Backstory

by Avani Gregg

  On Avani

  My friend Riley Hubatka says:

  I had been on TikTok for about a month when Amelie Zilber DM’d me: “I think we would be such great friends.” She introduced me to Avani and put me in a group chat with the two of them. We would talk every single day and we made plans for me to come visit them. The first time I actually met Avani was December 2019. It was my very first time coming to LA. I live in Charlotte, North Carolina, and I was going to be in LA for only about three days to get some work done, but Avani insisted, “I want to see you. I want to meet you. I want to hang out.” I spent the entire first day with her and we just clicked right off the bat. We went out to dinner and were able to be ourselves, not scared or shy with each other. It came so easily.

  That’s where it all started, and now we’re like sisters. We text constantly throughout the day, and not even about important stuff. We’ll just ramble and talk about stupid things and make jokes and send each other memes. Every time I go to LA, it’s like I never left. We have such a great relationship and we’re very, very close, even if we’re across the country from each other. We have these cute little nicknames: she calls me Dad and I call her Sugar Mama. When this pandemic calms down, we can’t wait to go out to eat at Pink Taco on Sunset, where we used to hang a lot.

  We make a lot of videos together for TikTok. Even if we never post them, we have dozens of funny drafts that we keep to ourselves. Although we have a very similar sense of humor, we’re quite different in our emotions. Avani tends to get sad and cry a lot, and I tend to not show my feelings at all. It’s definitely something she’s been working on, being more open. We actually help each other a lot because she brings out the emotional side in me and I’m able to help her when she’s down. I’ll say, “It’s just a season of life. You’re going to get through it,” and she’ll tell me, “Hey, it’s okay to cry. I’ve been there. We’ll get through it together.”

  I’m constantly in awe of Avani’s confidence. Not only does she wear whatever she wants, but she’s confident in who she is as a person. She knows her morals and her values, and she sticks to them. She’s not going to let anybody tell her who she can and cannot be, which is absolutely amazing. She’s also incredibly kindhearted and sensitive to what other people are feeling. She loves so, so hard, and that is something that I genuinely love about her. Avani is fiercely determined in everything that she does. When she sets her mind to something, she won’t rest until she gets it done. Once she starts something, she has to finish it. I’m a big procrastinator, so that’s the complete opposite of me, which is another reason I look up to her.

  Avani and I have the type of friendship where we’re able to sit down and laugh about stupid things. If you were to listen in to our conversation, none of it would make any sense. But to us, it makes perfect sense because it’s the Avani and Riley show! I’m so grateful I have this girl in my life. I don’t know what I would do without her.

  chapter twelve Joy

  For me, joy is so much more than being in a good mood. It’s a sensation that everything is right in the world and nothing can bring me down. It’s the ultimate vibe. Finding that sweet spot in my feels doesn’t happen too often, but when it does, it’s like I’m wearing rose-colored glasses and the world is a big, beautiful place bursting with positivity. Think Willy Wonka’s candy garden and you get a sense of what I’m saying: sunshine and lollipops (let’s leave the Oompa Loompas out of it). The dictionary definition is “a feeling of great pleasure.” But I think that’s dumbing it down a little, don’t you? Joy is more than that. It runs deep. You can be happy in the moment, but joy is all-encompassing and totally sweeps you up and away. Happiness shows on your face, but joy lives in your heart.

  A lot of things make me happy: being with my boyfriend, doing fun things with friends and family, helping others, and painting on an amazing makeup look or drawing. But each of these things is fleeting. Anthony might leave for a while to hang out with his bros and I might wipe all my makeup off. When this happens, the momentary fun is over, and that can cause me to sink back into my blues. I think joy is longer lasting and purposeful. It’s an adrenaline rush, a thrill that comes from the fact that you truly, madly, deeply love something or someone. Joy is rainbow vibrant, an explosion of feel-good vibes. It can come from small things or big life changes and milestones. It’s all very personal. When you find it, you build on it, until one day it’s just there and overflowing. Think of it like hitting the highest video game level on Monster Hunter World (my sis Priya came up with this analogy, so just go with it LMAO). You need to do quests, focus, go on missions where you rack up bounty and rewards. And after you’ve been grinding, you might just reach Master Rank. For the record, Priya is Master Rank 100, but it goes even higher. Joy is the same—you just want it to keep going and growing, and with each level there’s potential for more. The way I see it, you have to keep collecting joy till you win the ultimate prize: a life that’s rich in whatever your dreams are made of.

