More Language of Letting Go: 366 New Daily Meditations

by Melody Beattie

August 6

  Solving Problems

  Problems are made to be solved!

  Some of us spend more time reacting to the fact that we have a problem than we do solving the problem. "Why is this happening to me?". . ."Isn't life awful?". . ."How come this had to happen?". . .''Oh, dear. This is terrible". . . .''Why is God (the Universe, an agency, a person, or life) picking on me?"

  Problems are inevitable. Some problems can be anticipated. Some are surprises. But the idea that problems occur regularly need never be a surprise.

  The good news is that for every problem, there's a solution. Sometimes the solution is immediate. Sometimes, it takes awhile to discover. Sometimes, the solution involves letting go. Sometimes, the problem is ours to solve; sometimes it isn't. Sometimes, there is something we can clearly do to solve the problem; other times, we need to struggle, flounder, do our part, then trust our Higher Power for help.

  Sometimes, the problem is just part of life. Sometimes, the problem is important because we are learning something through the problem and its solution. Sometimes, problems end up working out for good in our life. They get us headed in a direction that is superior to one we may otherwise have taken.

  Sometimes, problems just are; sometimes they are a warning sign that we are on the wrong track.

  We can learn to accept problems as an inevitable part of life. We can learn to solve problems. We can learn to trust our ability to solve problems. We can learn to identify which problems are trying to lead us in a new direction, and which simply ask for solving.

  We can learn to focus on the solution rather than on the problem, and maintain a positive attitude toward life and the inevitable flow of problems and solutions.

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  Today, I will learn to trust solutions, rather than be victimized by problems. I will not use problems to prove I am helpless, picked on, or martyred. I will not point to my problems to prove how awful life is. I will learn to trust the flow of problems and solutions. God, help me solve the problems I can solve today.

  Help me let go of the rest. Help me believe in my ability to tackle and solve problems. Help me trust the flow. For each problem, there is a solution.

  August 7

  Saying No

  For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.

  No— simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a "good" employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.

  The problem is, if we don't learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.

  When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.

  When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.

  If we're scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don't have to offer long explanations for our decisions.

  When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no's and our yes's begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: "No" isn't really that hard to say.

  Today, I will say no if that is what I mean.

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  August 8

  Saying Yes

  Yesterday we talked about learning to say no. Today let's discuss another important word: Yes.

  We can learn to say yes to things that feel good, to what we want—for ourselves and others.

  We can learn to say yes to fun. Yes to meetings, to calling a friend, asking for help.

  We can learn to say yes to healthy relationships, to people and activities that are good for us.

  We can learn to say yes to ourselves, what we want and need, our instincts, and the leading of our Higher Power.

  We can learn to say yes when it feels right to help someone. We can learn to say yes to our feelings. We can learn to identify when we need to take a walk, take a nap, have our back rubbed, or buy ourselves flowers.

  We can learn to say yes to work that is right for us.

  We can learn to say yes to all that will nurture and nourish us. We can learn to say yes to the best life and love have to offer.

  Today, I will say yes to all that feels good and right.

  August 9

  Asking for What We Need

  Decide what it is you want and need, then go to the person you need it from and ask for it.

  Sometimes, it takes hard work and much energy to get what we want and need. We have to go through the pains of identifying what we want, then struggle to believe that we deserve it. Then, we may have to experience the disappointment of asking someone, having the person refuse us, and figuring out what to do next.

  Sometimes in life, getting what we want and need is not so difficult. Sometimes, all we need to do is ask.

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  We can go to another person, or our Higher Power, and ask for what we need.

  But because of how difficult it can be, at times, to get what we want and need, we may get trapped in the mindset of believing it will always be that difficult.

  Sometimes, not wanting to go through the hassle, dreading the struggle, or out of fear, we may make getting what we want and need much more difficult than it needs to be.

  We may get angry before we ask, deciding that well never get what we want, or anticipating the "fight" well have to endure. By the time we talk to someone about what we want, we may be so angry that we're demanding, not asking; thus our anger triggers a power play that didn't exist except in our mind.

  Or we may get so worked up that we don't ask—or we waste far more energy than necessary fighting with ourselves, only to find out that the other person, or our Higher Power, is happy to give us what we want.

  Sometimes, we have to fight and work and wait for what we want and need. Sometimes, we can get it just by asking or stating that this is what we want. Ask. If the answer is no, or not what we want, then we can decide what to do next.

  Today, I will not set up a difficult situation that doesn't exist with other people, or my Higher Power, about getting what I want and need. If there is something I need from someone, I will ask first, before I struggle.

