Liv, in the Moment

by Dale, Tracy

  "Too much again?"

  She hesitated. "No." They went inside, but she immediately retreated to her room.

  Liv's heart still felt battered and bruised. She didn't know how Chelsea had stood it, loving Jayden for so long without encouragement, without a return of any kind. She wasn't sure how long she'd felt that way about Connor but it was agony knowing it now.

  Distance was the only answer she could come up with. She went to bed determined to create a separation between them. But first thing the next morning, Connor blew right through that thought.

  He called her five minutes after her alarm went off. She hadn't even stumbled out of bed yet. The phone only rang once before she picked it up. He would just keep calling if she didn't. "This isn't the weekend," she said.

  "Come down."

  Not conducive to separation, she thought as she went downstairs. She opened the door and stared. He was sweating, breathing heavily, clearly out for a run. But he was holding a Venti Starbucks cup in his hand. He held it out. "A Chai tea latte with soy."

  "For me?"

  His lips flickered with a funny half-smile. "For you."

  "B-but-- Why?"

  "Because I know you love this drink."

  She knew her mouth was hanging open but... Nothing was happening in her brain.

  He held it out farther. "Don't you want it?"

  "You ran here with it?" Okay, Starbucks was in walking distance, but to run with it? That took all kinds of effort on multiple levels.

  "I run every morning."

  "But with Starbucks?"

  That quickly hidden half-smile came and went again. "I made a special run for you."

  She was still dazed when she reached for it. "Oh."

  "I'll see you in an hour?"

  "Okay."

  He lifted the neck of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face, grinned at her, and took off running.

  Liv watched him until he disappeared. She closed the door and peeled the sticker off the lid and tasted the most amazing Chai latte she'd ever had at six-thirty in the morning.

  She was not going to read into it.

  So she drank, and enjoyed, and got ready for school. When she finished, she deliberately left the cup in her room, to confirm she wasn't crazy later.

  When she came back downstairs again, Connor was in the kitchen, eating breakfast.

  "You're running a bit latte," he said as she walked in.

  She laughed and said, "Cheese--e."

  "Was it good?"

  "The best ever. Really."

  He got a satisfied expression on his face. "I told them to make it great."

  "Thank you, Connor. It was a really nice surprise."

  He looked at her meaningfully.

  She was so tempted to wonder what his meaning was. Instead she said, "So if Ana grabs you today, I shouldn't think anything of it, right?"

  His satisfied expression faded. It made her feel like the worst person in the world.

  "She shouldn't. I called her last night."

  "You did?" She wouldn't say more, afraid he'd see how much she wanted the details.

  "She didn't pick up but I left her a message." He closed his mouth for a moment and seemed to be thinking. Almost absently he said, "Kinda odd. She always picks up my calls. And she didn't call back, either." He shrugged. "But if she tries anything again, you could always go Kung Fu on her."

  "Now why would I do that?"

  "Those man-eating claws your dad mentioned scare us, Liv."

  "And you think I don't have them?"

  "I know you have them. I'm counting on yours to combat Ana's."

  "You're awful." And it still made her want to laugh. "Ana is--was--your girlfriend."

  He sighed. "I know. It was never supposed to become what it became, but I know I need to man up and deal with it."

  She continued to look at him, wishing he'd give her more of an answer.

  She was pretty sure he got the message because he said, "I told you early on it was supposed to be casual. She knew I didn't want to do serious."

  "And I told you girls always do serious." Most, anyway. She didn't think that tidbit would advance her argument, however.

  "But I just saw this movie--"

  "Where a girl said casual in the beginning but became serious by the end. Right?"

  "Oh yeah. That's exactly how it happened. Huh." He scraped his hand over his head. "I knew watching chick-flicks when I was sick was a bad idea."

  "It wasn't enlightening?"

  "It is now, with you explaining it to me. On my own, all I got was that chicks do casual too."

  Liv slung her bag on her shoulder and waited while he put his empty breakfast plate in the dishwasher. They called goodbye to Mom who was upstairs. At her car, he opened the door for her again. Before she got in she said, "So casual is all guys ever want?"

