Lost In You

by Remmy Duchene

  “Nothing is wrong. Well, not really.”

  Darius didn’t seem convinced.

  “I haven’t told Dad this yet,” Jackson said. “And I still don’t really want to say anything to anyone but you all should know before you find out from some media outlet or another.”

  “Jack?” Feng said softly. “What’s going on?”

  “Um…” Jackson licked his suddenly dry lips and took a deep breath. “Ko and I are seeing each other.”

  “Ko?” Darius arched an eyebrow. “As in Takao, Ko?”

  Jackson nodded.

  “Oh…kay.” Feng moved to sit on the coffee table before them. “Why are you nervous about telling us this?”

  “Well, Uncle Darius—you and Ko run in the business circles and I know he’s a little bit older than I am, but I…”

  Darius cleared his throat, his expression unreadable. “Tell us why this is important to you.”

  “Well…” Jackson hadn’t expected that. He’d walked in imagining them hitting the roof when he told them and forbidding him to see Ko. He’d been prepared with a whole different speech. He leaned back into the couch and rubbed his eyes. “I’ve dated a little since Charlie, Uncle Darius, you know that. But none of these guys made me feel anything. Before I even met Ko he set something off in me that scared the hell out of me. I mean, our eyes met across a theater and it was like he was caressing me and…”

  “Go on.” Feng’s voice trembled.

  “We’ve just met. And I’m not saying I’m in love with the guy, but so far he’s given me more happiness than any other lover and I—”

  “Lover?” Darius interrupted. “Does this mean you slept together?”

  “Yes.” Jackson buried his face in his hands. “And I ran the next morning because I was scared of what he’d think of me for doing that so soon. But then we had a talk and he wants there to be something between us.”

  “So, what’s the final word then?” Feng asked.

  “We want to date. I mean, we need to have a steady foundation, one that is built on more than mind-blowing sex. He wants us to get to know each other first.”

  “And what do you want?” Darius asked.

  “Him,” Jackson whispered, lifting his head to smile at his uncles. “I just…want…him.”

  Darius smiled and hugged Jackson from the side. “You’ve grown up, Jack. I’m proud of you for going into this with your eyes open. I’m not best friends with Ko, but from what I hear, and from the kind of man he’s been around us, he seems like a good one. You’re right, a worthwhile relationship, a strong one, is to be built like you would a house. If you put a house on a sky foundation, all it will need is a little wind and it will topple over.”

  “But if you dig into the earth, and you make sure those load-bearing walls are set deep down and firm,” Feng continued for his husband, “then not even a hurricane can take it down. And trust me, relationships are hard.”

  Jackson nodded. “We aren’t in any rush, really. I mean, with my work at Stark’s and my modeling for Ko’s new campaign starting early next year, we will more than have our hands full. But we both promised to make time for each other.”

  “That’s a good place to start. It may not even be a dinner out or trips abroad. Something as simple as a bath together or a glass of wine in the backyard.” Feng reached over for Darius’ hand. “Trust me, it all adds up.”

  Speechless, Jackson hugged both his uncles and left the room to find Oliver. But just before he was out of ear shot he could hear Feng ask, “How proud are you of that kid?”

  Darius laughed. “I don’t have words to say just how much…”

  With a smile, Jackson jogged up the stairs to spend some time with Oliver. He figured he was going to need to do that before he faced his father. Sure, Kent was on board with the whole gay thing but how would he react to Jackson dating a man so much older? Jackson exhaled long and hard then stepped through Ollie’s bedroom door. He found his grand-nephew setting up the board for a game of chess.

  Long after Jackson kissed him and darted from the house, Ko managed to pull himself out of bed. Though they’d taken a few days to be alone, he was still tired. Perhaps once they got the first teasers out, he could convince Jackson to go away with him. Ko did own a cottage close to the Bathsheba mountains.

