Anywhere But Here

by Remmy Duchene

  “The things they put you through…” Chad snarled. “How can you want to protect them?”

  “Darling, I am not protecting them. I wish to keep you from doing something stupid.” John walked over to caress Chad’s arms then, framing his face. “There are better ways to get back at men like that.”

  “What, death is too good for them?”

  “Yes. Because death ends their suffering and yours will begin,” John said. “Let us begin with yours and Nimal’s plan. Then once that becomes boring, we will ramp it up a little.”

  Chad tilted his head, his eyes curious. “What’s going on in that evil little mind of yours?”

  “It has not yet been fully formed.” John smiled and reached up for a kiss. “But if you feed me breakfast, I will have a full stomach to plot on.”

  “Very well.” Chad scooped John into his arms and carried him to the bed.

  John laughed. “That was not the kind of food I was referring to, but we can start there.”

  “Good.” Chad whispered, tracing his hands down John’s frame to his cock. “Because I’ve been craving your cock in my mouth for the past two hours.”

  “Why did you not just take it?”

  “You looked peaceful.” Chad slipped down his body. “And I’m a patient kind of guy.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  With Nimal as their lookout, John led Chad up a flight of stairs. He stopped at the landing and glanced one way then the other. Nimal had offered to bring them to the unit then go back to his post, but John figured he’d remember the way. For a silent eternity, he remained there, breathing in the pungent scent of cardamom wafting from the left, nutmeg from the right and blending together in one delicious symphony before him. As his hands shook, he shoved them into his pockets, closed his eyes, and tried skimming through the memories he’d retrieved for this place. Finally, he made the right turn along the hall, forcing one foot before the other until he came to stop before a door at the end. 102A was tacked to it in bold font, only the A was upside down. It was never like that before, John remembered. Anu always made sure everything was perfect.

  Nimal had given him the key he’d managed to get from the landlord after telling him they were interested in renting it. It seemed ever since the night his father and uncle barged in, the apartment had been unrentable. The landlord had dropped the rent dirt cheap, and still he could not get it off his hands.

  He’d gotten his answer then. Anu was dead. Apparently, Anu had died a violent death, and people were afraid his angry ghost would terrorize them. John swallowed the lump in his throat, pushed the key into the lock, and slowly pushed the door forward. Though Chad said nothing, John knew he was close. He could feel his lover’s warmth and presence with each step.

  The interior of the space was dark, so he felt along the wall for a switch. When the room erupted into light, he wished he hadn’t. It was as if a tornado had passed through and upturned everything. Pillows were scattered everywhere, plates and mugs lay in pieces on the floor, and a large plasma screen television was lying on the back, the screen smashed like someone had put a fist through it.

  “Maybe if they cleaned the damn place before they tried renting it,” John muttered.

  He took a few more steps into the bedroom and a large splatter of blood sat on the wall. No one had even bothered cleaning it off. The carmine shade sat there like a replay of what had happened that night.

  “They were trying to rent this the way it is?” Chad asked.

  John grunted.

  The nightmare played out in John’s head in painful clarity. No matter where he looked, there was one memory after another. They bombarded him until he closed his eyes. Tears streamed down his chin, and he covered his face. Chad’s strong arms wrapped around him from behind, and John turned and shoved his face into Chad’s neck. Sobs rocked his body, and no matter how hard he tried stopping, he couldn’t. His head throbbed and his knees shook, but Chad never once let him go. Chad clung to him, holding him up, and stood there like an immovable force, standing guard between John and the demons waiting at the door.

  Eventually, he stepped back and looked into Chad’s face. “He’s dead, Chad. Anu is dead because my uncle killed him.”

  “Are you sure?”

  John nodded then turned to point. “We were making love when they burst in. I tried shielding Anu with my body, but my father grabbed me by the hair and yanked me away. That’s when I saw the gun. I guess Anu must have seen it, too, because he lunged forward trying to get me away from my father. That was when…”

  “Your uncle shot him.”

  “Yes. I remember the sound.” John covered his hears. “It was so loud I thought I’d never be able to hear anything ever again. I cannot stay here, Chad.”

  “You don’t have to make that decision now.”

  “Too bad. It is made.” John turned to look up into Chad’s eyes. “I cannot trust my father, or my uncle, or my mother, and sometimes I find myself wondering if I can trust Nimal.”

  “We know we can.”

  “I suppose.” John walked around Chad to stoop and pick up a picture frame that sat on the floor. The glass was smashed, so he shook it to get all the broken pieces off. It was a picture of Anu, dark eyes, short hair, no smile. “This place has always been so sterile. I feel as if I should have known something bad would happen here—almost as if it was slowly killing me. Dying is not the fear. I just do not wish to do it here.”

  He placed the picture on the counter beside him and looked at Chad, who now had his arms folded across his chest. “I would like to go now.”

  “Sure, baby. Anything you want.”

  They left, locking the door behind them before returning the key. Fortunately, the landlord was gone so they didn’t have to explain about the apartment. When they met up with Nimal again, he grabbed John and tugged him into the dimly lit corner and peered out.

  “Do you see that man, getting out of the silver car?” Nimal asked.