  "No."

  "But that's all you say you want."

  Connor looked away, wishing he could hide the guilty expression he knew was on his face. "With Ana. I know that sounds really bad. With the right girl though, a guy would want serious."

  He waited for her to ask what girl that was. Almost hoped she would, so he could tell her she was it. But she didn't ask.

  He followed her to school. He was actually nervous walking on campus, worried what Ana would do. When he didn't see her, he was ridiculously relieved.

  The sight of Jackson smiling lazily at Liv overrode his relief. He really wished he could think of a reason to punch Jackson's lights out.

  Liv was smiling back, and she looked happy to see him. Ruthless Connor wanted to intercept her smile. Connor-Who-Cared-About-Liv accepted it and told himself not to interfere.

  Even when Jackson grabbed her and kissed her, and then stood with his arms around her, Connor told himself to leave it alone. He concentrated so hard on not reacting the way he wanted to, it took him a moment to become aware of anything else.

  "You are such a tool, Brody!" Chelsea sounded disgusted.

  "It's medical!" Brody said.

  David laughed. "Hey, we all get headaches, right?"

  "It wasn't even for Brody's headache," Chelsea snapped.

  "It's still medical," Brody said.

  "What happened?" Connor said. He felt blasted by the furious expression Chelsea turned on him and almost held his hands up in surrender. "No hard feelings after yesterday," he said quickly.

  "Pay attention," she practically snarled, but then immediately apologized. "Brody can't go to Homecoming with me."

  "Why not?"

  Everyone looked at him like he was losing it. "Dude, you were here the whole time," David said.

  "He's probably thinking about going to Homecoming," Chelsea said.

  "Brody got caught with marijuana," Liv answered Connor's question.

  "My parents grounded me for a month. No joke." Brody sighed and shook his head. "The packet says medical on it. I even showed my parents. It's a plant, you know? Organic."

  The chilled-out Zen thing Brody had going was perfectly intact, with just the right dose of peaceful bafflement mixed in. Connor thought it was hilarious. He was still laughing when Ana walked up behind him, wrapped her arms around him and...

  Grabbed.

  His.

  Monster.

  * * *

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Pain

  It took him a split-second to react, but in that split he saw everything. David, Brody and Chelsea instantly looked everywhere but at him. Jackson's lip curled with mocking amusement.

  Liv looked sickened before she too avoided looking at him.

  Connor jerked away so fast Ana stumbled. Her laughter was a mixture of sweet and wicked until he turned and glared at her. "What's wrong?" she said.

  He was so furious, so unbelievably livid, he knew he would say something unforgivable if he spoke to her now. He turned and stalked away without looking back. It occurred to him she might say something to Liv again. If he saw her doing that, he'd lose it, and all the f
erocious words that were thick in his throat would come yelling out.

  Everything he'd done so far to let Liv know how much she meant to him, Ana had undone with ridiculous ease.

  He kept walking.

  His phone rang with Ana's ring tone. He muttered a curse and blocked it.

  She immediately texted him, i luv u.

  He deleted it.

  Before the bell rang, he texted Ana. cn i com ovr 2nite?

  Almost immediately, she returned, n e time. i luv u.

  Next he texted Liv. im srry.

  She never texted him back.

  * * * *

  Liv was on the way to her last class when she heard the oddest squeal behind her. She turned to see Chelsea running after her. "What's wrong?"

  Chelsea's eyes were shimmering with tears, her face flushed red. "You...won't..." Her chest was heaving and she was panting.

  "Are you--" Liv was almost afraid to ask in case she got it wrong. "Are you laughing?"

  "No. Yes." More gasps. More tears. More something that sounded like laughter. "He asked me." Gasp. "Liv! He asked me out!"

  She almost said 'who?' but only one guy could cause this hysteria. "Jayden?"

  Chelsea nodded so enthusiastically her hair bounced in her face. "Just now. Just...at my locker." She wiped her eyes. "I'm not crying! They're watering, I swear." She laughed. "The love of my life is taking me to Homecoming!"