  Checking the time, he groaned, and without making the bed, he quickly darted into the shower. It took no time at all because he was running behind to meet Stella for lunch. Luckily, traffic wasn’t bad and though he was late, it could have been worse. Ko fell into the chair across from Stella and tilted his head. She stared at him with a look that told him she knew something was up but couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

  “Can I start with a drink for you, Mr. Takao?” The server had materialized out of nowhere.

  “Yes, water for now, please. Make it very cold.”

  “Very good.”

  When they were alone again, Stella set her eReader to the side and rested an elbow on the table. “Something is different about you.”

  “I guess you’ll find out sooner or later.”

  “What?”

  The server arrived with the water and they gave their meal orders to save time and to stop the interruption. Ko took a long drink from the glass then set it back on the table. “Jackson and I are seeing each other.”

  “When you say seeing… Friends-with-benefits?”

  Ko shook his head. “No. This is serious. Remember when I was dating Ivan and I told you the guy’s good-looking but had no clue—that he didn’t make me feel a spark and I thought it didn’t exist?”

  Stella nodded.

  “With Jackson, all he has to do is look at me with those brown eyes and I’m on the brink of an orgasm.”

  “Dang…”

  “I saw him model for Tasha before I hired her. I figured it was a great idea to watch him in action first, and from the moment our eyes met across that space, I knew I wanted him.”

  “Dang.”

  “Can you say something else?”

  Stella laughed. “Listen, don’t be your usual self. Don’t be scared of this. I’ve been searching all my adult life for that thing and I haven’t found it yet.”

  “No. For once in my life I’m ready. I’m really, truly ready to give myself to a man.”

  Stella smiled and lifted her glass in a toast. “To finding that something to make us want to orgasm with just one look.”

  “I can definitely drink to that,” Ko admitted with a laugh. He took a sip from his water.

  They got through lunch and the work they needed to and, long after Stella left him at the table, Ko remained where he was, ordering a dessert of caramel carrot cake and a cup of tea. He was halfway through the cake when a familiar face caught his attention.

  “Kent!” Ko waved. “Hey.”

  “Ko Takao, as I live and breathe.” Kent walked over with an extended hand. “How are you?”

  “I’m good.” Ko shook his hand. “You here for a business lunch?”

  “No,” Kent said, looking around for a moment. “Was supposed to be on a date but I think I’ve been stood up.”

  “I’m sorry, man,” Ko told him. “Would you like to join me?”

  Kent glanced around. “Well, sure.”

  When they were seated, Ko motioned for the waiter and after Kent placed his order and Ko asked for another tea, it dawned on him that he was sitting across from who he hoped to be his father-in-law. Ko smiled just as the nerves kicked him.

  “I heard about you working with Jack,” Kent said. “How’s that going?”

  “We don’t start anything major until next year but he has a couple of shoots coming up for the teasers.” Ko moved his mug out of Kent’s arm’s reach and cleared his throat. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

  “All right.”

  “It’s about Jackson and I…”

  Kent nodded with a smile. It was almost as if he knew what Ko was going to say. “When Jackson came out to me I didn�
��t handle it well. Hell, I almost lost him and my brother. But now, all I want is for him to be happy.”

  “So, you know?”

  “That you’re sleeping together?” Kent asked. “He didn’t tell me, if that’s what you’re wondering. I gathered that from the way you said ‘Jackson and I’. As long as my son is happy, Ko, I got no problem.”

  “Are you sure? Do you have any questions?”

  “I’m sure. I’ve learned a long time ago that my son will find someone to be with sooner or later. I’ve had time to play around with the idea and I find it makes me lightheaded with happiness. Jackson means everything to me.”

  “I understand. I figured because of my age and…”

  “Does Jackson have anything against how old you are?”

  Ko shook his head.

  “Then why should you? And better yet, why should I? I’m not the one sleeping with you.”

  Ko laughed. “Well said. I figured Jackson would be telling you sooner or later, but with my life and the media…”

  Kent’s meal arrived and they sat together in silence for a moment. The only sound in their immediate circle was Kent’s fork periodically scratching his plate.

