The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus 3

by Michael Anderle

“No, I think they’re pleased about that, but it’s also occurred to them that if we dropped him into the middle of Beijing or Moscow and told him to do his thing, they might not be able to stop him. Arguably, he might be considered a violation of certain strategic-level magic control treaties we’ve signed.”

  James groaned. “I’m not even a soldier. I shouldn’t have to worry about complicated shit like that.”

  Senator Johnston gave him an apologetic smile. “It’s the world we live in, son. Like I said, it should be easy to obey the restrictions. It’s not like you can even hit your full power without a lot of people helping you, so if you stick to your more basic, uh, modes when you do jobs, it will do a lot to keep the geopolitical situation stable. The interplanetary situation too, for that matter.”

  “The Alliance?” James snorted. “Those assholes better back the fuck off.”

  “Them and the Oricerans, but as for the Alliance, they are backing off.” Senator Johnston pulled out his buzzing phone. “The fleet has withdrawn from our solar system. Are they close? Hell, it’s not like we can tell with our current technology. Even the Shepherd has temporarily withdrawn while they decide how they want to deal with Earth. Neither their government nor our own are exactly eager for public knowledge of aliens to come out. We’ll need a few years yet to get the public ready for the idea that advanced aliens are out there. For one thing, we need to be ready to demonstrate to them that we can defend them, and not just against four ships.”

  Shay’s face scrunched in disgust. “James shouldn’t have to agree to shit just because a bunch of other people are afraid.”

  James grunted. “Whatever. I’ll sign.”

  Shay looked at him with surprise. “You will?”

  “It’s like he said.” James nodded at the senator. “I have a single magical working for me right now, and one other sort of working for me. I’m never gonna have an army of magicals who can pump me full of magic, so it doesn’t even matter. I’ll probably only need Modified Forerunner mode if another Vax shows up. Extended Advanced will be enough for everyone else.”

  James saw no reason to admit to the politician that Whispy’s absorption of the Purifier had increased their combined baseline power, endurance, and regeneration even without the Modified Forerunner transformation. The Forerunner was exponentially more powerful in that form than when he first took on the Harriken, although maybe not strong enough to take out an entire city by himself.

  No fucking reason for that kind of thing anyway.

  Senator Johnston smiled warmly. “Excellent, son. We’re all on the same page.” He held up his phone. “I’ve got to go. I’ll contact you again in a few days about signing our little agreement. I can cough up a government stipend if you want.”

  “Nah. I’ve got plenty of money.”

  “Then let’s say I owe you a few favors.” Senator Johnston stood and offered a polite nod to both Shay and James before heading to the front door. He opened it, stepped outside, and closed the door.

  Shay gazed at James. “Are you really okay with that?”

  “Yeah. I’m semi-retiring anyway after the wedding, so it’s not like I’m gonna need to be able to beat down Vax Destroyers. Whispy is adapted to so much shit now it’s rare that a level five is much of a problem.” James leaned his head back to stare at the ceiling. “And from what Whispy said, the Vax probably aren’t gonna come back. All this shit that’s been hanging over me my entire life is done. I know everything I need to know now about my past, so I can go on and have a future with you and Alison.”

  Shay smiled. “It’s not too late to uninvite Senator Johnston to the wedding.”

  James shook his head. “Nah, that’s fine.”

  Shay laughed. “I just thought of something.”

  “What?”

  “You’re inviting all the top criminals anyway. Might as well invite politicians.”

  James snorted. “Yeah, might as well. It’s weird, though.”

  “What?”

  “Having only good things to look forward to: the wedding, Alison growing up.” James glanced down at his sleeping dog. “I used to be a man with no life whose only real friend was a dog. Now I have a life. It’s strange and shit.” He shrugged.

  “I know the feeling,” Shay replied. “Well, I didn’t even have a dog. I just ran around killing people and pretending I had a life.”

  James grinned. “I was the same way.”

