The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus 3

by Michael Anderle

  A huge grin broke across James’ face as Thomas padded up the carpet next, the handle of a wicker basket containing the rings on black velvet clutched in his jaws. The crowd produced a chorus of oohs and ahs as the dog carried the rings to the Professor.

  I’m glad I convinced Shay to allow this. Way better than a kid doing it.

  The Professor knelt, took the basket, and ruffled the dog’s ears. Thomas barked once and bounded back down the carpet, just like they had practiced. The crowd laughed.

  Thomas disappeared back into the mansion.

  The orchestra changed songs, but they didn’t play Here Comes the Bride. Instead, a jaunty flute-heavy piece followed. It was reminiscent of something James might expect from Greek folk music, but Shay explained it was specifically Cappadocian Greek. She’d gotten the idea after recovering an artifact from the ruins of an old Cappadocian city.

  James didn’t care. He didn’t have any strong preferences when it came to music.

  Shay appeared from the mansion clad in a voluminous gown and veil, so elaborate magic had to be involved, much like with her bouquet. It might not be flying, but it was still obviously the product of enchantment.

  The bride clutched the glowing flowers, each cycling through different colors. She made her way down the aisle by herself. Her past was gone, dead along with her past identity and any connection to her worthless parents. The only thing important now was her future.

  The music stopped as Shay stepped up to the priest and James. She pulled back her veil and smiled at James.

  Father McCartney brought his hand to his mouth and coughed, then began, “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in the sight of friends, family, and God, to witness the joining of James Brownstone and Shay Carson in holy matrimony.”

  James stared into Shay’s dark eyes, his priest’s words growing distant and indistinct. As much as he respected Father McCartney, he didn’t need pretty words to understand how he felt. He loved Shay, and she completed him. That was enough.

  He managed the appropriate nods and verbal agreements as the priest launched into a series of questions. Something about love. Something about honoring the church.

  Wait. I need to pay attention. The vows are coming.

  The Professor handed James and Shay rings.

  “Please repeat after me,” Father McCartney intoned. “I, James Brownstone, take you, Shay Carson, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death us do part.”

  James repeated the vows as he slipped the wedding ring over Shay’s finger. The jeweler he’d hired had been shocked by his desire to cut down a “perfectly good diamond.” James had it checked to ensure it wasn’t magical, but in the end, the lele had given him a large and expensive but mundane gemstone.

  “And you, Shay,” Father McCartney insisted.

  “I, Shay Carson, take you, James Brownstone, for my lawful husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death us do part.”

  Shay slipped James’ wedding band over his finger.

  “Then by the power invested me by the Church and the state of California, I now pronounce you man and wife,” Father McCartney announced, beaming with happiness.

  A raucous cheer rose from the army of wedding guests. Among others, Nana Garfield clapped and teared up.

  “You may now kiss the bride,” Father McCartney added.

  James pulled Shay against him and attacked her mouth with all the hunger he felt.

  James couldn’t help but stare at his new wife. They sat together at a table, along with the Professor, Maria, Tyler, Alison, and Father McCartney. A maze of white-linen-covered wooden tables filled the vast lawn in front of the mansion, expensive magic still protecting the guests. Light orbs surrounded the tables and pushed back the early evening darkness.

  The time since the vows had passed in a blur of smiles, backslaps, handshakes, and congratulations. They were supposed to be eating now, but even though the most glorious tray of ribs slathered in God Sauce sat in front of James, he didn’t care about barbeque. It turned out there were a few things he cared more about than grilled and sauced meat.

  The only person with a wider grin at the table was Alison, who kept giggling. “Now you can’t complain about me calling you mom, Mom.”

  Shay laughed. “You got me there. Just so you know, I’m also going to do the formal paperwork to adopt you. I don’t just want to be your stepmother. I want to be your mother.”

  Alison threw her arms around Shay’s neck and hugged her tightly.

  Warmth spread through James. A few years prior he had met Alison by chance when she returned his dog. He had never expected to grow to love her as a daughter, nor the strong-willed but caustic woman who had become his wife.

  Thank you, God, for all that you’ve given me. I know I’ve not always been the best man, but I’ve tried my best.

  Senator Johnston made his way up to the table. “Sorry to bother you while you’re eating, son, but I figured it was a good time for my gift.”

  “Gift?” James blinked a few times. “No one needed to bring any gifts. We said that in the invitations.”

  The old man laughed. “I’m too old-fashioned. There’s no way I’m going to come to a wedding without a gift. Besides, I already cleared it with your bride.”

  James looked at Shay, and she smiled at him and shrugged. “I know you said you didn’t care about gifts, but I asked a couple of the guests to kick in on the entertainment.”

  Senator Johnston patted James on the shoulder. “Congratulations again, son. You’ll enjoy being married. I know I have, and I’ve been married longer than you’ve been alive.” He headed back to his table.

  A few elves in powder-blue leisure suits walked toward a portable stage set up a few yards away from James’ and Shay’s table. A lumbering Kilomea joined them.

  “Who are they?” James rumbled.