  “I didn’t plan it, you know?” Ko had been compelled to explain. “I mean, I met him years ago at that launch, you remember?”

  “Yeah. That’s when I met you, too.”

  “And then I saw him again and— I don’t know.”

  “These things…”

  “Sorry to bother you, Ko…”

  Both Ko and Kent glanced up. Stella was back and she seemed flustered.

  “Stel? What’s the matter?” Ko asked.

  “My car won’t start,” she told him. “I don’t know what is happening, especially since I just had the dumb thing serviced. I called the tow truck, but you know how busy they claim to be.”

  “I will—” Ko began.

  “Let me take a look,” Kent said, rising before Ko could. “My brother and I took a few courses and I know a thing or two about cars.”

  “Could you?” Stella asked, smiling brightly. “If you don’t mind, that is.”

  “Not at all…”

  Both of them hurried off as if Ko didn’t even exist. He laughed and leaned back in his chair. He figured he’d wait a little while, give Stella some time to figure out a way to get Kent on a date, then head out to make sure the two of them were good.

  But Ko didn’t have to go outside, because soon Kent returned, wiping his fingers on a piece of paper towel.

  “I got her running,” Kent said, sitting. “She should take it to her mechanic because it sounded a little hinky. The engine, that is.”

  Ko nodded. “So, when’s your dinner?”

  Kent laughed. “Tomorrow night. It’s just a thank you for helping her out.”

  “Right.” Ko sipped from his tea. “I saw the way you two looked at each other. Don’t get nervous. Stella is a fantastic person. She’s been dating again, trying to find Mr. Right, and so far, she hasn’t had much luck.”

  “Men are dumb.”

  Ko laughed. “I can’t disagree with you there.”

  They finished lunch and Ko headed across town to Stark where he knew he’d find Jackson. A secretary showed him to Jackson’s office and he knocked on the door.

  “Come in.”

  Ko let himself into the room and closed the door behind him. For a moment, he simply stood before the desk, watching Jackson type furiously away at his keyboard. “Hey, baby.”

  “Ko!” Jackson flew around the desk to hug him tightly. The two kissed, their tongues swirling around each other’s. “We should stop. My office is not soundproof like yours.”

  Ko moaned. “More’s the pity. But all right. I have something to tell you.”

  “Okay.”

  “I just had lunch with your dad.”

  “I thought you were eating with Stella.”

  “I did. Then she had to leave and I stayed behind to have a piece of cake,” Ko explained. “Your dad was there…”

  “Right—his date! I forgot about that. I wonder how it went.”

  “You didn’t hear it from me, but his date didn’t show up. But we got to talking and one thing led to another and I told him about us.”

  “Ko, you shouldn’t have done that.”

  “I know and I didn’t plan it that way. Why are you upset? I thought you’d be happy he knew.”

  Jackson cradled Ko’s cheeks. “I am happy he knows. I just wanted it to come from me, you know?”

  “Yeah.”

  Jackson kissed him once, then twice. “So how did he take it?”

  “Surprisingly well. All I had to say was ‘Jackson and I’ and he smiled. I tell you, it took a weight off my shoulders because I was prepared to fight with him, to prove to him that even if I don’t deserve you now, one day I will.”

  “What makes you think you don’t?”

  Ko shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “Don’t you start getting cold feet on me now…”

  “I won’t. I promise.” Ko walked to the window and looked out. There was a partial view of the mountains on one side and the city on the next. “Once your launch is over and the shoot for the teasers are out… Can I interest you in, maybe, a weekend away with me?”

  “Is that a trick question?”

  Ko laughed. “No trick. I would like to have you all to myself, helpless in my bed.”

  “Ko…” Jackson moaned and approached him. “The answer is yes.”

  “Yes to going away or yes to being helpless in my bed?”

  “All of it.” Jackson tangled his arms about Ko’s neck. “The answer will always be yes.”

