More Language of Letting Go: 366 New Daily Meditations

by Melody Beattie

  Yes, it is true that if someone steps on our foot, he or she is hurting us and therefore holds the power to stop our pain by removing his or her foot. But the pain is still ours. And so is the responsibility to tell someone to stop stepping on our feet.

  Healing will come when we're aware of how we attempt to use others to stop our pain and create our happiness. We will heal from the past. We will receive insights that can change the course of our relationships.

  We will see that, all along, our happiness and our wellbeing have been in our hands. We have held that box. The contents are ours for the opening.

  God, help me remember that I hold the key to my own happiness. Give me the courage to stand still and deal with my own feelings. Give me the insights I need to improve my relationships. Help me stop doing the codependent dance and start doing the dance of recovery.

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  April 11

  Financial Goals

  Taking responsibility for our financial affairs will improve our selfesteem and lessen anxiety.

  Each of us, today, has a present set of financial circumstances. We have a certain amount of money in hand, and money due to us. We have a pile of bills that we owe. We have taxes to pay. Those are our present financial circumstances. No matter what the details are, acceptance, gratitude, and selfresponsibility will lessen the stress.

  Each of us, today, has a financial future. There are few future aspects of our life we can control, but one part we can play to assist our future is setting goals.

  We don't have to obsess about our goals. We don't have to constantly watch and mark our progress toward them. But it is beneficial to think about our goals and write them down. What do we want to happen in our financial future? What financial problems would we like to solve? What bills would we like to be rid of? What would we like to be earning at the end of this year? The end of next year? Five years from now?

  Are we willing to work for our goals and trust our Higher Power to guide us?

  Pay bills on time. Contact creditors. Make arrangements. Do your best, today, to take responsibility for your finances. Set goals for the future. Then, let go of money and concentrate on living. Taking responsibility for our financial affairs does not mean making money our focus. Taking responsibility for our finances enables us to take our focus off money. It frees us to do our work and live the life we want.

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  We deserve to have the selfesteem and peace that accompanies financial responsibility.

  Today, I will take the time necessary to be responsible for myself financially. If it is time to pay bills or talk to creditors, I will do that. If it is time to set goals, I will do that. Once I have done my part, I will let the rest go.

  April 12

  Letting Go of Fear

  Picture yourself swimming—floating—peacefully down a gentle stream. All you need to do is breathe, relax, and go with the flow.

  Suddenly, you become conscious of your situation. Frightened, overwhelmed with "what if's?" your body tenses. You begin to thrash around, frantically looking for something to grab on to.

  You panic so hard you start to go under. Then you remember—you're working too hard at this. You don't need to panic. All you need to do is breathe, relax, and go with the flow. You won't drown.

  Panic is our great enemy.

  We don't need to become desperate. If overwhelming problems appear in our life, we need to stop struggling. We can tread water for a bit, until our equilibrium returns. Then we can go back to floating peacefully down the gentle stream. It is our stream. It is a safe stream. Our course has been charted. All is well.

  Today, I will relax, breathe, and go with the flow.

  April 13

  Enjoyment

  One of the prohibitions many of us learned in childhood is the unspoken rule Don't have fun and enjoy life. This rule Page 102

  creates martyrs—people who will not let themselves embrace the pleasures of daytoday living.

  Many of us associated suffering with some sort of sainthood. Now, we associate it with codependency. We can go through the day making ourselves feel anxious, guilty, miserable, and deprived. Or we can allow ourselves to go through that same day feeling good. In recovery, we eventually learn the choice is ours.

  There is much to be enjoyed each day, and it is okay to feel good. We can let ourselves enjoy our tasks. We can learn to relax without guilt. We can even learn to have fun.

  Work at learning to have fun. Apply yourself with dedication to learning enjoyment. Work as hard at learning to have fun as you did at feeling miserable.

  Our work will pay off. Fun will become fun. Life will become worth living. And each day, well find many pleasures to be enjoyed.

  Today, I will let myself enjoy life as I go through my day.

  April 14

  Perfectionism

  Recovery from codependency is an individual process that necessitates making mistakes, struggling through problems, and facing tough issues.

  Expecting ourselves to be perfect slows this process; it puts us in a guilty and anxious state. Expecting others to be perfect is equally destructive; it makes others feel ashamed and may interfere with their growth.

  People are human and vulnerable, and that is wonderful. We can accept and cherish that idea. Expecting others to be perfect puts us in that codependent state of moral superiority. Expecting ourselves to be perfect makes us feel rigid and inferior.

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  We can let go of both ideas.

  We do not need to go to the other extreme, tolerating anything people throw our way. We can still expect appropriate, responsible behavior from ourselves. But most of us can afford to loosen up a bit. And when we stop expecting others to be perfect, we may discover that they're doing much better than we thought. When we stop expecting ourselves to be perfect, well discover the beauty in ourselves.

