More Language of Letting Go: 366 New Daily Meditations

by Melody Beattie

  April 23

  Opening Ourselves to Love

  Allowing ourselves to receive love is one of the greatest challenges we face in recovery.

  Many of us have blocked ourselves from receiving love. We may have lived with people who used love to control us. They would be there for us, but at the high price of our

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  freedom. Love was given, or withheld, to control us and have power over us. It was not safe for us to receive love from these people. We may have gotten accustomed to not receiving love, not acknowledging our need for love, because we lived with people who had no real love to give.

  At some point in recovery, we acknowledge that we, too, want and need to be loved. We may feel awkward with this need. Where do we go with it? What do we do? Who can give us love? How can we determine who is safe and who isn't? How can we let others care for us without feeling trapped, abused, frightened, and unable to care for ourselves?

  We will learn. The starting point is surrender—to our desire to be loved, our need to be nurtured and loved. We will grow confident in our ability to take care of ourselves with people. We will feel safe enough to let people care for us; we will grow to trust our ability to choose people who are safe and who can give us love.

  We may need to get angry first—angry that our needs have not been met. Later, we can become grateful to those people who have shown us what we don't want, the ones who have assisted us in the process of believing we deserve love, and the ones who come into our life to love us.

  We are opening up like flowers. Sometimes it hurts as the petals push open. Be glad. Our heart is opening up to the love that is and will continue to be there for us.

  Surrender to the love that is there for us, to the love that people, the Universe, and our Higher Power send our way.

  Surrender to love, without allowing people to control us or keep us from caring for ourselves. Start by surrendering to love for yourself.

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  Today, I will open myself to the love that is here for me. I will let myself receive love that is safe, knowing I can take care of myself with people. I will be grateful to all the people from my past who have assisted me in my process of opening up to love. I claim, accept, and am grateful for the love that is coming to me.

  April 24

  Lessons on the Job

  Often, the spiritual and recovery lessons we're learning at work reflect the lessons we're learning in other areas of our life.

  Often, the systems we're attracted to in our working life are similar to the systems in which we find ourselves living and loving. Those are the systems that reflect our issues and can help us learn our lessons.

  Are we slowly learning to trust ourselves at work? How about at home? Are we slowly learning to take care of ourselves at work? How about at home? Are we slowly learning boundaries and selfesteem, overcoming fear, and dealing with feelings?

  If we search back over our work history, we will probably see that it is a mirror of our issues, our growth. It most likely is now too.

  For today, we can believe that we are right where we need to be—at home and at work.

  Today, I will accept my present circumstances on the job. I will reflect on how what I am learning in my life applies to what I'm learning at work. If I don't know, I will surrender to the experience until that becomes clear. God, help me accept the work I have been given to do today. Help me be open to and learn what I need to be learning. Help me trust that it can and will be good.

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  April 25

  Finding Our Own Truth

  We must each discover our own truth.

  It does not help us if those we love find their truth. They cannot give it to us. It does not help if someone we love knows a particular truth in our life. We must discover our truth for ourselves.

  We must each discover and stand in our own light.

  We often need to struggle, fail, and be confused and frustrated. That's how we break through our struggle; that's how we learn what is true and right for ourselves.

  We can share information with others. Others can tell us what may predictably happen if we pursue a particular course. But it will not mean anything until we integrate the message and it becomes our truth, our discovery, our knowledge.

  There is no easy way to break through and find our truth.

  But we can and will, if we want to.

  We may want to make it easier. We may nervously run to friends, asking them to give us their truth or make our discovery easier. They cannot. Light will shed itself in its own time.

  Each of us has our own share of truth, waiting to reveal itself to us. Each of us has our own share of the light, waiting for us to stand in it, to claim it as ours.

  Encouragement helps. Support helps. A firm belief that each person has truth available—appropriate to each situation—is what will help.

  Each experience, each frustration, each situation, has its own truth waiting to be revealed. Don't give up until you find it—for yourself.

  We shall be guided into truth, if we are seeking it. We are not alone.

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  Today, I will search for my own truth, and I will allow others to do the same. I will place value on my vision and the vision of others. We are each on the journey, making our own discoveries—the ones that are right for us today.

  April 26

  Resisting Negativity

  Some people are carriers of negativity. They are storehouses of pentup anger and volatile emotions. Some remain trapped in the victim role and act in ways that further their victimization. And others are still caught in the cycle of addictive or compulsive patterns.

  Negative energy can have a powerful pull on us, especially if we're struggling to maintain positive energy and balance. It may seem that others who exude negative energy would like to pull us into the darkness with them. We do not have to go. Without judgment, we can decide it's okay to walk away, okay to protect ourselves.

  We cannot change other people. It does not help others for us to get off balance. We do not lead others into the Light by stepping into the darkness with them.