  “Oriceran cover band,” Shay announced.

  “Seriously?”

  A rumble sounded in the distance, and James frowned and looked around. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky, so he didn’t understand how there could be a storm.

  If some wizard fucks up my wedding, I’ll go Modified Forerunner on his ass.

  Shay grinned. “Yep. Well, don’t know if they count as a band since they use magic instead of instruments, but same idea. Needed a little fun for the reception. They have some spells to prep while the initial entertainment happens.” She nodded at the Professor.

  The best man stood, already red-faced from the four beers he’d pounded. He tugged slightly on his bowtie, and it glowed. “Ladies and gentleman,” he began, his voice coming from all around.

  Magic megaphone bowtie? Now I’ve seen everything.

  “The new Mrs. Carson-Brownstone turned down my idea for a dirty limerick contest in the middle of the wedding,” the Professor explained with a grin. “Absolutely no sense of humor, but before I bore you with a speech about the greatness of the new couple, there are several different people who wanted to pay their respects.”

  The rumble built and everyone looked around, a few nervously. The Professor’s smile grew only wider, as did the one on Senator Johnston, who stood nearby.

  What did you plan?

  “Everyone knows how much bounty work James has performed,” the Professor observed. “But that often conceals how he’s helped defend his country. Some of the targets he’s taken down, well, some of you wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if you knew what had been out there. The military has worked side by side with the good lad, and with the help of Senator Johnston, the United States Air Force has a little demonstration for us to pay him back for all that.”

  The rumble became a roar as six fighter planes approached in rapid formation. State-of-the-art F-55s broke apart and released trails of red, white, and blue smoke, their adjustable vector thrust nozzles allo
wing them to bank and turn so abruptly it almost seemed like magic.

  An air show at my wedding? Shit. Nice.

  While that was a miracle of technology, James suspected the diffuse glow surrounding the planes and making them so visible at night was the product of actual magic—not that he was going to complain.

  James might not have liked flying, but he didn’t mind watching it. He grinned at Shay as one of the fighters barrel-rolled.

  Fifteen minutes later, the fighters zoomed away to the cheering and applause of the wedding guests.

  The Professor rose again. “Consul Yev has arranged a little something as well.”

  The Light Elf rose and bowed, then raised his hands and opened his mouth. The melodious chords of his native speech filled the air, and several of the magical guests exchanged curious looks.

  At least no one looks scared.

  Multiple portals opened high above the guests, and dozens of pulsating orbs slowly floated out.

  James narrowed his eyes, not sure what was going on. He spared a glance at Shay, and she looked up with a smile on her face.

  Okay, so it’s not some sort of ambush.

  James patted his chest, comforted by the weight of Whispy beneath his shirt. He didn’t want to have to go all Vax at his wedding.

  The orbs spun and flung out shimmering sparks at high speed. The glowing sparks separated into strings of light, and soon the entire sky was painted in luminous strings. A few seconds later, one of them exploded in a colorful ring. Then another, and another.

  The flames and sparks formed different shapes: an elf dancing, a bird flying, a waterfall. The living explosions continued decorating the sky, to the cheering delight of the crowd.

  Sometimes the simplest pleasures were the best.

  James furrowed his brow at the thought.

  Wait. I’ve gotten a military air show, and now magical fireworks. That shit isn’t simple.

  James held Shay in his arms as they swayed to the music for the first dance of the reception. Several other couples had already joined them. The elves sang in their native language, the melodies overlapping and communicating love and respect, or maybe they were just saying how much Earth sucked and making it sound nice to human ears. James didn’t care either way.

  “How’s the wedding?” Shay asked. “You didn’t pay much attention when we were planning it, so I didn’t know how much it might surprise you.”

  “Fucking complicated,” James replied.

  Shay laughed. “It’s only one day in your entire life.” She leaned forward to whisper, “I tried to get Johnston to let us have it on the vimana, but apparently that’s another thing half the fucking world has to sign off on before they allow anyone to use it.”

  James grunted. “Floating castle-islands are worse than planes.”

  “I guess I’m lucky he told me no, then.” Shay laid her head on his shoulder. “Am I going to be enough for you?”

  “Why wouldn’t you be?”

  Shay smiled. “Because I’m the world’s sexiest and smartest human, but I’m just a human, in the end.”

  “No, you’re not ‘just’ anything. You’re my wife, which means you’re the most important woman in the world.”

  Shay’s breath caught, and her cheeks reddened. “Why, Mr. Brownstone, you can actually pull off a few romantic words without involving dirty limericks.”

  “On occasion.”

  The slow song stopped, and the music changed. It took James’ brain a few seconds to catch up to the fact the band was now singing what sounded like a country song, with the Kilomea growling out vocals in his native language—which was far less aesthetically pleasing than the Light Elves' melodies. Something sounded very familiar about the song.

  James blinked. “What are they singing?”

  Shay laughed. “I couldn’t resist. I talked to Smite-Williams about it after I heard it on an oldies station the other day.”

  “What song, though?”