  Today, I will practice tolerance, acceptance, and love of others as they are, and myself as I am. I will strive for that balance between expecting too much and expecting too little from others and myself.

  April 15

  Communication

  Part of owning our power is learning to communicate clearly, directly, and assertively. We don't have to beat around the bush in our conversations to control the reactions of others. Guiltproducing comments only produce guilt. We don't have to fix or take care of people with our words; we can't expect others to take care of us with words either. We can settle for being heard and accepted. And we can respectfully listen to what others have to say.

  Hinting at what we need doesn't work. Others can't read our mind, and they're likely to resent our indirectness. The best way to take responsibility for what we want is to ask for it directly. And, we can insist on directness from others. If we need to say no to a particular request, we can. If someone is trying to control us through a conversation, we can refuse to participate.

  Acknowledging feelings such as disappointment or anger directly, instead of making others guess at our feelings or having our feelings come out in other ways, is part of responsible communication. If we don't know what we want to say, we can say that too.

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  We can ask for information and use words to forge a closer connection, but we don't have to take people around the block with our conversations. We don't have to listen to, or participate in, nonsense. We can say what we want and stop when we're done.

  Today, I will communicate clearly and directly in my conversations with others. I will strive to avoid manipulative, indirect, or guiltproducing statements. I can be tactful and gentle whenever possible. And I can be assertive if necessary.

  April 16

  Letting Things Happen

  We do not have to work so hard at gaining our insights. Yes, we're learning that painful and disappointing things happen, often for a reason and a higher purpose. Yes, these things often work out for good. But we don't have to spend so much time and energy figuring out the purpose and plan for each detail of our l
ife. That's hypervigilence!

  Sometimes, the car doesn't start. Sometimes, the dishwasher breaks. Sometimes, we catch a cold. Sometimes, we run out of hot water. Sometimes, we have a bad day. While it helps to achieve acceptance and gratitude for these irritating annoyances, we don't have to process everything and figure out if it's in the scheme of things.

  Solve the problem. Get the car repaired. Fix the dishwasher. Nurse yourself through the cold. Wait to take the shower until there's hot water. Nurture yourself through your bad day. Tend to your responsibilities, and don't take everything so personally!

  If we need to recognize a particular insight or awareness, we will be guided in that direction. Certainly, we want to watch for patterns. But often, the big insights and the significant processing happen naturally.

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  We don't have to question every occurrence to see how it fits into the Plan. The Plan—the awareness, the insight, the potential for personal growth—will reveal itself to us. Perhaps the lesson is to learn to solve our problems without always knowing their significance. Perhaps the lesson is to trust ourselves to live, and experience, life.

  Today, I will let things happen without worrying about the significance of each event. I will trust that this will bring about my growth faster than running around with a microscope. I will trust my lessons to reveal themselves in their own time.

  April 17

  Taking Care of Ourselves

  We often refer to recovery from codependency and adult child issues as ''selfcare.'' Selfcare is not, as some may think, a spinoff of the "me generation." It isn't selfindulgence. It isn't selfishness—in the negative interpretation of that word.

  We're learning to take care of ourselves, instead of obsessively focusing on another person. We're learning selfresponsibility, instead of feeling excessively responsible for others. Selfcare also means tending to our true responsibilities to others; we do this better when we're not feeling overly responsible.

  Selfcare sometimes means, "me first," but usually, "me too." It means we are responsible for ourselves and can choose to no longer be victims.

  Selfcare means learning to love the person we're responsible for taking care of—ourselves. We do not do this to hibernate in a cocoon of isolation and selfindulgence; we do it so we can better love others, and learn to let them love us.

  Selfcare isn't selfish; it's selfesteem.

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  Today, God, help me love myself. Help me let go of feeling excessively responsible for those around me. Show me what I need to do to take care of myself and be appropriately responsible to others.

  April 18

  Freedom

  Many of us were oppressed and victimized as children. As adults, we may continue to keep ourselves oppressed.

  Some of us don't recognize that caretaking and not setting boundaries will leave us feeling victimized.

  Some of us don't understand that thinking of ourselves as victims will leave us feeling oppressed.

  Some of us don't know that we hold the key to our own freedom. That key is honoring ourselves, and taking care of ourselves.

  We can say what we mean, and mean what we say.

  We can stop waiting for others to give us what we need and take responsibility for ourselves. When we do, the gates to freedom will swing wide.

  Walk through.

  Today, I will understand that I hold the key to my freedom. I will stop participating in my oppression and victimization. I will take responsibility for myself, and let others do as they may.

  April 19

  Accepting Change

  The winds of change blow through our life, sometimes gently, sometimes like a tropical storm. Yes, we have resting places—time to adjust to another level of living, time to get our balance, time to enjoy the rewards. We have time to catch our breath.

  But change is inevitable, and desirable.