  “One thing, though.” Shay shook her finger. “No matter what happens, I don’t want you beating up or killing anyone at the wedding. If necessary, you can just write down who pisses you off and kill them after the honeymoon.”

  “Okay. I promise not to beat up or kill anyone on our wedding day.”

  Shay stood and stretched. “I’m tired from last night, but I could be persuaded to have a little more fun.”

  James laughed. “Shouldn’t we save some of it for the honeymoon?”

  “That’s boring. Come on, James.” Shay winked. “You just saved the world. Let’s spend the next few weeks in bed.”

  James considered the plan and nodded. “Just put a tray of ribs on the nightstand, and that sounds like heaven.”

  Epilogue

  Several months later

  The months passed in relative quiet following the fight with the Vax. James didn’t even bother taking on the few level fours who came into LA, instead letting his agency handle it. May Wu joining to shore up their magical strength helped with that.

  James had spent those months scouting locations for his new barbeque restaurant, but he was having trouble finding a place that fit all his demanding criteria and also didn’t threaten to disrupt business for any other close local barbeque venue. He still had another half-dozen promising locations to check out after he returned from his honeymoon.

  Just as Senator Johnston predicted, everyone had accepted the government’s story at face value. A few people here and there questioned it, but everyone still in the city at the time of the battle hadn’t been anywhere near the fight, so all they could claim is that they saw explosions and flashes of light. The government even produced a doctored video showing the alleged artifact, a golden trident, randomly emitting dangerous energy blasts, and the PDA and Oricerans performing a ritual that caused the trident to fire off a final ring of destruction before it disintegrated.

  The destruction of Alazi on Oriceran had been successfully attributed to a magical terrorist who had already been sent to the World in Between. Despite what Senator Johnston had told James, the bounty hunter didn’t completely understand why the Oricerans had agreed to the cover-up. However, interplanetary politics were too complicated for him to worry about. He suspected there was more quid pro quo in the background, the politician wasn’t admitting anything.

  In the end, it turned out that with enough magic, the government could pull off a near-perfect coverup, even in a city that still held thousands of people. Federal disaster funds had been routed to Los Angeles to help, and additional alumni donations had flooded in to help repair USC.

  James wasn’t bothered that most people didn’t know the truth. He believed everything he had told Senator Johnston about the trouble with his already cumbersome fame. The important thing was that he had done what was needed when the time came, and his future was secure.

  Now James stood in a huge bedroom in a mansion on the small island off the coast of California they had rented for the wedding. The damned bedroom was almost the size of his entire first floor. Even though he could afford a home like this, he didn’t understand the appeal. Too busy. Too complicated to maintain.

  Glad Shay didn’t decide to buy the island.

  James adjusted his silver cufflinks. He frowned at his dark tuxedo in the full-wall mirror and shook his head. “I can’t believe people wear this shit on purpose. I should have just walked out there with Whispy, all armored up and shit. I’m wearing a damned bowtie. Can you believe this?”

  Trey laughed. They had discussed the truth about James a
nd his amulet a few weeks after the Battle of LA, as the younger man had taken to calling the incident.

  To James’ complete lack of surprise, Trey’s only response had been to say, “I always knew you were a special motherfucker, but I didn’t know you were Moses and Superman rolled up into one.”

  Among James’ groomsmen, Tyler and Mack didn’t know the truth. Both were currently out of the room.

  “You know what your problem is, big man?” Trey asked, adjusting his own bow tie. “You don’t wear enough suits in general. I’m always rocking me some nice threads, so this is just taking shit to the next level.”

  The Professor fluffed his lapels, not a hint of red in his cheeks. He’d promised not to have a single drop of alcohol until the reception, although he swore he would have all the alcohol at that point. James’d had the wedding planner order twice as much beer as they had originally figured, just as a precaution.

  “It’s good, lad,” the Professor suggested, “to dress up every now and again. A man can’t always wear jeans and a t-shirt. A certain style and grace can be appealing on a rare occasion.”