  Today, God, help me to know that I don't have to allow myself to be pulled into negativity, even around those I love. Help me set boundaries. Help me know it's okay to take care of myself.

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  April 27

  Letting Go of the Need to Control

  The rewards from detachment are great: serenity; a deep sense of peace; the ability to give and receive love in selfenhancing, energizing ways; and the freedom to find real solutions to our problems.

  —Codependent No More

  Letting go of our need to control can set us and others free. It can set our Higher Power free to send the best to us.

  If we weren't trying to control someone or something, what would we be doing differently?

  What would we do that we're not letting ourselves do now?

  Where would we go? What would we say?

  What decisions would we make?

  What would we ask for? What boundaries would be set? When would we say no or yes?

  If we weren't trying to control whether a person liked us or his or her reaction to us, what would we do differently? If we weren't trying to control the course of a relationship, what would we do differently? If we weren't trying to control another person's behavior, how would we think, feel, speak, and behave differently than we do now?

  What haven't we been letting ourselves do while hoping that selfdenial would influence a particular situation or person? Are there some things we've been doing that we'd stop?

  How would we treat ourselves differently?

  Would we let ourselves enjoy life more and feel better right now? Would we stop feeling so bad? Would we treat ourselves better?

  If we weren't trying to control, what would we do differently? Make a list, then do it.

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  Today, I will ask myself what I would be doing differently if I weren't tr
ying to control. When I hear the answer, I will do it. God, help me let go of my need to control. Help me set myself and others free.

  April 28

  Anger at Family Members

  Many of us have anger toward certain members of our family. Some of us have much anger and rage—anger that seems to go on year after year.

  For many of us, anger was the only way to break an unhealthy bondage or connection between a family member and ourselves. It was the force that kept us from being held captive—mentally, emotionally, and sometimes spiritually—by certain family members.

  It is important to allow ourselves to feel—to accept—our anger toward family members without casting guilt or shame on ourselves. It is also important to examine our guilty feelings concerning family members as anger and guilt are often intertwined.

  We can accept, even thank, our anger for protecting us. But we can also set another goal: taking our freedom.

  Once we do, we will not need our anger. Once we do, we can achieve forgiveness.

  Think loving thoughts, think healing thoughts toward family members. But let ourselves be as angry as we need to be.

  At some point, strive to be done with the anger. But we need to be gentle with ourselves if the feelings surface from time to time.

  Thank God for the feelings. Feel them. Release them. Ask God to bless and care for our families. Ask God to help us take freedom and take care of ourselves.

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  Let the golden light of healing shine upon all we love and upon all with whom we feel anger. Let the golden light of healing shine on us.

  Trust that a healing is taking place, now.

  Help me accept the potent emotions I may feel toward family members. Help me be grateful for the lesson they are teaching me. I accept the golden light of healing that is now shining on me and my family. I thank God that healing does not always come in a neat, tidy package.

  April 29

  Initiating Relationships

  Often, we can learn much about ourselves from the people to whom we are attracted.

  As we progress through recovery, we learn we can no longer form relationships solely on the basis of attraction. We learn to be patient, to allow ourselves to take into account important facts, and to process information about that person.

  What we are striving for in recovery is a healthy attraction to people. We allow ourselves to be attracted to who people are, not to their potential or to what we hope they are.

  The more we work through our family of origin issues, the less we will find ourselves needing to work through them with the people we're attracted to. Finishing our business from the past helps us form new and healthier relationships.

  The more we overcome our need to be excessive caretakers, the less we will find ourselves attracted to people who need to be constantly taken care of.

  The more we learn to love and respect ourselves, the more we will become attracted to people who will love and respect us and who we can safely love and respect.

  This is a slow process. We need to be patient with ourselves. The type of people we find ourselves attracted to does Page 118

  not change overnight. Being attracted to dysfunctional people can linger long and well into recovery. That does not mean we need to allow it to control us. The fact is, we will initiate and maintain relationships with people we need to be with until we learn what it is we need to learn—no matter how long we've been recovering.

  No matter who we find ourselves relating to, and what we discover happening in the relationship, the issue is still about us, and not about the other person. That is the heart, the hope, and the power of recovery.

  We can learn to take care of ourselves during the process of initiating and forming relationships. We can learn to go slowly. We can learn to pay attention. We can allow ourselves to make mistakes, even when we know better.

  We can stop blaming our relationships on God, and begin to take responsibility for them. We can learn to enjoy the healthy relationships, and remove ourselves more quickly from the dysfunctional ones.

  We can learn to look for what's good for us, instead of what's good for the other person.