  Shay gestured toward the band. “It’s a Kilomea language cover of Billy Ray Cyrus’ Achy Breaky Heart.”

  “Huh,” James replied, and shook his head. “What a world.”

  He surveyed the happy, dancing crowd with a smile on his face. His life hadn’t been free from pain and loss—the empty spot and chair for Shorty was a poignant reminder of that—but in the last several years, he had found something beyond mere existence.

  Life. Love. Family. Friendship.

  The Granite Gargoyle now had a family. He now had a true future. James couldn’t help the stupid grin taking over his face.

  “What are you thinking?” Shay asked.

  “Just about how lucky I am. I love you, Shay.”

  “I love you, too, James.”

  Eight years later

  James entered his house and closed the door behind him.

  Shay sat on the couch, her hands folded in her lap. She wore the same look on her face she always had whenever she was waiting for him with important news.

  Uh-oh. Here comes the ambush.

  James slipped off his coat and put it in the closet. “Alison didn’t get a new boyfriend, did she? The one she has now is okay. He’s got some balls, and I can respect it. And he’s not a vegetarian.”

  Shay’s face twitched. “It’s good that you like him because they’re moving in together.”

  “What?” James growled. “Wait one damned moment. It’s one thing for him to date her, but moving in together? I didn’t agree to that.”

  Shay rolled her eyes. “She’s a grown woman, James. She doesn’t need your permission to move in with her boyfriend.”

  “He does to move in with her.” James stomped over to his recliner. “I don’t like how fast this relationship is progressing.”

  “You know what your problem is? You still see Alison as—”

  “That little girl who brought you your dog,” James finished for her, and shrugged. “I know. You tell me that all the time.” He nodded to his sleeping dog beside the couch. “So often that Thomas is probably beginning to think it’s another name for him.”

  “And I’m gonna keep telling you.” Shay let out a frustrated laugh. “And I shouldn’t have to tell a man who doesn’t forget things the same thing over and over, don’t you think?”

  “I’m just saying it would be nice if she could have given me a little warning.”

  “I’m interested in what would have happened if you had raised her from birth,” Shay replied, a coy smile appearing.

  “Huh? What do you mean?”

  Shay shrugged. “Just, if you had to deal with a kid from birth, how would things be different?”

  “Not like it’s gonna happen, so why worry about it?” James cracked his knuckles, wondering if he should travel up to Seattle and have another conversation with Alison’s boyfriend. Or kick him through a wall.

  I turn my back for one second, and the guy’s moving in.

  Shay cleared her throat. “Say, have you ever bitched to Whispy about not being able to have a kid?”

  James stared at Shay. “Huh. It’s not like I have family talks with him the few times a year I use him. We get down to business. He mostly bitches about the fact that I don’t have enough new adaptations for him, but he’s still the same Whispy Doom. It’s not like he cares about family or love, and I’m certainly not gonna discuss my sex life with some biomechanical symbiont. Why?”

  “Oh, it’s just that he’s still tinkering with you.” Shay rubbed the back of her neck. “You’ve told me that. He’s always tweaking something here or there. I get that you don’t wear him as much anymore, but that means he could make a big change and you might not know it for months.”

  James nodded. “Sure, but he always tells me what he’s going to do before he changes anything.”

  “But you’ve also told me that sometimes there can be unexpected side effects.”

  Why does she look so nervous?

  “Yeah,” James rumbled. “Changing me to be more human rather than Vax means h
e’s not always sure about what shit’s gonna happen, but there’s been nothing too bad, other than that…thing in Bali, but we’re not gonna talk about that.”

  Shay licked her lips. “James, I’m pregnant.”

  “Yeah, that’s…” James shot out of the chair. “What? What?”

  “I’m pregnant.” Shay shrugged. “It’s confirmed. You’re going to be a father.”

  James stared at Shay, his mouth agape.

  “Woah,” James managed.

  Shay walked over and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll get to see how Daddy Brownstone operates when he doesn’t start with a teenager. This ought to be interesting.”

  “Woah,” James repeated.

  Shay grinned. “You seem a little overwhelmed. Maybe you should go on one of your barbeque road trips and let it sink in.” She cupped her stomach. “Because in a few short months, we’ll be welcoming a new Brownstone.”

  Witch Of The Federation

  Have you read Michael Anderle’s latest creation, WITCH OF THE FEDERATION? It’s available now at Amazon and through Kindle Unlimited.

  The future has amazing technology. Our alien allies have magic. Together, we are building a training system to teach the best of humanity to go to the stars.

  But the training is monumentally expensive.

  Stephanie Morgana is a genius, she just doesn't know it.

  The Artificial Intelligence which runs the Virtual World is charged with testing Stephanie, a task it has never performed before.

  The Earth and their allies, may never be the same again.

  Will Stephanie pass the test and be moved to the advanced preparatory schools, or will the system miss her? Will the AI be able to judge a human's potential in an area where it has no existing test data to compare?

  Available at Amazon

  Author Notes - Michael Anderle and RVingPsychic

  April 18, 2019

  THANK YOU for not only reading this story but these Author Notes as well.