To Suit a Suitor

by Paula Kremser

  Her mother looked at her suspiciously, almost definitely knowing that Julia wasn’t telling her everything, but she relented, saying, “Have it your way, dear. We won’t mention Mr. Jenks or your past suitors.”

  Next, Julia performed a most difficult task by telling her mother and Harriet about Henry, emphasizing strongly that although he was an unattached bachelor, he was not open to be pursued. She had to include his sad history, but it was imperative for her mother to understand that he was not a potential suitor. After the explanation, her mother said, “Very well, Julia. I see that you don’t want this Mr. Chamberlain for a suitor. Honestly, I’m surprised you think I’d pressure you into trying for him. You know I already found you a perfectly willing suitor in London.”

  Julia just hoped that her mother would keep her word after she met Henry and saw Barrington Court. But with nothing left to say, she went to get ready. Dining with Henry today would be bad enough without her mother embarrassing her. She already felt pathetic for falling for Henry Chamberlain’s charms, but hopefully her mother wouldn’t make less-than-subtle comments suggesting she try to impress him. And if her mother mentioned her three disastrous London seasons, then Henry would know how pathetic she truly was. She wished she could never be in his presence again and the dread built within her as she imagined how his gaze would avoid hers. The only thing to do now was to save her pride, so Julia took extra care with her appearance as she prepared for the dinner that she didn’t want to happen.

  A

  Chapter 16

  Henry watched from the window for the guests to arrive. His parents invited two or three families to dine at Barrington Court most Saturdays. Miss Abbot had a standing invitation of course. She didn’t come every week, but she’d only missed one Saturday dinner since Julia had come to stay with her. He expected them both today and hoped to speak to Julia before the entire party was gathered together. He had forgotten about their riding lesson this morning until it was almost too late and had scrawled off a quick note for the groom to deliver as he and Jonathan had been on their way out hunting. But he needed a chance to explain why he couldn’t court her after all.

  Luck was with him—although he felt anything but lucky—because Miss Abbot’s carriage was the first to arrive. He moved back from the window and waited in the shadows in the corner for the guests to be shown into the drawing room. It turned out to be the perfect maneuver because Miss Abbot and two other women he didn’t recognize followed the butler into the drawing room, but Julia was several steps behind them, walking slower.

  “Miss North,” he called her name quietly before she could join them in the drawing room. She looked up and as she saw him she took an immediate step back, almost in recoil. Henry felt terrible that her reaction to him was such, but relieved that this conversation might not be as difficult as he had supposed. “May I have a word with you?”

  She closed her eyes and let out a small sigh before answering simply, “Yes.”

  Henry held the door open for the library just across the hall and Julia preceded him into the room, but she seemed so uncomfortable and almost cringed away from him. He stayed just inside the room, knowing this would need to be a brief conversation so the others wouldn’t take notice of Julia’s absence.

  “Miss North,” he began, “I need to apologize for my behavior toward you yesterday.” He watched her for a reaction, and she gave a succinct nod, giving him permission to continue, although he wished he didn’t have to. “I took liberties that I should not have taken, and perhaps gave you reason to believe I had intentions toward you that I do not have. It was an impulsive thing to do and I apologize.” It sounded so stiff and formal to talk to her this way, but Henry reminded himself that it was necessary and pushed himself to finish his prepared words. “I hope you will forgive me and we can continue to be …,” Henry paused briefly, but made himself say, “friends.”

  She gave another brief nod and asked, “Is that all?”

  Henry paused for a long moment, surprised at her calm demeanor and wondering if that really was all—the end of all private interactions between them. She looked more beautiful than ever today. But he made himself look away. He really wished the strange attraction he felt for her would go away, because the guilt he felt since Jonathan Corey arrived and the memories of Miss Corey so fresh again had made up his mind for him. “Yes, thank you for your time,” he said formally. Julia immediately left the room, and Henry stood at the doorway and watched her cross the hall and enter the drawing room, but Henry needed a few moments alone before he could be in the company of others.