  "He asked you to Homecoming? How did he know Brody cancelled?"

  "I have no idea. Maybe he never knew we were going together." She wiped her eyes again. "He asked me out for this weekend too."

  "What? Two dates?"

  "I know. Am I dreaming?" The bell rang. "If I am, that bell isn't waking me up." She threw her arms around Liv and hugged her so tightly Liv couldn't breathe. "You're still a stick." More watery laughter. "But a curvy one now. You're so beautiful." She took off running to her next class.

  Liv watched her, smiling, and then wiping her own eyes. She was so happy for Chelsea. If there was one wish she could have ever made for her friend, it was this.

  The joy floated Liv through class. Later, as she walked by the gym on her way to her car, Jackson ran out.

  "You look happy." He leaned down to kiss her.

  She told him about Jayden.

  "That's great for Chelsea," he said. "I've got a family thing Saturday, but what about Friday?"

  Was this him asking her on a date? "No, I've got some things planned already." She didn't, but she didn't like how he'd asked. They weren't that comfortable yet.

  Connor kept saying he should work for her. Ana hadn't made Connor work for her and look how well that turned out.

  She immediately blocked the thought. The morning's debacle still made her feel uncomfortable. Ana hadn't just grabbed him. She'd cupped and stroked before Connor jerked away and took off. Ana had tried to make a joke of it, had said something about a game they played, but Liv was pretty sure it was a lie.

  The whole situation was just bad and she didn't feel like dealing with any of it. Including Jackson. It was unfair to him, she knew, but it was how she felt. She had a big, fat screw you for anyone who wanted to give her grief about it.

  Connor's text to her was something else she didn't want to deal with. Not responding was becoming the name of her game. She'd rather think about Chelsea's happiness.

  "Okay," Jackson said. He gave her another kiss, longer this time, but pulled back before Liv felt uncomfortable. He'd been considerate since the last time she'd spoken to him about it.

  She went home, did her homework and made cookies. She was just taking the first batch out of the oven when Connor walked in.

  "For me?" His smile was somewhere between hesitant and bashful.

  She snorted.

  "Not for me?"

  "They're for me."

  He approached slowly, eyeing the cookies and her alternately. "White chocolate macadamia nut is my favorite."

  "White chocolate chip is my favorite."

  "Oh yeah? There's no nuts?" He leaned closer to inspect them and took a deep, appreciative breath. "It would be my honor to try it."

  She lifted her brows and turned away to put the next sheet of cookies in the oven, entirely aware of his hand moving stealthily over the freshly baked pile before shoving one in his mouth. He groaned softly.

  He went to the fridge and got a glass of milk. "Who needs macadamia nuts?"

  The oven slammed shut. She hadn't meant to, it slipped out of her mitt-covered hand.

  Connor winced. "I'm sorry, Liv. I shouldn't have taken the cookie and I should have been watching out for Ana but I didn't think at all that she would do what she did but I probably should have because...um..."

  She knew she had a stunned expression on her face. She was riveted by the sudden flow of words. "Because?"

  "I mean, you know how things were between us. Anyway I'm sorry for the water bottle I took out of your bag last week at school. I shouldn't have done it. I thought it was kind of funny but yeah, I shouldn't have."

  "That was you? I thought I'd dropped it."

  "Sorry," he mumbled.

  She turned away to hide her laughter.

  "Oh man, you're really upset with me aren't you?" All he could see was her shoulders shaking. That's exactly how Ana's looked when she was crying.

  "I'm not upset." She stayed turned away.

  It didn't sound to him like she was crying. "Then you're angry? You never answered my text from earlier. I was hoping that meant you'd forgiven me."

  She turned back to face him. "There wasn't anything to forgive."

  Way too good to be true. "I know how it looked--"

  "No. No you don't. You know how it felt, but not how it looked."

  "I didn't enjoy it."

  "No one enjoyed seeing it either--" She closed her eyes for a moment. "I'm kind of cranky right now. Maybe you should go watch football or something."