  August 10

  Letting Go of Perfection

  As I journey through recovery, more and more I learn that accepting myself and my idiosyncrasies—laughing at myself for my ways—gets me a lot further than picking on Page 227

  myself and trying to make myself perfect. Maybe that's really what it's all about—absolute loving joyous, nurturing selfacceptance.

  —Anonymous

  Stop expecting perfection from yourself and those around you.

  We do a terrible, annoying thing to ourselves and others when we expect perfection. We set up a situation where others, including ourselves, do not feel comfortable with us. Sometimes, expecting perfection makes people so uptight that they and we make more mistakes than normal because we are so nervous and focused on mistakes.

  That does not mean we allow inappropriate behaviors with the excuse that "nobody's perfect." That doesn't mean we don't have boundaries and reasonable expectations of people and ourselves.

  But our expectations need to be reasonable. Expecting perfection is not reasonable.

  People make mistakes. The less anxious, intimidated, and repressed they are by expectations of being perfect, the better they will do.

  Striving for excellence, purity in creativity, a harmonious performance, and the best we have to offer does not happen in the stymied, negative, fearproducing atmosphere of expecting perfection.

  Have and set boundaries. Have reasonable expectations. Strive to do your best. Encourage others to do the same. But know that we and others will make mistakes.

  Know that we and others will have learning experiences, things we go through.

  Sometimes, the
flaws and imperfections in ourselves determine our uniqueness, the way they do in a piece of art. Relish them. Laugh at them. Embrace them, and ourselves.

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  Encourage others and ourselves to do the best we can. Love and nurture ourselves and others for being who we are. Then realize we are not merely human—we were intended and created to be human.

  Today, God, help me let go of my need to be perfect and to unreasonably insist that others are perfect. I will not use this to tolerate abuse or mistreatment, but to achieve appropriate, balanced expectations. I am creating a healthy atmosphere of love, acceptance, and nurturing around and within me. I trust that this attitude will bring out the best in other people and in me.

  August 11

  Healing

  Let healing energy flow through your body.

  The healing energy of God, the Universe, life, and recovery surrounds us. It is available, waiting for us to draw on it, waiting for us to draw it in. It's waiting at our meetings or groups, on the words of a whispered prayer, in a gentle touch, a positive word, a positive thought. Healing energy is in the sun, the wind, the rain, in all that is good.

  Let healing energy come. Attract it. Accept it. Let it soak in. Breathe in the golden light. Exhale. Let go of fear, anger, hurt, doubt. Let healing energy flow to you, through you.

  It is yours for the asking, for the believing.

  Today, I will ask for, and accept, the healing energy from God and the Universe. I will let it flow to me, through me, and back out to others. I am part of, and at one with, the continuous cycle of healing.

  August 12

  Directness

  Direct people are a joy to be around.

  We never have to guess what they're really thinking or

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  feeling, because they're honest about their thoughts and openly express their feelings.

  We never have to wonder if they're with us because they want to be, or if they're there out of guilt and obligation.

  When they do something for us, we don't have to worry whether they'll end up resenting us because direct people generally do things that please themselves.

  We don't have to fuss about the status of our relationship because if we ask, they'll tell us.

  We don't have to worry if they're angry because they deal openly with their anger and resolve it quickly.

  We don't have to ponder whether they are talking about us behind our backs because if they have something to say, it will be said to us directly.

  We don't have to wonder if we can rely on them because direct people are trustworthy.

  Wouldn't it be nice if we were all direct?

  Today, I will let go of my notions that it is somehow good or desirable to be indirect. Instead, I will strive for honesty, directness, and clarity in my communication. I will let directness in my relationships begin with me.

  August 13

  Friends

  Don't overlook the value of friendship. Don't neglect friends.

  Friends are a joy. Adult friendships can be a good place for us to learn to have fun and to appreciate how much fun we can have with a friend.

  Friends can be a comfort. Who knows us better, or is more able to give us support, than a good friend? A friendship is a comfortable place to be ourselves. Often, our choice of friends will reflect the issues we're working on. Giving and receiving support will help both people grow.

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  Some friendships wax and wane, going through cycles throughout the years. Some trail off when one person outgrows the other. Certainly, we will have trials and tests in friendships and, at times, be called on to practice our recovery behaviors.

  But some friendships will last a lifetime. There are special love relationships, and there are friendships. Sometimes, our friendships—especially recovery friendships—

  can be special love relationships too.

  Today, I will reach out to a friend. I will let myself enjoy the comfort, joys, and enduring quality of my friendships.

  August 14

  Owning Our Power

  Many of us have someone in our life who challenges our ability to trust and care for ourselves.