  Having a good week of eating brings me joy because I know I’m supporting my health. Doing all my workouts for a week makes me tired but joyful because I can feel proud of my body. I get joy in completing all that I need to do in a day—checking off my list of reminders gives me a high. And occasionally, I get crazy amounts of joy out of splurging on a pair of sneakers. Sorry, but I’m a sneakerhead and I own it. The color purple is my happy color and anything in that shade brings me joy. My car is purple, the title of this book is written in purple, and ditto for the opening credits of my show. For our six-month anniversary, Anthony gave me a bouquet of purple forever roses and they sit by my TV so I can look at them every day. I post in a lot of purple LED lights because I love to bask in that violet glow.

  Certain memories bring me joy, specifically when I finished and graduated high school online with an academic honors diploma. My mom and dad were so happy because they knew how hard it was for me to sit down, stay focused, and complete my schoolwork. I think of their faces in that moment and I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. When someone tells me that I’m doing well or I’ve accomplished something, that ups my joy quotient. Certain smells, too: I have this Versace perfume that I used in 2019. I wore it on dates with Anthony and on vacations, and I still have some left. Every time I take a whiff it reminds me that there was a time in my life when I was so insanely happy every single day and that can happen again. I also love the smell of popcorn because it means I’m either going to watch a movie or it’s my rest time. Cartoons, kid movies, and rom-coms bring me joy. Looking at the huge pic of me and Anthony in front of my bed and printed on my blanket also does the trick.

  For my aunt Hemali, cooking brings her tremendous joy. It’s her act of creating something whole from individual ingredients, her art form as well as her gift to those she loves. It’s a ritual that requires being mindful and present—no wonder some experts say it’s great therapy for when you’re feeling sad or anxious. For my aunt, it’s not just her joy—we all get to experience those good vibes when we dig in. In this way, her cooking creates a sense of community because we all sit down at the table together and pass the plates, share stories of our day, connect. When she cooks, it’s a demonstration of how much she cares; it’s not just throwing stuff in a pot or pan, it’s much more intimate than that. It’s her expression of love for all of us, a way to affirm our bond as a family, and she puts great time and detail into every culinary creation. My mom says when you cook for someone you love, you’re nourishing both their body and soul. I’m not the most skilled person in the kitchen, but when you put it like that, I’m willing to give it a try.

  Recipes for Joy

  DAD’S FAMOUS SPAGHETTI

  My mouth waters whenever I smell my dad’s famous spaghetti on the stove and garlic bread baking in the oven.

  1 lb. lean ground beef

  1 lb. Italian ground sausage

  1 yellow bell pepper, diced

  1 green bell pepper, diced

  1 large Vidalia onion, diced


  1 jar store-bought pasta sauce (Dad likes Italian seasoning–flavored ones)

  1 box spaghetti

  Pinch of salt

  Pinch of pepper

  Sprinkle of garlic powder to taste

  Add the beef and sausage to a medium skillet, stirring until they’re completely browned. Drain and set aside. In the same pan, sauté the peppers and onion until tender. Add the beef and sausage back to the vegetables. Next, add the pasta sauce. Combine and simmer for 10 minutes, adding salt, pepper, and garlic powder to taste. Meanwhile, cook the spaghetti noodles per package directions. Add the sauce to the spaghetti and serve with garlic bread.

  DAL MOTH

  I love to munch on this traditional Indian namkeen, a dry snack popular in North India and made from fried lentils, nuts, spices, and sev. This deep-fried, savory version comes from my aunt Hemali. You can find her on Instagram: @patelhemali and @HomemadeByHemali. She’s also on TikTok: HomemadeByHemali. Aunt Hemali is an amazing cook with her own fans and followers—myself included, of course.