  “I think this tie is choking me out,” James complained.

  “The great James Brownstone, ladies and gentlemen,” Trey responded. “The Harriken couldn’t defeat him. The Council couldn’t defeat him. Even motherfucking aliens couldn’t defeat him, but a tie can.” He grinned. “I’ll avenge you, brother. I’ll fucking kill every bowtie left on this planet.”

  “Funny.” James grunted.

  “I know I am.”

  The door opened to reveal Mack and Tyler.

  “That’s a lot of people,” Tyler observed. “Damn, Brownstone, half the freaking underworld bosses in town have come up to me, asking questions about what you think of them. Since when am I your Mob Whisperer?”

  James shrugged. “Do what you normally do. Charge their asses.”

  Tyler rubbed his chin. “You know what? That’s a good idea.”

  Mack closed the door. “I don’t think I’ve ever been to such a huge wedding, even if half the guests are criminals. They are better behaved than most of the guests at my sister’s last wedding.” He nodded at James. “I forgot to tell you. According to the Organized Crime task force and the Gang task force, all crime associated with either major group has dropped to almost nothing over the last couple of weeks. Word is on the street that all the bosses are telling their guys and any gangs they work with to keep everything under control or else, ‘Brownstone will end you and everyone you know.’”

  “That’s not far from the truth,” James rumbled. “But I’m glad I could do something to keep things cleaned up for you guys. I feel lazy sometimes, leaving most of it on the agency.”

  “No, it’s good, but I’m personally thinking about retiring soon,” Mack admitted. “Real retirement, too, not Maria-going-to-work-for-you-style retirement.”

  “You could help me with my restaurant, or is that not retirement enough?” James asked.

  Mack’s eyes widened. “I’ve been thinking about that, and that sounds like a good idea.”

  Trey laughed. “All you old men go off and play at running restaurants. Leave the criminals to us young studs.”

  Mack scoffed. The Professor and Tyler smirked.

  Someone knocked lightly on the door.

  “Yeah?” James called.

  “Mr. Brownstone, we’re ready to get started,” called Mary Winters. She’d gone from simple wedding planner to Shay’s right-hand woman for the entire affair. Coordinating the massive wedding had become a temporary full-time job, complete with multiple assistants.

  The Professor smiled. “Are you ready, lad? This is a big step.”

  “Of all the shit I’ve done, this is the thing that feels the most right,” James replied.

  “Not exactly a Shakespearean sonnet, but romantic in its own way.”

  James headed toward the door. “Time to begin the first day of the rest of my life.”

  James made his way down the red carpet running under the massive shimmering magical field covering the entire area. It wouldn’t protect the wedding against a direct missile strike, but the spell did keep the hot July sun from cooking the guests. Steady light breezes blew with the help of air magic throughout the area, keeping everything comfortable for the guests in their elegant suits and dresses.

  Guess Mary was right about getting those wedding-support witches. Everyone looks fine. Also glad Shay didn’t settle on some of the weirder shit. She seemed really into that flying bouquet idea at first.

  The start of the red carpet lay right next to a side entrance to the mansion. The wedding party had taken their positions there, with the exception of Shay, who had decided at the last moment that she believed in the superstition about the bride not seeing the groom before the wedding. Either that, or she just wanted to screw with James a little. He couldn’t be sure. He never could with her.

  Father McCartney had somehow gotten special dispensation from his bishop for the wedding’s location. James didn’t question the how and why. He was just glad they wouldn’t need to have multiple ceremonies.

  Beautiful dulcet music filled the air, provided by a sixteen-piece orchestra. Shay had originally thought about hiring a full orchestra, but James had managed to talk her down by pointing out the logistical difficulties of adding over a hundred more people to the location.

  Hundreds of chairs, all filled, surrounded him, the guests seated without any concern over if they were a guest of the groom or the bride.

