowly. “I was going to make sure our conversation is private. Although I’m sure you’ve also taken measures, I prefer to use my own. After all, we both know your government likes to keep an eye on you, Mr. Brownstone.”

  James grunted. “Fine. I’ll keep my gun up until I make sure you didn’t just call in an airstrike.”

  The man laughed and tapped his bracelet. There was a slight shift in the air, with the area growing quieter.

  James waited ten seconds and slowly lowered his gun. “Just so you know, if you’re feeling brave, I’ve already bonded my symbiont, and I’ve fought nanites multiple times. I’m fully adapted to several different types of energy they can generate and a bunch of other fancy Alliance shit.”

  The man’s face twitched. “I see.” He stared at James’ coat. “It’s beneath there, isn’t it? You have to understand how fascinating this is to me. A free Vax Forerunner is…almost an oxymoron. I’m not going to claim we understand everything about the Vax, but we’ve learned a lot.”