  Once, when he was younger, before even Miss Corey, he had accidentally raised the expectations of a young lady. When he had set her straight, she had cried and begged him to reconsider. That had been excruciating. That one experience had taught him that when dealing with young ladies, it was important to never raise false hopes. He didn’t often repeat past mistakes, but in his defense, when he had kissed Julia, he thought his feelings were sincere. Still, he had expected that when he told her he couldn’t court her, she would cry and beg. But Julia never did what he expected, even in this. Perhaps she understood from the missed riding lesson and the short note he sent that his feelings weren’t as strong as he had implied yesterday. Or perhaps she didn’t care for him and was relieved to be rid of his attentions. It just didn’t matter. Having Jonathan Corey here made it feel like Miss Corey had died last week, not three and a half years ago. He and Jonathan had talked last night about her, how sweet and kind she had been, how she would always volunteer to play the pianoforte because she hated dancing, and how she loved to read. He felt like scolding himself for almost forgetting her.

  Henry tried to shake off the melancholy before he crossed the hall to join the group gathering in the drawing room, but he didn’t succeed.

  His mother didn’t notice as she claimed his attention by cheerfully saying, “Henry, come meet Miss North’s mother and sister. They just arrived in Barrington this morning. Isn’t it wonderful?”

  He glanced at Julia, knowing this wasn’t wonderful for her, but she was looking at her feet. He dropped his gaze to her feet too, but then quickly glanced away, not letting his thoughts dwell on her slender ankles. He felt more guilt now for how he had treated her. He knew having her mother here would be distressing for her.

  In response to his mother’s question, he turned to Miss Abbot and asked, “Will you introduce me to your guests?”

  Henry could tell that Miss Abbot was trying to act pleased with her new visitors as she said, “My late cousin’s wife, Marianne North, is here to join Julia as my guest. And this is her other daughter, Miss Harriet North.”

  “So nice to meet you, Mr. Chamberlain,” she said.

  “How do you do?” he asked their new guests as he took them in. Julia’s mother, Mrs. North, was a lovely woman, but he was predisposed to find fault with her so he admitted it to himself grudgingly. She looked too dressed up for a dinner at a country house. Her jewelry and dress looked more fit for the theatre in London. She was pretty for her age, he supposed, and he could see that Julia’s chin and nose were similar to her mother’s. While he was observing her, he realized she was doing the same to him. She was looking him over with the admiration he was too used to. Her smile broadened and a calculating look entered her eye. She glanced at Julia, who didn’t look up from her feet, and back at him.

  “It is so interesting to meet you, Mr. Chamberlain. I had no idea you would be so handsome.” Turning to her elder daughter, she said, “When you told us about Mr. Chamberlain earlier, you failed to mention that detail.” Then, returning her attention to him, “Such a glaring omission seems telling, I’d say.” Again she shot a look at her daughter, this time with one eyebrow raised. Julia did look up from her feet then, her cheeks pink and her expression anxious.

  Henry didn’t know what to think of that. Julia had spoken to her family about him. What kind of report had she given? If it had been after the missed riding lesson, it might
have been a less favorable description. Regardless, he could tell that Julia was distressed, and he knew enough about the relationship she had with her mother to know Mrs. North was the reason for Julia’s discomfort. Henry could think of nothing more to help the situation than to remove his attention, so he turned to the younger sister and bowed while she curtsied.

  Henry’s mother was oblivious to what Mrs. North implied and said, “It’s lovely to have guests, but I’m a bit disappointed that Miss Harriet North is engaged.” Then, turning to Mrs. North, his mother explained, “I’m always hoping for eligible young ladies to visit. Henry has been suffering from a broken heart for ever so long, but I’m convinced that he’ll soon meet a young lady who will make him fall in love again.”

  Henry had never been quite so frustrated with his mother’s interference as he was at that moment, but before he could either contradict her or just change the subject, a voice from the doorway said, “Your mother is quite right, Henry. Falling in love again would be just the thing to cheer you up.”