  When we hear that person's voice or are in his or her presence, we may forget all we know about what is real, about how to own our power, about how to be direct, about what we know and believe to be true, about how important we are.

  We give up our power to that person. The child in us gets hooked with a mixture of powerful feelings—love, fear, or anger. We may feel trapped, helpless, or so attracted that we can't think straight. There may be a powerful tugofwar going between feelings of anger and our need to be loved and accepted, or between our head and our heart.

  We may be so enamored or intimidated that we revert to our belief that we can't react or respond to this person any differently.

  We get hooked.

  We don't have to stay under a spell.

  We start by becoming aware of the people who hook us, and then accepting that.

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  We can force ourselves through the motions of reacting differently to that person, even if that new reaction is awkward and uncomfortable.

  Search out our motivations. Are we somehow trying to control or influence the other person? We cannot change the other person, but we can stop playing our part of the game. One good way to do this is by detaching and letting go of any need to control.

  The next step is learning to own our power to take care of ourselves, to be who we are free from their influence. We can learn to own our power with difficult people.

  It may not happen overnight, but we can begin, today, to change our selfdefeating reactions to the people who have hooked us.

  God, help me identify the relationships where I have forfeited my power. Help me unhook and begin owning my power.

  August 15

  Leaving Room for Feelings

  We need to allow enough room for others and ourselves to have and work through our feelings.

  We are people, not robots. An important part of us—who we are, how we grow, how we live—is connected to our emotional center. We have feelings, sometimes difficult ones, sometimes disruptive ones, sometimes explosive ones, that need to be worked through.

  By facing and working through these feelings we and others grow. In relationships, whether it be a love relationship, a friendship, a family relationship, or a close business relationship, people need room to have and work through their feelings.

  Some call it "going through the process."

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  ourselves and our relationships up for failure if we do not allow this time and room in our life.

  We need time to work through feelings. We need the space and permission to work through these feelings in the awkward, uncomfortable, sometimes messy way that people work through feelings.

  This is life. This is growth. This is okay.

  We can allow room for feelings. We can let people have time and permission to go through their feelings. We do not have to keep ourselves or others under such a tight rein. While we work through our feelings we do not have to expend unnecessary energy reacting to each feeling we or others have. We don't have to take all our feelings, and others' feelings, so seriously while we or others are in the process of working through them.

  Let the feelings flow and trust where the flow is taking you.

  I can set reasonable boundaries for behavior, and still leave room for a range of emotions.

  August 16

  Rescuing Ourselves

  No one likes a martyr.

  How do we feel around martyrs? Guilty, angry, trapped, negative, and anxious to get away.

  Somehow, many of us have developed the belief that depriving ourselves, not taking care of ourselves, being a victim, and suffering needlessly will get us what we want.

  It is our job to notice our abilities,
our strengths, and take care of ourselves by developing and acting on them.

  It is our job to notice our pain and weariness and appropriately take care of ourselves.

  It is our job to notice our deprivation, too, and begin to take steps to give ourselves abundance. It begins inside of us, by changing what we believe we deserve, by giving up

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  our deprivation and treating ourselves the way we deserve to be treated.

  Life is hard, but we don't have to make it more difficult by neglecting ourselves. There is no glory in suffering, only suffering. Our pain will not stop when a rescuer comes, but when we take responsibility for ourselves and stop our own pain.

  Today, I will be my own rescuer. I will stop waiting for someone else to work through my issues and solve my problems for me.

  August 17

  Healing Thoughts

  Think healing thoughts.

  When you feel anger or resentment, ask God to help you feel it, learn from it, and then release it. Ask Him to bless those who you feel anger toward.

  Ask Him to bless you too.

  When you feel fear, ask Him to take it from you. When you feel misery, force gratitude. When you feel deprived, know that there is enough.

  When you feel ashamed, reassure yourself that who you are is okay. You are good enough.

  When you doubt your timing or your present position in life, assure yourself that all is well; you are right where you're meant to be. Reassure yourself that others are too.

  When you ponder the future, tell yourself that it will be good. When you look back at the past, relinquish regrets.

  When you notice problems, affirm there will be a timely solution and a gift from the problem.

  When you resist feelings or thoughts, practice acceptance. When you feel discomfort, know it will pass. When you identify a want or a need, tell yourself it will be met.

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  When you worry about those you love, ask God to protect and care for them. When you worry about yourself, ask Him to do the same.

  When you think about others, think love. When you think about yourself, think love.

  Then watch your thoughts transform reality.

  Today, I will think healing thoughts.

  August 18

  Valuing this Moment