  God, help me pay attention to my behaviors during the process of initiating relationships. Help me take responsibility for myself and learn what I need to learn. I will trust that the people I want and need will come into my life. I understand that if a relationship is not good for me, I have the right and ability to refuse to enter into it—even though the other person thinks it may be good for him or her. I will be open to the lessons I need to learn about me in relationships, so I am prepared for the best possible relationships with people.

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  April 30

  Balance

  The goal is balance.

  We need balance between work and play. We need balance between giving and receiving. We need balance in thought and feelings. We need balance in caring for our physical self and our spiritual self.

  A balanced life has harmony between a professional life and a personal life. There may be times when we need to climb mountains at work. There may be times when we put extra energy into our relationships. But the overall picture needs to balance.

  Just as a balanced nutritional diet takes into account the realm of our nutritional needs to stay healthy, a balanced life takes into account all our needs: our need for friends, work, love, family, play, private time, recovery time, and spiritual time—time with God. If we get out of balance, our inner voice will tell us. We need to listen.

  Today, I will examine my life to see if the scales have swung too far in any area, or not far enough in some. I will work toward achieving balance.

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  May

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  May 1

  Recovery Prayer

  This prayer is based on a section of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:

  Thank you for keeping me straight yesterday. Please help me stay straight today.

  For the next twentyfour hours, I pray for knowledge of Your will for me only, and the power to carry that through.

  Please free my thinking of selfwill, selfseeking, dishonesty, and wrong motives.

  Send me the right thought, word, or action. Show me what my next step should be. In times of doubt and indecision, please send Your inspiration and guidance.

  I ask that You might help me work through all my problems, to Your glory and honor.

  This prayer is a recovery prayer. It can take us through any situation. In the days ahead, well explore the ideas in it. If we pray this prayer, we can trust it has been answered with a yes.

  Today, I will trust that God will do for me what I cannot do for myself. I will do my part—working the Twelve Steps and letting God do the rest.

  May 2

  Our Higher Power

  For the next twentyfour hours. . .

  In recovery, we live life one day at a time, an idea requiring an enormous amount of faith. We refuse to look back—unless healing from the past is part of today's work. We look ahead only to make plans. We focus on this day's activity, living it to the best of our ability. If we do that long enough, well have enough connected days of healthy living to make something valuable of our life.

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  . . . I pray for knowledge of Your will for me only,. . .

  We surrender to God's will. We stop trying to control, and we settle for a life that is manageable. We trust our Higher Power's will for us—that it's good, generous, and with direction.

  We're learning, through trial and error, to separate our will from God's will. We're learning that God's will is not offensive. We've learned that sometimes there's a difference between what others want us to do and God's will. We're also learning that God did not intend for us to be codependent, to be martyrs, to control or caretake. We're learning to trust ourselves.

  . . . and the power to carry that through.

  Some of recovery is accepting powerlessness. An important part of recovery is c
laiming the power to take care of ourselves.

  Sometimes, we need to do things that are frightening or painful. Sometimes, we need to step out, step back, or step forward. We need to call on the help of a Power greater than ourselves to do that.

  We will never be called upon to do anything that we won't be empowered to do.

  Today, I can call upon an energizing Power Source to help me. That Power is God. I will ask for what I need.

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  May 3

  Freedom from SelfSeeking

  Please free my thinking of selfwill, selfseeking, dishonesty, and wrong motives.

  —paraphrased from Alcoholics Anonymous

  There is a difference between owning our power to take care of ourselves, as part of God's will for our life, and selfwill. There is a difference between selfcare and selfseeking. And our behaviors are not as much subject to criticism as are the motives underlying them.

  There is a harmonic, gentle, timely feeling to owning our power, to selfcare, and to acts with healthy motives that are not present in selfwill and selfseeking. We will learn discernment. But we will not always know the difference. Sometimes, we will feel guilty and anxious with no need. We may be surprised at the loving way God wants us to treat ourselves. We can trust that selfcare is always appropriate. We want to be free of selfwill and selfseeking, but we are always free to take care of ourselves.

  God, please guide my motives today, and keep me on Your path. Help me love myself, and others too. Help me understand that more often than not, those two ideas are connected.

  May 4

  Freedom from Compulsive Disorders

  Thank you for keeping me straight yesterday. Please help me stay straight today.

  —paraphrased from Alcoholics Anonymous

  When I first began my recovery from codependency, I was furious about having to begin another recovery program. Seven years earlier, I had begun recovery from chemical

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  dependency. It didn't seem fair that one person should have to address two major issues in one lifetime.

  I've gotten over my anger. I've learned that my recoveries aren't isolated from one another. Many of us recovering from codependency and adult children issues are also recovering from addictions: alcoholism, other drug dependency, gambling, food, work, or sex addiction. Some of us are trying to stay free of other compulsive disorders—ranging from caretaking to compulsively feeling miserable, guilty, or ashamed.