  "I can appreciate a woman who knows she's cranky and is trying to spare me."

  "Wow. That's quality salesman talk right there."

  "I'm not--" He laughed. "It was, wasn't it? But not deliberate, I promise. Look about--"

  "Blah blah blah," she interrupted. "I don't want to hear about Ana anymore. Sorry, but either break up or stay together. Just be consistent."

  Connor searched her eyes. Did she mean it? Because she sure sounded like she didn't care. "I'm going to her house tonight."

  "Great! Have fun. As usual." She positively dripped with sarcasm. She closed her eyes again for a moment and then muttered, "Cranky, remember?"

  "To break up with her again," he continued. "Clearly this time, since it apparently wasn't clear before."

  Liv didn't react.

  He didn't like it. This wasn't the time for her to not say anything. He decided he'd tease her with information until she did say something. "About Homecoming..."

  She checked the oven.

  "I'm going to..."

  She went to the fridge and got some milk.

  "I was thinking of..."

  She picked up a cookie.

  "Maybe..."

  She raised her milk glass to sip. "Oh for-- Spit it out, Connor!"

  Triumph. "I'm going to cancel. I think it's the right thing."

  "Are you going to go with someone else?"

  "Unless it's you, no."

  He said it so casually Liv didn't immediately catch it. "Really?"

  "Absolutely."

  Not. Fair. She mouthed the words.

  Connor asked her what she said but she just shook her head. It wasn't fair. The-Unrequited-Love-of-Her-Life would take her to Homecoming if she wasn't already going with another guy who'd been nothing but great to her.

  Would anyone cry her a river? No.

  She bit into her cookie. "Chelsea's going with Jayden. I wish you could have seen her, Connor. She was so happy."

  "Did it make you happy?"

  She had to smile. "Yeah. It really did."

  "It's what you wanted, ri
ght?"

  "Of course it is. If anyone deserves a happy ending it's Chelsea."

  Connor's head jerked in an abrupt nod before he turned away. It seemed odd, but Liv didn't feel like asking what was bothering him. She offered him cookies instead. Because she was a sucker.

  "Are you busy Saturday?" she said, as he ate one in a single bite.

  "Wmhmy?" He swallowed. "Are you asking me out?"

  "To the mall."

  "Really?" He looked delighted. "Like when we were thirteen and the only way to have a date was to hang out at the mall?"

  Liv laughed. "Is that what you did?"

  "Limited options, Lucky. What's a thirteen year old guy with a fantastic behind to do?"

  "I knew it! I thought it had been a while since you--"

  "Offered up the magic?" He turned around. "Are you finally going to sink your fingers into it?"

  He looked so rascally and adorable. And suddenly not responding seemed like a silly idea. "Absolutely." She walked over and slid both hands over his bottom and squeezed. "Ooh. Taut." And it really, really was. Delicious.

  Connor seemed too stunned to react at first, and then he laughed from deep in his throat. "Lucky is getting saucy." His face had gone really, really red.

  "You didn't think I'd do it, did you?"

  "Nope. You enjoy it?"

  "Immensely." She grinned. "It's definitely on the right list."

  Connor went for a cookie. "So you want to go shopping on Saturday, huh?"

  "You did offer."

  "I did. What I didn't mention is that I'm going to rope your dad into coming along."

  "He'll never do it."

  "Want to bet on it?"

  "Five bucks."

  "Childs play," he said. "No, if he goes, you have to agree to go watch a horror movie with me."

  Just the two of them? At a movie theater? Sooooo date like. She lapped it up. "If he doesn't, you have to watch a romantic comedy with me."

  "Done." And he'd win either way.

  Mom walked in just then, to start dinner. Liv and Connor hung out in the kitchen until it was ready. Even though a game was on and Dad had looked at him like he was unwell when he said he'd skip it.

  They did their usual routine of praying for their food before digging in. "Has Jackson tried to get you to church yet?" Connor said, after taking a few bites.

  "His dad did, but in a way I didn't have to respond. Anyway, Jackson said he isn't in to church."