  The different guests represented all the aspects of his life, positive and negative. He passed a grinning Frank Altieri and several of his goons, and the mobster offered him a polite nod.

  Guess Frankie Boy really likes his weddings. I hope he understands there’s no bounty hunter tradition that says I have to grant him a favor just because it’s my wedding day.

  Peyton and his girlfriend sat in the back, also smiling. The bright look on his girlfriend’s face suggested she was getting a few ideas of her own about weddings.

  Heather sat in her wheelchair at the end of the right front row, holding her son’s hand. She’d recently started looking into an experimental spinal cord stimulator—technological, not magical—that might help her walk. James had offered to pay for it, and she was having her first meeting with the doctors in a few weeks.

  A few more steps brought James into a cop-heavy crowd. Lieutenant Weber, along with most of the LAPD AET, was there. Other police officers from LA, Vegas, and Detroit filled the rows ahead. Brownstone Agency bounty hunters, along with a few other selected bounty hunters, were scattered throughout the chairs, though most of the OGs sat closer to the front, along with Kathy and most of James’ non-field personnel. Even Victoria had come down from Vegas for the wedding.

  Charlyce and Nana Garfield sat near the front, Zoe next to them. Senator Johnston and his wife sat close to them, along with several other people from the government. Children from the orphanage and many of the people from the congregation clustered around them as well. He’d never been a man to befriend others from his church, but they all worshipped together. Several of his neighbors, including an ecstatic-looking Mrs. Garth, sat close to them.

  James was surprised by some of the people who were invited and showed up. When Shay had asked him for a list of a “few more people to invite,” he’d thought of Addie Endo, the high-value courier he’d helped a few times. It wasn’t like they were close, but she sat there in a dark-blue dress that contrasted with her pink hair. She grinned merrily and waved at James from the edge of one of the rows.

  Dannec was only a few seats down from her. James hadn’t been sure whether to invite him, but the elf’s help had been critical to James’ victories on more than one occasion, including supplying necessary magical items for James’ use against the Council and the Drow. Maybe they weren’t friends, but it didn’t hurt to show the man a little respect by inviting him.

  James passed Lily and her friends, the former homeless tunnel ra
ts now all wearing expensive clothes. James was surprised that Lily hadn’t been one of the bridesmaids, but Shay explained to him that the girl hadn’t been comfortable with the idea. She had adjusted to life as a tomb raider, but she was still finding her feet in normal society.

  James held back a smirk as he passed Yev, the Oriceran Consul for Los Angeles. He didn’t like the man after the way he had participated, even indirectly, in the Drow legal plots against James and Alison, but since he was inviting the criminal gangs to remind them who he was, it didn’t hurt to invite a few high-ranking Oricerans to remind them as well.

  The Granite Ghost might be getting married, but he was still the Granite Ghost.

  The unpleasantness of James’ political enemies was offset by all the pitmasters present, including Mike and Michael from Jessie Rae’s. They were helping with the food, too, but he wanted it clear they weren’t just caterers. They were honored guests.

  James approached the small altar set up at the front of the red carpet near a cliff overlooking the ocean. Seagulls and other ocean birds soared in the distance as a light breeze filled his nostrils with the salty scent of the water.

  Father McCartney stood there with a delighted smile on his face. James moved into position and offered a nod to the priest.

  The Professor appeared next and joined the groom. Trey escorted Kara up the red carpet, Mack followed with Janelle, and Tyler arrived with Bella. Alison finished the procession by herself. She had volunteered to walk by herself in honor of Shorty.

  The bridesmaids all wore lavender gowns that were flattering to the beautiful women and teen. Shay wasn’t a believer in her friends having to wear ugly dresses to make her stand out. James wasn’t sure whether that was a testament to her loyalty or her complete confidence in her own beauty.

  Maria appeared next, a hungry smile on her face as she headed down the carpet, her gaze fixed on Tyler.

  Another woman thinking this is a good idea. Sorry, Tyler, you better give up and start planning now.