  John looked. “Father…”

  “That is your father?” Chad asked.

  “Yes.” Nimal cleared his throat. “And he is about one minute early today.”

  As John stared at the older man with the white as snow hair, he tried going through his emotions. He’d wondered what it would feel like seeing the man who helped to ruin his life again. In that moment, he felt rage and indifference.

  “I often wonder how he sleeps at night,” Nimal asked, close to John’s ear. “I know I could not sleep when I thought you were dead. I cried—for the first few days, and then all I felt was numb. But he ate, slept, laughed—not once did he show any sign of regret or sadness. I do not understand it.”

  “He believes what he’s done was the right thing,” Chad said softly. “Don’t ask me how that works inside his head. Honor killings make no sense to me. The first time I saw the injuries to Dilip’s body my heart broke into so many pieces I never thought they’d find their way back together again.”

  “This will be over soon,” John said, turning and walking off in the opposite direction. He heard Nimal and Chad’s steps after him, so he didn’t look back. “I am even more determined now. Since they will not prosecute him and our dear uncle, we will just have to find another way to make them pay.”

  “Are we still going along with our previous plan?” Nimal asked.

  “Yes,” John said. He stepped and turned. “What is his next stop?”

  “His office. He usually goes in for a status meeting after he leaves here.”

  “Good. It is time.”

  ****

  Chad was still not a fan of this plan, especially so soon after John had to face the demons at Anu’s place. He had so many questions to ask, and he wanted to give John a once over as a doctor to make sure everything was all right. Still, John wished to keep going. Chad couldn’t see any fraying yet, but he intended to watch John very closely, to ensure he was safe and mentally ready for what could possibly happen.

  Before they got into the taxi, C
had took John aside and cradled his face. He kissed him, deeply at first then soft pecks against his nose and forehead. He pulled John into his arms and snuggled against him. Never before had he ever felt like this for a man, and he wanted to show John some tenderness before they dove into what they were about to do. When he glanced toward Nimal, the young man smiled brightly and bowed his head.

  Chad dropped a final kiss to John’s cheek before leading him back to Nimal.

  “Sorry,” Chad said.

  “Do not apologize for showing my brother love,” Nimal said. “The gods know after the hell he’s been through in the last few months—happiness is well earned.”

  “Thank you, Nimal,” John said. “For standing with me.”

  “Where else would I be?” Nimal asked.

  “Okay.” Chad peered out to see their father climbing into the backseat of his car. “He is on the move.”

  Nimal waved down a taxi, and John and Chad climbed into the back seat. He then told the driver to follow the silver car up ahead and gave him the address. Chad thanked him, reminded him to meet them back at the hotel, and off they went.

  As for their plot, Chad would go along with it until he saw anything start to unravel. While they drove toward John’s father’s offices, Chad hatched a backup plan to theirs. He hoped they never had to fall back on it, but at least he had one just in case. The office wasn’t a long drive in a taxi, but he used that moment to secretly reach across the seat to stroke the side of John’s thigh. They locked eyes for a second, and when John smiled at him, Chad inhaled and nodded.

  He watched the way John played with the bracelet Chad had given him. He rubbed his fingers gently over the rope before caressing the shiny, smoothness of the dragon clasps.

  “I have never gotten a gift like this before,” John said.

  “Never?”

  “No.” John glanced out the window.

  They drew to a stop close to the entrance of the building, and Chad frowned. He wished he could give John a kiss before he put his plot into action, but he wasn’t sure that was what John wanted or if it was best for him. The last time he thought he was safe, he wound up in a ditch in Jaipur. Chad gritted his teeth.

  He held his breath as John climbed from the car and closed the door. Chad scooted over to where John had been sitting and leaned over to open the other door slightly. He watched as John stood by the car, with his arms folded across his chest. The moment John’s father saw him, Chad could see the color drain from the man’s face. When he looked away to do a double take, John scrambled back into the taxi and they closed the door.

  “Go!” Chad called to the driver.

  The startled taxi driver pulled off from the side, John stretched his body across the seat in Chad’s lap and Chad looked back to see John’s father rushing after the car. Still the driver didn’t stop. He picked up speed and continued down the street. When they were far enough away, John sat up and glanced back.

  Chad waited for him to speak, but John said nothing. They doubled back to pick Nimal up at his place and then went to the hotel. Chad left the brothers for a moment to order some food, and when he returned, they were sitting on the bed he shared with John, going through a small book in Tamil.

  “I come bearing gifts,” John said.

  “Food!” Nimal cheered but groaned when his cell rang. He pulled it out and arched a brow. “I’ll put it on speaker, so be quiet. Hello?”

  John eased in close to Chad, and they waited.

  “Nimal.” The shrill voice barked. Then broke into Tamil.

  Chad couldn’t understand what was being said, so he looked to John, who began whispering the translations.

  “Father, I am out to lunch with friends,” Nimal said.

  “Are you close to my office? Were you close to my office?”

  “No. I am on the other side of the city—what is the matter? You sound shaken.”

  “I—nothing. I wanted to see if you wanted to have lunch with your old man.”

  “I see. Sorry, Father. Another time, perhaps.”