  Henry looked over as Jonathan Corey entered the room and wondered what he could possibly be speaking of. Miss Corey’s own brother would surely not want him to forget her. While Henry stood there feeling bewildered at his pronouncement, his mother exclaimed, “Exactly! I’m so glad you agree with me, Mr. Corey. Perhaps you can convince Henry to go to London with you one of these days. I’m sure if he meets more young ladies, he will find one he wants to marry.”

  Jonathan hesitated for a moment, and while he did Henry glanced again at Julia, who continued to look anywhere but at him. Jonathan finally replied, “I can hardly think of returning to London when I’ve just escaped it. And I must admit, there are many fair prospects here in Barrington, more than I expected, I assure you.” He smiled and nodded politely at Julia and her sister. Then, turning to Henry, he asked, “Haven’t any of the local girls caught your attention?”

  Henry had been asked similar questions scores of times, but he could hardly believe it was Jonathan asking him now. It was an offhand comment and Jonathan didn’t expect or even wait for a reply, so Henry managed to avoid answering as Jonathan and their other dinner guests were introduced, but his mind didn’t leave it. Even as they sat down to dinner he wondered how Jonathan could be so offhand about the matter. Jonathan had seemed so sad when they had talked about his sister.

  Henry’s thoughts kept him separate from the conversation around him. As he thought about Jonathan’s question, he knew there was one girl who had most definitely caught his attention. If he was honest with himself, she had caught his attention as easily as she had caught that ridiculous fly. But he had just told her he had no intentions toward her. That was probably the right decision. His heart was still broken; he couldn’t move on.

  After escorting Mrs. North into the dining room, Henry sat and watched as Jonathan escorted Julia to her seat. He held her chair for her, but then leaned in and said something in a low voice. Julia looked at him with a quick smile and whispered a reply. He had seen them introduced not ten minutes ago! What was Jonathan thinking, being so forward with her?

  “Jonathan, what was that you said to Miss North?”

  He had hoped his blunt question would embarrass him, but his friend just gave a rakish smile and said, “I just told her that I was leading her to the chair where I would have the best view of her beauty.” He announced it without any shame, but Julia blushed. Jonathan moved around the table and took his seat directly across from her. “This is the best view I’ve ever had. I plan to converse with you through the whole meal,” he boldly declared to Julia and then added, “I’m sure I won’t even notice what I’m eating.” Henry knew his mother wouldn’t care about the breach in etiquette—their dinners were almost always informal—but Henry was completely annoyed by Jonathan’s intention to talk across the table.

  Julia didn’t seem to mind though. She just shook her head with a good-natured smile at his exaggeration. “Well, Mr. Corey, I’ll have to save you from such a fate by describing every dish in detail for you.”

  “Your very descriptions will enhance the taste; I’m looking forward to the meal even more.”

  Henry really hoped that Julia would give him some sort of set down, but she was still smiling as she exclaimed, “I won’t hold your interest long if all I speak of is food!”

  “You could speak of grass growing and I would be enthralled.”

  Henry didn’t think he could take another moment of Mr. Corey flirting with Julia. He interrupted them by saying, “How has your father been, Jonathan?”

  Amazingly, Jonathan was able to withdraw his attention from Julia’s beauty and he turned to Henry and answered, “He’s better now, but he had bronchitis this winter. He and his wife didn’t come to town this season because of it.”

  Again, Henry couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He tried not to show how much that news affected him as he asked, “Your father is remarried?”

  “Oh, yes. I didn’t realize you wouldn’t know. He married a spinster from Bath about two years ago.”

  It took him a moment to reply, “No, I hadn’t heard that.”

  “She’s a nice enough lady. She takes very good care of Father; fusses over him too much if you ask me, but he seems quite happy with the arrangement.”