  Soak overnight:

  1 cup whole masoor dal

  Pinch baking soda (about ⅛ tsp.)

  Pinch of salt

  Pinch of turmeric powder

  Spices:

  ½ tsp. red chili powder

  ½ tsp. chaat masala

  ½ tsp. powdered sugar

  ¼ tsp. black pepper

  ¼ tsp. cumin powder

  ¼ tsp. hing/asafoetida powder

  ¼ tsp. dried lemon powder

  Salt to taste

  Oil for deep-frying dal (a few inches’ depth in a high-sided pot)

  1 cup thin sev/fried gram noodles

  After soaking dal overnight (about 8–10 hours), drain, rinse, place on a towel, and pat dry to remove as much liquid as possible.

  Heat oil in a pan. Once hot, lower the heat to medium.

  Fry dal in batches. Stir while frying so the dal doesn’t stick together. You’ll know it’s ready when it floats to the surface. Remove fried dal to a bowl, then start the next batch.

  Once all the dal is fried, add the spices and stir together.

  Adjust salt and powdered sugar to taste.

  Mix in the sev.

  Once cooled, store in an airtight container.

  CREAMY FRUIT SALAD

  I love this healthy treat (another recipe from my aunt) for dessert or even for breakfast. You can boost the protein by using Greek yogurt instead of ice cream and mix in any fruit, seeds, or nuts you like, even mini marshmallows.

  3 cups whole milk

  ½ cup sugar

  1 cup softened vanilla ice cream

  1 banana, chopped

  1 apple, peeled and diced

  1 pear, peeled and diced

  ½ cup seedless grapes, cut in half

  ¼ cup pomegranate seeds

  Pinch of cardamom powder

  Bring milk to a boil in a saucepan over low heat.

  Add sugar and stir until dissolved. Let the boiled milk cool to room temperature.

  Once cooled, add ice cream and stir until combined. Then add all the chopped fruits and pomegranate seeds and stir until combined.

  Add cardamom powder and refrigerate until cold. Serve cold.

  LOADED CHILI MAC

  What happens when you mix two of my favorite dishes? You get the ultimate comfort food! Auntie nailed this one.

  1 package elbow macaroni, cooked to package directions w/ 2 Tbsp. butter added after draining

  1 lb. ground beef

  1 onion, chopped

  1 green bell pepper, chopped

  3 fresh tomatoes, chopped

  ¼ cup fresh cilantro, chopped

  3 garlic cloves, chopped

  1 jalapeño, minced

  1 package chili spice mix

  1 can fire-roasted tomatoes, undrained

  1 can fire-roasted corn, drained

  1 can red kidney beans, drained and rinsed

  1 can black beans, drained and rinsed

  1 can broth (vegetable or chicken)

  2 cups water (more if you like your chili soupy)

  1 tbsp. sugar

  Salt and black pepper to taste

  1 cup sharp cheddar cheese, shredded or grated

  Toppings:

  Sour cream, shredded cheese, corn chips (such as Fritos), fresh cilantro, chopped onions, chopped jalapenos, crackers

  Directions:

  In a large skillet, brown ground beef, then drain.

  Add onion, bell pepper, fresh tomatoes, cilantro, garlic, and chopped jalapeños to the ground beef and cook for 5 minutes.

  Add chili spice mix and cook for 5 more minutes.

  Add the canned tomatoes, corn, beans, broth, and water and cook for another 15 minutes on low heat.

  Add sugar, salt, and black pepper to taste.

  Add the cooked pasta and stir in cheese until melted.

  Top with your choice of toppings.

  PINEAPPLE UPSIDE-DOWN CAKE

  This one looks so fancy, but it’s actually really easy to make with a basic yellow cake mix. Pineapple Upside-Down Cake is one of my aunt’s greatest hits and I always beg her to make it when we go back home to see her in Indy.

  1 stick of butter

  1 cup packed brown sugar

  20-oz. can crushed pineapple packed in juice, drained (keep the juice)

  1 package yellow cake mix

  4 large eggs

  Vegetable oil (according to cake mix directions)

  Water (according to cake mix directions)

  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

  In a 13" x 9" baking pan, melt the butter in the oven.