  Epilogue

  The snow was cool under his back. The temperature had long since dipped and the mountains around Bathsheba became covered in snow. Suddenly the town was full of strange faces and accents. Usually, Jackson enjoyed the vibrant chaos the time of year brought but now, as he lay, staring up into the partly cloudy sky, in the peace of the backyard at Ko’s cabin, he wondered how he could go back to being that person. He squinted, trying to see as far as he could, imagining the clouds changing shapes and becoming things from his childhood. But all he saw was Ko.

  He closed his eyes and smiled. That wasn’t a bad image at all.

  “You’re going to get sick.” Ko’s voice was soft from behind him.

  But even as his lover said those words, Jackson could hear him grunting to lie beside him. Ko held on to Jackson’s gloved hand and squeezed affectionately.

  “How long have we been dating now?” Ko asked.

  Jackson didn’t open his eyes. He was enjoying Ko’s hand in his too much. “Eight months next Tuesday.”

  “Only eight months?” Ko asked. “Wow, I thought it was longer.”

  “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

  “A very good thing. They say time flies when you’re having fun.”

  “It hasn’t been easy—especially with the campaign and everything that comes with that.”

  Ko sighed loudly. “And your work with Together We Fight.”

  “I’ve been meaning to thank you for what you did for me with that.” Jackson sat up and turned to face Ko. “You were there and tolerated some late nights…”

  “I told you. It was my pleasure. I saw how much you enjoy your work and I never want to be the person to take that away from you.”

  Jackson licked his lips and leaned closer. “Why? I mean, we didn’t have sex for, like, two months. That couldn’t have been easy for you.”

  “No.” Ko shifted as if to get more comfortable before speaking again. “It wasn’t. But that’s what you do when you love someone. I know you weren’t shutting me out.”

  “Some men would have been angry, gone off and cheated…”

  “How do you know I haven’t?”

  That question caught Jackson off guard. He licked his lips again. The cold air seemed to be making them drier than he would have liked. Swallowing the lump in his throat
, he gave a one-shoulder shrug. “Because we may have been dating eight months, but I know you very well. Besides, I don’t think you could look at me the way you do then go and give yourself to another man.”

  “And how do I look at you?”

  Jacksons stared down into Ko’s eyes, searching for the answer in them. Finally, he smiled. “Like you’re doing right now. Like you love me more than there are stars in the sky.”

  A smile traced Ko’s lips and that sent a twinkle through Ko’s eyes. “I do love you more than there are stars in the sky.”

  Jackson’s heart soared higher than the mountains that overlooked the cabin. “You’ve never said anything before.”

  “No.” Ko turned his gaze away and focused on the sky. “You’re young, Jackson. I didn’t think you wanted to hear those words coming from me. Not yet, anyway.”

  “Then what do you think I’m doing here?” Jackson snapped. “Biding my time?”

  “Jack…”

  Ko reached for him but he shoved away the hand.

  “No.” Jackson exhaled. “Why else do you think I’ve been so careful in the last month, to give you everything, to make sure you’re happy?”

  “Jackson, don’t be mad. I didn’t think you were biding your time. I just thought…”

  “What?”

  “That you needed more time to pass before I tie you down with these strong feelings raging inside me. I mean, telling someone you love them is heavy and I don’t take it lightly.”

  “So, you carried all that alone?” Jackson asked, still upset, just not as he was a second ago. “Ko, seriously.”

  Ko cradled his face and sat up for a kiss. “I’m new to this, koibito.”

  “Damn you. You know I melt when you call me that!”

  “So I’m closer to being forgiven?”

  Jackson crinkled his nose. “Yeah. I’m here, Ko. Here for as long as you want me.”

  “And what if I want you here forever—beside me. Because one day I will fall to one knee and—”

  “The answer will be yes.”

  “You don’t know that.” Ko shook his head.

  “Yes, I do. It will always be yes.”

  He kissed Ko again, this time a long, lingering kiss that made Jackson sigh. He rose and took Ko’s hand. “Come on. I can’t feel my butt.”