  “I’m glad to hear he’s happy.” What else was there to say? Of course Henry wanted him to be happy. He had lost his wife and daughter in one day, but Mr. Corey was still among the living. He could hear an echo in his mind of his mother’s voice making a similar argument. She only ever wanted his happiness. Why had he not wanted the same thing? For some reason, he could never believe the same argument for himself, but now he realized how he felt about Miss Corey’s father remarrying and he was happy for him.

  The soup was brought in and the meal began, but he hardly noticed. Henry hadn’t been constantly miserable over the last three and a half years. On the contrary, after he had returned from travelling, he had enjoyed a small amount of society, but never enough to form lasting attachments—really just enough to maintain the friendships he had. More recently, he had been working hard, trying to be useful to his father, who hadn’t pressured him with any responsibilities since Miss Corey’s death.

  Henry had made up his mind to never move on, but through it all, Henry’s heart had been slowly letting go of Miss Corey, until there was really nothing holding him back from forming a new relationship. He had almost grasped that with Julia, but Jonathan’s arrival had stopped him in his tracks. It had been a last flare of guilt for living when she couldn’t, a last surge of sadness for the loss of someone he had loved. All these thoughts continued to consume him all through the meal. He had taken a few bites of each course, but couldn’t remember anything he had eaten.

  Jonathan’s father had experienced even more loss than he had—his wife and daughter both gone—yet he had been able to carry on. Hearing that his almost father-in-law was remarried made him realize that the flame of guilt that had burned bright and hot at Jonathan’s arrival had just as quickly burnt out and was gone. Henry knew in that moment that his life could go on too. Not only that, but he could be happy.

  The digestives had been finished and his mother was standing to lead the ladies from the room. Henry stood automatically with the other gentlemen as the women withdrew and he stared longingly at the person he wanted in his life more than any other. Julia wasn’t looking at him, but was smiling at Jonathan over her shoulder as she left the room. Henry felt a surge of jealousy again, but at least he admitted it to himself this time. He didn’t want Jonathan to flirt with Julia; he wanted her for himself.

  He felt like hitting his head against a wall for being so stupid. He wished he’d come to this realization before Julia had arrived. He could have made everything right so much easier if he hadn’t told her he had no intentions toward her. Only an hour or so had passed since then, but his whole perspective had changed. He wouldn’t be able to repair the damage he had done in the course of the evening, bu
t he’d at least try to begin.

  When the gentlemen joined the ladies in the drawing room, the first thing he did was let his eyes look at her, something he had been avoiding, even when they had spoken alone. She was wearing a blue gown with white lace at her neck and wrists. Julia was always beautiful, but this evening she was also elegant, with curls framing her face. But it turned out to be an error on his part to just look, as Jonathan took the opportunity to claim her attention first. As she spoke with Jonathan, her cheeks flushed slightly at his repeatedly flirtatious comments.

  Henry approached then, and he couldn’t help the annoyance he felt as he had to wait for Jonathan to stop speaking before he could address Julia.

  “Miss North,” he said when he was finally able to get a word in, “have you had an opportunity to show your mother and sister around Barrington?”

  Henry watched Julia, who had been leaning forward in her discussion with Jonathan, pull back as she shifted her attention to him. She sat up straighter and her smile—which hadn’t seemed completely genuine before—became forced. It pained Henry to see her reaction to him, but he knew he deserved it. He felt terrible for disappointing her. She cleared her throat before responding, “As they just arrived this morning, we haven’t had time to show them the town.”

  Henry cleared his own throat. He wasn’t sure how to proceed. Julia’s reaction to him was most definitely cold, and he didn’t have practice diffusing resentment. “Perhaps I could be of service and help you show them the sights, and include some of the history of Barrington,” he offered.

  He watched Julia’s face, hoping for even the slightest softening of her features, but she turned from him and looked at her sister, then back at him with what he thought was a suspicious glare. “Perhaps,” she finally replied and then turned away from him and joined her sister on the short sofa so that it was impossible to address her once more.