  Once butter is melted, sprinkle the brown sugar over it.

  Spoon the crushed pineapple on top of the brown sugar and butter.

  Combine cake mix, eggs, and vegetable oil. For the amount of water called for in the cake mix instructions, use the reserved juice from the pineapple plus as much water as you need to make up the total amount. Mix until a smooth batter is formed.

  Pour the cake batter over the pineapple in the baking pan.

  Bake for 40–45 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean.

  Run a knife around the cake as soon as it comes out of the oven.

  Let the cake cool for 5 minutes. Place a heatproof serving plate over the cake pan and CAREFULLY flip the cake over. Leave the pan on top of the serving plate for 5 minutes. Remove the cake pan and let the cake cool for 30 minutes before serving.

  Run It Back: How to Find Everyday Joy

  I love how joy resides in the little nooks and crannies of your daily life and, if you look carefully, you can always find it. My mom was raised in the Hindu culture, which believes that happiness stems from one’s own actions—physical, mental, and spiritual. My dad is also big on the idea that you can claim your own joy if you just keep your eyes open to the world around you. He’s very into reminding me to notice birds chirping, sunrises and sunsets, and the simple things that I might otherwise miss if I was too busy and couldn’t be bothered. When you actually focus on being present, that’s when joy jumps out and makes itself known. Think of joy as an adventure and go find yourself some—it will fill your day with a lot more light, laughter, and love. Here are a few good places to start:

  Share. I don’t mean give someone half of your Snickers bar, but that’s also a nice thing to do. I mean connect with people socially. It can be in person, over text, on FaceTime, in line at the supermarket checkout, or wherever. Personal connections make us happier, healthier, and generally feel better about our place in the world. I know when I’m in one of my moods, just talking to a friend or even a friendly stranger helps me feel less lonely. Sharing with you in this book has brought me so much joy that I never realized existed. What are you waiting for? Reach out and connect with someone—you’ll thank me later.

  Review your joy. It’s so much easier to find joy all the time if you can flash back to a moment when you felt joyful. So that’s what it feels li
ke! Keep a journal, make a list, or organize an album of “joy” photos on your phone. If you can recall what made you joyful in the past, it’s that much easier to repeat it in the present.

  Fill your home with happy. I’m all about bright colors and surrounding myself with “stuff” that brings me joy. Photos, mementos, and thoughtful gifts Anthony has given me. I proudly display them rather than putting them away in a closet or drawer. I want to see them on the daily and be reminded of some of the best times of my life. I love for my room to be a vibrant, creative, energizing place—my own little heavenly spot. You don’t have to do a major redecorating job; just pin a few pics to your bulletin board, pick up some cheap throw pillows in your fav colors, and create some mood lighting with LEDs or candles. Give your space a little sprucing up and watch the joy just flow right in.

  Get moving. I know, exercise, ugh. There are days when it’s the absolute last thing I feel like doing, but being present in my body, working my muscles, and filling my lungs with oxygen does help me feel joyful. It gets my heart pumping and makes me feel so alive. I also applaud myself every time I get through a workout: “Good for you, Avani, you burned off that Happy Meal from lunch!” There’s something about feeling the burn that brings me joy—the knowledge that I’m strong, powerful, and capable of pushing myself.

  Look in little places. Joy doesn’t always have to hang around life’s biggest milestones and moments. Sometimes, it likes ordinary spots, too. Like inside your morning cup of coffee, your little sister’s laugh, that spot right behind your dog’s ears where he loves to be scratched. Savor these everyday events and be mindful of each second that puts a smile on your face. Don’t know ’bout you, but I’m feelin’ it!

  Count your blessings. Acknowledge everything you’re grateful for, big and small. It’s hard to be unhappy when you’re checking off a list of all the good stuff going on. Ever since I was a toddler, my parents have been reminding me to say “thank you.” Now I know why. It’s a good practice to spend just five minutes speaking aloud or writing out what you’re grateful for, either right when you wake up or right before bed. It can be what you’re grateful for in general or today; the point is to remind yourself how great you’ve got it and build off the positive vibe.