  “Right—tell me. Have you heard from your brother?”

  All three looked at each other. “Um…” Nimal paused. “Father, Dilip is dead.”

  The old man said nothing for a while, and at first John thought he’d hung up. But after Nimal called his name a few times, their father’s voice crackled over the phone line.

  “I am here.” His voice shook. “Nimal, I must go. I have to stop at the market for your mother.”

  “Oh? Which one?”

  “The one by the house,” his father replied. “Are you coming by this afternoon?”

  Nimal looked over to John, who nodded. “Yes. I shall be around before supper.”

  “Good. Good.”

  Dial tone.

  Nimal hung up and John looked up into Chad’s face. “What do you think?” John asked Chad.

  “I think it’s time we went shopping.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  After a few days, John watched as his father went from a statuesque man to one that had been broken down by his guilt. His mother, too, had started muttering to herself about the ghost of her puka diyan who was haunting her dreams. On the Saturday, John was seated with Nimal on the living room floor eating fish cutlets with their fingers while Chad talked to Surinder on the phone. Nimal’s phone rang, and it was their father.

  Nimal put him on speaker phone, so John could listen to the conversation. Their father wanted Nimal to report to the family home immediately.

  “Can you tell me why, Father?” Nimal asked.

  “It is about your brother. Your mother and I wish to tell you something.”

  “Okay. I will be there as soon as I can.”

  John hurried out to get Chad, and when they returned, Nimal was standing by the window. He seemed in deep contemplation, and whenever Chad got that way John stayed silent. But this was urgent. He quickly explained what happened and the invitation their father had extended to Nimal. The thought their father knew that John was alive did cross John’s mind, and from the look on Chad’s face, he could tell Chad was thinking alone the same lines.

  “What is the plan?” Chad asked. “Do you think he has suffered enough?”

  “I do not think that man will ever suffer enough,” Nimal spat. “The hell he put me through—he put Dilip through? If he lived for the next one hundred years he could never make up for making me believe my brother was dead.”

  “Nim—”

  “No.” Nimal lifted a hand. “You and I were close, Dilip. After you came out I felt you slipping away. You stopped coming over to my house because you thought it was best. I would see you once a month. I went from running down the hall to see you, to just popping over to our parents’ place to a stinking month! That was never the relationship I wanted with my brother. But I accepted it as the new way things were. Then one day I woke up, and he told me you were never coming back and everything in me died.”

  “But he is here now,” Chad said. “Dilip’s right here.”

  “No. He does not get away with this,” Nimal said. “There has to be some consequence for his actions.”

  “We need to end this,” John said. “And this family meeting is the perfect place.”

  “I don’t like it,” Chad said. “Anything could happen in there, and I wouldn’t be able to protect you—and I swear to God if you tell me this bullshit about not being able to protect you from everything my head is going to explode!”

  John touched his shoulder tenderly.

  “I’m not trying to protect you from everything at the moment, John. Right now, I’m trying to stand guard over you for this one thing.”

  “Sweetheart,” John whispered.

  “I’m coming with you.”

  “You two can remain in the car while I go in to see what is going on,” Nimal suggested. “Then I will come and get you. I drove here today, so we can take my car.”

  With the plan set, they left the hotel, and as Nimal drove through the streets
, John slipped across to be closer to Chad. They didn’t speak, but John reached up and nibbled at Chad’s neck.

  “John—as much as I love having your mouth on me,” Chad said. “You cannot let me walk into that house horny.”

  John chuckled. “You are right. I will feel you up in the backseat of my brother’s car later.”

  “You’re incorrigible, you know that?” Chad kissed him.

  “I always told him that!” Nimal called from the front. “Okay, we are here. I will park on the street and enter the gates on foot. That way we can keep the secret until I know what is happening.”

  “Good idea,” Chad said. “We’ll wait here.”

  John nodded, and after reaching through the seats to touch Nimal’s shoulder, he managed a smile. “Be careful.”

  “I will.”

  Nimal climbed from the vehicle, and John laced his fingers with Chad’s and watched his brother disappeared through the large, black gates.

  “It is almost the end, Chad. I do not know how I feel about it.”

  “Me either.” Chad wrapped his arms around John’s shoulders and pulled him close. “But no matter what, I’ll be right here.”

  John kissed Chad, once, twice, three times. It wasn’t nearly what he wished to be doing with Chad. He wanted the kisses to lead to Chad pressing him into the seat and feeling him up. He wanted to feel Chad hard and throbbing between his thighs. He wanted to be back in the safety of Chad’s home in Jaipur with his arms tangled around Chad’s neck as they floated in the pool. But it seemed, of late, what he wanted didn’t matter. He sighed and shifted back so he could rest in the seat and watched the fence.

  “When this is all over.” Chad’s voice was warm and soft. “And you figure out what you want to do, we will go away. Just you and me on a beach somewhere private.”

  “Can you do that? Won’t you have to save up more vacation time since you seem to be using up quite a lot for this?”

  Chad inhaled long and exhaled hard. “I have been thinking. Perhaps it is time I made some changes as well. I can take a leave of absence—I’ve always wanted to just travel, see other parts of the world.”