  Sometimes, when the winds of change begin to rustle, we're not certain the change is for the better. We may call Page 107

  it stress or a temporary condition, certain well be restored to normal. Sometimes, we resist. We tuck our head down and buck the wind, hoping that things will quickly calm down, get back to the way things were. Is it possible we're being prepared for a new "normal"?

  Change will sweep through our life, as needed, to take us where we're going. We can trust that our Higher Power has a plan in mind, even when we don't know where the changes are leading.

  We can trust that the change taking place is good. The winds will take us where we need to go.

  Today, help me, God, to let go of my resistance to change. Help me be open to the process. Help me believe that the place I'll be dropped off will be better than the place where I was picked up. Help me surrender, trust, and accept, even if I don't understand.

  April 20

  Deadlines

  I don't know whether I want in or out of this relationship. I've been struggling with it for months now. It's not appropriate to let it hang indefinitely. I will give myself two months to make a decision.

  —Anonymous

  I've had this unsolved problem hanging over my head for six months now. I'm confused. I'm not certain what to do. I'm going to give myself one month to come up with a solution.

  —Anonymous

  Sometimes, it helps to set a deadline.

  This can be true when we face unsolved problems, are struggling with a tough decision, have been sitting on the fence for a while, or have been floundering in confusion about a particular issue for a time.

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  That does not mean a deadline is written in stone. It means that we are establishing a time frame to help ourselves not feel so helpless and to help bring a solution into focus. Setting deadlines can free our energy to set the problem or issue aside, to let go, and allow the Universe, our Higher Power, and ourselves to begin to move toward a solution.

  We don't always need to tell people we've got a deadline. Sometimes, it's better to be silent, or else they may feel we are trying to control them and may rebel against our deadline. Sometimes, it is appropriate to share our deadlines with others.

  Deadlines are primarily a tool to help ourselves. They need to be reasonable and appropriate to each individual situation. Used properly, deadlines can be a beneficial tool to help us get through difficult problems and situations without feeling trapped and helpless. They can help us let go of worrying and obsessing, so we can focus our energies in more constructive directions. Setting a deadline can help move us out of that uncomfortable spot of feeling victimized by a person or a problem we can't solve.

  Deadlines can help us detach and move forward.

  Today, I will consider whether a deadline might be helpful in some area in my life. I claim Divine Wisdom and Guidance in setting appropriate deadlines for any problems or relationship issues that may be lingering.

  April 21

  Waiting

  Wait. If the time is not right, the way is not clear, the answer or decision not consistent, wait.

  We may feel a sense of urgency. We may want to resolve the issue by doing something— anything now, but that action is not in our best interest.

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  Living with confusion or unsolved problems is difficult. It is easier to resolve things. But making a decision too soon, doing something before it's time, means we may have to go back and redo it.

  If the time is not right, wait. If the way is not clear, do not plunge forward. If the answer or decision feels muddy, wait.

  In this new way of life, there is a Guiding Force. We do not ever have to move too soon or move out of harmony. Waiting is an action—a positive, forceful action.

  Often, waiting is a Godguided action, one with as much power as a decision, and more power than an urgent, illtimed decision.

  We do not have to pressure ourselves by insisting that we do or know something before it's time. When it is time, we will know. We will move into that time naturally and harmoniously. We will have peace
and consistency. We will feel empowered in a way we do not feel today.

  Deal with the panic, the urgency, the fear; do not let them control or dictate decisions.

  Waiting isn't easy. It isn't fun. But waiting is often necessary to get what we want. It is not deadtime; it is not downtime. The answer will come. The power will come.

  The time will come. And it will be right.

  Today, I will wait, if waiting is the action I need in order to take care of myself. I will know that I am taking a positive, forceful action by waiting until the time is right. God, help me let go of my fear, urgency, and panic. Help me learn the art of waiting until the time is right. Help me learn timing.

  April 22

  Coping with Stress

  Inevitably, there are times of stress in our lives, no matter how long we've been in recovery.

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  Sometimes, the stress is outside or around us. We're feeling balanced, but our circumstances are stressful. Sometimes, the stress is within; we feel out of balance.

  When the stress is external and internal, we experience our most difficult times.

  During stressful times, we can rely more heavily on our support systems. Our friends and groups can help us feel more balanced and peaceful in spite of our stressful conditions.

  Affirming that the events taking place are a temporarily uncomfortable part of a good, solid plan can help. We can assure ourselves that we will get through. We won't be destroyed. We won't crumple or go under.

  It helps to go back to the basics—to focus on detachment, dealing with feelings, and taking life one day at a time.

  Our most important focus during times of stress is taking care of ourselves. We are better able to cope with the most irregular circumstances, we are better able to be there for others, if we're caring for ourselves. We can ask ourselves regularly: What do we need to do to take care of ourselves? What might help us feel better or more comfortable?

  Selfcare may not come as easily during times of stress. Selfneglect may feel more comfortable. But taking care of ourselves always works.

  Today, I will remember that there is no situation that can't be benefited by taking care of myself.